Aaaand we’re back! In case you’re concerned, I’m writing this in complete isolation from any human contact, and yes, I’m wearing my mask. It has a sweet Joker smile and scares old people. 2020 has been real rough my over-the-internet friends, from George Floyd to murder hornets to tiktok becoming so popular its been bad news city, but nothing has rocked our worlds harder than you know what. I’m speaking of course, of the Red Sox heartless trade of my flame and my muse Mookie Betts. Ugh. How could this year get any worse? To boot, my hopes of Betts getting the COVID, missing 2020, and re-signing with Boston look to be all but dashed as he’s signed a lifetime contract with the Dodgers worth more than all the money me and everyone I know will ever make in their lifetimes. But fret not, wunderkind GM Chaim Bloom has replaced him with Kevin Pillar. You know, the former Blue Jay? Yeah, that guy. Welp. Give me the rona now God and end this. But wait–keep that mask on! Pillar flashed some serious leather in right field Friday night and went 3-for-5 with 3 RBI! Maybe this won’t be so bad! At least Boston won’t have to pay a 41 year-old outfielder 30 million dollars in 2031? Or will we all be d-e-d dead by then anyway? Did I mention the Sawx added utlity infielder Jose Peraza too? He went 4-for-5 with 2 doubles, 2 runs, and 2 RBI Friday and Grey told you to BUY. Jose leads the league in batting average, folks! Peraza struggled last year but he’s just two years removed from batting .288 with 23 steals in 2018! Pillar and Peraza could be the bright spots we (I) so desperately need right now. They could do some real damage in a stacked, albeit Mookie-less, Boston line up. Who needs Betts when you got Kevin Pillar and Jose Peraza?! (Sigh, I do. I do. I really do. Come back to me, Mook!)
Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:
Nathan Eovaldi – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, BB, 4 K, W. Nate the great looked dominant against one of the league’s worst offenses. He came out of the gate throwing triple digits, but more interesting was the fact he wore Christian Vazquez’s jersey for an entire inning. If jerseys worn per game were a category, EVO would be leading the league! We know Eovaldi is capable of some impressive stretches, but not all his opponents will be the lowly Orioles. I’d still scoop him up if he’s out there, he gets the Mess next week!
JD Martinez – 3-for-5, 2 run, 3 RBI. The Sawx hit 8 doubles Friday night, which might mean the Boston line up is great or the Orioles pitching is that bad. Most likely, both. Here’s hoping JD doesn’t stand for Just Doubles in 2020.
Jackie Bradley, Jr. – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBI. JBJ is notorious for his elite defense and abysmal batting averages. He’s also know to get hotter than an onlyfans account for small stretches. In other words, a shortened season like this one could work in his favor in a big way. I might pick him up if he’s available on the off chance he’s about to catch fire.
Shane Bieber – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 14 K, W. Baby, baby, baby, oh baby! Biebs got that Yummy yum. Looks like he’s going to pick up right where he left off, dominating the AL Central and being a top 5 fantasy pitcher. Carry on!
Sandy Alcantara – 6.2 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 7 K, W. We laugh when we hear “Marlins Ace”, whether its a lol, or a haha, the slightly irritating hehe or the always popular lmao, but Sandy should be the one laughing. He posted a 2.81 ERA in the final two months of 2019 with a 62/17 K/BB ratio and opponents hit just .203 against him in that stretch. He looked great against a stacked Phillies line up Friday and if you’re still not convinced, he gets the Orioles next week! Yeah, I’d stream that!
Didi Gregorius – 2-for-3, HR. The Notorious DiDi hits home runs like they’re fat bluntz of chronic. Now that’s Juicy!
Brandon Kintzler – 1.0 IP, hit, SV. The Marlins will need, and apparently do have, a closer, folks. And it’s Kintzler. I know, Miami saves weren’t even crossing my mind on draft day, but if he’s available now might be the time to snatch.
Kyle Kendricks – 9.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 9 K, W. Well, hello Kung Fu Kendricks. KDOT. Throwing flames. DAMN is right. When did you get so good? Mil-ee-walk-kay is no cake-walk line up either so call me impressed, call me Al, just don’t call me daughter. How’s that for musical references in one blurb? Too many? Probably.
Cavan Biggio – 2-for-5, 2 runs, HR, 3 RBI. We Need to Talk About Cavan. There’s a reference for all my Tilda Swinton super fans out there. Biggio was being drafted about 5+ rounds later than his fellow musketeers Vlad and Bo, but is batting right between these two knuckle heads! How does that make sense!? The Buffalo, NY air will do wonders for their wellness.
Yoshitomo Tsutsugo – 1-for-4, HR. If you think the Japanese rookie’s power is impressive, you should see what Yoshi can do with his tongue! Just ask the Mario Bros.
Yoenis Cespedes – 1-for-3, HR. He was a BUY! And he hit his first home run Friday since 2018! Been waiting for Cesdpedes to return like I’ve been waiting for a new Kanye album. Excitedly pessimistic and mostly doubtful that it will ever happen. Here’s what Grey said about Cespedes, “Yoenis Cespedes was so taken with the song Old Town Road that he wanted to film his own video remix with a wild boar and Sam Elliott.” And that’s me quoting Grey!
Jacob deGrom – 5.0 IP, hit, BB, 8 K. Grey told you to SELL. That’s right sell! Isn’t it obvious why? The guy is a complete trash. Click the link to read why, I broke my copy/paste button in the Yoenis blurb!
Joey Votto – 2-for-4, HR. He’s back from the dead and batting in the heart of a stacked Reds line up! Is Cinncinati the most exciting team in the league this year from a fantasy perspective? IDK! But they got the opposition seeing Red(s)!
