Gambling On September Callups Brought To You By Kenny Rogers’ Rosters

I’m not one to yearn for the long-gone, halcyon days, waning nostalgic for the old stuff. Faster games are nice, I like the pitch clock and I don’t miss watching pitchers hit. 40-man rosters though? Ah, the salad days. Back in the day (2019), rosters would turn from a soda can to a Foster’s. We’d get overflowing dugouts and guys would have to sit in the front row, behind the dugout, because they were out of room. Bullpens 15-men deep with 14 different mustaches. Now, we get Ryan Yarbrough. Not sure why they switched this — I could google it, but Google’s dead, babe — but I imagine it had financial motivations. With all that said, the few players who are coming up may or may not have playing time, which is the most important thing right now. It’s why I highlighted Sal Stewart yesterday (playing time) and didn’t go that in-depth on Carter Jensen (I think less playing time). In other callup news, Mariners promoted Harry Ford, who sounds like what you called your 70’s Thunderbird with shag carpet seat covers. He’s a catcher with speed and power (16/7 in 374 ABs), but (keyword) being behind (another keyword) Cal is a great place to not see playing time, or see anything, really. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Luis Castillo – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.94. I was out on him this year, so this isn’t a Me Problem, but something definitely broke with Castillo this year, and doesn’t seem fixable.

Shane Baz – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.98. With a 5-ish ERA, I wouldn’t start him even if the Streamonator was positive on him, but, ya know, people have differing levels of needs.

Andrew Heaney – Signed by the Dodgers. I like the idea of this signing. Now whenever the Dodgers are down by six or more runs, they bring in Heaney to save Enrique Hernandez’s arm.

Brayan Bello – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.07. Bello should’ve pitched better yesterday, and I should’ve wrote a better blurb for him. Some days, Red Sox dress in yellow, she says, “Hello, come stream with my you fine Bello.”

Trevor Story – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer. What’s crazier: Story’s bounce back season or that Aroldis hasn’t given up a hit in 46 batters after being told he could locate his fastball for the first time in his career? Aroldis being told he can locate pitches and Taj Bradley learning about scouting reports? What’s next, watching video of other teams to prepare? Foolish!

Parker Messick – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.08. Still like Messick, but this was a hideous matchup that you should’ve wanted no part of.

Kyle Manzardo – 1-for-4 and his 24th homer, 3rd homer in four games. Next year I’m drafting, Manzardo, Caglianone, and Pasquantino, and asking Steve Balboni to manage the squad.

Ha-Seong Kim – Braves claimed him as the Braves continue to think they have a chance for the playoffs even though they’ve been eliminated since April.

Spencer Strider – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.97. Be interesting if they start tamping down his innings. Not because of the playoffs they think they’re getting into that they’re not, but because he didn’t pitch last year, and is clearly off this year.

Ian Happ – 3-for-5, 2 runs and a slam (19) and legs (6). Shizz Happ and’s that is about it!

Scott Kingery – Was called up by the Angels, which is whatever, but they sent down Christian Moore. Ya know, their actual prospect. So, now all offseason here’s what you’ve done to Moore: “I was promoted, and failed.” They’ve just killed any confidence for what? Not to mention, who gets sent down in September? The rosters expanded! Just one of the worst organizations.

Taylor Ward – Sounds like he avoided major injury to his front-facing melon and will return later this week. Guess it’s fine that the Astros continue to play with a metal fence. Sideways grin emoji with eyes that are doing googly-moogly.

Luis Garcia – 6 IP, 3 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, as he was activated from the IL. Finally, a Luis Garcia that plays in MLB! This was his first start since 2023, and I imagine he’ll be rusty the rest of the year, and I’m not looking to try him on any of my teams, but, with that said (Grey’s turning the ship around!), the Astros are such a good team with pitchers and he looked better than I expected yesterday.

Jo Adell – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer. I’ve said this before, but it’s wild that Adell is now better than Trout for fantasy (and real baseball, if being honest).

Zach Neto – 1-for-4 and his 25th homer. Neato.

