We interrupt your regularly scheduled Grey post for my shenanigans.  Hi all, I’m Razzball’s resident Troy McClure.  You might remember me from such times as when I used to write more than just our DFS content.  Yes I do, in fact, still write on here and yes I just, in fact, pimped some of our writings.  *Slides on shades* deal with it and if you don’t like it, take it up with Grey who told me he had a bout of food poisoning.  As I’ve reminded him more than once, just because Ted eats out of the trash can doesn’t mean he has to, too.  I won’t mention what he said about Cougs’ cooking and it’s comparison there of with regards to said trash can.  I don’t rat on my friends, I’m just that kind of guy.  But now that we’ve been cordially reacquainted with the writer that is moi, let’s get on to Jonathan Villar.  Went 3/5 and had a delicious slam (13) and legs (52).  Was sexting with JFOH the other day about Villar since I owned him everywhere this year including my keeper and am looking to 2017 with him.  Thankfully, Virtual Reality isn’t really available on smartphones just yet.  Can only imagine what that eggplant emoji would do…anyhoo, the thoughts on Jonathan overflowed.  On the one hand, the BABIP (.396) has to come down given his K rate (26.2%), but on the other, he does the right thing by taking plenty of walks (11.3%), hitting the ball on the ground (55.8% GB rate), and is 8th in the MLB in pitches per plate appearance.  All and all he’ll be drafted too high in 2017, but still looks good for .270, 10 HRs, and 40 steals.  Or as Grey likes to call him, the Delino DeShields that wasn’t.  Ow, I just felt how cold that was and I was just on the delivery end of it!  Anyways, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball…(<— yes, I did copy and paste it; don’t mess with the recipe, fool!).

Football has arrived! Our Rankings (rated highly and in the top-20 percentile of all experts the past two years) for Week 1 can be found here!

Hernan Perez – Not to be outshined, Perez went 4/5 with an SB (29), 2 RBIs and a run scored.  Also a guy JFOH and I sexted about, minus sexiness.  I buy Perez like I bought Eddie Rosario coming into this season.  Speaking of, Eddie HR’d today…what the hell, Rosario!  Stop trying to ruin the narrative and just be the 4th OF that you are!  For realsies, it’s hard to walk less than five percent of the time and K near 23% of the time and be successful.  The misspelled Herman has had a great run this year and I hope you enjoyed it.  Don’t let it follow you into 2017.

Ryan Braun – Went 2/5 with his 26th HR, drove in four, and scored thrice as Jason Hammel gave up five earned in the first inning alone and didn’t record an out until Maldonado hit a sac fly, giving up nine total (eight earned).  This pushed his season ERA up from 3.14 to 3.50 or put a better way: from dominant to blahminant.  More like ‘GO…Hammel Time!’, amirite?  I’m sorry, I’ll do better (this last sentence was a straight up lie).

Orlando Arcia – Went 2/4 with an RBI and…what?  You wanted more.  Well there is no more!  Except that Arcia is hitting .349 over his last 14 games to go with 2 HRs and 3 steals.  If you’re looking for some MI help down the stretch, stop looking up those Orlando Bloom pics and pick up Arcia.

Anthony Rizzo – Went 2/4 with two HRs (27,28) and three RBIs in this same sad Hammel game.  Is it weird to see a first baseman batting nearly .300 who looks like a sure bet for 30 HRs, 100 runs, and 100 RBI on the best team in baseball to not be mentioned much in the MVP race?  Is it just too boring of a story to be really, really good consistently for a really, really good team?  Fine, Daniel Murphy for MVP it is!

Jose Abreu – On August 27th, Abreu entered the day with 17 HRs.  Why do I know this?  Well, technically I had to go look it up.  I can drop straight knowledge, but I’m not rain man.  The second reason I know this is I wrote about him for DFS on that day and said ”He had three straight games with a HR just three days ago and something tells me Abreu is gonna end the season with around the same numbers he did last year.  If that’s true, we got about four weeks for 12 HRs and 29 RBI”.  Including the day I called a HR and today when he went x/x with a bomb, he’s had 6 and has upped his total to 23 on the season and has 16 RBIs in that span.  I hate when I’m right almost as much as my wife does, especially when trade season is officially over and you can’t swing for El Grande Dolor (is that still a thing?).

