Last weekend I wanted to go see Action Bronson when he performed at the Shrine Auditorium in LA. I was feeling my usual cheap self, so I hit up some of the homies in the lighting game to see if anyone was working the show. Well, they weren’t, and I didn’t go. So bummed I couldn’t use the connects to get a pass into the show. That group of friends have been good guys to know, and if they are working an event they can sometimes get a few cats access. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those guys always looking for a freebie, but it’s nice to have a guy. You know that guy, the one who can score you the primo stuff, get you in contact with the right people, get your car smogged (California BS) because it’s customized like a mother f***er, or help you out of a bad spot. The last one is never advisable, because then you owe them a favor and that’s not the kinda favor you want to owe them. To go along with the theme of the title, I hope I’m your Creeper guy, your go to creeper caller. This week I’m the guy telling you to add the Guy(er) to be your guy… for the coming week. Okay, enough about guys, this is starting to get weird… let’s get to creepin’.

• Brandon Guyer, OF (0.9%) – The right handed Guyer gets a slew of lefties this week as he faces five from Monday to Saturday. At 0% owned in the RCL’s, he is a must add for the Detroit series. The Hitter Tron agrees too as that Buick fetish hit bot gives him a $9.2 valuation for the week. To open the week Guyer gets to face the Wolf, Boyd and Lobstein…Lobstein? I would start any right handed bat against a guy named Lobstein. Those three arms have given up a combined 18 dongs in only 106.8 innings or one every 5.9 innings. Detroit has been middle of the road for right handed dongs but I’m willing to put my money on a guy that got 24 AB’s last week and delivered a respectable line of 6/1/2/0/.375. Be sure to keep up with our DFS crew for the weather on those days to increase your chances for a great day.

• Anthony Gose, OF (8.9%) – Gose has a need, a need for speed. He’s a left handed SAGNOF wrapped in a blanket of right-handers. Starting Tuesday, he gets 6 straight right-handers and the Hitter Tron loves the Bauer, Erasmo and Anderson matchups. He loves them so much that Gose sports a sexy $12.4 valuation and why do I keep saying valuation? Stupid addiction to Shark Tank, seriously, I have a problem with power watching the tank. Some days I want to answer all my comments with Mr. Wonderful’s go to slogans, such as: you’re dead to me and stop the madness.

• Chris Coghlan, OF (17.7%) – Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I know, I’m toeing the line with this one. I try to stay inside of 15% but when I saw he was only 50% owned in the RCL’s I had to double check his overall ownership in ESPN… 17.7%… Stop the Madness!!! Hitter Tron slaps down a 16.5$ valuation and I’m investing in that for the series at Philly. Even though he gets three righties @St.Louis to start the week, he has gone a combined 2 for 15 against them and I have an irrational fear of the Cardinals pitchers at home. Hey dummy, it’s a small sample size and don’t say that’s what she said. Okaaaaay, good to see my mental trolly trolls are here with me today. Anythehoo, the creamy filling of CC’s week is the 4 game series at Philly. He gets the Harangatang (20 HR’s in 143.2 innings) and three rookies who have combined to give up 12 HR’s in their very short careers.

• Jedd Gyorko, 2B (5.9%) – Stop acting like a jerk over here you f%$#@* #$@%&!. Grey’s once fallen angel of love has been redeeming himself lately and nobody cares. He bats .286 against lefties and hits most his dongs against righties. His home park can’t contain his power and I like his four game series at home against Colorado. He gets two right-handers to open and two left-handers to end it. If you need some power you could do worse. Over the last week he has 2 HR’s, 4 over the last 15 days, and 6 over the last month. Adding to all that ownable wonderful he batted .314 over the past two weeks and is looking like he might finish the year on a high note. It makes me wonder… oh it makes me wonder… if Grey will start a sleeper redemption post series this off-season. You know you want too.

• Derek Dietrich, 2B,3B,OF (6.1%) – DD was a previous creeper and even though he’s a little better on the road I still feel safe with him at home this week… from Monday thru Wednesday. He bats .286 with 9 HR’s against RHP and gets 3 from the Brew Crew including two rookies. Henny Jungmann has been un-touchable at home while on the road he has been human. With his multi-position flexibility DD can be plugged in all over and I have a feeling this won’t be the last time I talk about him in the creeper post.

TOP 50 HITTERS

• I was really hesitant in putting Zimmerman on this list. He’s been such a difficult player to own for the last few years but he is hot and I think if the Nats make a run at the Mets, he’ll be a big part of that. To be honest, I wanted to fill the last spot with the hottest bat and the Z-man is a hottay! Jackie Bradley Jr. almost made the cut and to quote Ralph, our resident Bostonholic, his real improvement has been his pull hitting…raking against lefties, better power against righties. Thanks Ralph. Always better to ask the guy that never misses a BoSox game. Ralph, are you naming the new kid Yaz? You totally should!!!

• The Toddfather has become the Toddfail! He’s been bad (10/3/9/1/.252 over last 30 days) but can still break off a huge run at anytime. I held him up there too long as I still had faith in his skill set, now watch, he’ll prove me wrong and start kicking ass and taking names again.

• Read a 1/2 inch above and insert the Machado Man, or as he’s been lately, the Mehado Man! Putting up a 13/3/12/2/.293 line over the last 30 days isn’t bad but also isn’t anything special. I don’t think he’s done breaking out to the next level but I also think we need to temper our expectations

POWER PLATOONY TUNES

This is not a ranking. I repeat THIS IS NOT A RANKING! Then what is this Jack and why are you yelling? Oops, my bad, I was holding down the volume key. The list below is a collection of some players that you can use to maximize power at-bats. Some of the players may be on your team and if they are then you need to platoon them. If you are already doing this then let me throw you high fives. The rest of the players are ones that may be available and should be heavily considered if you need to platoon some power. I’m not listing every good platoon situation, just a handful who can flex some power. If there is anyone you really like not on the list then I invite you to share in the comments. We share because we care.

Here is the breakdown. Each player is listed with their position, team and favorable arm against. The at-bats and homeruns are their totals against those arms only. The average, ISO and wOBA are listed with the favorable against listed first compared to the other. For example, Ryan Howard’s .265 batting average is against right handed arms where Mike Napoli’s .257 is against left-handers. If you aren’t familiar or very comfortable with ISO and wOBA then let me help you with those numbers. ISO is here because it tells you how often a player gets extra base hits per at bat. I like it because it not only includes everyone’s favorite stat, dongs, but also doubles and the rarely seen triple which are great for getting into scoring position and getting RBI’s….but that’s kinda redundant if you are still in it, because, you know, you’re awesome to still be in it. An ISO north of .200 is considered great. wOBA, is the best stat to gauge a hitters overall offensive value. It combines all the different aspects of hitting into one metric, weighting each of them in proportion to their actual run value. A good baseline of wOBA is .340 which is considered above average. Enough nerd speak, lets move on to the meat and potatoes.