Contenders Shop At Pretenders Like A Back-To-School Sale

Real baseball is weird.  Real sportswriters are even weirder.  From Sportsnet.ca, “Donaldson trade marks abrupt split from Blue Jays after promising start.”  Abrupt?  Maybe I’m just heartless, but why would the Blue Jays be salty about getting rid of Josh Donaldson?  If he would’ve stayed with the club, he could’ve opted into a $18 million contract and been back next year in Toronto insanely overpaid and blocking Vladimir Guerrero Jr.  Then, from Sportsnet.ca, “But trading the star third baseman and cash to the Cleveland Indians, who visit Toronto next week, of all places?  Even the New York Yankees would have been a more palatable destination.”  I’m sorry, what?  Why are the Indians worse than the Yankees?  Because Edwin is there?  Because the Jays’ GM used to be in Cleveland?  Is this just bad writing?  Or is real baseball just odd.  I seriously have no idea.  Elsewhere, other sportswriters were talking about what a great move this was.  No wonder people come here and get floored when I say something about a guy like Josh Donaldson being overrated.  They’re being lied to everywhere else.  This was not a great move by the Indians.  Donaldson can’t stay healthy and has no place to play.  Maybe he can give them a solid at-bat off the bench, but Curtis Granderson might’ve been able to do that too.  Don’t worry, will get to him and all the other September roster news.  As they say at gang initiation, after the jump.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

C.J. Cron – 2-for-5 and his 26th homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games.  So, schmotato, sure, but I wanted to quickly mention the Rays’ opener.  No, not how Nickelback opened for Ray Romano, but the reliever pitching one inning, then someone else coming in from 2nd thru 6th inning.  Are we sure this is any different than the starter pitching the 1st thru 5th and a reliever pitching the 6th?  I’m honestly not trying to be daft.

Brandon Lowe – 3-for-5 and his 3rd homer, and all three homers in the last four games.  Lowe hit 14 homers in only 46 games of Triple-A, and was fairly high in Prospect Ralph’s top 500 fantasy baseball prospects.  For now, he’s hitting, and, in redrafts, that’s all that matters.  Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything but a rake from Lowe’s.

Jose Alvarado – 2/3 IP, and his 7th save, ERA at 2.20.  If anyone sees Sergio Romo, who last pitched on August 25th, give him Razzball’s company credit card number and tell him to book a flight to the next Rays game, it’s on us.

Eloy Jimenez – Won’t be called up because the MLB’s system for rookies is broke.  Face it, it’s broke.  You can argue teams are screwing over players or they’re doing the right thing to keep a guy for longer under control.  Neither of those points matter to my point.  The system that allows teams to do what they’re doing is broken.  If I were the White Sox, I’d do the same thing.  I’d be exploiting Eloy and the system, but I’d do it because it’s legal.  MLB needs to change system.

Tim Anderson – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 18th homer.  In my Tim Anderson sleeper post from last December, I projected him for 83/21/68/.260/25 in 593 ABs.  He’s on pace for 83/21/70/.250/30 in 578 ABs.  Damn, so far off!

Chris Sale – Will return next weekend as an opener, throwing a few innings for a few starts until he’s up to speed.  Price should return next weekend too, so, mark it down, we might get a Sale/Price.

Aroldis Chapman – May not return in 2018.  Wow, he’s knocked out longer than the woman he unsuspectingly handcuffed to his hotel bed.

Masahiro Tanaka – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.83.  I own this piece of schmohawk pie and I’ll say this, with all honesty, I have no idea how his ERA is that low.  Was there a scoring error on his months of April thru June starts and then again in August?

Lance Lynn – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.10.  There is a reason that his name isn’t Wance Wynn.

Luke Voit – 2-for-5 and his 5th homer, and 1st mention since my Friday Buy when I told you to, uh, buy him.  You don’t have to wear an ascot like Jon Voight to see they’re related.

Nicholas Castellanos – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, hitting .294.  I wonder if the The Greek God of Hard Contact every gets confused for Baker Mayfield, The Greek God of Hard Knocks.  Look at Grey working in football! (Terrible segue alert!)  If you want to check out our fantasy football projections, they’re all there.  Or simply there there.  Or our fantasy football trade analyzer.

