Dodgers called up Andy Pages (1-for-4, 1 run) But, for all you Anglo em-effers, it’s Pagés. As in, “I shot an elephant in my Pagés.” “How did the elephant get in your Pagés?” As in, check out my pee-jays — [walks out in feety pajamas that are all pink and have a bunny tail] If Andy Pages ever meets Gavin Sheets, it’s going to be a tearful reunion. “I haven’t seen you since the party at that thesaurus’s house.” [Pages and Sheets embrace] Pages asks, “Have you seen pageboy?” Sheets shakes his head, “No, you talked to him, I didn’t.” Okay! Enough hooie on the blooie! Itch’s said previously, “Pages could be part of the Dodgers’ story in 2024 from chapter one if he can hit a little this spring. Might need an injury or two to break camp but figures to get written into the lineup by the time summer rolls round. Might’ve happened this year if not for a torn labrum that ended his season in June, just one game into his Triple-A career. At 6’1” 212 lbs, Pages features double-plus power, plus patience and a strong throwing arm from a corner-outfield profile. The shoulder injury throws this into question, of course, but if he comes all the way back, he could make an early impact, and I’d like my fist to impact Grey’s head.” Okay, not cool at all! This year in Triple-A, Pages went 5/2/.371. Okay, so he’s ready. Dodgers will likely move Enrique to utility and play Pages in left. It’s time to turn to Pages in all leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jesse Winker – 2-for-3, 2 RBI and his 2nd homer, hitting .373. Will be getting this week’s Buy out to Patreons later today, and ya best believe Winker’s in there, being one of the hottest schmotatoes.
Jared Jones – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.13. Maybe it’s confirmation bias, but how is it that you can’t find starting pitchers later in drafts? How do people say this every year? Am I being stupid? Seriously, please tell me if I am. Say, “Hey, Grey, you’re handsome as crap, but you’re being stupid.” Say that! I’m begging you!
Jose Quintana – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Mostly a Streamonator guy, but, again, look at his ERA and tell me there’s no starters to draft later.
J.T. Realmuto – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Jerry Tomato ketchup’d to that fastball!
Bryce Harper – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. Okay, but if you take that 3-homer game away from him, and yesterday, then what do you have?
Ranger Suarez – 9 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.73. Tell me I’m a stupid, handsome idiot! Please! Okay, fine, I’m not going to continue to say the same thing. If you had to draft Strider because someone was pointing a gun at your head, then I don’t want to rub it in. Was it a terrible decision after I told you for three straight months in the preseason not to draft him? Yes, but I won’t harp on it. By the way, this season is in no way different than past years. This is how it always is. Big Pitching won’t let you know about this.
Hunter Greene – 4 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.35. Great Ks and terrible command is so three years ago.
Andres Munoz – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.45, as he entered in the 7th. Munoz is the closer, but closers don’t only work the 9th inning anymore. Because of woke.
Trevor Larnach – 1-for-4. Matt Wallner was sent down and Larnach was recalled. That recalling went, “Hey, whatever happened to that Levor Tarnach guy?” “You mean, Trevor Larnach?” “Yeah, him!”
Grayson Rodriguez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.63. That’s my boy!
Gunnar Henderson – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Maybe he could sneeze some of his goodness onto Holliday.
Ryan O’Hearn – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 3rd straight game with a homer. It’s the Baltimore Michael Busch’s.
Jordan Westburg – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 4th time I’ve told you I wrote a preseason sleeper for him.
Tyler Wells – Hit the IL with elbow inflammation. Wells, that’s not good.
Ryan Weathers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.70. Okay, I’ve flippantly ignored Weathers — have lived in LA too long! — but it’s time to look at his numbers. [opens stats page, immediately closes stats page] Oh, his numbers are not great. Maybe you can Streamonator him, but I still don’t trust him.
Jordan Hicks – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners (3 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 1.57. While not as bad as Weathers, Hicks is *pinkie to mouth* weather’ing some less than ideal stats too.
Matt Chapman – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer. He’s the anti-JuRod. He’s only good in April.
Mickey Moniak – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, then replaced in the game by Aaron Hicks. Send Ron Washington to The Hague.
Logan O’Hoppe – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer. He’s such a huge bright spot for the Angels. Offensively, defensively, you name it (there’s not much else to name).
