[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1385528″ player=”13959″ title=”2023 Fantasy Football Rookies” duration=”173″ description=”0:24 Jahmyr Gibbs 1:05 Kendre Miller 1:54 Jaxon Smith-Njigba ” uploaddate=”2023-08-19″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1385528_th_64e0200ad8139_1692409866.jpg” image=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1385528_sd_64e0200ad8139_1692409866.jpg” contenturl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1385528.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″]

Sadly, Spencer Howard was released by the Yanks. Shame, their big trade deadline acquisition just never caught on for them. The release of their big-name acquisition signals a changing of the guards by the Yikes. First, Donaldson, now Spencer Howard. Who’s next Jake Bauers? Now, let’s not talk crazy! They also put Harrison Bader on waivers, and the writing’s on the wall, and the rumors are swirling like orange and vanilla for the creamsicle of the future: Jasson Dominguez. He’ss cominguez. You need to grab him now and see how it plays out. If he’s not any good in his first go around, then *raspberries lips* and drop him. So, why such hype? He’s the truth. Looking at a guy who could put together a 20/40 season over 162, and he might be the last of the red-hot call-ups. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Austin Wells – Also being called up by the Yikes. He’s regarded as a top catcher–and I don’t care. Sorry, unless you’re in a two-catcher league, I can’t see the flyer with a month to go.

DJ LeMahieu – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, and 4th homer this week. Hey, yo, DJ, pump that party!

Gleyber Torres – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (23) and legs (13), and 3rd homer in the last three games. Gleyber at 25/15/.270 to end the year. Better than Alex Bregman, easily. Who will be drafted first next year? Acuña. Oh, first out of Bregman or Gleyber? Bregman, of course.

Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer. Think the most shocking number for Giancarlo this year, and there’s a few that stand-out, but his .284 OBP. That’s incredibly awful.

Spencer Torkelson – 1-for-4 and his 24th homer, hitting .229. Wow, Torkelson might actually get to 30 homers this year. Sorry, that sounds sarcastic, it’s not. See, everything I say sounds sarcastic. Even that.

Dylan Cease – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.91. Would be an interesting experiment to see what else the White Sox could ruin. What if Gerrit Cole was on the White Sox? Would he have a 5+ ERA? What if Ohtani was a White Sox player, would he have 12 homers while hitting .230? If Luis Robert (2-for-5, hit his 35th homer) could hit 35 homers with the White Sox then is he really an 80-homer hitter? What is the White Sox tax?

Andrew Vaughn – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer. As someone who rosters Vaughn, he is the most gee-dee boring-ass hitter. I have Jose Abreu, and he’s at least garbagey enough to drop in some leagues. Vaughn is just good enough to hold and get yawnstipated to death.

Oscar Colas – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Told you he was an interesting late-round sleeper–*dodges a tomato*–What?

Eloy Jimenez – 4-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .280. Four hits in one game and zero hamstring injuries? Wow!

Kyle Gibson – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.15. The good news is no one will confuse Gibson for a potentially interesting streamer again. With good news like that, who needs bad news?

Anthony Santander – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer. Most underrated 33-homer hitter? What’s that, he hasn’t hit 33 homers yet? Yes, he has. It’s what he hit last year.

Tanner Bibee – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.03. For whatever reason, I trust the Guards to keep Bibee productive next year, no matter how many IP he throws. Guards have a track record of like 400 to 1 for continuing pitcher success and the one miss is Zach Plesac.

Sonny Gray – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.92. He has a career 3.50 ERA in over 1500 IP, and people still draft him too low every year and say things like, “He’s not an ace.” If I had a 3.50 ERA fr0m every pitcher on my team, I’d conservatively have 10 of 12 points in every league.

Michael Brantley – 2-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs. Dusty Baker benching Yainer for Brantley was too obvious. Try a new trick, Baker! Getting predictable!

Framber Valdez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.38. Whew, I needed that. Not him, not the Astros. Me! I needed it!

Kutter Crawford – 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.08. More like Meatball Crawford.

Marcell Ozuna – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer, and 3rd homer in four games. That’s nice for M. Ozuna, but how about M. Olson (1-for-4, 1 run, 4 straight games without an RBI) getting back in the action? I’d like a 50 homer, 140 RBIs season, please.

Darius Vines – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, as he was called up. I’m sorry, if the Braves are going to invent a guy with the last name, Vines, at least have his first name be Red.

Kevin Pillar – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (7) and legs (4). Also, in this game, Alan Trejo had a slam (3) and legs (5). Guinness Book of World Records was there to award Pillar for Being Most Random Slam & Legs, and Trejo, star of Desperado, From Dusk Til Dawn and Machete, was like, “Nuh-uh, puta.”

Teoscar Hernandez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 23rd homer, and his 7th homer in August. That ties him with a few others for fourth most homers in the month. JRod is one of the guys he’s tied with, and they’re only two behind their teammate, Big Ass’d Cal Raleigh.

Bryce Miller – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.93. Been a while since I looked at Bryce Miller’s peripherals, and he has 20 games started and only 21 walks allowed? Damn. That’s nice.

