Three Rips Van Winker

June 7, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 415 Comments

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You heard of Mrs. Dash? An all-powerful seasoning that you sprinkle on anything, and it makes it better. It’s crack…for your tongue! (May not be the actual slogan.) Now, if you swing already produces a great hard hit rate, you don’t want to tweak it too much. It’s already tasty. Only thing you can sprinkle on it to elevate it is a little bit more Launch Angle. Jesse Winker (3-for-4, 6 RBIs and 3 homers (15, 16, 17), hitting .350) is a classic example of what happens when a guy who hits the ball hard, tweaks his swing just a tad so the ball coming off his bat is just tad more elevated. Winker didn’t go full-Gallo on his Launch Angle. Just a smidge. A dash of wonderful, which if why I will now call him Mr. Dash. He elevates at the dish, and the crack of his bat is crack…for your fantasy team! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Here’s the Scoop on Schoop

June 5, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 32 Comments

by: Dan Pants

Schoop, there it is! Jonathan Schoop continued his mashfest in Chicago Friday night as he reached base in each of his plate appearances going 4-for-4 with a double, a walk, two home runs (8, 9) and 5 runs batted in. Oh Jonathan, each time I think I’m out, you pull me back in. Tell me Jonny, what’s it like on the sun, because you’ve been more or less the hottest hitter in baseball hitting .565 over the past week with the monster five bombs and 10 RBI. He’s also got multi-hit games in six of his past 10. Grey told you to BUY and thinks he saw Schoop at CVS last week. Lol! CVS! He buys things at pharmacies just like us–how relatable! Probably picking up some Icy Hot to cool off that flaming hot bat. I asked Salt and Pepa of popular 90s rap group Salt-N-Pepa what they thought about adding Jonathan and they said, “I wanna Schoop, baby. Schoop, ba-doop!” and you wouldn’t know it but they’re actually huge fantasy heads. What more can I say, you all know by now what Jonathan Schoop’s ceiling is. He’s not Tatis all of a sudden but he is a hot little potato right now and is batting close to .400 over the past two weeks. The 9/15 K/BB is also nothing to sneeze at–unless you’re allergic to OBP. These kinds of numbers, ie barrages of home runs, will help your fantasy team. He’s still available in over 50% of leagues, but 50% of those are likely abandoned and managed by the super intelligent zombies in Army of the Dead. Yes the tiger, too. And even the undead know to add this guy while he’s hotter than a Billie Eilish slumber party. Yep, I’m definitely a Lost Cause. Regardless, time to scoop a Schoop!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Austin Powers: The Riley Who Four-Bagged Me

May 24, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 585 Comments

by: Grey

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Maybe I’m just a guy that puts feety pajamas on over his head. Maybe I walk into a Subway and ask a sandwich artist, “Do you smell onions?” Maybe I stare at people playing Jenga and try to move the pieces with telekinesis. Maybe I pronounce the D in Django. Maybe I call diner waitresses “Sweetheart” and old guys “Sonny.” Maybe I could be wrong, but Austin Riley (2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer, hitting .320) feels like he’s headed to be a top 25 player drafted next year. In December of last year, I wrote an Austin Riley sleeper. I have hand eyes like in Pan’s Labyrinth, and those hands are pressed up against Statcast. I said in that sleeper that Riley was a guy who could be drafted after 250 and have top 50 overall value. It was December and I wrote that in November, so while I was very fortune tellery to foresee Austin Riley, his ADP was 202th overall in NFBC, not 250. Still huge value if the top 50 value comes to fruition. As I mentioned last week, he flattened his swing a lot, becoming more of a .280 hitter, than the .240 one he was coming into the year. The only question mark now is with a flatter swing, can he still homer? This week’s six homers does a good job of saying flatter does not make the ironing bored. Pun…and a miss! Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Frickin’ Frack, Framber’s Finger Fractured

March 4, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 201 Comments

by: Grey

Framber Valdez pitched after his fractured finger happened, so will be assuming it’s not too terrible. Haha, I’m lyin’ to myself! Now now NOW! Calm down, Grey, it’s gonna all work out. *turns abruptly to mirror* Is it? So, this isn’t great news, but it’s early enough, and it was his ring finger on his pitching hand, but our writer, Coolwhip, looked at his grips for me (because I was too panicked), and it seems Framber only uses that finger 10% of the time with his change, which isn’t a good pitch for him. He’s primarily a sinker/curve guy. I reranked him, placing him in an area where I’d still draft him, but obviously this isn’t the ideal stuff you want to see. Unless you’re a demented ess oh bee. You a demented ess oh bee? Hmm…? Are you? Tell me! Sorry, I’m amped up. Speaking of which, kinda, he will need to ramp up to game-shape after returning in May, so I’m conservatively projecting him to return end of May, early-June. Okay, clerical work now *adjusts priest’s collar* Here’s my adjusted top 80 starters for 2021 fantasy baseball with new projections; top 100 for 2021 fantasy baseball with Framber removed; top 500 for 2021 fantasy baseball with Framber moved down about 125 spots, and my pitchers’ pairings tool adjusted. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

