[brid autoplay=”true” video=”761027″ player=”10951″ title=”RZBL%202021%20WAIVERWIRE%20WEEK%204″ duration=”157″ description=”undefined” uploaddate=”2021-04-23″ thumbnailurl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/thumb/761027_t_1619147578.png” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/761027.mp4″]
Every year, Vladimir Guerrero Jr. showed up at camp saying he was in the best shape of his life. He was like a Russian nesting doll of “Best Shapes.” Or a caterpillar. Shed one Best Shape, and reveal another Best Shape. Then another Best Shape gone, and another Best Shape emerged. “I think someone left their earth skin in the washing machine.” That’s the Blue Jays’ clubhouse attendant finding one of Vlad’s Best Shapes. Then, this year, Vlad, the Mini Impala, showed up at camp with his Best Best BEST Best Shape. A Best Shape to best every other Best Shape. And it’s the best. Last night, he went 3-for-4, 7 RBIs, as he hit three homers (5, 6, 7). He’s gonna hit 40 homers and .350, isn’t he? People are going to be talking about Vlad Jr. in a few years the way they talk about Mike Trout. He’s hitting for power without sacrificing average, and it’s gorgeous. Good for you, Vlad. I’m glad he finally is in the Best Best BEST Best Shape of his life. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Trea Turner – 2-for-4 and two homers (5, 6). In related news, I read an update twice about Juan Soto taking swings. I’m not laughing. I’m crying.
Ryan Zimmerman – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Juan Soto taking cuts, y’all! Like he’s a gee-dee barber!
Yadiel Hernandez – 2-for-5, 2 runs. Just good ol’ fashioned cuts! At least they could say Kyle Schwarber went to City Hall and changed his name to Yadiel Hernandez. No, though, that’s not the case. Yadiel is a Quad-A guy who’s playing right in a platoon until, you guessed it, Juan Soto returns!
Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.00. More like Max Shizzer.
Luis Robert – Placed on the Covid-19 list as a precaution. “Excuse me, CVS salesperson, do you have Get Well Soon cards for fantasy players?”
Lucas Giolito – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.68. I’m not gonna take a victory lap about telling you not to draft him because I Mr. Bungle plenty, but I do get the sense we’re gonna have ourselves a nice discount next year.
Jonathan Schoop – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer, hitting .192, and about 18 months overdue. Schoop, there it is.
Niko Goodrum – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Speaking of Goodrum, I miss getting drunk on Baddoo. Would it Akil you to hit again?
Bobby Dalbec – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. He’s the type of guy to go from zero to hot in a game. If you need five homers in the next week, Bobby D. could deliver an Oscar-worthy performance of hot schmotato.
Jeff McNeil – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, hitting .196. “We could just drop him out of the chopper when we’re over the volcano–Wait! McNeil moved! He’s alive!”
David Peterson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.59. Funny, he seems to be pitching much better than that ERA, while also not pitching in a way that makes me want to watch him. I mean, he’s so boring. I didn’t say haha funny.
Garrett Richards – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.94. Such a similar line to Rich Hill from the other night, and I could see some people owning both pitchers. To that I say, stop drafting only Richards and like it’s 2012.
Ian Anderson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.48. Dazzle-IAN. Sparkle-IAN. Happen-IAN. Why do I feel like I’m in a bad commercial for prostate medicine?
Ronald Acuna Jr. – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. Tildaddy says you can go 500 feet down the road and retrieve his home run!
Corey Kluber – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.15. Looked like the absolute best Kluber we’re gonna see this year. A 6.8 K/9, 2.7 BB/9, just barely Quality Start vs. the Orioles. Not to deflate his owners, but it’s super “just okay.”
Kyle Higashioka – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer, hitting .320. How is Gary Sanchez still the Yanks’ catcher? Does he have compromising photos of Barbara Boone?
Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-5 and his 6th homer, hitting .205. When you see him or Aaron Judge (2-for-4, 5th homer) hit, are you at all as confused as me when they are capable of hitting anything but home runs? Unless it’s a line drive literally through someone’s midsection, how do their 120-MPH exit velocity fire missiles not immediately go out every time?
Mike Trout – 2-for-4, hitting .431. They should be carrying around Ted Williams’s frozen head to every Angels game so he can watch Trout. No one has any respect anymore.
Nick Solak – 3-for-4, 3 runs and two homers (6, 7), hitting .307. Don’t worry, this will only stop the “Should I drop Solak” questions for two days. Don’t look over your shoulder. I’m talking directly to you.
Yadier Molina – Hit the IL with a strained foot tendon. Andrew Knizner (1-for-3, 1 run) will be administered smelling salts and handed a Dummies Guide to Baseball to refresh him. “I’m playing? But I left my glove at home!” That’s Knizner after being woken.
Zach Eflin – 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.58. Ugh, such a better start than his line. He got hung up with two inherited runners scoring, and Eflin indeed.
Sean Murphy – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Are you not entertained?! Seriously? Are you not? Maybe you should smoke some weed. That might help.
Michael Wacha – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.86. This was a Streamonator call, and it hates his next one so Wacha right out the same door you came in.
Mike Moustakas – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Look Spree!” As he threw candies all over the ground.
Jesse Winker – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 3rd homer in three games, and 5th homer in the last six and 10th homer in the last game and OH EM GEE, NO SHUT EYE FOR WINKER!
Sean Doolittle – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.66, and his 1st save. As the closer turns…On today’s episode, the Reds turn from do nothing to Doolittle. Will it last? Me thinks not, but me thinks he doesn’t know. Tune in tomorrow…
Will Smith – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Crazy how excited for Smith people are in the preseason, then the Barnes news comes and excitement is deflated, then, once again, Barnes never really plays, and Smith is still kinda whatever.