Jack Suwinski – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer. I can’t stop thinking about how he was the fastest Pirates hitter ever to 40 total homers, beating Bonds, Stargell, Kiner, anyone. It’s so wild, and he doesn’t play every day, like the Pirates have a ton of options.

Andre Jackson – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.46. Now two straight nice starts, and his peripherals look solid. Streamonator hates his next start, and I don’t trust him — Sorry, Mr. Jackson, I am for real — but I could see trying him if I were desperate.

Hunter Greene – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.75. And I trust him again! Seriously, that’s all it takes. I just wanted to see one positive sign, and that was it.

Christian Encarnacion-Strand – 4-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .252. One-hundred and forty-seven. That’s how many comments about dropping him it took to get him hot. A lot fewer than Anthony Rizzo.

Mike Yastrzemski – 0-for-2 as he was activated from the IL. Carl’s Jr. Jr. back with a special hammy, one that isn’t strained.

Logan Webb – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (zero walks), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.49. Webb unable to match Cobb but without BB, so that is We Co., a new age company that sells hugs. Check us out on Shark Tank this fall!

Chris Bassitt – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.81. That Bassitt ain’t no dog!

DJ Stewart – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer, 2nd and 3rd homer in two games. Schmotato, clearly, and has been better than Mark Vientos and Brett Baty for the Mets, because: Baseball, You Make No Sense, A Love Story.

Daniel Vogelbach – 1-for-1 and his 13th homer. Story is still developing but they’re saying Vogelbach smuggled into the stadium Barry Bonds, in his belly folds, to hit for him.

Corey Seager – 2-for-4 and his 25th homer. If Ohtani wasn’t flat-out ridunk, Seager would be making a strong case for AL MVP.

Aroldis Chapman – 0 IP, 2 walks, ERA at 2.50, and lost the game when he allowed the extra-inning, start-the-inning-on-2nd baserunner to score, which is, I don’t know, is that a demerit? When you have an entire bullpen doing a national tour of Our Bullpen Sucks, A Musical, can you hold that against Aroldis?

Jesus Luzardo – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.62 vs. Zach Eflin – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.40. On the Player Rater, Eflin is a top 5-ish starter and Luzardo is top 30-ish. To name a few guys you thought were much better that were not: Alcantara, Cristian Javier, Darvish, Bieber, Woodruff, deGrom (member him?) and Cease. End of the season recaps are gonna be wild.

Ryan Pepiot – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.29. Pepiot is an ace? I thought he was a dish that you could only get in New Orleans. So, I nearly streamed him yesterday, but I just didn’t have the lower-man extremities. He has a 9 K/9, 1.3 BB/9, and insane luck. With those good numbers, and they are good, I’m absolutely interested to see if he gets another start, and against who. Ready to stream me some Pepiot after putting in some creole holy trinity. Bam!

Freddie Freeman – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, hitting .338. I think Freeman and Betts are having great years, but, if Freeman or Betts beats out Acuña for the MVP, then the nerds have won.

Brandon Woodruff – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.70. All things considered, Woodruff has been good when he’s been on the field. Sadly, “on the field” has its own autobiography called, Caveats We Are.

Kyle Hendricks – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.59. Didn’t see Hendricks having a productive season coming this year. Makes sense in retrospect, because all pitchers who are boring ef eff are solid this year. Hendricks should be Hendric, because he has a 6 K/9.

Hunter Renfroe – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 19th homer. This might be his last homer on the Angels, and, if it is, it’s a miracle the Angels only screwed him up this much.

Brandon Drury – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer. He’s hitting .269. As God intended it. .369 and .169 is just sicko stuff.

Reid Detmers – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 5.01. Trying to figure out when Detmers throws a great start is nearly impossible. (Terrible start)19 + random2 = No hitter next time out. Hmm, not sure if I carried the one there.

Cristopher Sanchez -4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.48. More so now than at any time of the year, it’s all about what the Streamonator says, and it doesn’t like his next matchup.

Bryce Harper – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, and 3rd straight game with a homer, and he’s done it. He’s moved himself back into the top 25 for next year. If he falls lower than that, he’s going to be such a steal.

Trea Turner – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer. You’re gonna have giant grapes in the pantaloons — Fruit of the Loons, as they say in Spain — if you draft Bryce Harper and Treat Urner next year. Could absolutely pay off, but just watermelons hanging under your cowboy belt.

Miles Mikolas – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.66. Welp, ended better than it started. How’s that for a rave review? Rhetorical!

Jordan Walker – 4-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .267. Kinda feel like the entire Cards team just had a terrible year and it should all be ignored. From Jordan Walker demolishing anthills to their pitchers, just yuck. Call ’em the St. Louis Turds, and no one’s flushing, to paraphrase one of the best athlete quotes of all-time.

Tommy Edman – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (12) and triple legs (18, 19, 20), as he had his 2nd straight walk-off vs. Josh Hader (2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA a 1.16). Uh-oh, is Hader’s July of last year coming six weeks later? Did Fernando Rodney see his shadow?