I’m not a woman.
I’m not a man.
I am something that you refer to as Fantasy Master Lothario.
I’ll never beat you (except in fantasy, that is my pledge).
I’ll never lie (except about how much I once liked Josh Rutledge).
And you’re evil but unless Rougned Odor disappoints I’ll forgive you!
Cause baseball will start 4 2!
*takes a long inhale* Can you smell the freshly cut grass? No, because it’s still freezing in half the country? Where’s your climate change now, Al Gore?! I’m so hyped up about Opening Day, I’m slangin’ bean pies like Ice Cube and picking up and dropping catchers for s’s and g’s! *goes to my Yahoo fantasy team page*
All right, so I guess I’m not making changes to my Yahoo team on this glorious of splendiferous days. This day that is more beautiful than Giancarlo’s tukis. This day that is the most frou-frou of all catchpennies! Okay, I think my thesaurus steered me wrong on that last one. On a sappy level, this was a weird offseason, and I’m glad to put the real world in my rearview mirror for six glorious months, and worry about nothing but winning as many fantasy baseball leagues as I can, and helping everyone along the way. Now who was it again that had Greg Bird (0-for-4, but batted third; yes, you should own him) ranked higher than everyone else?! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
In order to write this article, I quickly jot down any player who I see or hear about being reported injured throughout the week, just so I can check back later and see the extent of the injury. I have to judge if it is worth reporting on, or if the player is even fantasy relevant. That’s why you might not see me report about a guy like Christian Friedrich and his 5.37 ERA over 296 innings being injured. Saves both you and I the time and energy of reading about Christian Friedrich. So let me say right now — sorry for making you read such a long paragraph about Christian Friedrich!
Other times, someone gets injured on a Thursday or Friday and by the time I go to write them up (this article drops on Wednesdays) they’re back to 100%. Such is the case for 50 shades of Jon Gray this week.
Here’s who you shouldn’t forget about as the three months of Spring Training finally come to an end this week…
Raisel Iglesias slipped in the shower and hurt his elbow and hip, which could cause him to miss Opening Day. This has to be the nastiest Reds locker room incident since Aaron Harang dropped the soap and fell on Dick Pole while showering. Previously, Harang had only slipped on a banana peel, ya know, a by-product of being The Harangutan. The 2nd nastiest Reds locker room incident happened when Johnny Cueto swept Bronson Arroyo’s leg and he fell into Dick Pole. Now that I think about it, all Reds locker room incidents involved Dick Pole. So, Church’s elbow and hip sound like they will be fine, but Drew Storen, Michael Lorenzen and Tony Cingrani, likely in that order, could sneak into the closer’s role, and steal the job, since I get the feeling Reds manager, Bryan Price, doesn’t really want Raisel in the closer role indefinitely. This will likely be a shituation where Raisel, Storen and others share 30 saves, say, 17 saves for Raisel, 9 for Storen and the rest for others. I’ve updated my fantasy baseball rankings, namely the top 500. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:
You’re the monster preparing for your fantasy draft, and I’m Dr. Frankenstein telling you it’s all going to be OKAY.
If you are one of our beloved loyal Razzball readers, you know by now that this site tends to discourage you from taking catchers early in fantasy drafts. The argument is simple: the difference between a top 5 catcher and a 5-15 range catcher is negligible. At other positions, the difference is much more significant. Plus, there are always surprises who end up either getting drafted later or picked up on waivers who put up top 10 catcher numbers.
Some years ago, a younger Grey with what we can only assume was a less prominent mustache wrote about his draft strategy for punting catchers. I’ll wait here while you give it a look. Go ahead. It’s the same website, so I won’t get in trouble. I might even get some kind of bonus for encouraging clicks or something.
