Usually, as one does, I type with my fingers. Hunt and peck with mostly the index’ers, but definitely fingers all the way. I’m so pumped up going for the win this year I’m typing up this post with both fists. WE MUST WIN! BY WE I MEAN ME! BY ME I MEAN I, IF “I” WAS SUPPOSED TO BE USED IN THAT SENTENCE INSTEAD OF ME; I DON’T KNOW, AND AM TOO HYPED UP TO LOOK INTO IT, IN FACT, THIS SENTENCE IS KINDA KILLING MY HYPE BY EVEN DISCUSSING GRAMMAR. GRAMMAR BOO! WINNING THIS LEAGUE YAY! Actually using my fists is not enough. I will now type up this post by banging my forehead on the keyboard. ABCJIVS1I7$ Damn, that didn’t work so well. Maybe I’ll try my nose. Hekko, froend. Ugh, that didn’t work either. Okay, I’m gonna use my fingers again, but I’m just as pumped up. RAWR! Anyway, here’s my Yahoo Friends & Family team, it’s a 14-team, mixed league:
C: Andrew Susac — 22nd round
1B: Paul Goldschmidt — 1st round, 7th overall
2B: Rougned Odor — 2nd round
3B: Jake Lamb — 12th round
SS: Addison Russell — 9th round
CI: Mitch Moreland — 19th round
MI: Marcus Semien — 14th round
OF: George Springer — 3rd round
OF: Ian Desmond — 4th round
OF: Mark Trumbo — 6th round
OF: Travis Jankowski — 17th round
UTIL: Steven Souza Jr. — 26th round
UTIL: Alcides Escobar — 24th round
Bench: Tyler Saladino — 23rd round
P: Carlos Carrasco — 5th round
P: Danny Duffy — 7th round
P: Danny Salazar — 11th round
P: John Lackey — 13th round
P: Vince Velasquez — 16th round
P: Adam Ottavino — 10th round
P: Jeurys Familia — 8th round
P: Brandon Kintzler — 15th round
P: Kyle Barraclough — 18th round
Bench: Blake Snell — 20th round
Bench: Tyler Thornburg — 21st round
Bench: Koda Glover — 25th round
SO, YOU INVESTED A LOT IN PITCHING I SEE. I’M NOT JUDGING. OKAY, I AM JUDGING.
I didn’t tho. Not relatively, at least. My starting staff looks solid, right? I spent, like, nothing on them. As the 4th pick in the 5th round, Behrens took Chris Archer. Archer was the 18th pitcher drafted already! I drafted Carlos Carrasco as the 19th pitcher off the board in the 5th round. That’s insane. Edwin Diaz and Seung Hwan Oh were drafted before him. I’m not joking. I wish I were joking for the teams that drafted them. There were then 29 pitchers drafted before I took Duffy! What?! Andrew Miller was drafted before I took Duffy! I like Miller, he’s legit. No doubt, Stefani. But this isn’t a Holds league. Wade Davis was drafted before I took Duffy. Okay, but huh? In my rankings, I have Wade Davis so far after where he went in the 6th round, because injury concerns. Oh, and Kimbrel was taken in the 6th round too. So, yeah, I know my relievers aren’t gorge and/or make you engorged, but I didn’t draft one until 106th overall. By the by, Salazar was the 58th pitcher drafted. Cam Bedrosian went immediately before him. Not kidding. Before Bedrosian was Eric Thames and Neftali Feliz, in the same round. Um, whoa.
TALK ABOUT YOUR HITTING OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, ‘YOU’VE REALLY COMMITTED TO THE IDEA OF ODOR AS A 2ND ROUND PICK.’
The other day I was watching an interview of the Venezuelan WBC team and something hit me. I really like Rougned Odor. He is my 2nd favorite player after Giancarlo. A guy flips his bat in a cocky manner in a crucial playoff game and the opposing team’s player doesn’t congratulate him like so many baseball players now. No, he stashes that anger in his ulcer for six months and then punches him out the next year. How could you not like Odor? That’s some throwback baseball when players used to throw at each others’ heads and not pat each other on the butt. Make Baseball Violent Again! But this is about fantasy, so let’s just think about this, a 33-homer, 14-steal, .271 hitter on a good team in a solid park at the age of 23, and that’s not a 2nd rounder…How? Why? Tell me! Because he doesn’t walk? Ridiculous. This isn’t an OBP league. It’s standard categories. I love the smell of Odor on my team!
MATH IS NOT MY STRONG SUIT. IT’S ACTUALLY MY WORST SUIT AND I OWN A SERGIO TACCHINI TRACK SUIT, BUT DID YOU GET IAN DESMOND WITH THE 50TH PICK OVERALL?
I did, Al Boldencaps. When your leaguemates zig with, like, 64 pitchers in the first 65 picks, you zag with one bat after another. Desmond was a 25/20 guy outside of Coors. I might’ve just snagged a 35/20 guy fifty picks in. Y’all need to believe in the power of Coors. It made Corey Dickerson a top 30 hitter. You know Corey Dickerson, he’s the guy sitting on waivers in most leagues. The zigging on pitching to my zagging on hitting was a thing of glory in the first 200 picks. Trumbo at pick 78 overall? Did he not just hit 47 homers? Springer 35 picks in? I guess I’ll take 30/15 with upside. Semien at pick 190? Didn’t he just go 27/10? Lamb at pick 162? A guy that just went 29/6? That’s not baaaaaahd. Addison Russell at pick 119? I’m crazy about this guy this year like your crazy aunt is crazy at every family function. Alcides Escobar at—Okay, he’s awful, but we’re 330 picks in by that point and I was just grabbing guys. I’ll be dropping him to waivers soon enough.
OKAY, YOU OBVIOUSLY LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS TEAM, BUT GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT’S NEGATIVE BECAUSE I JUST WATCHED THE NOTEBOOK, AND LOVE IS OFTEN LOST, AND I NEED A GOOD CRY.
The end of my team is janky and I’m not just abbreviating Jankowski. I felt I needed some steals, so I reached a little for Jankowski, and I should’ve likely drafted Domingo Santana, Leonys Martin, C.J. Cron, Joe Ross, Hernan Perez…Well, there’s about 50 guys I like more than Jankowski, but I went SAGNOF’ing down the Jankowski River in a hallowed-out log with nothing to dry my hair and I forgot my hair gel. I like Thornburg, Glover and Barraclough, but what am I doing with all of these guys? Sending relief to the Ivory Coast? My endgame is typified by Tyler Saladino. He is the new blech. I mean, I had my reasons — Lawrie’s gone, maybe Saladino gets the job — but even my reasons are a stretch.
I TAKE IT BACK, I DON’T WANT NEGATIVE. IT’S BUMMING ME OUT. LEAVE ME WITH SOMETHING UPLIFTING AND SPIRITUAL.
I don’t get the absolute forgotten man in one of the best lineups in baseball in one of the best hitters’ parks. You know who I mean, right? No one wants Mitch Moreland. I drafted him at 259 overall. Brandon Phillips went before him. No foolsies. There’s some talk of Moreland platooning, but with who? Is Hanley going to play 1st again? I have a pfft for you if you think so. Moreland is this year’s Napoli. He’s the woke man’s Napoli. I will call him Awakoli. Okay, I won’t call him that, but it’s true! Or once Desmond gets 1st base eligibility, Desmond can be my corner man.