Before Lewis Brinson (3-for-4, 3 RBIs) homered twice (6, 7) on Wednesday, I wrote him up for the Buy column this week — which is available now on the Patreon. I had included him, because I saw recently that Lewis Brinson was hitting near-.350 in the last two weeks, and had hit some homers, so I was pumped to open his Statcast page to see improvement and! And! AND! Well, no, not entirely. He’s been better than he has been for Launch Angle, getting good wood on ball and xBA is up, but, damn, he still misses so much. If you lift balls with good wood–Wait, are we still talking about hitting? Right, right. Yes, good things will happen. Brinson is hitting balls as hard as Tatis, Verdugo, Story and Walsh. Clearly, great guys to be mentioned in the same breath, but they all make far more contact, and have three-plus times as many at-bats. This last few-week stretch has been great, but when I called him recently Byron Pennieston, because he was a poor man’s Buxton, it still applies. Of course, I’d still grab Pennieston in any league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Bryan De La Cruz – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer. Fun fact! He’s actually four men. It’s Bryan and a De La Soul cover band that sings in Spanish. Pluggo Uno, Pluggo Dos, Pluggo Tres y Bryan!

Sandy Alcantara – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.52. Someone asked yesterday if they should start, Alcantara, and I honestly don’t know the Streamonator‘s score on him from yesterday or anything. I know literally nothing, except I’d start Sandy anywhere except Coors in shallower leagues. In NL-Only, I’d start him even there.

Drew Pomeranz – Hit the IL with forearm soreness. When you’ve had forearm soreness since March, and have hit the IL three times in four months, you should be able to sue your team for negligence.

Framber Valdez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.09 vs. the Rockies in Houston. There’s no worst team on the road than the Rockies. Yes, I’m considering the Pirates. The Rockies have a 9.8% HR/FB. Their team on the road hits collectively about as well as Yandy Diaz.

Travis d’Arnaud – 1-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. The French Terminator is Le Back.

Ozzie Albies – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (19) and legs (14), hitting .257. Ozzie hit that one off of Lucas Sims to win the game, which is exactly what David Bell wanted to see before anointing Sims his closer.

Joey Votto – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer. Votto overheard two nerds verbally dueling it out on whether or not Votto is a Hall of Famer and he was like, “Nuh-uh, nerdos, I’m Joey Votto and Imma let you finish after I make my case for the Hall of Fame across an entire season.”

Will Smith – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.86, and yet another blown save. Last night, Snitker was woken in the middle of the night with Walkman headphones on his ears and someone from the future telling him he better start letting Dick-Rod close. Honestly, everyone in the Braves’ pen is better than Will Smith.

Jed Lowrie – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .256. He’d be 2nd on the team in homers if he were still a Mets player. Skull emoji dripping from the eyes which makes you realize it’s actually an ice cream cake.

Elvis Andrus – 2-for-4 and a slam (3) and legs (10). Heard the Oak Ridge Boys’ Elvira on the radio the other day, and every time they’d sing, “Elvira,” I’d add in Andrus, and Cougs would say, “Are you doing that to annoy me?” And I said, “No,” and I absolutely was!

Starling Marte – 2-for-5, 1 run, and his 31st steal. I have nothing illuminating to say that you don’t know, but Marte is stealing every day and looks like a lock for 40+ steals.

Frankie Montas – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.98. Ended up watching some of this game, and there were moments yesterday when Montas looked like a put-your-hands-down-the-questions-period-is-over ace.

Cal Quantrill – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.13. Quantrill is having Plesac’s season and Plesac is having Cal’s. Doesn’t matter what the Streamonator says right now, I’d start Quantrill in almost all matchups.

Johnny Cueto – Hit the IL with a right flexor strain. That’s too bad because he was having a decent season, but now the Giants will just have to give some lucky fan the ball and turn them into a key contributor to their division-winning team.

Buster Posey – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer. If you accidentally drafted for 2012 this year, you did okay.

Brandon Crawford – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. ACKCHUALLY, if you just drafted Giants, you’d be doing great.

LaMonte Wade Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. *chains rattling, ghost noises* Boo…It’s the Ghost of Past Buys. *standing on a chair, screaming* Ghost be gone!

John Curtiss – Hit the IL with a torn UCL in his right elbow. Wait a second! Tampa Bay, get over here right now and explain what you traded to Milwaukee two weeks ago! Tampa, get over here right now! Explain yourself! Tammmmmpa! We told you to stop taking advantage of other teams!

Corbin Burnes – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 15 Ks, ERA at 2.23. How long until he’s a Yankees pitcher with a 4+ ERA? Two years? Three? Okay, okay, we can bask in his splendor before throwing the poo-poo platter at him. It takes until after the clock strikes midnight and my bedtime for the top 100 best starts of the year tool to refresh (it’s free, check it out), but I have to imagine Burnes’s start will be near the top when I wake up on Thursday. Burnes, Wheeler, deGrom then Cole for 2022? Does that bother anyone? With health concerns on deGrom, I mean. No? Okay. We have time to figure it out.

