Afters months of anticipation, many speculative adds and drops, the Rangers have finally called up top prospect slash phenom slash future super stud slash tiger beat cover boy of the month Willie Calhoun. Wait, I thought they were supposed to call him up in May!? Well, they didn’t. So I held him a little longer. They they really didn’t and yeah, so, that’s how I cracked my cell phone screen. Willie was slashing an impressive .306/.360/.444 with 8 home runs, 57 runs scored, 42 RBI and 4 stolen bases at AAA. That’s five categories if you were counting all the times numbers appeared. Need even more numbers? He’s been red hot flames in el mes de Julio. Hitting .429/.520/.619 with two homers, 13 RBI and two stolen bases. He held a 24 game on-base streak before his call up. Willie’s feeling the heat in July! Grey told you to BUY and Friday night he started at DH and hit second. That sure would be a great place to hit if it wasn’t in the Rangers line up. He went 1-for-6 with a run scoring single in the second in his debut and he also walked and struck out twice. It’s not a Juan Soto crushn bombz debut, but there could still be big things in store for Wild Willie. He was a top five prospect and if he’s able to find playing time on this Rangers team he’s capable of filling out a box score on a nightly basis. Time to go Willy Nilly, ya’ll! It’s even better than dilly dilly! I’d grab Calhoun wherever I could based on his upside alone. This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!
Here’s what else I saw Friday in fantasy baseball:
Joey Gallo – 2-for-5, 2 HR (24), 3 RBI. Unfortunately, it’s the Gallos, and the Kiner-Falafels and the Choos, Profars and DeShields’s that Calhoun will have to compete with for playing time. That’s a lot of names. Joey hit the game tying homer in the ninth so he’s not going anywhere. Better questions: Will Joey Gallo hit over 40 home runs this year? Will he hit over .200? Will Willie Calhoun? Which is more likely!? Idk!
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-6, HR (30). We have a new league leader, lady and gentlemen! Jo-Ram, fresh off the mid-season award he received from me last week, had to show Brad Hand what he’s got. There was no way Jose wasn’t gonna mash one. SeewhatIdidthere? He’s slashing .302/.400/.635 with 30 homers, 71 RBI and 20 stolen bases and he’s a top 3 player going forward if you ask me. But why are you asking me? I’m just a person!
Rougned Odor – 3-for-6, run, SB (6). It took me three months to drop him, but I finally got up enough courage to do it. Then he started hitting and some one else picked him up. So I’m trying to be happy for that person because I’ve moved on and I have Cesar Hernandez in my life now but that Odor still lingers in the air.
Robert Gsellman – 2.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 BB, 2 K, SV (5). In a shocking move, Oakland trades for Jeurys Familia because they think they’re better than Seattle and Anaheim. Hard to argue with that, Oakland’s got Steph Curry. Familia will presumably serve as the set up man to Blake Treinen which is bad news for Familia owners, but it’s probably worse news for Mets fans. Rob Gbuyman will likely slide into the role he’s already been performing for about two weeks now, so if you’re in need of some juicy saves I’d grab Gsellman everywhere I could.
Yoenis Cespedes – 2-for-4, HR (9) in his return from the DL. His name is Yoenissssssssss. He was a BUY. It’s a Cespedes for the rest of us! Gather around the foul pole and let Yoenis demonstrate his feats of strength!
David Price – 6.1 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 5 K, 11th win. This was just Price’s second scoreless start of the year, but it was his second quality start in a row and he now has wins in back-to-back starts. I’ve maintained all year that Price is usually very good against bad teams, and Detroit is certainly one of the baddest. Luckily for Price he lines up to face Baltimore next week and they could be even worser.
Andrew Benintendi – 2-for-4, run. I can’t believe I didn’t give Benny a mid season award last week. Shake my H. That’s almost a bigger snub than Mitch Moreland making the all star team while Giancarlo sits at home. Who is voting for these things? Not me, so I guess I can’t complain, but Benny is clearly worthy of 2018’s coveted Hottest in the Office award. Don’t be so modest, son. You earned it.
Nathan Eovaldi – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, 8 K. Another BUY. I picked up Eovaldi right before his 8 run disaster THEN–I told you all I dropped him, because I was embarrassed. In reality, I held him for this start and while I still feel self-conscious and shamefaced, I believe that’s unrelated to fantasy baseball for once. His 53/8 K/BB sure is purdy, but the 4.26 ERA and match up versus NYY next week makes me think I should drop him for reals this time.
Mallex Smith – 2-for-3, run, 3 RBI, SB (17). He’s just over 50% owned in the RCL which means he’s probably available everywhere else. Mmm-Alex has three straight multi hit games and 17 steals on the year, if you got a need for speed I might sprint to the waiver wire to grab him.
Derek Dietrich – 3-for-5, 2 HR (13), 4 RBI, SB (2). The slam and legs with extra slam! Dietrich is protein loading for his eventual trade and extended his hitting streak to four games. Whatever team missed out on Machado will ultimately have to settle for someone like Dietrich which is like trying to get custody of the children in a divorce and having to settle for custody of the cats.