Yusei Kikuchi – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.83. Yusei, Neto, check your libido. Okay, I’ll stop now.

Colson Montgomery – 2-for-5 and his 16th homer. He’s got the same number of homers as Gunnar Henderson. All those Colson homers have been hit in the 2nd half.

Bailey Ober – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.23. Gonna start calling him by his German name, Obershizz.

Royce Lewis – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 10th homer, 2nd homer in four games. Okay, seemed to figure out the “staying healthy” thing, now can he figure out the “no longer being good” thing?

JJ Bleday – 2-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer. That’s preseason sleeper–[dodges thrown tomato]–crap! My bad! But he might be a schmotato now! [another thrown tomato smashes me in the face]

Zack Gelof – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, that’s two homers in a week. Don’t think there’s more here than some occasional homers and steals, but Bing Bong is an excellent park (yes, he was on road yesterday), and Gelof is at a weak position.

Luis Morales – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.59. As the world’s biggest and oldest A’s fan (officially crowned this year), Morales’s got my flutters fluttering. 98 MPH fastball that’s just nasty and a pretty incredible 88 MPH slider that falls off the table. Don’t love the home park, which might affect me writing a sleeper post for him for next year, but I’m absolutely intrigued.

Ivan Herrera – 1-for-3 and his 12th homer. Three catchers in yesterday’s Cards’ lineup, and Crooks on the bench. I’m obsessed with Cards and their catchers, apparently. They’re never caught shorthanded!

Sonny Gray – 6 IP, 7 Er, ERA at 4.43. A pathetically sad line against the A’s at home. Is he on BetMGM cooking over-easy’s on himself? Get off my team, you giant loser! You’re giving me Grey a bad name, Gray!

Kai-Wei Teng – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 7.23. Someone was clearly mad that Razzball featured 17 variations of the Thong Song pun for Jonah Tong, and zero Teng mentions.

Rafael Devers – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 29th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Giants are in Coors for a series, and Devers might have 32 homers by the time they leave, and alleviate all concerns — Allevers? No, that’s a pharmaceutical.

Willy Adames – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 26th homer. He’s also somewhat salvaged his season in the 2nd half, except for his average (.230) is a bit of a drag.

Jacob Misiorowski – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.50. Sighorowski. It’s been time to move on.

Brice Turang – 2-for-3 and his 17th homer, and 11 homers since the break. Elly De La Cruz has one homer.

Caleb Durbin – 1-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (10) and legs (12). Five since the break. Elly still one.

Abner Uribe – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 1.90. Bit of a hiccup, which I’d think more of if Shelby Miller didn’t enter earlier in the game, give up two earned, record no outs and leave with a trainer.

Brandon Marsh – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI. So, this is incredibly random, but if you sort highest BABIPs since 1900 with 2,000 plate appearances, Marsh is top five in the last 125 years.

Bryce Harper – 2-for-5 and his 23rd homer. He could hit 10+ homers in September, and make his entire season more palatable, but I think better days are behind him, and not sure I’m in next year. Might be based on cost thing.

Chris Bassitt – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.10 vs. Hunter Greene – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.70. This matchup was billed as, “Bassit/Hunter, ain’t nothing but a hound dog.”

Emilio Pagan – 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.34, and 6th blown save. Guy collapsed at the worst possible time for me (and the Reds, I guess, but who cares about them). Adding insult to injury, I needed Pagan to close the game and he allowed a home run to Bo PieceofChette of all people! Tony Santillan should really be the closer.

Isiah Kiner-Falefa – Claimed by the Jays. Missed this on Sunday, but what’s one extra day to get annoyed about an incompetent team? Pirates didn’t trade him at the deadline for anything, because. Dot dot dot. WHY?!

Bo Bichette – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. When I get back in on PieceofChette next year, he’s gonna hit three homers in 155 games  and .240.

Daulton Varsho – 1-for-3 and his 16th homer, 2nd homer in eight games. Was part of that gorgeous, aforementioned, 9th inning collapse by Pagan. He must be tipping (I say this about every struggling pitcher, it’s my thing).