Jose Soriano – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 5 BBs, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.80. Seen Soriano get picked up aggressively in some of my leagues, and it was not by me.
Ian Happ – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, as he hits 7th. If being honest, bit more enthused by the four-hit game from Nico Hoerner. Make me Hoernery, baby!
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. I’ll admit to not drafting him in enough leagues. His path to fantasy value was so clearcut. Hitting third in a good lineup, and he’s neutrally a .280 hitter. Much to like.
Ketel Marte – 4-for-6, 3 runs and his 4th homer, as he ruined my beautiful baby boy, Adbert Alzolay, getting a save. Ketel driving me to drink!
Yusei Kikuchi – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.08. People asking if they should start Kikuchi. One love, but how are you not starting a guy pitching as well as he is right now?
Christian Yelich – Hit the IL with a lower back strain. Seemed headed that way for a few days. So, let’s discuss [puts hand on chin] Blake Perkins. But first [leans in conspiratorially] What happened to Oliver Dunn? Did Perkins do something to him? Perkins makes solid contact, takes a lot of walks, and has some power and speed, think 15/15.
Abner Uribe – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.87. Some hiccups for sure, but this closer is so lights out you best nickname him Pitch Black, baby! [intern whispers in ear] Uribe came into the game in the 4th inning? What?
Dylan Cease – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (5 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 1.99. Hmm, five walks is a quite a few steps back. Like five at least. Hopefully it’s a blip, and he’s not returning to his 2023 ways.
Tanner Bibee – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.82. Sure hope his “good starts” get better than this.
Connor Wong – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .355. Am I the only one endlessly amused the Sawx’s catching platoon is Wong and a guy who was arrested for playing with his wong?
Triston Casas – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer. Casas or Vlad Jr.? It’s close, but also it shouldn’t be based on ADP.
Garrett Whitlock – Removed from his start with oblique tightness. Before pitching, get Whitloose!
JP Sears – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.35. John Paul Sears, the Pope of Sears, was projected on the Streamonator to throw 5 2/3 IP with five baserunners and 2 ER. Geez, get bent, robot!
Lance Lynn – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 2.18. When I had this crotch-grabbing lunatic last year, if he only had one strikeout, he would’ve allowed seven runs.
Ozzie Albies – Hit the IL with a fractured big toe. Stupid toe acting all big. Know your place like the pinkie! Guessing four to six weeks on the IL. With Albies hurting, it moves up Megahertz in the order, and gives Luis Guillorme near-everyday time.
Orlando Arcia – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. “Who needs Albies?” That’s a Braves fan right before they Tommen out of a window.
Reynaldo Lopez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 0.50. I drafted Lopez everywhere, and should’ve been more vocal about it (I was plenty vocal, I’m helping take the blame off of you, but you’re wholly to blame). Oh well, my bad!
Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 10.54. This start was vs. the Braves. Wow, this guy hates your guts. First, he sabotages your ratios last start, then, once everyone’s moved on, he whirls a pearl. That’s an ugly, nasty attitude on him.
Justin Verlander – Will make his season debut on Friday. Need to look at scouting reports for this guy! Fastball sits around 94, meh. He’s 41?! How long has he been in the minors?!
Casey Mize – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.11 Funny start, he looked better than his line in some ways, and he also came within a foot of giving up a three-run homer to Seager, which would’ve changed the whole dynamic of this start. About as “some good takeaways and some bad takeaways” as a start can be. Streamonator thinks his next start will be more favorable, so we’ll see.
Jon Gray – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.44. This preseason I talked about how you have to give up your sexy pitchers for the safe, boring guys, and no better example of this was Jon Gray vs. Casey Mize yesterday. Mize might be sexier, but who’s been better for fantasy? The boring safe pitcher.
Jack Leiter – Will be called up to start on Thursday, and it might be a spot start, depending on how he looks. Leiter’s numbers in the minors are fickin’ wild. Literally. Like, hold up, does he really throw that many walks? That has to be a misprint. A 5.2 BB/9 last year in Double-A, where they swing at everything? Wow, but — again with some stank — BUT! he’s been better this year, and looks like everything has finally clicked. He has 25 Ks and 3 walks in 14 1/3 IP this year, and I’m fully intrigued. If he can come up pumping straight fuel, he could be a huge difference maker. My guess is he’s somewhere between Hunter Greene and “random starter who you don’t want on your team at all,” but worth the flyer to see.