Chris Davis – Went 2/3 with two runs and his 35th jack of the season before leaving the game with a ‘Sore Palm’.  No word yet from Rosy Palm or her five sisters on this developing story regarding their Eastern European cousin Sore nor why Davis left the game with him, but Crash might need to slow down how hard he swings his bat and hopefully it doesn’t hurt his exist velocity.  I’m honestly not sure where this innuendo is going anymore either, moving on…

Manny Machado – Also HR’d yesterday, hitting a GS while going 3/6, totally five RBI.  They say there was a week Odor in Tropicana Field.  They identified it as Jake as the Orioles got to him for seven runs on seven six hits and three walks.  His season ERA sits at 3.86 which is right in the range of ‘this guy better have a really low WHIP or a really high K/9 for me to want him in fantasy’.  He has neither.  Stream along, friends.

Justin Bour – Went hitless in his return from the DL to the Marlins.  The lack of hits mainly came from the fact that the Phillies started a lefty, but that’s neither here nor there.  I don’t like hearing excuses, Bour!  But more to the point, if you have a need in your UTIL spot for a bit of pop, it’s time to go full Bour.

Jose Reyes – Jose doing his best Villar impression, going 2/4 with a homer (5) and a steal (7) of his own.  In this same game, Yoenis Cespedes (28), Curtis Granderson (24), and Alejandro De Aza (6) all went yard as the Mets scored five runs on four HRs.  In other words, the Mets offense is back!  No seriously, this is all they ever did when they were good this year, you guys…

Brian Dozier – After going 1/4 with a bomb yesterday, Dozier now has homered in five straight games as well as seven of his last eight, and has 9 HRs in that span, and is only two off the pace for of the MLB HR leader, Mark Trumbo.  There’s not a @DidBrianDozierHomer twitter handle yet.  Your move, internet.

Corey Kluber – Had a decent outing, going 7 while K’ing 9.  The end line of four earned looks bad simply because of back to back walks and a HR to Marwin Gonzalez when there were two out in the second but outside that, the Klubot was in full form and assuredly gave the Hitter-tron a premature oil leak.

Chase Headley – Hit his 13th HR on the year, finishing the game 1/4.  He has a near .875 OPS since early August but every time I think about picking him up, I yawn and forget to do it.  Then I look at what he’s done since then in terms of actual fantasy value (two HRs, 9 runs, 9 RBIs) and I remember why I yawned.

Odubel Herrera – Scored three runs as he went 2/3 with a triple and reached base four times overall (walk and a HBP).  Odubel went to the All-Star game as he batted .294 with 10 HRs and 12 steals in the first half.  He’s hitting .246 with 3 HRs and 8 steals in the second half.  Now go google all the articles talking about Odubel becoming a star and laugh in those comments.

Jeanmar Gomez – K’d two and walked one on his way to his 35th save of the year.  That’s good for 6th in saves in the MLB.  That’s also a good way to get me to throw up.  Also, I look forward to ‘Gomez becomes a star in Philly’ articles at the end of the year.

Brandon Kintzler – Came on in the 8th for one out and found the next three outs to be a tad more challenging.  Brandon finished the night going 2/3rds, surrendering four runs on three hits and a walk and the bullpen behind him – mainly Pat Light – imploded in the 9th to give up seven runs in total.  It’s Kintzler’s second messy outing in a row and should lead to Ryan Pressly getting a vulture save opp today.  Of course, this team just lost 10-3 after a 7 run 9th on them at home so maybe you just don’t need that save at all.  The fact that Pressly is terrible makes matters just that much worse.  But hey, at least you have Eddie Rosario, Twinkies!

