I like to always take the angle that it’s not my money, so who cares? You’re worried about another man’s bag? Wouldn’t be me. I will check out another man’s drip. I am interested in their steelo. Their bag? Nah, I don’t care. Unless it’s a fly-ass murse, then I’m peeping it. This works for fantasy baseball because what a guy makes doesn’t matter for 99% of our leagues. There’s a few fantasy leagues that are tied to real-money salaries, but none I play in. With that said, $40 million per year for Alex Bregman is so nuts! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL–[Grey glitching, starting to shut down, falls over but one eye remains creepily open]
Alex Bregman can opt out after 2025, in case ya know some other team owner falls down, hits his head and wants to give Alex Bregman more than $40M a year. The reported deals were:
Tigers = 6 years / $171.5M
Cubs = 4 years / $120M
Red Sox = 3 years / $120M
“Yes, Alex.”
“It’s good to see you.” And in that brief exchange, the two Alexes exchanged all the pitches he would see for the next at-bat. Fenway rocks for Alex Bregman, I can’t think of a better stadium for his swing, as far as average goes. He’s about to lead the majors in doubles. He’s a career .272 BABIP hitter, and I could see him having a .300+ BABIP, so a .285+ average. Runs/RBIs (RuBIs) are contingent on the lineup, but won’t be hurt by the Red Sox, and it won’t hurt that he’ll get 2nd base eligibility. Statcast says he would’ve hit 22 homers in Fenway last year, and 31 in Houston (if he played 162 games there; he actually hit 25), so the power isn’t going up. Might actually come down, i.e., big fly go bye-bye with big wall. 2025 Projections: 92/25/81/.282/5 in 571 ABs. Or maybe he hits 60 homers and gets $70 million next year from the Dodgers in 2045 money. No real note of change for the other players; Story will hit lower in order, but Story will hit IL, and prospects, Vaughn Grissom and Kristian Campbell were flyers in only deep leagues for when Story gets hurt. Bregman was moved up in the 3rd basemen rankings, top 100, and top 500. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason in 2025 fantasy baseball:
Pete Alonso – Re-signed with the Mets. Or should I say resigned to re-sign with the Mets. MLB right now is this: “Hey, Dodgers, you want this player? No? Okay, hey, Yankees, do you want this player? Your poor? Wow, thought you were worth $12 billion, that’s too bad. Stupid inflation making $12 billion worth nothing. Okay, let me try and call the Mets.” If all three teams decline, then you’re either playing for the Pirates for forty-kay or you’re es oh el. “Forty-kay or Es-Oh-El” is actually the new collusion bible being touted by Jerry Reinsdorf that he sells door-to-door (being pushed in a wheelchair by his son, Jiminy). Did Curt Flood fight for “Forty-kay or Es-Oh-El?” He did not! But that’s where we are, so Pete Alonso went through the three teams and none of them bit for a few months until the Mets were finally guilted into re-signing him. This does more for Brett Baty’s fantasy future than it does for Alonso. I’m honestly not sure where Baty goes; I guess the minors, which sucks for his development, but his inability to hit an offspeed pitch was already damaging his development. 1st basemen rankings and 3rd basemen rankings were updated.
Jack Flaherty – Signed with the Tigers. If you were to remove his injury history and all anecdotes about his shoulder falling off or elbow dislodging from the arm-bone, and just look at Flaherty’s stats, they’re some of the prettiest in baseball, which is why the Dodgers will be trading for him in July. Or the Yankees, if they get less stringent doctors, or the Mets or…Well, only three teams are actually competing this year. A 10.8 K/9, 2.1 BB/9 is gorge. It’s basically Crochet, Snell, Skenes, Sale, Glasnow, Gray (!) then him if you were to remove narratives and just rank based on peripherals. With Flaherty, the narrative is not fully healthy, so draft him, but with the narrative in plain sight. 2025 Projections: 12-6/3.02/1.05/161 in 144 IP, and top 40 starters rankings updated.
Tanner Scott – Signed with the Dodgers. You see this nonsense?
Oh…[the world’s longest pause]…kay. Wonder if Jackie Robinson helped recruit Tanner Scott. Dodgers now have three closers and at least 15 teams have zero closers. Oh…[the world’s 2nd longest pause]…kay. ACKSUALLY, Dodgers might have six closers depending on what you think of Kopech and Evan Phillips’s health. 2025 Projections: 7-3/2.77/1.15/84, 20 saves in 70 IP.
Kirby Yates – Signed with the Dodgers. Sorry, correction to the Tanner Scott blurb. Dodgers now have seven closers, or five depending on Kopech and Phillips. Honestly, the Tanner Scott move I shrugged off. Sure, they didn’t need him, but could see why they’d want him. The Yates move has me applying clown makeup as I cry into a theatrical backstage mirror about my beautiful baseball and parity. Yates went from a top three closer year to bullpen depth. Oh…[the world’s third longest pause]…kay. With Kopech dealing with forearm soreness (he’ll be getting Tommy John by May), the Dodgers might only have two closers. Hopefully those scrappy Dodgers can persevere! 2025 Projections: 7-4/2.88/1.08/79, 12 saves in 60 IP.
Enrique Hernandez – Signed with the Dodgers. They have so much money they can pay $6.5 mil for a dugout cheerleader.
Ha-Seong Kim – Signed with the Rays. He just had shoulder surgery, so he can’t become a middle reliever! What on earth are they doing? So, with the addition of Kim, and the Rays in a new stadium this year, that’s gonna bring the walls in further. Only this time it’s the Taylor Walls, and brought in to the bench. This also becomes a confusing trade for what Caballero is going to be doing, but I already had questions on him, as his blurb says in the 2nd baseman rankings. When I put Kim through my Steinbrenner Field Converter it says he becomes, “I paid Roy Smalley and Willie Randolph how much?!” Not sure that helps us, but Kim’s shoulder won’t help him either and I’d only draft him for 320 ABs, as he’s expected to miss April, and some steals. 2025 Projections: 47/8/51/.243/20 in 319 ABs
Nick Madrigal – Signed with the Mets. No better signing for Mets’ starters PFPs.
Nick Pivetta – Signed with the Padres. I like Pivetta a lot, and then I look at his 4.76 career ERA in 1029 1/3 IP and I do a small little shake of the head, take a shot of vodka from a shot glass with Ketel Marte’s face on it and shake my head more. Lots of head shaking. After two more shots of Ketel, I’m able to draft Pivetta because he has a good WHIP, great Ks and a good ERA, in theory. Projections in the top 60 starters.
Kyle Hart – Signed with the Padres. He was the winner of last year’s KBO, Cy Young-type award, the Chan Ho. I’m kidding about the name, but maybe I’m not. Is that who the award is named after? I’d google it, but Google no longer works. Can’t say I’m not a teeny bit intrigued by a guy who went 10.4 K/9, 2.2 BB/9 with a 2.69 ERA, 1.03 WHIP last year in 157 IP. But also the KBO is often compared to Double-A and, speaking of which, Kyle Hart had a 6.5 K/9 and 3.2 BB/9 in Double-A in 2018. He’s 32 and this feels more like a deep league flyer, at best. Top 100 starters were updated.
Elias Diaz – Signed with the Padres. So, he killed Luis Campusano’s value, but also. Dot dot dot. Did he help his own? Ranking Elias Diaz, but I don’t know how the Padres’ catching shituation is going to play out. Will they platoon from the same side of the plate? That makes no sense, but maybe the Padres have their reasons and 350 ABs from Diaz or Campusano isn’t good enough for me to spend anymore time on it, i.e., Diaz is Elias and I am A-lazy-ass. 2025 Projections: 33/9/36/.247 in 351 ABs. Also, removed Campusano from the catcher rankings. Maldonado is there in San Diego too, so have to assume the Padres will never play Campusano or send him to minors.
Jason Heyward – Signed with the Padres. They also signed Connor Joe, and you know where he came from and where’d he go. They’re their new left field platoon, i.e., the Padres went through a semi-owner change and got cheap. If I don’t rank and project a player, it means they’re not worth drafting in the top 500, so…Moving on!
Paul Sewald – Signed with the Guards. Their bullpen is almost as stacked as the Dodgers’ pen. The Guards’ lineup is. Dot dot dot. Well, their bullpen is good! If your budget (imaginary constraints) only allow you to make one decent signing, Paul Sewald isn’t a bad one to make. 2025 Projections: 6-3/3.81/1.17/58, 3 saves in 56 IP. Top 500 is, as always, updated.
Trevor Megill – Delayed start to Spring Training, due to minor health concerns. That team I drafted early with Ben Joyce and Megill is cooking with gas like Sylvia Plath. Haven’t adjusted top 500 yet, and won’t until there’s concrete news, like these concrete boots I’m wearing. Keep Koenig and Hudson in your sights, if drafting now.
Harrison Bader – Signed with the Twins. Perfect, Baldelli gets more options for a platoon. Just what he needs.
Ty France – Signed with the Twins. Ah, Game of Thrones fans like this, huh? Ya know, Tywins. No? Yeah, you’re right. He was removed from the 1st basemen rankings, because he’s hopefully out of at-bats in Minny. Wait, Minny going to France? What’s this, EuroDisney? No? You’re right! My bad.
Taylor Rogers – Traded from the Giants to the Reds. Offscreen, the Giants made a Sophie’s Choice with the Rogers brothers. A harrowing exercise to excise a Mr. Rogers like they’re a Pittsburgh wax museum. Since Alexis Diaz kinda sucks, Rogers might see some saves, but is only a handcuff. 2025 Projections: 2-4/3.16/1.26/62, 4 saves in 59 IP.
Jurickson Profar – Signed with the Braves. Considered Jurickson Profar someone who wouldn’t live up to last year, but now that the Braves signed him he’ll be top three for MVP. I’m half-joking. Just not sure which half is the joke and which half is the truth. Damn, that sounds like a life motto. “Life can be broken into two halves. Half is the joke and half is the truth, but no one knows which is which,” a famous quote from Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario, don’t abbreviate it. A career high in homers, steals and average in his last major contract year? Yeah, I think that’s the joke half. 2025 Projections: 73/18/70/.263/7 in 481 ABs
Ryan Pressly – Traded to the Cubs. Supposedly, the Astros trading Pressly and getting $8 millies in return was helpful to get back Bregman. To which I say, “Please, stranger, I am starving and my team needs an Alex Bregman.” What a joke. Astros needed $8 million? Seriously? Mattress Mack has eight million. Any hoo! Pressly becomes the Cubs’ closer, and it feels like more than half the league’s closers are very old, but maybe that’s me, a very young spry person seeing that. 2025 Projections: 4-4/3.41/1.22/63, 22 saves in 61 IP
Shinnosuke Ogasawara – Signed with the Nats out of Japan. Saw one site say he profiled similarly to Shota Imanaga, and I was like, “Welp, gonna have to rank him somewhere in the top 50 starters,” then I looked at his stats last year in Japan — 144 1/3 IP, 82 Ks — and I got mad for that other site wasting my time. Number one rule of fantasy analyst’ing is A) Make up words. B) Don’t waste people’s time. C) There’s no C. I remember reading a book about then-Rockets’ GM, Daryl Morey, and he told his scouts if you compare one player to another player, you can’t compare him to another player of the same race. Shinnosuke is as similar to Shota as I am to Leo DiCaprio. There’s top 100 starters rankings updates all the time, but not for him.
Carlos Estevez – Signed with the Royals. If your team needs a closer, they can still sign Craig Kimbrel, which is what I say to my worst enemy with the evil of 10,000 devils. I do pity the people who drafted Lucas Erceg prior to this signing. Go have a pity party. Ha! Gotcha! I don’t have empathy! Seriously, doctors told me this. Any hoo! Estevez could be a top five closer while not drafted as one. 2025 Projections: 3-3/3.04/1.05/58, 22 saves in 62 IP
Tommy Pham – Signed with the Pirates. Now we just have to get him in a fantasy football league with Pirates’ owner, Bob Nutting. Let the slaps begin! Last year the Pirates benched Isiah Kiner-Falefa on the last day of the season to save themselves a $200K bonus. Imagine that again but with Tommy Pham. We’re gonna see Tommy Pham go Milton Bradley into the broadcast booth but into the front office. He was updated in the top 100 outfielders rankings.
Adam Frazier – Signed with the Pirates. As Flavor Flav would say, Bob can’t do Nutting for you man.
Spencer Horwitz – Will miss six to eight weeks after undergoing wrist surgery. More like Spencer Sorwristz. Take it, Highlights! It’s yours! Didn’t move him in my 1st basemen rankings, because he’s already very late.
Randal Grichuk – Signed with the DBacks. That will help Pavin be the road less traveled vs. lefties.
Austin Hays – Signed with the Reds. They do one thing great and that’s prospblock. So, Steer moves to 1st base and CES to the bench? Okay, but why? What purpose does Hays serve? That’s different than your butler, Hays, who is serving you tuna salad that has accidental dolphin in it. That’s, “What porpoise does Hays serve?” I hate this move for fantasy, but, alas, no one asked me! By the way, did you hear the new album by Accidental Dolphin? Fintastic! 2025 Projections: 48/12/53/.263/4 in 421 ABs I also adjusted CES in the 1st basemen rankings.
Anthony Rendon – Will have hip surgery and miss, well, as much time as he can miss. Anthony Rendon heard “pitchers and catchers report” and was like, “That’s my cue!” Beginning to think Anthony Rendon attacked that fan for cheering on baseball.
Not Anthony Rendon
— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) February 12, 2025 at 10:07 AM
Yoan Moncada – Signed with the Angels. The Angels badly need an intervention. They are misguided as an organization, and it’s hard to see the other side, but I’m here as your counselor and friend to say, there is a better way. Fire your GM, firstly. Secondly, fire your owner. Angels’ infield are a bunch of guys who didn’t work out for the White Sox. Ya know, the worst team of all-time. So, the Angels said Moncada would be the 3rd baseman over Rendon, which was such a hilarious waste of breath. You don’t have to explain why Rendon isn’t playing. He’s Anthony Rendon. Too bad replacing him is Yoan Moncada.
J.D. Davis – Signed with the Angels. Between him and Moncada, Angels just covered themselves at 3rd base for 15-20 games, easy.
Kenley Jansen – Signed with the Angels. God, the Angels suck so bad. They had Ben Joyce! What are they doing? I hate them so much. Any hoo! Top 500 updated.
Dylan Carlson – Signed with the O’s. With his signing, the Orioles’ outfield mix is Cedric Mullins, Colton Cowser, Tyler O’Neill, Daz Cameron, Heston Kjerstad, Dylan Carlson, Dylan Beavers, Franklin Barreto, Nick Gordon, and I didn’t make up any of those names. Oh, and they have three starters.
Ramon Laureano – Signed by the O’s. Orioles’ outfield mix is Cedric Mullins, Colton Cowser, Tyler O’Neill, Daz Cameron, Heston Kjerstad, Dylan Carlson, Dylan Beavers, Franklin Barreto, Nick Gordon and now Ramon Laureano. They still have only three starters.
Jorge Polanco – Re-signed with the Mariners. This is coming off a year of 16/4/.213 and I would’ve thought there’s no bigger, “Let’s try a different scenery to see if we can’t put the jumper cables on this old automobile to see if it can at least take us to the store where we can’t afford the eggs,” but apparently I was wrong. They wanted to be reunited. Looking at Polanco’s numbers and I see little reason for optimism — Ks up, and what’s worse is he wasn’t chasing. He just can’t catch up to pitches anymore. Oh, and a knee injury he can’t seem to shake. An emoji wearing a Mariners hat that is smiling so hard it begins to cry. 2nd basemen rankings updated.
Max Scherzer – Signed with the Jays. Man, I don’t know. I kinda want Yariel Rodriguez, the guy who he likely bumps, over Scherzer. I don’t like Bassitt or Gausman, and I’d want either over The Hetero Man. As in heterochromia. Different eye colors. Not clear? Okay, maybe should’ve spelled it out. In reality, it’s likely Scherzer for 80-100 IP and Yariel for 80-100. Top 100 starters updated.
Anthony Santander – Signed with the Jays because the Dodgers clearly didn’t want him. I kid. But, a thoughtful pause, am I kidding? Jays were so thirsty for a free agency win they gave Santander about three years too many and fifty-plus million more than they should’ve, but it ain’t my money, and, for this year, I still would happily draft him. Is he trending up after a 44-homer season? I’d be shocked. Is he about to fall off a cliff and become former Jays great, Cliff Johnson? [looking at Cliff’s career numbers] No, he’s not. The 80’s were a hilarious time for power hitters. Cliff Johnson and DHs in the 80’s were, like, 15-homer hitters. Cliff Johnson and the DHs would be an awesome band, though. See top 40 outfielders update.