Aledmys Diaz – 4-for-5, HR (9), 2 RBI. He drove in the game winning single in the 10th and is starting to look like the player he was in St. Louis. That is to say, a mid-to-below average hot schmotato that could be worth riding while he’s hot.
Jonathan Schoop – 1-for-5, HR (11). Hit the game tying home run in ninth, although they eventually lost because, Orioles baseball, ya’ll!
Manuel Margot – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 SB (9). Finally did something to contribute to your fantasy team, so it’s only natural he left the game with an injured wrist. I’d say it’s Fernando Tatis time if Tatis didn’t just get injured, so I’ll guess I’ll just say nothing.
Matt Carpenter – 5-for-5, 4 runs, 3 HR (23), 7 RBI. The Cardinals scored 18 runs lead by Matt’s barrage of dingers. Was Jesus a Carpenter or was Carpenter…, dot, dot, dot, Jesus all along? Sigh. I’m sorry for that last sentence. I will see myself out.
Jack Flaherty – 5.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, 4 BB, 9 K, 4th win. He needed 110 pitches to get through this one, but never underestimate the power of 18 runs of support from your offense.
Jon Lester – 3.0 IP, 7 hits, 8 ER, 5 BB, K, 2 HR. This is the kind of start that would make me want to trade Lester immediately. But I’m a bit of a reactionary. What do you mean you don’t agree with my fantasy advice? I’ll kill you and your whole family, just give me a reason, chump!
Danny Duffy – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 3 BB, 4 K, 6th win. Duff Man with his third straight quality start! Back to back wins! Oh yeeeaaah! If someone dropped him, it’s probably time to scoop him up. He’s allowed just one run in his past three outings, striking out 21 in that stretch, he’s got a cushy match up versus Detroit next week, and if he/she/you/we’re lucky he might even get traded to a contender. Do you really need another reason to grab him? Did I mention I’d kill your family?
Lucas Duda – 3-for-4, 2 runs. HR (8), 3 RBI. Duda bides on a Friday! Shomer shabbos! Just like the old days, Luke!
Brandon Maurer – 0.1 IP, 1 hit, BB, SV (1). Wily Peralta is most likely still the Royals closer but just to add more stank to the shituation here in Kansas City, Maurer enters the ring. It’s Zoya versus Liberty Belle for the crown, folks, and I’m still picking Alison Brie every time. *swoon*
Rich Hill – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 4 BB, 9 K, 3rd win. Sure that 4.26 ERA and 1.39 WHIP is trash but his 69/24 K/BB still makes me happy. IMHO (the H stands for “hunky”) the Dodgers success depends more on whether or not their pitching staff can get their ish together and less about how many home runs Manny Machado can hit.
Manny Machado – 2-for-3, 2 BB. After Moonlighting for Baltimore for half the year, Manny’s going to La La Land to prove he belongs in the City of Stars. Don’t get me wrong, Machado is the ultimate 2018 get for the Dodgers, but I think I’d still rather have Ryan Gosling.
Enrique Hernandez – 1-for-5, HR (17), 3 RBI. He’s got a .790 OPS, has homered in back to back games and got me all In My Feelings like Drake. Kike, do you looove meee? Hitting home ruuuns. Got a four game hit streak, guuurl. Ye–trapmoneybenny!
Jesus Aguilar – 1-for-4, HR (25). He’s got five homers in his past ten games and, wait–who is this and how does he have 25 homers already? He’s the second ranked second baseman in fantasy? Meowza! No wonder Mitch Moreland was an all star.
Edwin Jackson – 6.1 IP, 4 hits, 3 ER, BB, 6 K. The A’s present interesting situations for pitchers that I would usually never own on any other team somehow become slightly more appealing with the A’s–cuz Billy Beane sees something in this guy right? But can he get on base? I can totally see myself streaming Edwin Jackson in the right matchups a few times going forward, like next week in Texas for instance.
Derek Rodriguez – 6.1 IP, 3 hits, ER, 5 K, 5th win. He’s rocking a 2.72 ERA and four quality starts in a row, so why don’t I know who this person is? Judging by his ownership numbers, not many else do either. He’s got a tougher assignment versus Milwaukee next week and if he can get through that unscathed I’ll bite.
Pablo Sandoval – 2-for-3, HR (9). I don’t know what’s stranger, that Kung Fu Panda continues to find success in San Francisco, or that Jimmy Garoppolo could date anyone he wants but chooses Kiara Mia. Well, he certainly has a type? San Francisco is a wacky place, ya’ll!
Dallas Keuchel – 7.2 IP, 2 hits, ER, BB, 5 K, 8th. Of all the aces, Keuchel seems to be the one I trust the least. I admittedly don’t own him anywhere this year, but I still have no real reason for the distrust. Strange. Which is exactly why I don’t trust him!
Hector Rondon – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (9). He is the defending world champion Astros’ closer. And he is still not owned everywhere. Oh, what a world! 50 cent about to tweet about how crazy this is, too.
