Donaldson pulling a Jeter? Shades of Armando Galarraga on a play at first in a perfect game? John Gibbons looking like he’s sucking on a lemon but really he just happened to glimpse Brett Cecil? The eighth was thick with humidity. The tension was buzzing from a few bugs that made their way inside the domed stadium as Marco Estrada went for a perfect game. Unfortunately, Donaldson diving into the stands to make the first out in the 8th, when the announcers said he was “pulling a Jeter,” didn’t stop the infield hit on the very next batter when Logan Forsythe just barely beat it out to first. To misquote that previous sentence, it would be the first time a pulling Jeter had to beat it out. Marco ended the game with 8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks and 10 Ks. He’s now allowed three hits in his previous two starts (over 15 2/3 IP). Estrada’s main peccadillo — or ponchadillo, as might be the case with Estrada — is he allows a shizzton of homers and he pitches his home games in Toronto. He’s recently looked untouchable, and I’d stay with the theme and not touch him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kevin Pillar – 1-for-5 and two steals (11, 12). I own him, if that helps you make a decision on picking him up. On a side note, you know how Topps used to do those pun-centric novelty cards like Bud Black and Vida Blue for the Black & Blue card? Topps should do a Kevin Pillar and David Lough card titled, Bizarro 2004 Red Sox Champions, Kevin Pillar and D. Lough.
Steve Delabar – 1 IP, 0 ER and his first save. As I’ve been saying since before you were born (if you were born on Sunday), it’s Roberto Osuna and Delabar, in that order. Yesterday, Osuna (1/3 IP, 0 ER) came into the 9th to pitch out of a jam, but still think he gets the bulk of the saves until the Jays trade for someone. Though, no harm in owning both Delabar and Osuna.
Nate Karns – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.28. To use a previously mentioned pitcher on the aforementioned tip, I’d own Karns before Estrada. With that said (reversal time!), I’d still only start Karns if the Stream-o-Nator agreed.
Nori Aoki – Out with leg fracture. Aoki, brokie!
Tim Hudson – Could hit the DL when Peavy and Cain return. It’s a Pu Pu Platter of Old Guys prepared for you today by Chef Sabean.
Tim Lincecum – Could head to the bullpen when Peavy and Cain return. Make that, a Poo Poo Platter.
Ryan Vogelsong – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. Yeah, well, it was against the Padres. Wait, is that good or bad? Did we decide on that? Cause I thought it was good in April, then not in May, and now they have Matt Kemp (0-for-4, hitting .240) batting first and he’s been awful. I like how clubs try to jump start players by moving them up the order, but doesn’t that just as likely ruin your own team’s chances of success?
Ian Kennedy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, but gave up 5 unearned runs for the heart-stopping box scare.
Kendall Graveman – 7 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.86. The Grim Streamer strikes again. The Stream-o-Nator doesn’t like his next start, but it doesn’t like anything by The Grim Streamer, and that next one isn’t bad.
Stephen Vogt – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .301. If you own Vogt and you’re not winning, it’s no fogt of his.
Josh Phegley – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd in as many games. Still have no idea why Beane has so many catchers, but Phegley is hitting near-.400 in the last week and has four homers over his last six starts (which dates back about ten games).
Brett Lawrie – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer. This homer was a grandy off Wandy! Sometimes Lawrie is handy, like a snifter of brandy. Damn, I gotta get myself on Def Jam Poetry Slam.
James Paxton – Might not return until August. If you really need him for your team, you might be better off investing in *pinkie to mouth* Paxil! Bam, Grey’s done it again!
Franklin Gutierrez – 1-for-3, 1 RBI as he promoted from Triple-A. I can almost hear Laverne and Shirley’s squeal with The Big FraGu’s return.
Lorenzo Cain – Didn’t start yesterday due to a slight hamstring issue, but hopes to be back on Friday. Hamstrings can be tricky for speedsters. If it’s a long term issue for Cain…Sugar, that would blow. Pun points!
Yordano Ventura – Will make a rehab start on Friday, and could return after that. Well, that’s vague. I mean immediately after. Well, not immediately immediately. Okay, moving on.
Mike Moustakas – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .328. Moistasskiss!
Alcides Escobar – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI. Are we sure he doesn’t have two strikes and is afraid of incurring a third strike by stealing a bag?
Nick Hundley – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. hitting .303. Someone should come up with a calculator to figure out everyone’s projections if they played all their games in Coors. Tell me you wouldn’t sit there for hours inputting names to see what they would do in Coors. I bet even Joe Mauer would hit 15 homers, but we won’t know until we get a Coors calculator. It’s your move, world!
