A Man, D. Peterson, Can Buy Me Love

Yesterday, the Mets debuted their 2017 1st round pick, David Peterson, and he went 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. Here’s bit of tid on him:  Tall dude, stands about 6’6″. *standing on my chair, arm up in the air* About yay high. Fastball velocity sits *gets off chair, points at my framed picture of Angela Lansbury* low 90’s. Slider and curveball are *looks around to illustrate, points at colored-in Denny’s placement of a cowboy, realizes that won’t be enough, takes crayon and draws a cape on the cowboy* That’s a super okie. As in okie doke. C’mon, that was an easy one. So, lots of okie-doke usually equals okie-dookie, but he has solid command, so he might be a four to five real-world starter, which makes him good for Streamonator in shallower fantasy leagues. In a short season, there could be some value here. He should at least limit damage, as he did last night in Fenway. Also, Prospect Itch wrote about 500 words on David Peterson in his 2020 Mets fantasy baseball prospects writeup, and only one overt threat directed at me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Bruce Maxwell – Signed with the Mets. The team decided to sign him rather than stenciling his name on the mound.

J.D. Davis – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Jonathan Davis Davis is on the board board!

Matt Hall – 2 2/3 IP, 3 ER. I always listen to the Mets announcers, because they’re the best, but my MLB TV briefly switched to the Red Sox announcers for them to say, “Matt Hall wasn’t highly touted coming into this year, or considered a good prospect, but the Tigers’ Matt Boyd wasn’t either and he’s turned out well.” Ha! What do they have in common? Letters?

Miguel Rojas – Was among the 17 Marlins’ Covid-19 cases. If teams refuse to play the Marlins, and all forfeits have to be ruled wins, then the Marlins are about to finish this year with a 59-1 record. As many of you have heard, the Marlins won’t play until next Monday, the Phillies are off until at least Friday, and the Nats will be off all weekend, so get them out of your lineups. This must’ve been what it was like playing fantasy baseball during the Black Plague. One epidemiologist told Maryland Governor that if the Marlins try to enter the state, he should roadblock them on I-95. So, if that happens, Rob Manfred will prolly have them play on I-95, does anyone know its park factor?

John Means – Will start on Thursday. Put two average starters together and in the middle of them is Means.

Anthony Rendon – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, as he returned from the IL. Can’t believe he missed all the way to the point where the Angels only have 56 games left. Oh, wait.

Andrelton Simmons – Hit the IL with an ankle sprain. I always said Andrelton looks like an alien, which is just crazy talk, obviously…But then why is ankle sprain an anagram for “alien pranks?” Hmm? Hmm? Well?

Tim Lopes – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer, hitting .462. I haven’t started adding ERA and AVG for the stat lines in the roundups, but I figured I’d do it here to show you how hot Lopes has been. He’s been platooning a bit, but if it’s with Vogelbach, who has yet to record a hit, the M’s might realize Tim isn’t a cantaloupe, but a Can-a-Lopes. So, hot schmotato, but he also went 10/26/.302 in Triple-A last year, so there might be something here, at least short-term.

Dylan Cease – 2 1/3 IP, 4 ER. Cease is total SHET.

Carlos Rodon – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER. What was I thinking saying the White Sox were my favorites for the World Series? There’s not gonna be a World Series; two teams are going to play MLB: The Show  remotely. Also, the White Sox pitching is awful. Their offense is legit, but even if Giolito looks better going forward, and Keuchel keeps it up, who is their third starter? Can Luis Robert pitch?

Aaron Civale – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks. Honestly, this game could’ve easily been 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, but to remain civil Civale, he looked solid, and threw 100 pitches, which is a feat this year. “Did someone say “feet?” Stop it, Tarantino! The secret to Civale’s success yesterday was throwing his weak-sauce fastball less. Not sure it would work over 162 games, but for a short season? Sure, I’m buying, but he goes to Twins next, and meh.

Adam Plutko – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. Considering what all pitchers have been able to do this year, this may as well as have been Plutko and Civale throwing two CGs.