Wade Leblanc – 7.1 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 10 K, 6th win. The 10 Ks matched his career high. Quoted from rotoworld, “He’s managed to ride his assortment of slop to a 6-1 record,” that’s high praise you guys. You are playing with fire with Leblanc, or “slop” according to those experts. Wade’s also got a 4.58 ERA on the road versus 2.67 at home so I might proceed with caution for his next start in Anaheim.
Dee Gordon – 4-for-4, run. He was a BUY and a SELL this week, and if you clicked both of those links you’ll find they go to the same place! That’s double the SEO, tytytyty!!
Edwin Diaz – 1.0 IP, BB, K, SV (37). THIRTY- SEV_VEN!1!! That’s more saves than two of the teams in my league have for the entire year. And they’re not even punting saves! They’re just really bad at this fantasy stuff!
Trevor Bauer – 4.0 IP, 9 hits, 4 ER, 5 BB, 7 K. I’ll take a stinker with 7 Ks any day versus what Jon Lester or Stephen Strasburg did. At least Trevor did his with his go-pro on, which is just way more extreme.
Jameson Taillon – 5.1 IP, 6 hits, ER. BB, 6 K, 7th win. I’m always worried I’m spelling his named wrong but Jameson deserves our respek. He’s got three straight quality starts with a 22/3 K/BB in that span. Pittsburgh should just trade him to Houston so he can become a top 10 pitcher.
Corey Dickerson – 2-for-6, HR (8). Has now homered in back-to-back games, just keep in mind there was a five day break in between. Still counts!
Starling Marte – 2-for-6, Grand Slam HR (14). Oh Starling. Please believe me. I’ll never doubt you again. He’s hit safely in his past 13 games with five homers and seven stolen bases in that stretch. I’m prepared and hyped to see what a full season of Marte stats is like. So far me likey. Can you imagine what this guy’s numbers could have looked like on HGH?
Robbie Ray – 5.1 IP, 8 hits, 5 ER, BB, 2 K. His saving grace has been his 13+ K/9, but if he’s not even going to do that we might as well ship him to the colonies with the rest of the useless handmaids. Praise be!
A.J. Pollock – 5-for-5, 3 runs, RBI, SB (10). David Peralta also chipped in 4 hits and 3 runs and Ketel Marte had 3 hits four RBI and a steal. I usually troll NYC City art shows looking to pick up hipster girls who are way smarter and cooler than me. My move is telling them I own a Pollock and inviting them back to my Air B&B to see it. Wait–Jackson who? Is that what the “J” stands for?
Nolan Arenado – 3-for-5, 2 HR (25), 4 RBI. It’s now been just over 210 days since I last owned Nolan and me and Helen Hunt have been chasing Arenados ever since. That rush you get when you’re in the eye of Coors and Nolan hits a dinger…ahh, yes–a Torenado.
Raimel Tapia – 1-for-1, Grand Slam HR (3). Hit a go-ahead pitch hit grand salami in the seventh and he might be better than Gerardo Parra but he’s only started twice since his call up. Yeah, so, I guess you can ignore everything I just wrote. I would delete it but it took me like three minutes to research. Yeah, so what, I’m slow. Wanna fight about it?
Stephen Strasburg – 4.2 IP, 8 hits, 6 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. He was a SELL. Typical System malfunction from the Strasborg! Beep borp ziiip! Still, any outing Stras doesn’t leave with injury these days is a positive outing in my mind.
Charlie Culberson – 2-for-4, HR (5). Ozzie Albies left game with a right hamstring injury and is day-to-day but that was plenty of time for Charlie to take advantage. Ozzie should be back in a day or two and Culberson will be back to irrelevancy. But let us never forget this weekend in late July 2018 when you were practically ownable for a two to three day stretch.
A.J. Minter – 1.0 IP, K, SV (5). He’s the Braves closer, he should be owned everywhere but he might still be available in your league, all you have to do is check! I will wait here and take the fattttttttttest rip of my vape and promise I won’t exhale until you get back.
Anibal Sanchez – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 8 K, 5th win. Aniballin’ out of control with that 2.76 ERA. I told you to pick him up week one! #humblebrag Then he got hurt for 2 months. *coughs* But then, I told you to pick him up again again last week and Sanchez is killer killin’ it in July with four straight quality starts. He gets the Dodgers next week. What are you waiting for? Him to get even older!?
Juan Soto – 1-for-3, HR (10), 2 RBI. Trea Turner also hit his 12th homer. In the midwest they call them “pops.” Soto joins some elite company as one of the only teenagers to hit double digit home runs including his team mate Bryce Harper, Ken Griffey, Jr, Mickey Mantle, uhh–the kid from Even Stevens? Hmm, Bieber? One of the Coreys maybe? Regardless, the list is impressive, you’ll have to google it some time.
Ronald Acuña, Jr. – 3-for-4, 3 ruñs, HR (8), 2 SB (4). The Tilde is back to take ñames and fill up box scores. I have to google “tilde n” whenever I write about RAJ so you better believe I’m going to use it as much as possible. Its extra, extra time coñsuming to get that letter right but it’s THAT important I spell his ñame perfectly for when he eveñtually starts carrying me to my champioñship. Let’s make it happeÑ, Ronald!
Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!