Kendrys Morales – Part of the Brandon breakdown was Morales has he socked a HR in the 9th, good for his second of the game as he went 2/5 with five RBIs.  He now has three more HRs than he did last year, but he’s been a fantasy bust this year by most definitions.  Kendrys is a great example of why not to put too much stock in counting stats a player can’t control as his pace in runs/RBI this year (63/85) are a large reason you’re disappointed by comparison to last year (81/103).  It’s also a good reminder of just how frustratingly bad the Royals offense has been this year compared to last as well.  If you had a Delorean but could only use it once, I have zero doubt you’d go back to your draft table and not take one KC bat.

Jung-ho Kang – Went 3/5 with a pair of HRs (15,16) to go with three runs and three RBIs.  Kang has had an up and down year, but that’s partially playing time – he hasn’t played every day all year – and a return from an injury.  Kang is gonna be that late pick next year where everyone goes, ‘oh yeah, I forgot about that guy’ because everyone in fantasy baseball has Momento disease and rarely remembers a year prior to the one that was just had.  ‘You drafted AJ Pollock in the 5th round?  Who is that guy?  Wasn’t he a character on Sons of Anarchy?’.  That’s your leaguemates drafting with you in 2017.

Randal Grichuk – Randal showed up to the ball park which means he hit a HR.  I didn’t even have to look at the box score to tell you that.  Now has 10 HRs since August 11th and is hitting around .280 over that span.  He’s also got some back end numbers in the K:BB department that would get him deported in some countries.  Either way, ride this Hot Schmotato as long as you can.

Kolten Wong – Batted in the leadoff spot, going 2/5 with a triple and a run scored.  In this same game, Yadier Molina hit a GS, good for his 7th HR of the year and went 4/5 with two doubles overall.  See, if you’re thinking about picking up Molina, just remember he comes from a long line of Molinas and they’re all catchers with storied pasts and you don’t need that kind of stress in your life.  But more back on Kolten, now two HRs and a steal over his last four games so if you missed out on Randal, you can get a little randy and grab a Wong.

Matt Adams – 1/3 with another Cardinals HR in this game, his 14th on the season.  Adams came off the DL on the 2nd and this could be the start of a beautiful hot schmotato relationship if you’re looking for corner infield power help and are in to big moobs.

James Paxton – Went 4.1 IP, giving up four runs on nine hits, while K’ing eight.  His season ERA is now up to 4.03 and his WHIP sits at 1.40 but – and this is a Harambe sized but – all his peripherals scream fantasy goodness.  If his BABIP (.349) can normalize down to league average, his K/9 of 8.44 coupled with his BB/9 of 1.88 more than plays well in Grey’s K/9-BB/9 = 6 = elite equation (hey, it’s his math, not mine; take it up with him).  Definitely a guy I’m watching to see how he finishes the year.

Andre Ethier – Worked out with his Dodgers teammates on Tuesday.  No word yet on how much posing in front of the mirror was done or if they were listening to DJ Snake while they were at it.

Jeff Samardzija – I hate Shark for two reasons.  One, when he does well, I have to type his name out.  Two, he always seems to do well at times that make no flipping sense.  After going 7, striking out 9, only having five baserunners (four hits, one walk), and only giving up 2 ER, Jeff has two quality starts in Coors this year, his last one back in May where he went 8 and struck out 6.  And to further this point, he went 7.1 innings back in 2013, giving up 1 run and K’ing 6 back then.  So when the Rockies inexplicably overpay for Jeff when he becomes a free agent, you’ll now know why.  In this same game, Tyler Anderson went 7.1 IP and only gave up 2 and has been, as the kids say, low key good.  But is he ever high key good?  The jury is still out.  Either way, his next start is at Petco and if your league is like most ESPN leagues where he’s only 23.7% owned, he’s a darn good pickup.