Daniel Johnson – 1-for-2. Not sure what Domingo Santana and Oscar Mercado did to incur the wrath of Francona — Wrafrancona? — but Daniel Johnson, noted Austin-area singer, became the go-to right fielder vs. righties, and Bradley Zimmer (hit his 1st homer in the day game) started in front of Mercado. You in the market for a better outfielder? Then go to Mercado! I guess Daniel Johnson is worth looking at in some leagues, since he has speed and power, but he’s done little of nothing so far this year (hitting .200). I did enjoy that the Indians’ day game lineup looked like a buddy comedy with M. Freeman voicing God, and D. Johnson as the Devil with a soundtrack by C. Santana.

Kyle Wright – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER. I own Wright and watched this start, so please pray for me while I remove this visitor’s pass at this sanitarium. He looked so good for the 1st two innings! Actually…YES ACTUALLY! He didn’t even look bad to start the 3rd, but like a stripper’s thong, he got singled hard with some terrible luck. I only own him in an NL-Only, and wouldn’t look at him in mixed leagues yet.

Oliver Drake – 1 IP, 0 ER and another save. Nick Anderson has disappeared, and is an air ball of a draft pick. It must be the magic.

Curt Casali – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Psycho killer! Curt Casali! Fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, far better run run run run run run away!

Nick Castellanos – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and 1st homer. During the shutdown, The Greek God of Hard Contact was seen delivering dolmas and kebabs for his family’s diner. He reported it was very hard to social distance because he enjoys hard contact so much, especially with his lips to his mom’s mustache.

Aristides Aquino – 0-for-3, 1 run. Yo, GGOATOAT you need to kick your hitting in the shins. We don’t have time for a slump.

Javier Baez – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer. He seems like a player who really feeds off the fans, so pump up the fake noise until the cardboard cutouts are shaking!

Kyle Crick – Hit the IL with a right shoulder strain. That was a good use of 1st week FAAB money. I should’ve listened to that little Burdi chirping in my ear. Nick Burdi is the clearcut closer here, and I could’ve had him for less money than I spent on that giant dope Crick!

Adam Frazier – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Adam Frazier, or as Rudy calls him, Babe Ruth, hit leadoff. No longer a fit for the three-hole, I guess. Wait until they realize he’s not a fit for leadoff either.

Josh Lindblom – 3 2/3 IP, 2 ER and left the start with back cramps. Saw he went into the 4th, and, until I saw a beat reporter say Lindblom’s back would be fine, I just assumed he was like every other starter.

Keston Hiura – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Is it me or is one homer and one steal not enough? I want everyone I drafted in the top 50 to hit multiple homers, steal bags and have four hits every day, or I’m really not having a good time. You only have 55 more games!

Brett Anderson – Will return on Friday from the IL. Get him in your lineup before B.A. Brokeass breaks again.

Fernando Rodney – Signed with the Astros. Fernando Rodney cocked back and shot an imaginary arrow, but before it was out of his reach, he grabbed on and rode it all the way to the Astros. “Thank you for flying the Imaginary Skies,” said Fernando Rodney to an imaginary flight attendant.

Yordan Alvarez – Close to taking batting practice. Practice makes perfuct–damn!

Carlos Correa – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Later in the game, we had our first social distanced benches clearing brawl. Usually baseball brawls have the feel of middle school when one kid is yelling, “Hold me back,” and the other is screaming, “No, hold me back,” and they’re both about forty feet from each other. Last night’s brawl was that with masks. It looked like there was heated words at a nursing school.

Alex Wood – Hit the IL with shoulder inflammation. Wood said, “I can’t get it up,” then qualified his remarks with, “My arm.” Clayton Kershaw could return on Friday and take Wood’s spot. I guess a knock on Wood works out here.

Miles Mikolas – Hit the IL with the same forearm injury he had back in March, and is headed for surgery. Not sure why the Cards didn’t just send him for surgery back in March, or something. “Or something” indicates I am not an actual doctor. Some have speculated that Daniel Ponce De Leon would take over. Well, at least he has his youth.

Carlos Martinez – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER vs. the Twins. Sometimes you sneak one through, sometimes the opposing team spots that you’re Vincent Adultman in a trench coat not fooling anyone. I still like C-Mart, but I think being more stringent about avoiding the Twins might be prudent.