Mike Moustakas -3-for-4, HR, 4 RBI. Peep this Moooose! You have to be very quiet, they don’t like people very much.
CJ Cron – 1-for-3, HR. Cron Air! I was skeptical about owning anyone in Detroit not named Slim Shady, but CJ might give me that Cron…dot, dot, dot, virus. See what I did there! I will see myself out.
David Dahl – 3-for-4. So this was the year I was supposed to draft Dahl, after drafting him the previous two years and completely ignoring him this time around? Welp. He’s leading off for the Rox and that’s enough of a reason for me to take a flier.
Jose Leclerc – 1.0 IP, BB, K, SV. Another player I love, but only seem to own when he is flaming hot garbage. I guess I’ll just admire from a distance this year. Distancing seems to be the trend anyway.
Jack Flaherty – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 6 K. Flaherty is a stud but too rich for my blood. this is the logic that got me Lance Lynn and Yu Darvish as my 1-2. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off for him.
Paul DeJong – 1-for-3, 2-run HR. Dexter Fowler and Tyler O’Neil also homered. St. Louis wins the award for best line up filled with players I don’t really want to own in fantasy. DeJong sure is a fun name though! Cards will be good. They are always good.
Michael Brantley – 2-for-3, HR. Brantley is one of those players you never really want to pick on draft day but are always so happy that you did. Ya he’s 0ld, and the power and speed aren’t what they used to be, but should provide plenty of counting stats batting in the heart of this line up.
Justin Verlander – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, BB, 7 K. In the past, I’d used the JV blurb to make some reference to Kate Upton, and her incredible beauty. But in the age of cancel culture and Kate being a new mom, it just feels creepy and wrong now. What’s happened to me?
Kyle Lewis – 1-for-4, HR. Grey told you to BUY! Like, somanytimes. And yes, that’s right, there was a BUY/SELL column this week before any games were even played! How does he do it? It’s called dedication. Also, like most of us, he probably has a lot of free time on his hands right now.
Martin Maldonado – 2-for-4, run, 2 RBI. My Razzball contract, which is comparable but not quite as lucrative as Mookie’s 13 year, $392 million deal, requires I mention a catcher in every post. So there ya go!
Frankie Montas – 4.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 3 BB, 5 K vs Andrew Heaney 4.2 IP, 2 hits, ER, 6 K. Both looked strong through the first four but then they fell apart. Heaney looked surprisingly good despite a bad match up, surrendering just a Ramon Laureano 2-run homer. I’ll be watching Andrew closer than the Ozark season 3 finale. Something good is bound to happen to this family, right?! Why is this stressing me out so much!
player]Matt Olson – 2-for-4, Grand Slam HR. Our first taste of the MLB’s new extra innings rules ended with a bang! I reached on Olson with my third pick “cuz Grey said” and must admit I was slightly peeved up until his 10th inning walk off grand salami. But we’re cool now. *sunglasses emoji*
Hansel Robles – 1.1 IP, 1 hit, 2 ER, BS. Liam Hendriks 1.1 IP, 2 hits, ER, 2 BB, 2 K, BS. The first extra innings game of 2020 also featured multiple blown saves. I’ll tell you one group of players who should be irked by the new extra innings rules: closers. They are really getting screwed here. I assume the added base runners count as unearned runs, but there’s a different psyche involved with pitching a tie game with men on base. Should they get bonus points for an extra innings save?
Kole Calhoun – 2-for-4, HR. Here’s a player I definitely forgot existed. NGL. That tends to happen when people move on to Arizona.
Eric Hosmer – 3-for-4, 2 doubles, 6 RBI. He leads the league in RBIs, because, of course he does. The power and average might be gone, but Hosmer still hits in the heart of the stacked ‘Dres line up and clean up hitters gon’ clean up.
Tommy Pham – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 SB. The Pham Bam tyty, ma’am! I could be wrong here, and I’m certainly not going to stat check myself because if POTUS doesn’t why should I, but has Tommy stolen the only bases in beisbol so far?
Chris Paddack – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 4 K, W. Carried his summer camp success into his first start. Paddack could be a lock for a top 10 pitcher this year. That was a play on padlock. I’m sorry. It’s been a while and I’m very rusty.
Jaylin Davis – 1-for-2, HR. Here’s a player I’d never heard of before last night, which is rare so I thought I’d mention him. It shouldn’t take much to get a spot in the SF line up and Jaylin might have already earned his way in with the dinger. If the bar is Pablo Sandoval, that seems like an easy hurdle to get around, even considering Panda’s massive girth.
Ross Stripling – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 7 K, W. I’m basically all in on any Dodgers’ pitcher considering their line up and schedule. Hashtag FreeStripling is the #hashtag right? There’s no reason to socially distance yourself from Stripling. He gets the DBacks next week in Zona and I’d grab him if he’s available.
Lucas Giolito – 3.2 IP, 6 hits, 7 ER, 3 BB, 3 K. Allowed 2 home runs to Max Kepler. Ouch. How u gon do me like dat Gio? To be fair, Jose Berrios (4.0 IP, 7 hits, 5 ER, BB, K) didn’t fare much better. Let’s just be grateful that both these pitchers should have opportunities to rebound when they play the Tigers. An outing like this from your Ace on opening day in a 60 game season can really put you in a hole, so I feel for you bros (and that includes non-gendered and non-cis bros, bruhs and brahs!) but Lucas is too good to be this bad. Just a bad day? The White Sox used a whopping 8 pitchers Friday night. What is this!? An Orioles game!?
Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!