Jason Adam – Was carted off thew field with a ruptured quad tendon. Ruptured anything sounds awful. Rapture? Blondie, cool. Rupture? Terrible.

Jackson Merrill – Activated from the IL, but didn’t start. Usually I do the Kevin from ESPN bit here for players who are obviously solid and should be put back in your lineup once activated, but I gotta say I was between Beavers and Merrill in one league, and nearly stuck with Beavers–[Cancel Police break down door] Stuck with! I said STUCK WITH!

Jeremiah Jackson – 3-for-5 and his 3rd homer. Would be hilarious if this is the Jackson that actually breaks out for the Orioles. He’s now hitting 2nd behind that other Jackson, and Jackson, uh, this one, Jeremiah is a power/speed guy — 15/11 in 339 ABs in the minors, and hit for a .313 average with 14.2 K%, which is excellent too. I’m convinced the Orioles have no idea what they’re doing in the minors. Jeremiah is 25 and just now being called up, when he’s done nothing but hit in the minors. Just languishing. Any hoo! I’d grab Jackson for a hot bat, and see where this goes.

Kyle Bradish – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.60 vs. Dylan Cease – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.81. This matchup was billed as, “It is so incredibly frustrating my 1st starter drafted in some leagues is as good as random dude who was injured all year.”

Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – Looked like he hurt his ACL in the outfield and was carted off the field. Noooooo, not Lou-Gu-Ju! Ugh, don’t ever love anything.

Tyler Locklear – 1-for-2 and his 3rd homer. With Pavin Smith injured, Locklear is playing every day, hitting 8th and I’m stressing the meaning of the word “hitting” so far. He’s hitting .165.

Ketel Marte – 1-for-5 and his 24th homer. Following him was Geraldo Perdomo () with his 16th homer. Which one is higher on the Player Rater? Bzzt, wrongo! And it’s not close. Perdomo is near-top 20 overall!

Ryne Nelson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.57. Ryne’s (sounds weird) having the kind of dream NL-Only season — solid-enough everything — and being available to stream in shallower leagues, rightfully. Rynefully?

Cody Freeman – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. If you streamed Freeman, balloons should fall from your ceiling, congratulating you on this batty call.

Wyatt Langford – 1-for-5 and his 21st homer, 2nd homer in three games. Where does he need to get in September to not feel like a total bust? 30/20? 25/25? All within realm of possibilities, but he’s got a lot of September work to do.

Sean Manaea – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.60. Welp, see ya in five mañanas, Manaea.

Juan Soto – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 6 RBIs and his 36th homer, a grand slam. In the world of “Strange But True,” Soto’s grand slam yesterday was only his 2nd of his career. Also, 35 of his 36 homers were solo or two-run homers. “That shizz is weird,” someone from Elias Sports Bureau.

Charlie Morton – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.51. Was cool of Manfred to unleash the bouncy, playoff balls a month early. “You get a little taste.” That’s Rob Manfred.

Wenceel Perez – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .259. Grabbed him for a batty call, and now will begin my toughest battle: Dropping a guy who just homered. Can Grey overcome? Challenge: Impossible!

Jahmai Jones – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. “Oh, Lord Jahmai, the almighty,” sounds like Brand Nubian lyrics.

Andrew Alvarez – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks in his 1st major league start, and this was better than he looked at any point in the minors, which is a great time to say: Streamonator all month, September is a great time to stream.

Edward Cabrera – Done for the year with an elbow strain. Oh no, that’s EdCab’s steering arm. Before ranking players next year, I come back here to look at last bits of news, so I’m gonna talk directly to December Grey now. “Hey, man, I know you’re likely ranking players for 2026. Good job, by the way. Very handsomely done. Since no one will say it to you, way to rank Daniel Schneemann! Great job! So, you’re back here looking to see what you thought of EdCab towards the end of the season? It’s listed as an elbow strain. Has he had Tommy John surgery yet? Check on that, would ya? Also, how do you stay so young? Skin cream?”