Red Sox Finally Call Up XLVIII

Roman Anthony was called up. [running into a room, screaming, sweating, out of breath, snot flying out of nose, mumbling to self, “Keep cool! Keep cool!” turning to a mirror, “How can I keep freakin’ cool? How?!”] He hit a home run last week that went 497 feet. [starting to lose cool again] Did you not hear about that? 497 feet! This is it, and it is life! You didn’t realize you were living in pre-Roman times prior to this? You were in BC. The year is zero. (Or it is one? Or is Roman times way before zero and one? Hmm… Let’s say it’s zero, for sake of not googling.) If you’re writing checks from today forward you put the new year number, do you understand? It is June 10th, 0000. Make sure to put four zeroes otherwise it will mess up computers a’la Y2K, only really mess them up and not how Y2K actually ended up. So, Roman Anthony (0-for-4, 1 RBI) hit 5th with Wilyer Abreu hitting the IL, which means Abraham Toro gets DFA’d when Abreu returns. Or Abreu gets traded. There’s no chance they start re-dating with zeroes, then send him down, right? I hope not. He went .288/.423/.914 with 10 HRs, 29 RBIs and 3 SBs, but he has 30/30 potential who could hit .270+ as soon as this year. He’s the number one prospect; he’s pickupable (totally a word!) in all leagues. From Day Zero forward. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brayan Bello – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.96. Streamonator predicted a start of 5 2/3, 2.4 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. A strikeout, 0.6 ER and 2/3 IP off! Geez, what a rip!

Shane Baz – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.97. Three-pitch strikeout to end his outing and removed at 76 pitches. Kevin Cash fights battle after battle on a small scale, but forgets about the war. He’ll fight a small battle like having his best reliever face a tough hitter, but lose a war like a pitcher’s confidence being yanked after 76 pitches being damaged because he was not allowed to face guys and win or loss based on his stuff.

Nick Kurtz – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I spun my office chair so many times I vomited. My bad.”

Max Muncy – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (1), 2nd homer in two games, and 3rd homer since Thursday. Imagine an Olympic torch run where they handed off the torch as it traveled from LA to SacTown, but not a torch, instead a hot schmotato, and the run only involved Max Muncies. In short, Ma’s Muncy is now a hot schmotato.

Yusei Kikuchi – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1walk, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.92. Should’ve listened to Lisa Loeb when she kept singing about Yusei. Ignore Lisa Loeb at your own peril. I did.

Jo Adell – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Could Adell’s post-hype train be pulling into the station? I have my doubts, but he’s clearly hot.

Nolan Schanuel – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 2nd steal. It should’ve been a slam and legs, but Denzel Clarke robbed Schanuel. I robbery I hadn’t seen since Gary Matthews Jr. If you didn’t see it, seek it out and watch. Those goose pimples, doll face, are free. I don’t know why I suddenly became a Dashiell Hammett character.

Ryan Weathers – Hit the 60-day IL with a lat strain. Okay, so something is funky in Smurfville. This makes no sense. He had arm trouble earlier in the year, was pinged by the catcher on his moneymaker, then lost three miles on his fastball, then hit the 60-day IL with a lat strain? Why 60-day? And just happens to coincide with Eury returning? So, this is actually to allow Marlins to trade Weathers at the deadline with no concerns about his arm, right?

Eury Perez – 3 IP, 4 ER, as he was activated from the IL. Was clearly not a great start, but I watched some of it and he just looked rusty. If anyone wants to bail early, buy, buy, buy. As I said last week, “Eury Perez has a 3.15 ERA and 10.6 K/9 in 91 1/3 IP in the majors, i.e., he could be a number two as soon as he steps back on the mound. If you’re curious, he has a 11.3 K/9 and 1.96 ERA in the minors during his rehab. Yeah, he could be special.” And that’s me quoting me!

Otto Lopez – 1-for-1 and his 6th homer, 2nd homer in four games, and one of the hotter bats of the last week. Though, he left the game early and I couldn’t tell if it was team indifference, let’s get another guy an at-bat or an injury.