John Axford – 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Well, it was bound to happen some time. If you’re desperate for saves, now is as good a time as any to stash LaTroy Hawkins, and you can start the waiting game of “Which will Hawkins do first: save games or explode my ratios?”
Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer. Au Shizz!
Yasmany Tomas – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .328. He’s nearly hitting his weight, which is a huge compliment!
Ivan Nova – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K as he returned from the DL. Just like Nova to shine bright in his season debut. Super, Nova, but don’t burn yourself out. This start was against the Phils, and his next start gets a bit less rollovery (totally a word!). For now, I’d approach Nova like a streamer, and the Stream-o-Nator doesn’t love his next start.
Mark Teixeira – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs, hitting .259 as he returned from his stiff neck. Looks like he didn’t miss a beat, unlike when A-Rod (2-for-3, 2 RBIs) pumps Shakira in the clubhouse.
Chase Headley – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, has a hit in eight of his last ten games with a homer in that time, and hitting over .350 in the last week. Hot schmotato alert!
Cole Hamels – 5 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA up to 3.26. As frequent commenter, Long Bawls said, “89 pitches, 5 ER in 4 innings? Hamels is clearly signalling he wants to be traded to Boston.”
Andrew Heaney – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks and will start in place of Jered Weaver for a few weeks. I liked Heaney a lot in the preseason. Here’s what I said then, “With three pitches that he can locate, including that 90 MPH fastball, he should be good for 7 to 7.5 K/9 and a 2.2 to 2.6 BB/9. That’s 160 Ks and a manageable WHIP in 200 IP, which is really what this post is about — see, I buried the lede like I’m Alfred Hitchcock.” And that’s me quoting me! Unfortch, his control went out the rear window (staying on theme!) this year and had a 4.71 ERA in Triple-A Salt Lake. Unless he brought back some magic underpants from Salt Lake, I’m watching him in most mixed leagues, but not grabbing him yet.
Erick Aybar – 3-for-6, 1 run, hitting around .300 in the last week with a hit in each of his last six games. Hasn’t exactly brought the special SAGNOF sauce this year, but Aybar tends to warm with the summer. “Ozone.” Shut up, Al Gore.
Lance McCullers – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (3 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 2.33. Watching McCullers, three things crossed my mind, A) I can’t ever stop singing his last name like I’m Ice T. B) His stuff is so nasty, I’m gonna love him next year. Like maybe top 30 SP love. C) There’s no C.
Phil Hughes – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the White Sox. Finally, Hughes looking like the guy I liked after his big 2014. Back-to-back 8 IP, 1 ER games and gets another favorable start next time out. Phil was pear-shaped there for a while, but I’d take a gamble on him if someone dropped him.
Adam LaRoche – 3-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .237. Could be heating up, but LaRoche is the poster child for the cherrypickers that made Saberhagenmetrics an elective course at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston.
Adam Eaton – 2-for-4, and had three hits on Tuesday. He’s capable of great fantasy stats if he were to get going, so I’m constantly cyclops’ing him, but he’s not really there yet for most shallower leagues.
Jordan Zimmermann – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Braves. You thought the Braves were bad before? Joey Terdoslavich (1-for-3) is now the Braves first baseman. I can’t figure out if Terdoslavich is the name for a Lithuanian bathroom or if Joey Terdoslavich is Joey Votto if America had lost World War II.
Anthony Rendon – 2-for-4 and now 7 for his last nine, hitting .290. The power will come next.
Shelby Miller – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA down to 1.94. Ridiculous. Probably because The Regression Fairies all have a friend named Shelby and feel bad.
Jaime Garcia – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.69. As I said last time, when Garcia’s been healthy in his career, he’s been a serviceable mixed league starter. Of course, he’s been about as healthy as present-day Jerry Garcia. Never the hoo! There’s no reason to not own him.
Jason Heyward – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .278. I believe that makes it nine homers in the past week. Kidding. Kinda. He has three homers in the last three games, four homers in the week to go with two steals and is hitting near-.450 in that time. About time, Heyward. Or as he’s known to those that dropped him before this, Heyward Jablowme.
Kolten Wong – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .282. What’s the Cardinals home run call for Wong? Wong goes deep? Lame. Oh, that’s just Wong? Better. Do it to me Wong time? Getting lame again. Worse rule of three ever!