Raimel Tapia – 0/2, but scored a run, drove in one, and stole a base.  The Willy Tavares special!  Remember him?  Yeah, he was bad at baseball.  He still hit .320 over 97 games back in 2007 when he was with the Rockies and followed that with a season where he stole 68 bags despite a slugging percentage (.296) lower than his OBP (.308).  I say all this because as long as Blackmon is out and Tapia is in, he’s fantasy relevant and I don’t even know if he’s good or not because Coors.  Giddyup!

Anthony Rendon – Went 1/4 with a GS, hitting his 17th HR of the year.  He’s been the 12th best 2nd basemen in fantasy this year which is exactly where Grey ranked him to start the year.  And yet – and maybe it’s just me – he seems like a guy whose production and his price at the draft don’t scream ‘deal’.  Like, I think I could’ve cobbled together most of his line from guys off waivers and would’ve been just fine riding like that.  Ok, maybe it’s just me.

Ryan Schimpf – Speaking of 2B off waivers…Schimpf hit his 17th HR last night.  Yes, that’s the same amount that Rendon has hit.  Yes, I put these things back to back on purpose for just such a reason.  The fact Schimpf has done it in half as many games is what intrigues me the most.  I’m getting a Logan Forsythe vibe here.  You know, that vibe where everyone is just gonna say ‘career year’ and overlook that the stats don’t scream he’ll be worthless in 2017.  Meanwhile, Wil Myers went 1/4 and did nothing, as he’s been doing since the All-Star Break.  Methinks we have a player who’s never played a full season being a bit tuckered out and will be fairly discounted for someone with a 25/25 season.

Clay Buchholz – Went 6.2 IP, giving up eight hits and that Schimpf solo shot to go with 6 Ks for the win.  Basically, the Padres K 30% of the time against the batting machine set to throw 80 MPH which means you can pretty much stream anything against them and get a good start.  With regards to Clay, he gets the Orioles at home in his next start, if he starts at all.  If you’re interested, I have shares in Enron I’d like to sell you.

Yoan Moncada – Followed up his 0/3 with 3 Ks on Monday night with a golden sombrero Tuesday night.  They say the course of true love never runs smoothly.  This can also be said of rookies and their first year.  Wait, where are my pants, why is there a weird, thick lotion in my ear, and where did my left eyebrow go…dah, roofied!  I don’t care they deemed this a rookie pitcher term.  Come up with one for hitters or I’m just gonna misuse this one.  *Pushes glasses up with middle finger*

Elvis Andrus – 4/6 with a HR – his fifth of the year – three runs scored, two RBIs, and three doubles.  Andrus is batting .297 with a .352 OBP in a really good offense, and is sitting around 60/60 in the runs and RBI department to go with 21 steals.  Despite across the board production, he’s sitting outside the top 12 SS for the year which leads me to three important notes: one, SS was hella deep, two, it was so deep, it made me use the word ‘hella’, and three, owning Elvis Andrus all year was boring as hell…or hella boring, if you’d prefer.

Kyle Seager – Went 2/4 with a HR and two RBIs.  I always fall asleep on Seager’s numbers until the end of the year because they’re usually the same good not great set.  Yet now I see he just tied his career best in HRs with 26 and is slashing a .292/.372/.524 line and am confused.  This guy has been cheerios good for about four years but decides to go Honey Nut when I’m not looking!?!  Either way, he’s still tied for 32nd in HRs in the majors with guys like Jedd Gyorko and Brad Miller so I’ll refrain from getting too giddy here.

Shelby Miller – On the same night Dansby Swanson hit an inside the park HR and drove in three, Shelby went 4.1, gave up 11 hits and five runs (4 earned).  This coming a night after the Dodgers blew up Zack Greinke for 8 runs in 4 and 2/3rds is a firm reminder that Tony La Russa is just the ‘mad’ part of the ‘mad genius’ name people gave him.  ‘Oh look at me, I bat my pitcher in the 8 spot because I have a well, calculated plan!’.  That’s La Russa right before he discussed the importance of the size of peas if he were to eat them and that he needed a fork just right to eat said peas…oh wait, who am I kidding, Tony is rich so he’s just eccentric.  My bad!