NL-Only, 12 Team Draft Recap or: I Drafted Ronald Acuna, Commence Exclamatory Punctuation

March 15, 2018 | Our Leagues | 211 Comments

by: Grey

The other day I had a dream that Giancarlo and I were hosting a white party in the Hamptons, and I turned to Giancarlo and said, “You know who else I wish were here?” And he said, “Zsa Zsa Gabor?” And I said, “No, we’re not gay in the traditional sense. We’re only gay for each other.” Then he said, “Well, who do you wish were here then, silly?” And I said, “Ronald Acuna,” only I said it in exclamation marks shaped like Gregorian letters, if Gregorian letters is what you call these things I’m typing out with my hand-toes. That’s right, snitches, Greycarlo is sending out Evites and Ronald Acuna’s invited! And guess what, jerks? I also drafted Ronald Acuna on a fantasy baseball team (for SEO)! This league was hosted by CBS’s Scott White, and all your favorite ‘perts were there, like that one guy whose name you forgot, and that other guy who has diabetes who you also can’t remember. They were all there! Oh, and returning champ, our very own, Lance Broshitz! Anyway, here’s my 12-team, NL-Only draft with some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2018 Fantasy Baseball Team Previews: Atlanta Braves

February 3, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Team Previews | 9 Comments

by: MB

Welcome to Razzball’s 2018 team previews. Over the next couple of months, we’ll be previewing all of the teams and talking to writers who represent those teams around the web. We want to provide the best and most in-depth fantasy projections to go along with the asking the most useful questions to those who know their teams best. We want to talk about the players in the first half of your draft and also the deep sleepers that make you log into google and start watching Midwest Single-A ball for hours. Just kidding, don’t do that, hopefully we don’t go that far…

MB here. You may know me from the football page of this elite website known as Razzball dot com. I have snaked my way over to the baseball page this season. Don’t you feel so lucky? We start off with the Atlanta Braves and this could really be a team on the rise. Hell, we could be talking about a playoff contender within the next year or two. The Cubs and Astros were ahead of schedule so why can’t the Braves be? There are a lot of question marks because this is such a young team, but there is so much potential in this line up and rotation. Today, we pick the brain of Alan Carpenter. You can check out his work over at Tomahawk Take.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Phillies Pay Up To Get Back That Carlos They Traded To Clev…Nope, It’s Santana

December 18, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 110 Comments

by: Grey

Carlos Santana was signed by the Phils. Did Carlos Santana ever have a song called, “Harumph?” Cause he’s making me harumph all over the place. Doesn’t Hoskins play 1B? Will Santana move to 3rd? I agree, Maikel hasn’t been great, but he’s too young to give up on. Maybe Santana plays outfield? Hoskins plays outfield? Maybe they juggle left field? Maybe they juggle balls hit to them in left field? Maybe they’re juggalos? I got questions, y’all! The scenario of Hoskins in the outfield seems most likely with Franco getting pushed down the order, but not out of the lineup entirely. This might be something to watch in the spring with The Jacked Up Jew, and how he manages his new Latin classic rock guitarist. As for Santana, his stats last year look like that of an aging slugger. Carlos Santana’s gone from Oye Como Va to a hard-of-hearing Latino, ‘Oye come again?’ His average home run distance from 2016 to 2017 came down ten feet, but Citizens Flank might help a little. His line drive rate went up, but his fly balls are going nowhere, and his Hard Contact was down. He’s even seeing more pitches inside the zone, because people just aren’t scared of him anymore. His stats don’t scream, ‘The end is nigh,’ but they are whispering, ‘Soon, my pretty.’ For 2018, I’ll give Carlos Santana projections of 74/24/81/.257/4 in 552 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When You’re Here (In Pain And Fear), You’re Familia

