So, when does Brendan McKay come up to replace an Ineffective Listed Blake Snell? Ton of people asking about McKay, so I’ll go over him briefly, because I have nothing else to do but service you. I am a mere vessel for your wants and dreams. Bit like the Flowbee if you need a haircut. Prospect Mike just went over McKay in his last post. McKay is the Rays’ Ohtani. Though if hitting and pitching made Ohtani a unicorn, I’m not sure what that makes McKay. A Loch Ness Monster? Seen more often, but just as imaginary? McKay’s likely headed for a Middler role in Tampa, and maybe some at-bats. His arm excites me more than his bat, he could have a 9+ K/9 and always has insane command (2 BB/9), but Jalen White Clarence Beeks or Brendan McKay? Meh, I don’t think there’s that much of a difference. Guess McKay has more upside, and love how he sounds like what a dad would call a character on 90210 back in the 90s. Why do we even care about McKay? Have you seen Blake Snell (3 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.01)? If you have, send him back to replace the stunt double who is wearing his jersey. “I thought when they said ‘changeup,’ they meant a changeup from pitching well, so I started pitching like garbage.” That’s Blake Snell addressing dozens of crying Rays fans. I know no one wants to hear this right now, but Snell doesn’t appear to be pitching poorly; he’s having atrocious luck. Like if a ball is hit right at a fielder, a squirrel grabs the ball and throws it into the outfield for a double. He could be a buy low, as long as he’s not hiding an injury, real or fake. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Willy Adames – 2-for-2 and his 8th homer, hitting .253, and his 2nd homer in the last four games. Two-eyed Willy hit that ball all the way to the Goon Docks.
Kyle Gibson – 7 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.26. Of course, he was cruising until the very end of his start. I’m convinced he could be used as an Opener and give up four runs in the 1st inning, or throw 9 IP and give up 4 ER in the 9th. Whatever inning is his last, he makes you feel it.
Mitch Garver – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer. The Mitch is back!
Joey Gallo – 1-for-4, 1 RBI as he was activated from the IL. Since he missed a month of action, we might have to wait until next year to see him challenge the 60-homer mark, but he seems like as good a bet as any. Well, him or Ketel Maris.
Jesse Chavez – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.79. There’s a blast from the past. This was his first start, where he wasn’t just an Opener and produced good results, since 2015. Ah, yes, 2015, we had a bit more hair, a little less around the waist and your mom just found Facebook, and not yet racist Facebook memes. Sadly, Chavez doesn’t look that much improved; he’s just leaving a ton more guys on base.
Madison Bumgarner – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.21. Wow, 11 Ks! That’s amazing! He’s back to being an ace! Brain, “Um, Grey…” What, Brain? “Drew Pomeranz K’d 11 guys the night before. The Rockies aren’t a great road team.” Damn, Bum got brain bummered.
Yasmani Grandal – 1-for-5 and his 18th homer, as he hit leadoff. Have you heard about how MLB owners have a championship belt they pass around for whoever gives out the worst contract? Seriously, not joking. Okay, in that vein, I think managers have a belt for worst managing decisions. Grandal leading off? Counsell trying to win the Stupidship Belt.
Daniel Vogelbach – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. Jelly Donut of Swat is bringing zaftig ‘bach!
George Springer – 1-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I will send a company-wide email out apologizing for what I said after the assassination attempt on Big Papi. It was insensitive to say the Dominican Republic should change their tourism slogan to, ‘It’s bananas!'”
Yuli Gurriel – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Daddy Gurriel showing Lourdes he’s not over the hill yet. This was his 2nd homer in as many games, and obviously is heating up.
Ross Stripling – 3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.08. Maybe this will chill everyone the eff out about adding Stripling.
Tommy La Stella – 1-for-3 and his 16th homer, an inside-the-park home run. Put La Stella in the Home Run Derby! And make the Home Run Derby all inside-the-park home runs!
Joey Votto – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer, hitting .261. Glad to see him pick up his season. Not because I own him. Oh, hecksfire no. Not because I want him to do well. Nope! I just want him to do well enough so people are suckered in again next year. We might be able to pull off the “Votto Sucks But You’re Still Drafting Him” magic trick for the next three years.
Andrew Heaney – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.99. He’s been super hit or miss, literally and figuratively. My educated guess is he’s still hurt. But I did need autocorrect to spell ‘educated’ so keep that in mind.
Adbert Alzolay – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 2.08 in his 1st start. Kinda like him more when he was entering after an Opener. The walks are a little worrisome, but he has only allowed two hits in 8 2/3 IP, so, yeah, I’m definitely holding.
Max Fried – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (5 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA at 3.96. Sonavabench! After he was hit around a few times (two of his previous 4 starts), I’ll admit to getting cold feet with Fried and he was playing the wrong Chicago team to warm my feet. Streamonator loves his next start, and I’m going back in.
Ronald Acuna Jr. – 1-for-3 and his 19th homer. Tildaddy says you can have some pudding!
Tim Anderson – Helped off the field after spraining his ankle. Uh-oh, we need to form a giant prayer decagon.
Brandon Workman – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.70, and his 3rd save. This is his 1st save since June 2nd. P to the erhaps we can look back at June 25th as the day Alex Cora realized Workman should be his closer, but I have my doubts. We’ll see. Like Yelich, my hindsight is almost 20/20, depending on my hedges.
