J. Jones Making Mad Men Of Opposing Hitters With Sterling Performance

May the glory of the final start be all thy holds in one’s heart and take into next year for thy future breakout. [makes the sign of the cross, only it’s the sign of a baseball diamond]. One of the things I will miss the most during the offseason is the random ace outing from a starter and thinking, “This is the breakout that was foretold. I am now putting all my chips on this guy and yelling, ‘Yo eleven, even if it’s snake eyes and craps.'” We had a few who pitched yesterday alone who got the “this guy is breaking out!!!” scream this year even if it wasn’t as foretold as we thought — hello, Dustin May! — or was an actual breakout — hey, Payton Tolle. Kyle Harrison had a breakout, then one ‘fall to earth’ and followed Dustin May yesterday. Well, here’s one more: Jared Jones went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.87, and his stats are dazzling — 10.9 K/9, 2.9 BB/9 and 3.44 xFIP in 97 2/3 IP. He gives up a few too many long balls, but not a terrible problem to have in Pittsburgh. This is all coming off the internal brace surgery he had that knocked him out for a bit over a year. Is this the final star mitzvah of the year? Well, I’m not expecting Justin Verlander to have one on Saturday. Good for J. Jones, way to go J. Hamm on the Cards and make them look like Lane Pryce. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Andre Pallante – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.61. Think last night’s games were the last possibility for a two-start. At least Streamonator says Pallante gets another, but the final weekend may be all middle relievers following three-inning starters so be careful.

Mickey Gasper – 1-for-1 and his 10th homer. [shocked inhale of breath, clutches one’s chest] Gasper!

Payton Tolle – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.03. Incredible season for Tolle, and I only hope he’s available for a bit of a discount next year. In other Red Sox news, they removed the interim manager tag from Chad Tracy, because he took the Red Sox on a 74-55 run, and led the team back from despair to a Wild Card berth! Also, the Mets removed the interim manager tag from Andy Green because.

Parker Messick – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.55. Wonder if the 2nd and 3rd runner-up for the Rookie of the Year ever faced off in the final week before. Kinda question that you whisper in the elevator at Elias Sports Bureau and it’s like putting a flashlight on the wall to distract a puppy.

Christian Scott – Hit the IL with a made-up injury. Mets’ manager Andy Green is in control now. That interim schmohawk is gone!

Devin Williams – Activated from the IL and Kodai Senga (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 7.34) still got the save. Devin should have to be the closer until the Mets fire David Stearns. Should be a clause in his contract.

Sean Manaea – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.67. I’m not sure why I like Manaea so much that I can already see myself being interested in deep leagues next year (after, like, 300 overall). Maybe it’s because he’s from the islands. I like Islands; good burgers.

Joshua Kuroda-Grauer – 0-for-2 as he was activated. His nuts are good.

Zack Gelof – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 20t homer. Saw Carlos Cortes homered (2-for-2, 2 runs, 3 RBIs, his 10th) to put the A’s up on the Angels, but Cortes doesn’t matter much for fantasy (unless they start playing him; they have not). Gelof on the other hand, I forgot what I was going to say.

Cade Cavalli – Shut down for the season. I rostered him, it was more like shutdown all season! Insert a sad Emeril saying, ‘Bam!’

CJ Abrams – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 32nd and 33rd homer. Corange Juice might hit 35 homers this year and Vlad Jr. might not hit ten.

Drew Anderson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.67. I like Drew Anderson so much I might write multiple 2027 sleepers for him next year, and I also get the feeling because his name is so boring no one is going to listen.

Zack Wheeler – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.06. This is based on zero evidence, but I wonder if he actually comes at a discount next year because his ERA is just over 3.00 vs. just under. Though, might have something to do with his playoff performance too, so maybe it won’t matter. Though (how many thoughs is this now), I tend to think season stats play a bigger role than playoffs.

Brandon Marsh – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer. Fun fact! Marsh looks like the Swamp Thing.

Munetaka Murakami – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 33rd homer, 2nd homer in five games, and even better — only one strikeout!

Randal Grichuk – 4-for-5, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .292. That’s not a typo; he’s hitting .292. Haven’t mentioned him much this year, because he’s a platoon player, but I’ve had him in my AL-Only league that I’m winning (I talk about it at length this week on the podcast, and how CBS sends out emails).

Chase Meidroth – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 16th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Likely rostered everywhere, but hot schmotato alert!

Daniel Lynch IV – 4 IP, 9 ER, ER at 4.13. Um, excuse me, Daniel Lynch IV IP, IX ER.