Christian Yelich – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .226. Brewers score ten runs and Yelich has a good game for him in 2021. Man, he’s sad.

J.T. Realmuto – Left yesterday’s game after a foul tip hit his mask. Sounds like Covid restrictions on a porn set.

Mookie Betts – Hit the IL with “Are the Dodgers cursed? In this powerful essay written by someone who has rostered Cody Bellinger in multiple leagues all year, explore the darkest depths of the Dodgers’ curse for winning a Mickey Mouse World Series.”

Cody Bellinger – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer, and four homers in four games. See, it only took him being unusable for six of the last six months of baseball!

Matt BarnesRed Sox will be giving him a few days off. Can they make those days off the previous five where he gave up like a zillion runs? No? Damn. Adam Ottavino would be who I’d look to for vultures.

Xander Bogaerts – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 17th homer, a cheapie vs. a position player. Pitching a position player is essentially forfeiting, but I wonder if any MLB managers would actually forfeit if that was an option. I’d imagine Kevin Cash would, knowing it’s a waste of time. It’s also bizarre more teams don’t pitch a position player when they’re *up* by fifteen plus runs. Why waste a reliever to close out a game the other team forfeited?

Nathan Eovaldi – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.92. Red Sox had a 5-0 lead after two innings, and Eovaldi just hit the Ivictory Coast for a free night at the W.

J.D. Martinez – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .294. Was it Wong driving in Just Dong? I don’t think it was, because the universe would’ve folded in on itself.

Josh Fleming – 3 1/3 IP, 10 ER, 17 baserunners (!), 3 Ks, ERA at 4.96. Fleming just made a strong case for himself as a LOOGY.

Brandon Lowe – 1-for-4 and his 26th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and 40 homers in the last 163 games. Well, it’s still somewhat worth saying if there was a tie, play-in game.

Ross Stripling – Diagnosed with an oblique strain. “I don’t want to speculate, but he’s not gonna make his next start that’s for sure,” said manager, Charlie ‘You Kill My Father Prepare To Die’ Montoyo. Charlie is also painfully obvious.

George Springer – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 15th and 16th homer in like ten games. Also, in this game, Teoscar Hernandez (2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 18th homer and Lourdes Gurriel Jr. (3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 13th homer. The Jays were facing the Angels. Would it shock you that Dylan Bundy started this game? By the by, have we started to worry about Vladdy Cakes since he’s left the Buffalo Wild Wings Stadium?

Alek Manoah – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.59, at 114 pitches. Uh, not sure why he was in the game that long, but I’m gonna be the high person on Manoah in all leagues next year, assuming I’m not in any leagues with his mom.

Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 38th homer. Only Angels with 38 homers and five triples in a season are Ohtani and some guy named Mike Trout. At this point, I’ve reached my “Why did Michael Jordan really retire from basketball, was it an unknown suspension” level of conspiracy for Mike Trout’s calf injury.

Zack Britton – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.28, as he got his first save. Britton saving the Yanks? What is this pre-1776? We don’t need your stinkin’ tea and we don’t need your self-serving saves! Get your powdered wig and blotchy skin out of here! I’m so mad! Also, because I had Green and Lasagna on different teams. Sigh, I guess this is a three-man saves shituation. I don’t think it’s just Britton’s job.

Tyler Wade – 2-for-3, 1 run and his 9th and 10th steal. Wade ramming SAGNOF up the keister of anyone who says he’s useless.

Brady Singer – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.42 as he was activated from the IL. The Royals are playing for nothing, so they’re actively trying to hurt their pitchers’ arms, but sending down Olivares. Oh…*walks to the top of the Statue of Liberty, screams out the crown*…kay!

Carlos Rodon – Hit the IL with should, er, he pitch anymore this month since the White Sox have a playoff spot locked up and we might need him a lot in the playoffs? The White Sox shortened it to “shoulder.”

Jorge Polanco – 2-for-4 and his 21st homer. Meh, he’s only tied with J.D. Martinez, Manny Machado, Austin Meadows and Kyle Tucker with 21 homers. No biggie.

Adam Wainwright – 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.27. Wainwright feels like he could retire after this year, or just-as-efficiently pitch for the next decade.

Anthony Santander – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. You can wait until he cools off before picking him up, but not really the optimal way to play this thing called fantasy baseball.

Tarik Skubal – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.10. Went to look at the Streamonator, then I had a 30-second heart-to-heart with myself and I came the conclusion I wouldn’t stream Skubal in a league where he’s streamable, and I would just start him in a league where he’s rostered. The Have A Catch 22.

Akil Baddoo – Hit the 7-day concussion list. Baddoo said to reporters, “I feel totally fine, and could someone reach above my head and shoo away the birds flying in a circle?”