Tyler O’Neill – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. In a 60-game season, I’d like to see teams play their lineups more like DFS. If O’Neill is hitting bombers, stop being sympathetic to old-ass vets like Carpenter, Molina and Fowler, and move O’Neill up.

Tommy Edman – 2-for-3 and his 1st homer. I might have too many teams, but I still don’t have any idea who I own. I see Edman homer and I’m like, “Yay…Wait, do I have him?”

Josh Donaldson – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Also, in this game, Jorge Polanco (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 1st homer. Twins are the lineup. Every day another guy steps up. Nelson Cruz is off reading the AARP Magazine with his cover story, and Polanco steps up.

Taylor Rogers – Sergio Romo got the clean save yesterday and you should pick him up immediately. I searched for news on Taylor Rogers, and it ranged from “Where is Taylor Rogers?” to “Has anyone seen Taylor Rogers?” to “Is Taylor Swift’s Rogers Centre concert cancelled?” But I don’t think the last one is related. Players just randomly not being at a game is on par with 2020, though.

Drew Pomeranz – 1 IP, 0 ER and the save as Kirby Yates was…on a Zoom call? See what I said for Rogers, but change Taylor Swift concert to Sally Yates book reading.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. FTJ! Fun the Jewels fast! Look all these save masters posing on your FAAB dollars!

Wil Myers – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Just to make sure you never forget how ridiculous 2020 is, Wil Myers is gonna win the NL MVP, isn’t he?

Tommy Pham – Left the game after taking a pitch to his beanbag of love. Gotta be careful of the Phamily jewels.

Sam Hilliard – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Quick, Bud Black, bench him!

Kyle Gibson – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. He was nearly the best Streamonator start yesterday, which was still awful — like negative $2. People have been asking me about why so many terrible starts on SON. Well, there have been a lot of terrible starts, so there’s that. But it’s also because innings are currently tamped down for all starters, because no one is going deep. A 5 IP, 3 ER start, just isn’t that good, and that’s what Gibson was projected for. He had 5 IP, 3 ER, but the three runs were unearned. Get it together, SON! You don’t see errors in your future goggles?

Rougned Odor – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. The Rangers have played four games, and Gallo is leading the team with a .214 average. “At least they played four games.” That’s a Marlins’ representative.

Merrill Kelly – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. This was the first impressive start I’ve seen from a guy who I wasn’t interested in during the preseason that has changed my mind. He had bumped his velocity at the tail of end of last year to 93 MPH, and it produced a 2.18 ERA and .202 OBA in 33 IP. That was there again in his 1st start. If he maintains those gains, he could be a short-season ace. Get him in all leagues.

Juan Soto – Received six negative tests followed by six positive tests. Sounds like they’re doing a lot of testing. No one said the tests had to be accurate. They did say his final two tests were both negative so Sexy Dr. Pepper will be rejoining us soon.

Austin Voth – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks. There were so many pitchers to watch last night — Wright, Peterson, Mahle — that I just didn’t see Voth, but I don’t think this start moved him up to shallower league radars, unless someone saw him and wants to convince me otherwise.

Sean Doolittle – 2/3 IP, 0 ER as he pitched in the 7th. Seeing Doolittle appear on a lot of fantasy teams, and not sure if the Nats ever announced it officially, but Daniel Hudson seems to be the closer, and Doolittle’s velocity has been down. He might need to see a doctor and not just for his talking hamster.

Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. They should do a Toronto Blue Jays’ promotion in Buffalo. Change their name to the Blue Cheese, have a mascot celery race and have everyone’s hands painted orange like they just ate wings. Also, I love Lou-Gu. Every Lou this year is good!

Tanner Roark – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks. Solid start, but I’d rely on the Streamonator for Roark in fantasy. For Roark in Fantasy Island, I’d rely on Tattoo.

Jonathan Schoop – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. I own Schoop in my RCL league, but that team isn’t doing well, and I have been soclose (italics, no space) to dropping him for the last three days. Let’s go! (My guys desperately need a pep talk.)

Whit Merrifield – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd in as many games. Exactly what you drafted him for.

Matt Harvey – Signed a deal with the Royals. Harvey said, “Happy to help the ball club any way I can, and I’d like to sleep with Hunter Dozier’s wife.”