Victor Reyes – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .228.  That was his 1st career homer in his 82nd game.  Over the course of a 162 game season, he’s on pace for 1.9999999999 homers.  So, that’s two homers, but, on the 2nd, he forgets to touch home.

Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-2, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer.  HR to the Rizzo!

Javier Baez – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 30th homer, hitting .299, and knocked in his 100th RBI.  The narrative of anyone can manage a good team vs. Joe Maddon is a great manager is a TKO with Baez being a potential MVP and has 133 ABs batting 6th or lower in the lineup.  Or how about Gabe Kapler batting Jose Bautista 3rd?

Aaron Nola – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA up to 2.23.  What a bum!

Josh James – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks as he was called up and started on Saturday.  He was also in Prospect Ralph’s top 500 fantasy baseball prospects, if barely.  Or bearly, if an actual bear is reading.

Shohei Ohtani – 2 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.31.  The other day when it was announced he would return to the mound, I predicted a 2 IP, 2 ER start.  You got me, Ohtani!  You got me!

Jeff Brigham – 3 IP, 3 ER as he was called up for the Marlins.  Fun fact!  When the Marlins called him up, Mattingly said, “Brigham to me.”  Less fun fact!  He’s a Marlins prospect who looks like he might be a career minor leaguer.

Wei-Yin Chen – 8 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.64, but a 1.54 ERA in August in 4 starts, and, holy crap, I’m going back in on Wei-Yin.  September baseball, you are weird, but I love you!  By the way, make sure to point to this blurb if anyone dares comment next March something like, “Do you think I should draft (fill-in player name) because the (team name) have a good September schedule?”

Sean Reid-Foley – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 5.51.  Stream-o-Nator pointed out how obvious of a stream Reid-Foley was yesterday, and how much of an avoid he is next time out.

Teoscar Hernandez – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer, hitting .242.  …and the Teoscar for Supporting Player On My Fantasy Team Who I Dropped Six Weeks Ago Without Looking Back goes to…Teoscar!  Announcer voice, “This is Teoscar’s first Teoscar after being nominated previously for Mama Mia 3: These Cougars Are Hot.”

Felix Hernandez – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.55.  F-Her is putting on a clinic this year.  That clinic’s title, “Should You Be Excited About Kershaw In A Dynasty League?”

Edwin Jackson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.91.  As I say, the 17th team a guy plays for is always the charm!

Stephen Piscotty – 2-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 20th and 21st homer, and his 2nd and 3rd homer in the last three games and hitting near-.333 in that time.  Hot schmotato?  Piscotty does know!

Steven Matz – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.20.  His ERA is a gateway drug!  Stream-o-Nator loved this start by Matz and likes his next one even more, so giddy up while the horse is horny, as they say.

Michael Conforto – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, hitting .233, and 2nd homer this week.  Supremely uncool move if he puts together a huge final month to drive up his 2019 draft day price.  C’mon, man, take a dive for your fantasy baseball value!

Noah Syndergaard – 9 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.33.  His opponents, the Giants, well, their lineup is better as a rallying cry for the alt-right because it starts with Blanco/Panik.

Derek Holland – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.56.  I told you to stream Holland like I was Peter Stuyvesant, but his next start isn’t favorable so put your two lips together and blow away Holland.

Chris Shaw – 0-for-3 as he was called up by the Giants.  His brother, Rick, toils in Asia.  Chris Shaw was in Prospect Ralph’s top 500 fantasy baseball prospects.  Shaw had power in Triple-A (24 HRs in 101 games), but has to play in San Fran.  We saw how well that turned out for Mac Williamson, Pence, McCutchen, etc.

Nick Kingham – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.70, as he started in place of Ivan Nova.  Fun fact!  When I won the New Jersey State Checkers Championship, they called me Kingham.  As for fantasy, I like Kingham, but obviously depends on his matchups at this point.

Touki Toussaint – Was called up to start today vs. the Red Sox.  In an NL-Only league, I’m doing it all for the Touki.  In mixed leagues, I don’t know how many starts Touki’s getting.  I do like me some Touki though, and, yes, I like saying Touki…Touki!  Plus, his full name sounds like he’s a character in Angel Heart.  Also, Bryse Wilson and Kyle Wright were called up.  Love, love and lurve these guys, but unless the Braves decide to rest one of their five starters, I don’t see how they get IP.

Ronald Acuna Jr. – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 23rd homer.  Tildaddy tells us to go to sleep!