Miguel Sano – Running close to 100 percent. Sounds like something I would’ve said about my Hyundai Excel, and was as reliable.
Byron Buxton – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 7th homer, hitting .390. Now feed him packing peanuts so he doesn’t break anything.
Kenta Maeda – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.56. Welp, time to look at his peripherals to see what’s wrong. Looks like he’s tipping his pitches. Which I say without actually seeing him tip anything. That seems like such a wild thing to suddenly happen to him, though, so it just must be Maeda-believe. No one is chasing anything, and they’re sitting dead-red. There was some speculation on Twitter that he was using sticky and that’s gone, but that’s as anecdotal as me saying he’s tipping. His stuff is there, though; it’s just terrible results. Looks fixable, but who knows how long it will take.
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .259. I was told Lindor would be the valuable one and Jo-Ram would lose all value after the Lindor trade. People lied to me.
Franmil Reyes – 3-for-4 and two homers (6, 7), hitting .308. 47 more homers for the $54 Vending Machine Steak to rack up them Ruth’s Chris dining points!
Framber Valdez – Cleared to face live hitters. ‘Member when Framber was gonna be out for the year with a fractured finger and it sounded crazy? Then he was supposed to be back in a week from a fractured finger because he had Predator blood and that sounded nuts? What if, ya know, he was out for five to six weeks with a fractured finger like literally everyone else with that injury?
Cristian Javier – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 0.87. Last week I told you to grab him. This week I’m saying, well, dur.
Chris Paddack – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.40. By no means did he look 2019, but he definitely looked better than 2020 with good spin on his fastball. This might be the new normal. Solid at times, iffy in tough matchups, and tires around 90 pitches. More of a 4th to 5th starter than a 2nd.
Carson Kelly – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. And people drafted J.T. Realmuto in the top 50. Oh…*climbs up Mt. Rushmore*…kay.
Kole Calhoun – Left the game after a steal of third, and will go for an MRI on his hamstring. Maybe the young fan who he fist pumped the other day can give him his hamstring.
This should be every player’s reaction to this pic.twitter.com/jJpnHaALNA
— Razzball (@Razzball) April 24, 2021
Tyler Anderson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.38 vs. Jakob Junis – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.47. This was a matchup billed as, “The Streamonator‘s pants tent grows, like it saw a hot toaster.” Junis, I’ve talked about before, I like him. Anderson, how’sever, I don’t think I’ve discussed him, so guess what? It’s time to tune out for three sentences. He’s got solid command, and works primarily off a cutter and change with his fastball (90 MPH) just there to supply the setup to the punchout. He’s hovering around a 8.8 K/9, 2.7 BB/9 and 3.50 FIP in a decent division, solid park. He’s struggled with the home run ball, but now that he’s out of Coors, that huge issue may be off the table. Do I love him? Not especially, but he’s 14-team mixed and deeper worthwhile.
Adrian Houser – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.65, and he pitchslapped Marlins’ starter, Castano. Serious question, and I want you to really think about this: Is Houser a better hitter than Keston Hiura?
Tyrone Taylor – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .474. Between Tyrone and McKinney, the Brewers might want to think about only playing their bench bats.
Jazz Chisholm – Out with a strained hamstring. A hand reaches in and rings a doorbell of a mansion that sits in the clouds. An effete voice calls out, “One minute…” Finally, the giant ornate door creaks open to the Fantasy Baseball Overlord in a robe and slippers. “Yes…” A potato sack is thrown over his head and he’s dragged out kicking and screaming. From under the sack, he squeals, “It’s too late! I’ve already taken Jazz Chisholm from you! MUAHAHAHA–“A cough interrupts his evil laugh and then, “Oh God, I’m going to smell of potatoes.”
Jesus Aguilar – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 4th homer in five games and seven homers in three games and what are you waiting for?
Jon Berti – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in four games. How dare I look at the bright side of Jazz’s injury, but I bet Berti is gonna be batting leadoff as of today.
Ryan McMahon – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .273. When Ryan McMahon’s hitting homers in San Fran, it feels like it could finally be that career year.
C.J. Cron – 2-for-3, 3 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .271. Curtis Jackson showing some dandy pop with his magic stick.
Charlie Blackmon – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs, hitting .169. Not saying he’s done slumping, but Chazz Noir finally made nice contact. Yes, putting wood on it means you’re not out of the woods.
Mike Tauchman – Traded to the Giants for Wandy Peralta. Emperor wears no clothes, and Cashman’s got the loot so he’s the emperor. Or rather all GMs wear no clothes, and I’m not saying their naturists. No one knows anything. What a yikes move by the Yankees. You can’t tell me that’s the best they could do. A 29-year-old LOOGY with a career 4.72 ERA. What are we even doing here? Did Tauchman win a paper, rock, scissors and get freed from being buried in the Yanks’ depth charts? Welp, I don’t know, this one is a puzzler, and I ain’t time for bird sex or jigsaws. Oh, and I’m no huge fan of Tauchman — a Tauchstan, but Wandy Peralta?! Haha, that’s awful! Any hoo! Tauchman will move into a platoon with Brandon Belt, Alex Dickerson, and could see immediate playing time if Yaz Jr. Jr. is more injured than anyone’s letting on.
Brandon Belt – 2-for-5, 3 runs, and his 4th homer. Might’ve felt Tauchman breathing down his neck. That might not be an issue if Belt was up higher.