Trea Turner – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .280. Hate to kick a gift horse, but I will kick the crap out of that gift horse and deal with PETA later if it means Turner will stop homering and start stealing. I have literally everyone else on my team for homers, steal a base!
Kendrys Morales – Designated for assignment. Damn, you know what the Yankees did to Morales, right? It’s like when you break up with someone and latch onto the first thing with a heartbeat for a few weeks, then your original squeeze calls you up and wants to get back together and you’re like, “Peace out, Kendrys, my boo’s taking me back!”
Giancarlo Stanton – Left yesterday’s game after a headfirst slide. He’ll have an MRI on his knee. Just when things couldn’t seem to get worse for Giancarlo, the MRI technician saw Giancarlo yesterday and said, “We’ve stopped accepting those stamp cards at this location.”
DJ LeMahieu – 2-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .333. Comatose Yankees Fan, “Dude! I was out for like two months. Anyway, I saw LeMahieu has 11 homers. Damn, the ball must be juiced!” It is. “So, what do Giancarlo and Judge have? 30 homers each? Haha, I’m laughing, but I’m dead serious. Tell me. Why’s everyone tiptoeing out of the room? I can handle it if Giancarlo and Judge only have 25 homers apiece. Guys?”
Aaron Judge – 2-for-3 and his 6th homer, hitting .267. Judge went back-to-back with LeMahieu, because, I can only imagine, Judge watched how it was done and emulated DJ.
Edwin Encarnacion – 1-for-2 and his 24th homer, hitting .230. The Yankees broke the record for most games (28) in a row with a home run. The previous record was 27, which is the number most often cited by Yankees fans when challenged. “I drove last time, would you mind driving today?” “27 rings, bro!” “We’re just going to dinner, and stop calling me ‘bro,’ I’m your mother.”
Jeff McNeil – 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI, hitting .348. Now in 2nd place for major league batting lead, and has a .410 OBP. While he sits on five homers. McNeil out here living his best Sparky Anklebiter life. Yo, Jeff McNeil, you Johnny Pesky? You going pole dancing? You don’t need to strip, just collect singles.
Amed Rosario – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (9) and legs (10), hitting .261. Amed showing the best kind of OCD, keeping his homers close to his steals. Let’s go ahead and homer again so Amed doesn’t need to touch the doorknob fifteen times every time he walks into the clubhouse, because Jason Vargas is fuming and about to punch someone.
Scott Kingery – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .331, as he continues to hit leadoff. Kingery’s headed for a top 50 overall season and you’re gonna be like, “Did I really drop homeboy for Nicky Lopez?” And I oop–
Rhys Hoskins – 1-for-3 and his 18th homer, hitting .270. Like E.T. would’ve said, all hail Rhysus.
Maikel Franco – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Maikel looked like he could’ve been a top 5 3rd basemen in April, before petering out, but now the hot schmotato run starts again.
Brad Hand – 0 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.36. Hand unraveled like a cheap piñata, giving up a grand slam to Hunter Dozier (1-for-5, 4 RBIs, 13th homer, 2nd homer in three games). Brad dealt a bad Hand. Like the weasel he is, he just needs to shake it off.
Carlos Santana – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer, hitting .290. Oye como yay!
Jordan Hicks – Will have Tommy John surgery. I wonder what Dr. Frank Jobe, who performed Tommy John surgery when it was still called ‘Who is the patient with the bowl haircut and the Dodgers jersey in room three?’, would say about Hicks having Tommy John surgery. Was it ever intended for a pitcher who once threw 100 MPH to come back and throw that hard again? Any hoo! Carlos Martinez would seem to have the lead for saves, but this doesn’t seem as said-and-done as people are making it out. I’m absolutely reading into the Cards throwing Tyler Webb out there for the 9th, even if they were losing.
Jack Flaherty – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.75. What’s that you’re listening to, Flaherty? “Snell’s Like Teens Flying Spirit Airlines.” Unlike Snell’s peripherals, Flaherty’s are down from last year, and he looks a lot more like a number three fantasy starter, than the number one I thought we were drafting. Yay for misconceptions!
Matt Olson – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 13thy homer, hitting .241. Lot of people asking to drop Olson. I’m sorry, but he’s headed for 30 homers in 350 ABs. Y’all serious?
Logan Allen – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.38. Since I watched the majority of his start, I can tell you the Orioles looked worse than Allen looked great. The Orioles’ number three hitter was Pedro Severino. The Marlins’ lineup looks at that and questions what the hell the Orioles are doing. However (Grey’s about to turn things around, grab onto your seats!), I’d still obviously own Allen, and do in multiple leagues.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .323. FTJ! Fun the Jewels fast! Fun the Jewels fast!
Manuel Margot – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Hitters facing Orioles pitchers + Coors hitters = Online degree from Suckass University. Hmm, math’s a little off there, was supposed to equal a degree of success in fantasy baseball.
Manny Machado – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .281. Machado received a standing ovation from the fans on his return trip to Baltimore and greeted each of the Orioles players with, “Who are you? Do I know you? Richie Martin? Like the singer? Who are these guys?”