Giancarlo Stanton – 3-for-4 and his 27th homer. Does anyone know if you have a restraining order and can’t be within 500 feet of someone, can you shadow them, carrying around a 501-foot ruler? Asking for a friend.
Mat Latos – 7 IP, 5 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA up to 5.49. Five earned runs and five baserunners? I’m gonna go out on a pretty sturdy limb and say his xFIP was good yesterday. Yay for Benjamin Netanyahu leagues!
Hanley Ramirez – Left yesterday’s game with a left hand contusion. Between him and Sandoval, they’re day-to-day injury magnets. Red Sox should hire Cal Ripken for one day just to beat up these numbskulls.
Dustin Pedroia – Left yesterday’s game with ‘hamstring tightness.’ Yeah, I put the douche quotes around it, because it looked more serious than tightness and I wouldn’t be surprised if he misses some time.
Clay Buchholz – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA down to 3.68. When I told you to buy him, his ERA was around 6-something. I am the messiah! Too much?
David Ortiz – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. I hope Ortiz gets to 500 homers (currently at 476) just so we get to hear 15 years of Hall of Fame arguments from Sons of Sam Horn. Oh, who am I kidding, we’re getting those arguments with or without 500 homers. If Papi gets in and Edgar Martinez doesn’t, I’m going to sue Cooperstown.
Gerrit Cole – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 2.16. I can’t be the only one this happens to. You start Cole and Carrasco all year, and Cole is constantly covering for Carrasco’s messes. Carrasco finally pitches a gem (which I’ll get to below), and now Cole poops the duvet. Can’t I just have a day when all my pitchers do well?
Brandon Phillips – Scratched with a jammed thumb. Oh, shizz, I love that song. Thumb up the jam, thumb it up, while your feet are stomping and the jam is thumbing.
Marlon Byrd – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer. Damn, I thought the wrist would still be bothering him, but he looks like he’s right back to his old tricks, right? Right? Hello? Say something, I’m giving up on you. SAY SOMETHING, I’M GIVING UP ON YOU! Sorry, that song is stuck in my head.
Eugenio Suarez – 2-for-4, and the 2nd day in a row I’ve mentioned him, and the third day in a row I’ve wanted to mention him. Hitting over .400 in the last week, and he’s a rising schmotato.
Chris Perez – Suspended for testing positive for marijuana. Previously, he was fined for mailing his dog marijuana. This time, he says he was in the car while his dog was hot-boxing it. Not to politicize anything, but how was he suspended for marijuana? He was playing in Colorado! I say Perez should take this to the Supreme Court, but he’ll probably just opt for a Burrito Supreme.
Khris Davis – Took batting practice and is likely two weeks away. I grabbed him immediately, stashing him in DL slots everywhere! Then I looked at his stats and I thought to myself, “Handsome, when he gets activated, you’re so dropping him.”
Scooter Gennett – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer. Right now, he’s hitting in the eight hole, which is death in the NL. I think the nine hole might even be slightly better. At least the pitcher isn’t behind you. But I’d definitely cyclops Scooter in case he moves up in the order, because it’s not like the Brewers are overflowing with options.
Curtis Granderson – 1-for-3 and his 11th homer, and 2nd in as many games. On a related note, the Mets preseason dream from May looks to be fading. Not sure why, they keep hitting Ruben Tejada in the two hole. What could go wrong? I mean, where would you bat a defense-first shortstop?
Dexter Fowler – Couldn’t play again with his sprained ankle. Matt Szczur (1-for-4) is covering for him. For those in deep leagues, Szczur is only good for speed, i.e., like Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, it’s all about the legs, Szczur.
Yasiel Puig – Left yesterday’s game with an open callus on his hand. Never would’ve happened if he let Moises Alou pee on him.
Justin Turner – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .325. Now has five homers in the last eight games, hitting .375 in that time. So, it could be Alex Guerrero just started wearing a different jersey, but Turner’s being credited with the stats, so if he’s out there, I’d grab him.
J.D. Martinez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. I’m sorry I ever doubted J.D. On multiple levels. For your sake, and for my own, since I don’t own him anywhere.
Carlos Carrasco – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.16. His ERA is really irrelevant. He has some of the prettiest peripherals in the game and, if he had a 2nd half where he was a top 5 starter for all of baseball, it wouldn’t shock me at all.
Francisco Lindor – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer as he cements himself in the two hole. Speaking of which, Buck Farmer gave up the homer, and Farmer once cemented shut his two hole after eating too much Taco Bell. Farmer said, “I’ll tell, y’all, I don’t know what was worse. My Hispanic attack or the bad corking job I did.”