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Usually, as one does, I type with my fingers. Hunt and peck with mostly the index’ers, but definitely fingers all the way. I’m so pumped up going for the win this year I’m typing up this post with both fists. WE MUST WIN! BY WE I MEAN ME! BY ME I MEAN I, IF “I” WAS SUPPOSED TO BE USED IN THAT SENTENCE INSTEAD OF ME; I DON’T KNOW, AND AM TOO HYPED UP TO LOOK INTO IT, IN FACT, THIS SENTENCE IS KINDA KILLING MY HYPE BY EVEN DISCUSSING GRAMMAR. GRAMMAR BOO! WINNING THIS LEAGUE YAY! Actually using my fists is not enough. I will now type up this post by banging my forehead on the keyboard. ABCJIVS1I7$ Damn, that didn’t work so well. Maybe I’ll try my nose. Hekko, froend. Ugh, that didn’t work either. Okay, I’m gonna use my fingers again, but I’m just as pumped up. RAWR! Anyway, here’s my Yahoo Friends & Family team, it’s a 14-team, mixed league:
Here, friend, are some catchers that I will be targeting at my 2017 fantasy drafts after the top options are gone. I’m not going to get into the strategy of punting catchers. Been there, half-drunkenly wrote that years ago. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2017 projections. This is a (legal-in-most-countries) supplement to the top 20 catchers of 2017 fantasy baseball. Now, guys and five girl readers, I am not saying avoid catchers like J.T. Realmuto if they fall, but to get on this list, you need to be drafted later than 200 overall, and, to preemptively answer at least seven comments, yes, I will go around the entire infield, outfield and pitchers to target very late. Anyway, here’s some catchers to target for 2017 fantasy baseball:
It took us a few weeks, but we have arrived at the finale. We can finally wrap up the Couch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft recaps. It feels like just yesterday I was getting started on what was likely to be a 60,000-word article on all 23 rounds of this mock draft before Grey slapped me and told me to put down the bourbon and split this into multiple posts. Below, I’ll be posting the results of rounds 19-23, my thoughts on said results, and the final team for every owner.
In case you have yet to see my previous posts, here is a quick recap of the league rules for this mock:
This mock was for a 15-team, 5×5 roto, with 23 roster spots made up of 9 pitchers (9), 1 spot for each position (8), a second catcher (1), 2 more outfielders (2), one corner infielder (1), one middle infielder (1), and one utility position (1).
After going over my top 10 for 2017 fantasy baseball and top 20 for 2017 fantasy baseball (clickbait!), I move onto the one post all year that make all the ladies say ‘Ooooh…’ The manner in which those ladies in question say ‘Ooooh…’ is as such, “Ooooh…So, are we going to the mall after you’re done reading that fantasy baseball nonsense or can we go now and, while I’m shopping, you sit outside Orange Julius reading that shizz while I’m dropping buckets of duckets on earrings? And, no, we can’t go to Lush so you can play with the handmade soaps.” It’s better if we leave it at, this post makes all the ladies say ‘Ooooh…’ The ellipsis says enough, I think. The projections noted in the post are my own, and I mention where tiers start and stop. I also mention a bunch of hullabaloo, so let’s get to it. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2017 fantasy baseball:
Greetings, friends. I hopped over to the football side of things once last year’s baseball season ended, but now I’m back. And apparently, I am such a disturbed individual that I am doing fantasy baseball mock drafts in early January. And, I am writing about them. And, well, I just wanted to start another sentence with and because it feels so wrong but so right at the same time. Anyway, moving on.
I was fortunate enough to be invited to the Couch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft, and we’re going to recap it here. This mock was for a 15-team, 5×5 roto, with 23 roster spots made up of 9 pitchers (9), 1 spot for each position (8), a second catcher (1), 2 more outfielders (2), one corner infielder (1), one middle infielder (1), and one utility position (1). As long as I did that math correctly, that is 23 spots.
Below, I will provide the results for the first six rounds and a give my thoughts for each round. I’ll do the same for rounds 7-12, 13-18, and 19-23 in subsequent posts. I’ll try to keep it brief. All we really care about are the results here, right? Feel free to tell me how awesome or crappy you think my team is, along with what you think were the best and worst picks of the draft or the different rounds…
When Jonathan Lucroy vetoed the trade to the Indians this past weekend, I thought we were going to find out Lucroy was Joey Lauren Adams in Chasing Amy. Other teams were going to try and convert him into one of their players, but he was always going to continue to play for the other team. Then, at some point, he was going to describe oral sex in insane, graphic detail, using balls, bats, and a gear shift, and other teams were just going to give up trying to get him to play for their team. Then it turned out the Brewers were not going to be “Holden” him forever, you can “Banky” on it. Jonathan Lucroy and Jeremy Jeffress were Chinese finger-cuffed to each other and sent to the Rangers for Lewis Brinson and Luis Ortiz. By the way, Luis/Lewis is the Spanish version of tomato-tomahto. I wonder what the Brewers finally said to Lucroy. “We love you, but, dude, if you really love this organization, you’ll get the eff out of here. Go!” Then cried in the rain all super-weepy like Ben Affleck. So, Lucroy gets a small boost in value from the lineup, but the stadium change is nearly a push. As for Jeremy Jeffress, who is Jason Lee in this scenario, will work set up for Sam Dyson, who will keep the job. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball: