Trevor Cahill hit the DL. Fun Fact! If you have Hill in your last name, there’s a 100% chance you’re injury prone and will be on the DL for the majority of the season. It’s a curse that began when Curt Schilling put ketchup on his ankle. With Cahill being DL’d, the A’s brought up Dustin Fowler to, uh, hit. Yo, A’s, you lose a pitcher and bring up a hitter? Michael Lewis is right, you do do things differently! Speaking of do-do, how about those A’s?! I’m being unnecessarily harsh. A thousand apologies to the 1,200 A’s fans that are three-quarters of a mile away from the field, just past foul territory. Any hoo! Here’s what Prospect Ralph said about Fowler, “Fowler hints at an enticing set of fantasy tools. His combination of power, steals, and the ability to hit for contact make him a potential five category contributor in 5×5 roto formats. Could return a .270/20/20 season if his surgically-repaired knee holds up. If only we could surgically repair Grey’s brain.” What the hell, my dude! Fowler should start at center over Canha, who should now platoon with Joyce, who should be out of the league. I didn’t grab Fowler anywhere, but I could see it for a power/speed combo. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Altuve – 3-for-4, 1 run and his 2nd steal. Another steal? Wow, must’ve been a broken hit and run or A’s 1st baseman Matt Olson accidentally tossed Altuve to 2nd base. “I was just tossing the ball around the diamond…Well, I thought it was the ball. I should’ve known a ball doesn’t have tiny feet.”
Derek Fisher – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. I hear the Chilean restaurant, El Pescador de Schmotato, is good this time a year.
Carlos Carrasco – 9 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 14 Ks, ERA at 3.61. Appizzarently, he didn’t like me saying his mechanics were off or something more nefarious after his last start. Loud and clear, Carrasco, there is no clear and present danger, a word that I like to say like banger. One start can change my perception on a guy, and Carrasco’s 14 Ks does pretty much that. Then again, I don’t own him, so it’s not my ulcer. By the by, Carrasco now leads the majors in CG with a whopping — 2! Quite the pitching era we’re living in, and not the ERA era.
Tyler Naquin – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer, hitting .329, and near-.400 in the last week with a six-game hitting streak, and, finally, hot schmotato alert!
Francisco Lindor – 2-for-5 and his 10th homer, hitting .292. I don’t want to kick a gift horse in the mouth, as Matthew Broderick once said to Sarah Jessica Parker by the Christmas tree, but can Lindor hit third instead of leadoff, kinda want the RBIs.
Jose Ramirez – 1-for-4, 1 run and two steals (4, 5), hitting .283. Love the aggression on the base paths vs. Guerra/Pina. By the way, Guerra/Pina was also a war chant at a Jimmy Buffett concert when Pina Colada makers were insisting Jimmy pay their blender electricity costs. I’m just a trivia buff.
Amed Rosario – 1-for-4 and his 1st steal, hitting .248. In the spring, Amed said he was going to steal more this year. He should run for office with how he keeps promises. Drain the SAGNOF!
Asdrubal Cabrera – 0-for-3, 1 RBI, and batted out of order in the 1st inning. When Mickey Callaway was asked about the snafu, he said, “No, you’re out of order!” Then the reporters pulled back to see Callaway was screaming at a vending machine, that was indeed out of order.
Zack Wheeler – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.03 vs. Sal Romano – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.83. This matchup was billed as, “A Wheeler of Romano is a cheesy canvas for fettuccine.” At least that’s what it’s called in the DeLuise household.
Tim Anderson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .254. The home run was off my other boo/bae, Trevor Williams (5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.13), which made me feel bittersweet. More sweet than bitter. Bitter than sweet.
Gregory Polanco – 2-for-4 and his 7th homer, hitting .225. Hey, Polanco, welcome to May, you missed Cinco de Mayo and May the Fourth Be With You, but there’s still Mother’s Day and National Teacher’s Day, which coincidentally shares its day with National Being A Bartender As My 2nd Job Day.
Colin Moran – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. I watched his homer yesterday, and he looks like he should have 30 homers this year. Pretty easy pull, uppercutty swing. Of course, he’s averaging about 1 1/2 homers per month, so we’ll have to see.
Nomar Mazara – 2-for-4 and two more homers, his 9th and 10th, and his 47th homer this month. All praise Mezuzah! “That’s not a breakout. THIS IS A BREAKOUT!” That’s me screaming at the mezuzah by my doorjamb.
Delino DeShields – 0-for-1, 2 runs and his 7th steal, but even more impressively, he walked four times yesterday, upping his OBP to .381. Maybe this is finally the DeShizz we’ve (me) been dreaming about that has felt like one long nightmare.
Zack Cozart – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer, hitting .246. Since I’ve mentioned him more than once this week, hint-hint, nudge-nudge, he’s hot. (Though Coors.)
Justin Upton – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. If Upton were a Rockie for 12 years, he is approaching 500 homers on his career? True or false? Going true.
Jaime Barria – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.45. Fun fact! Barria literally translates to neighherhood. So, is the future Barria? His peripherals are the new blech. I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole that was fastened to another ten foot pole.
Seung Hwan Oh – 1 IP, 0 ER and got the save, if it were a rain-shortened game that ended after six innings, and if saves were given to pitchers of the losing team. Quibbles, of course. Ryan Tepera, however, looked great! Dot dot dot. In the 8th. The closer is Tyler Clippard. Likely for the next three months. Dah! That was a big closer change that could pay huge dividends. Clippard could easily have the value of a top ten closer. Also, flog anyone who comes into the comments and says, “Grey, you’re super-duper handsome, but can’t believe you didn’t mention Clippard.”
Teoscar Hernandez – 3-for-4 and his 6th homer, hitting .267. Just in the nick of time (terrible movie) because I was thisclose to dropping Teoscar from my teams. You live to see another weekend of games.
Kevin Pillar – 2-for-4, 1 RBI, hitting .314. He’s been lowkey David Peralta so far this year. I will call him Kevin Chillax.
Miguel Rojas – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .248, and led off yesterday. Might be the start of a hot schmotato, after all This is America, Childish Gambino, but the Marlins are a sad team to root for offensively.
Anthony Rizzo – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 5th homer. HR to the Rizzo!
Kris Bryant – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. This was his 100th career homer, not all in this game, which would be a record, beating Barry Bonds, who hit 98 homers in a game in 2001.
Addison Russell – 3-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .261. Crazy how Maddon turned Addison into Adeiny Hechavarria. Yes, I’m laying this at the feet of Maddon. I guarantee Addison gets traded somewhere else and he’s a 25-homer hitter immediately.
Willson Contreras – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .246. After the game, Contreras said, “I’ll be happy when Spring Training ends. What? What do you mean it’s May? No, it’s not. Fake news!”
Daniel Palka – 3-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (1), hitting .282. All of that production has come in only 11 games, so that, ya know, pretty good. Kwamé may not be the only one who finds some love for the Palkadelic one. Could be a small schmotato; Palka is mostly just power though. And a Polish dance.
Reynaldo Lopez – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.44. This made me giggle: I’ve typed “reynaldo lopez stats” into my browser search so much, I only needed to type “re.” Sorry, guys and five girls, no matter how many times I look at his stats, they are not backing up his ERA. Also, the Stream-o-Nator liked this matchup, and rarely likes Lopez.
Nate Jones – 1 IP, 4 ER, ERA up to 4.40. Let me try something. I’m typing with the vomit splashing on my keyboard from seeing Nate Jones’ stat lime–Oh well, pretty close.
Trey Mancini – 1-for-4, hitting .256. Well, all of my sleepers aren’t butter, and I’m ready to say Mancini is more toast. At some point, I may go back to him once he gets hot, but, in shallower leagues, I’m ready to move on.
Chris Davis – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 2nd day in a row with a homer. Davis used to be the type of guy that could hit 10 homers in 15 days, but he appears hot and might still be able to power out a few more.
Brad Brach – 1 IP, 0 ER as he regains the closer job. Because of how awesome he is? Nah, kid, it’s the Everlasting Sobfloppers. Brach has a 5.02 ERA but O’Day is hurt.
Julio Teheran – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.14, but to only two decimal points, so lame. Okay, time to break down Teheran. Hang on to your loved ones. Looking at the game log, hasn’t been all easy matchups, but he flamed out on some of the tougher ones (WASH, @PHI and PHI). His Ks are way up (good), walks are up (boo), xFIP is pretty meh (meh indeed), his velocity is down two miles per hour (um, yikes), and he’s throwing his fastball more (um, huh), and he’s nearly abandoned his curve (whatevs). In conclusion, not a ton here.
Ender Inciarte – 2-for-4, 1 RBI and 2 steals (14, 15). Right now, Ender is like your firstborn after a new baby comes into your house. Ender’s learning to juggle and SAGNOF to keep attention on him.
Rhys Hoskins – 0-for-0 with an 1 RBI. The Phils scored boku runs and Hoskins didn’t even start. Holy sit! Well, I guess Hoskins did manage a sac fly. That runner on third’s not gonna get himself home!
Carlos Santana – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs, hitting .189. Wow, about three days ago, it was like Carlos Santana met Rob Thomas and his career was reborn.
Maikel Franco – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .292. Ya know, during the preseason, Rudy was pretty pro-Franco — you dirty fascist! — I was not. Maybe the spring training narrative of Franco joining the Launch Anglers with their concert promoter/manager, Dwayne Murphy, was something.
Nick Pivetta – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.15. His ERA is a deceiving, though, if you benched him for his mollywhopping @WASH, as you should’ve, then Pivetta’s been solid. On the other hand…
Chris Stratton – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.60. Beginning to think Stratton might be a home-only start. Ya know, we have a name for a home-only Padres starter, Hodgepadre; a home-only A’s starter, MediOAKer, but we don’t have one for the Giants. We should. Please suggest in the comments.
Adam Eaton – Getting a 2nd opinion on his ankle. That sucks, assuming he has to take off his body cast for it. That’s like when your wife wants some action and you have on a wet bathing suit. It’s just too much trouble to take it off. Get married, and you’ll know what I mean.
Joey Lucchesi – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.98. Not thoroughly convinced he’s anything but a Hodgepadre.
Anthony Rendon – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer, hitting .297. Nice, only three more homers to catch up to Francisco Cervelli.
Nick Ahmed – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 6th homer. Don’t even think about how many more homers Ahmed has than Rendon. Don’t do it, it’ll send you down a shame spiral.
Patrick Corbin – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 2.12. Sitting at 89 MPH and his command was all over the shop. Don’t wanna yell fire in the theater of Razzball, and he was never a 1-something ERA guy, but yesterday was not purdy.
Yasiel Puig – 3-for-4, 2 runs as he was activated from the DL. Kevin from ESPN’s Get Him In Your Lineup Department said, “The Handmaid’s Tale reminds me of jokes my dad makes without the humor.”
Greg Bird – Headed out for a rehab assignment. He’s the one going against the rest of the migrating birds.
Masahiro Tanaka – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.66. I started Tanaka and Porcello and I didn’t even receive a Purple Heart. All I got was this crappy ERA and a dunce’s hat.
Brett Gardner – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .214. Wow, bunch of guys woke from the dead in this Sawx-Yanks game. Gardner is worth cyclops’ing, or even preemptively grabbing if an impatient owner dropped him, because he is in a good place to succeed.
Aaron Judge – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .308. You know what, there’s really know way to tell this is really Judge and not Giancarlo, so I’m saying Giancarlo has 18 homers. Don’t @ me.
Mitch Moreland – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .342. He’s having a Matt Adams-type year without the acclaim, which is odd since everything in Boston gets acclaim by default. “Are you fahkin’ kidding me, kid? Dunkin Donuts is the best!”
Andrew Benintendi – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, hitting .246. “I’m not gonna say we need to leave his body on this deserted island when the rescue ship comes, but we can’t carry around Benintendi while we go pick coconuts–Whoa! He’s alive! He just moved his arm.”
Hanley Ramirez – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .291. “Wait, the recently awoken Benintendi is pointing to the ground…Hanley’s hand has broken through the ground!”
Rick Porcello – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.79. Ya know, David Price didn’t only screw his owners, but he screwed Porcello’s owners too, because Porcello had to pick up this start. Hey, Price, eat a D!
David Price – Diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome. I’m getting the same thing from making the jerk-off motion at Price.