Vinnie Pasquantino – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 15th homer, and his 4th homer this week. You ain’t roping me in again with that wet noodle, Pasketti! (Said like a cop in a 50’s TV show.)

Kyle Stowers – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer. It’s cute he’s still hitting homers, but I gave up on him a few weeks ago.

Shota Imanaga – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.74. He had one of those years that won’t be easy to peg for next draft season. He’s only a few bad starts away from a great season, but he indeed did have those terrible starts.

Mickey Moniak – 1-for-3 and his 23rd homer, as he hits 7th. Not saying he shouldn’t hit 7th; I don’t care. Hit him 9th if you want. I just find it curious they just signed him to a long-term deal. It was like, “We want you to be a part of our team for years to come…and we’re dropping you five spots in the order.”

Michael Soroka – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.31. Michael’s So-backa! Gonna get him back in my lineup for next week–Oh, wait.

Nolan Arenado – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 28th homer, hitting .250, 2nd homer in two games, and three homers this week. You gotta check out this cocktail napkin I bought at auction. It’s autographed by Mickey Mantle, but he signed his name, “Macky Mintle.” Here, I have it haphazardly over by this open window–NOOOOOOO!!! Torenado!

Tommy Edman – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd in two games. He’s been one of the hottest bats for the Dodgers, and yesterday he hit 9th, which is understandable because they have an All-Star team from 2024 and the fans voted them in.

Will Smith – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer, and 3rd homer in four games. Gonna be hilarious when the only guys hitting for the Dodgers in the playoffs are Edman and Smith.

Logan Gilbert – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.81. I try not to curse on the site (while barely working around that policy) but holy effin’ shizz how do you pitch this poorly at home? As bad as Shota was this year? He had a lower ERA than Gilbert! (Assuming neither start again.)

Cristian Javier – 2 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.14. So, like, his two-start week is going to equal four total innings? The last week is brutal.

Isaac Paredes – 2-for-4 and his 23rd homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Corner infidel Do Not Draft List isn’t long, but I think Paredes is on there. (Can’t see him because he’s behind Vlad Jr.)

Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 41st homer, hitting .314. It’s disgraceful Captain Woo Cubano isn’t a no-brainer for AL MVP. He’s led everything for basically the whole year.

Taj Bradley – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.73. Taj Mah-decent starter who went out on a high note.

Walker Jenkins – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer. That’s in 22 games. That’s not so bad.

Aaron Judge – Dealing with a moderate strain, and won’t be available in the Wild Card series. Gonna be up to Heliot Ramos, Spencer Jones or Cody Bellinger to drop a lazy line drive.

Carlos Rodon – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.67 vs. Nick Martinez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.94. Streamonator says the enigma that is NickMa will go on Sunday and Rodon won’t, but I wouldn’t be shocked if Rodon does go, because he could use the innings, and not Max Fried (6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.80), who is currently scheduled to pitch on Sunday. If anything, maybe it might be a piggyback situation like Kermit rawdogging, with Rodon getting more innings.

Cody Bellinger – 1-for-7, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. Having one of the better Septembers (5 HRs, .333+). Too bad he only hit one homer from June 18th to September 8th. Even Cody ain’t getting high on that supply of power.

Drew Rasmussen – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.67. Crazy how few pitches he throws all year to get through six-plus innings. Just an economical marvel. Guess how many pitches he threw yesterday. Remember, the Rays are going to the playoffs and they’re going to want to limit Rasmussen, naturally. Go ahead guess. I’m building you, buttercup, he threw 114 pitches! Hey, real quick question, WHY?

Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4 and his 25th homer, hitting .210. Thinking about the poor sap who drafts Eugenio next year and gets into fantasy football by June.

Elly De La Cruz – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (29) and legs (29). 29/29? Check out E! with the OCD!

Dane Myers – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in five games. Might be a light hot schmotato. Trying to find hot bats this week is like, “Go with Jesus, my boy,” and you looking at waivers and thinking, “Sanchez or Luzardo?”

Brandon Williamson – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.89 vs. JR Ritchie – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.79. Damn, those are exactly the kind of stupid streams I want to be doing in the final week. Oh, you have Max Fried going? Cool, I have Billy Ritchie! I mean, Billy Williams! I mean, Brandon Ritchie–Ya know what? I don’t know who these guys are and they’re gonna beat you! Haha, you’re losing to JR Bitchie! I mean, JR Billy–I don’t care what their names are!