March 30, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 467 Comments

by: Grey

Jeurys Familia was given a 15-game suspension for domestic abuse charges filed against him this offseason. One could say Jeurys was given a 15-day DL trip to Familia, but the DL in this case is Dangerous Love. If there was anyone predestined for Family Court, it would be him. Familia was helped by his family’s testimony to Our Commissioner Manfred. They asked Familia be allowed to go on all Mets’ road trips. The Mets can sure pick closers. Let’s see: Familia; K-Rod attacked his father-in-law and Jenrry Mejia was permanently banned from MLB. The Mets don’t use a belt with their closer pants. They prefer suspenders! This is all an eerie reminder of past Mets violence when Justin Turner tried to help Ike Davis during one of his prolonged slumps. Any hoo! Familia will miss about six to eight saves and I’ve moved him down in my top 500 and moved up Addison Reed, his replacement. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Desmond’s Hand Is Too Too Broken

March 13, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Notes | 255 Comments

by: Grey

I hate early drafts. There’s absolutely no skill involved in drafting on March 3rd and avoiding Ian Desmond due to a broken hand that hasn’t happened yet. It’s like not getting on a subway car and you end up marrying a Cougar vs. Coldplay’s Chris Martin and you keep forgetting your Apple ID so you can’t download a song you really want to hear vs. getting free iPhones hand-delivered by Bono. Admittedly, I never saw the movie, Sliding Doors, but I picture the plot being something like that. I want to marry Chris Martin and get iBonos! Man, this effin’ sucks. Looks like I’m going to have to battle just a wee bit harder in Yahoo’s Friends & Family draft where I took Desmond. *cries uncontrollably* But I don’t want to battle harder! The tears running down my face have fallen onto my desk and are spelling out, “Why can’t you have anything mice?” Mice? What the hell are you talking about tears? I’ve updated my top 20 overall, top 100 and my top 60 outfielders. The Fantasy Baseball War Room is updated, and, since Mark Reynolds will be the Rockies’ 1st baseman, I’ve updated the top 20 1st basemen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Stop Screwing With That Voodoo Dahl Gerardo Or You’ll Parralyze Him

March 7, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Notes | 273 Comments

by: Grey

JB and I went to spring training this past weekend in Arizona. Had some great meals, drank some iced Cuban coffees that I tried to order as an ‘iced Puig,’ saw way too many Angels games, obviously went to a Brewers game, and enjoyed my very first six-foot, seven-inch spooning. I needed JB’s oversized spoon after hearing about David Dahl and his rib injury. He has a stress reaction of his sixth rib, and I have a stress reaction with many expletives. You can’t spell David Dahl without dah. Seriously, I tried. Now, I can’t see his name without thinking it’s really “Dah!” Rockies manager Bud Black said that Opening Day is out of the question. I moved him out of my top 20 outfielders and into my top 40 outfielders. I still would draft him, even if he’s no longer in my top 100 overall. The Rockies said Gerardo Parra will fill-in for Dah!, and I’d draft Parra in the last rounds as a flyer just in case Dah!’s injury turns out to be worse than thought. I just jinxed him, didn’t I? Dah! By the by, between Charlie Blackmon and manager, Bud Black, the Rockies have so many white guys trying to take advantage of affirmative action, they should sign C. Thomas Howell star of Soul Man. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

NL Only, 12 Team Draft Recap or: How I Stopped Worrying And Loved Eric Thames

February 24, 2017 | Our Leagues | 228 Comments

by: Grey

Just finished my first draft if you’re reading this as I type it, and other than one shirtless man in yellow sweatpants standing behind me in this internet cafe, I don’t think anyone’s reading this as I type it. Unless, of course, there’s micronauts living inside my brain watching as my inner monologue is sending info to my fingers. Gadzooks, I got micronauts in my brain! I wonder if these micronauts made me draft Eric Thames. I need to delve deeper into this subject. Maybe I will in my pastel journal that is covered in Giancarlo’s picture from ESPN’s nude magazine. So, I took on the monsters of the industry in an NL Only league that was hosted by Scott White of CBS and I came away with a team that is more imbalanced than Amanda Bynes. This league is deep so hold onto ye old hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues. Please be a commissioner, we need leagues, thank you, and Oxford comma.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 100 Starters for 2017 Fantasy Baseball

February 8, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 169 Comments

by: Grey

With these top 100 starters for 2017 fantasy baseball, I’ve finished our (my) 2017 fantasy baseball rankings for positions. Still coming will be a top 100 overall and top 500 to see how all the positions mesh together like your mesh Redskins jersey that meshes with your burgundy sweatpants. Trust me, when you see how long this post is, you’ll be glad I kept this intro short. As always, my projections are included, and where I see tiers starting and stopping. If you want an explanation of tiers, go back to the top 10 overall and start this shizz all over again. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2017 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?