Leody Taveras – DFA’d by the Mariners. This comes on the heels of Dominic Canzone being recalled. We’ll see if he’s Dominic Canleody. Yesterday, was a poor start, as Canzone homered. You’d never catch Leody doing that!

Corbin Carroll – 1-for-5 and his 19th homer. Filed away in the “Corbin is awesome,” aka the Corbin bin.

Josh Naylor – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 8th homer. Currently, trying not to think about how he has one less homer than his catcher brother, Bo.

Justin Martinez – 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.11. Left with a trainer about his elbow. No one saw this coming. A true shock. Pick up Shelby Miller.

Merrill Kelly – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.18. It would be so easy if pitching made any modicum of sense. There’s no magic fix either. It’s not like anyone was saying in March, “Grab Merrill Kelly, he’ll be better than Cole Ragans.”

Dustin May – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.46. Dodgers having one starter is so funny and also it’s not Dustin May.

Tanner Scott – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.11, and his 12th save. Clearly, the closer, right? Well, um, interjection, I don’t know. Kopech likely just can’t go on back-to-back games. As I said yesterday, this may just be a timeshare, like the thing you look at in the Caribbean to get a free roll of quarters. Is it Kopech/Scott 60/40, Scott/Kopech 70/30, 50/50, 80/20? No one knows. I don’t think Dave Roberts knows. There’s no answer.

Nick Pivetta – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.48. Said like Chinatown, but regarding the Regression Fairies, “Forget it, Jake, it’s Pride Month.”

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 5th homer. Tildaddy goes to the tackle shop!

Matt Olson – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, and 2nd homer in four games. If I were Allahson, I’d be praying to Mecca that Acuña doesn’t catch me in homers, because that would be embarrassing.

Chris Sale – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.79. I shouldn’t have avoided Sale this year. What a terrible half Jew I am.

Jose Berrios – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.38 vs. Andre Pallante – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.75. This matchup was billed as, “Jose/Andre is in Haiti doing food relief so who’s cooking this $45 orzo I’m eating in his restaurant?”

Ivan Herrera – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer. He’s hitting .322, and any catcher who is hitting .300+ should be taken seriously for fantasy.

Alejandro Kirk – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .316. Well, almost any catcher hitting .300+.

Zack Wheeler – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.85. He returned from paternity leave rusty, with sore nipples, and a papoose he wore every half inning. Thanks a lot, woke!

Matthew Boyd – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, zero Ks, ERA at 2.89. Whenever a guy doesn’t strike out anyone, their peripherals shake their head very disappointed.

Ian Happ – 1-for-5 and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in five games. Buy!

Kyle Tucker – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 13th homer. As Tucker rounded the bases, he mimed the back-up sounds of a Brink’s truck.

Bo Naylor – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert! (Also, don’t think about how he has more homers than his brother, Josh. It’ll only drive you nuts.)

Luis L. Ortiz – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.26. Maybe I should stick to only liking him in theory. Streamonator sorta likes his next one, but I don’t know if I have the pants grapes to try it anymore.

Lane Thomas – 1-for-3, 2nd steal, as he was activated from the IL. I’ve given up on Thomas in all my leagues because he’s got the dreaded plantar fasciitis, a disease one contracts from Chia pets. That might be wrong. But it lingers, hurts a guys ability to run and just stinks (not simply because it’s related to one’s feet). Of course if Thomas starts hitting and looks healthy, I will monocle. A steal yesterday is encouraging.

Jake Fraley – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (5) and legs (4), hitting .218. For one brief moment last night, it seemed to make sense I was excited about Reds hitters, besides Elly, in the preseason.

TJ Friedl – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 6th homer, hitting .295. Okay, unfair what I said about Fraley in regards to Friedl, he’s been roughly around top 100 on the Player Rater.

Wade Miley – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 9.00. Going against him is pitching, but going for him is how ugly he is for sympathy points.

Austin Hays – Believes he’s close to returning from his foot contusion. I believe he’ll find another reason to be hurt in another two weeks. We all have different beliefs.

Hunter Greene – Traveled to Los Angeles for another opinion on his groin. This is the plot for The Sure Thing.