Kevin Gausman – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.66 on the Braves vs. Chris Archer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.40 on the Pirates.  This matchup was billed as, “Here, let me show you something: *Gausman reveals to Archer they now pitch in the NL, Archer’s eyes go wide*  Oh, I get it!”

Blake Snell – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.02.  If he were pitching in the NL East, his ERA would be 0.01.

Jonathan Villar – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, and now batting third.  He hit .261 on the Brewers and, on the O’s, he’s hitting .261.  Yo, Villar’s got OCD!

Eduardo Rodriguez – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.34.  As I said last week when it was announced Ed-Rod would be returning, it is totally fine to own and start him because he was out with a non-arm-related injury.  I will now say, “Well, yeah!”

Sean Doolittle – Nats are hopeful he returns this week.  That makes two of us!  *counting on fingers*  Three of us?  I don’t know, but I’m happy too! (Three?)

Wilmer Difo – 1-for-4 and 6th homer.  I want to see Wilmer Difo in a platoon more!  *turns on TCM*  This is better!

Gio Gonzalez – Acquired by the Brewers.  The Gio Gonzalez with a 4.57 ERA, 1.53 WHIP, declining K/9, walk rate and velocity?  That Gio?  Go to sleep, Brewers, you’re drunk.

Curtis Granderson – 0-for-1, 1 run as he was acquired by the Brewers.  The Streets once said, “A Grand Don’t Come for Free,” but in this case he nearly did.  I look at the Brewers but don’t think, “Ya know what they need?  An outfielder vet whose best years are behind him who can platoon with someone, but I’m not sure who.”

Keon Broxton – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer.  He’s the best 9th outfielder in the majors!  Though, most teams only carry five.

James Paxton – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 10 Ks, ERA at 3.74, as he returned from the DL.  He’s now officially thrown more IP this year than any other of his career.  Terrific!  Super!  Adjective!  Unfortch, it’s still not even 150 IP.

Jon Gray – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.70.  This start was vs. the Padres and it’s the 2nd start in a row with only one strikeout.  Gray does not understand what Grey wants at all.  Practically like Gray is from Mars, and Grey is from Venus.  I hope the minor league manager didn’t feed Gray some malarkey about pitching to contact instead of getting Ks.

David Freese – Dodgers acquired him.  Wanna hear something hilarious?  Of course you do, you love hilarious.  I checked our MLB Optimizer for the first time yesterday.  Holy crap, that shizz is amazing!  This is hilarious because it’s been on the site for five years.  El oh freakin’ el.  I’m so dumb!  Is there any reason why I’m mentioning this in David Freese’s blurb?  About as much reason as the Dodgers had in trading for him.  ‘Natch!

Walker Buehler – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.92.  I love that; I love him, which is why I say from the bottom of my heart, please shut him down.  Please, Dave Roberts, stop talking about stolen base in the playoffs, do basic math and shut Buehler down.  Please.

David Dahl – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer.  That’s nice, but the only way he can guarantee playing time is if he changes his name to Hollidahl.

Luis Castillo – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.83.  Don’t you dare now ruin your draft day price for 2019!

Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer, hitting .295.  Will be interesting to see where he’s ranked next year, because I’m not getting an overwhelming sense that people love him like they should.  He’s having a better year than Kris Bryant’s had in two seasons, and it would not shock me to see people want Bryant first.

Elvis Andrus – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .265.  Too bad no one told you this preseason to avoid him.  Wait!  I did do exactly that.  Damn, forgot about that.

Nomar Mazara – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 19th and 20th homer, and four homers in three games.  He hasn’t been amazing all year, as some of us might’ve hoped, but hasn’t been bad, per se.  Or Percy, if your Latin’s trying to assimilate.

Robinson Chirinos – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer.  Uh-oh, Chirinos!

Jurickson Profar – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer.  Profar!  Profar!  Jurickson hit one over!

Jose Berrios – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.92.  Take notes, Luis Castillo, that’s how you lower your draft day price for 2019!  On the fo’reals, I wouldn’t start Berrios anywhere right now.  Maybe he has a dead arm — Hey, Berrios, you doing Weekend at Bernie’s cosplay?

Byron Buxton – Won’t be called up with rosters expanding.  Twins’ Triple-A manager is Harry S. Truman III, declaring, “The Buxton stops here.”