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Eloy Jimenez, 2019 Fantasy Outlook

October 30, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 64 Comments

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Late in the season, when it appeared like Eloy Jimenez might be called up, I said he was putting his finishing touches on his Roy Hobbs’ Halloween costume.  Maybe I was saying that because he was tearing the cover off the ball, maybe I heard something about the following clip I’m about to share or maybe I really am a prescient witch — preswich?  Either way, watch this:

In case you’re not seeing how far the ball is going, I got a little secret for you to judge the ball’s trajectory.  After his first swing, the ball smashes the light tower!  Okay, he is Roy Hobbs.  It’s such a whatever swing for him, before the ball hits the light tower, he’s already hit another home run!  That’s right, that’s not a GIF of one swing, it’s of two swings!  He swings and the ball travels so far that he’s able to swing and hit another home run before the first ball smashes the light tower!  Sure, it was a home run derby, but are you kidding me?  Have you seen home run derbies before?  Guys are exhausted after they hit a home run and are asking for time outs and calling up Bryce Harper’s dad for tips way before they hit another home run!  But Eloy hits the light tower, pulls the bat back and hits another home run!  Seriously WUT.  *feels lightheaded* I need to sit down; Eloy’s got me shook!  Anyway, what can we expect from Eloy Jimenez for 2019 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Vladimir Guerrero Jr., 2019 Fantasy Outlook

October 29, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 55 Comments

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Ayo whaddup it’s ya boy Grey Albright aka the Fantasy Master Lothario aka The Guy With No Tummy Tuck But Just Looks Fine aka The Guy Who Spent Forty Minutes Googling Steely Dan Lyrics aka The Guy Who Tries To Spell Every Word On A Calculator Held Upside Down aka The Guy Who Eats A Macadamia Nut Like A Professor And Says, “I’m An Macademic” aka The Guy Who Often Wonders Whatever Happened To Ione Skye aka The Guy Who Says His Name Is Steve To Telemarketers aka The Guy Who Can Sing Any Song Off The ‘Fear Of A Black Planet’ Album aka The Dirt On Your Keyboard’s Shift Key.  I’m here with 2019 content, snitches!  Okay, I need to sit down, I’ve exhausted myself in the excitement of it all.  Well, the joke’s on my butt, I have nowhere to sit!  A quick preamble about the 2019 fantasy baseball rookie series that is coming from me over the next few weeks.  Rookies could get a post if they meet MLB eligibility requirements, less than 130 ABs or 50 IP.  That means no Roman Quinn, no Magneuris Sierra, and no Ramon Laureano.  In 2012, the first player I highlighted was Mike Trout.  That wasn’t an accident.  I said in the Mike Trout post, “He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff.  He’s the big Statue of Liberty in New York, not that girly one in Paris!”  Since then, I’ve attempted to make the first rookie post about a prospect that will be the top rookie for fantasy the following year.  Last year that honor went to Ronald Acuña Jr.  Yes, it’s an honor, don’t be so condescending.  This year the top fantasy prospect isn’t no ordinary man, this is the prospect I be seeing in my sleep.  Vladimir Guerrero Jr. will be your number one 2019 fantasy baseball rookie.  Will Vlad Jr. be named to the All-Century Team in 82 years or edged out by a robot with grabby hands named the Hitter-Tron that my great-great-nephew will sue, due to trademark infringement, only to find out it’s the same Hitter-Tron that once graced this little fantasy baseball blog called Razzball?  Can Vladimir Guerrero Jr. be a top 50 overall player in 2019?  Let’s stop the questions and start the answers!  Okay, one more question… Anyway, what we can expect of Vladimir Guerrero Jr. for 2019 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 40 Starters for 2018 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap

October 26, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 34 Comments

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So, how’s everyone holding up without baseball every day?  I don’t know what to do with myself!  Yesterday I wandered into a Starbucks and told the coffeerista about German Marquez for 2019.  Then I sobbed into a cheddar scone until someone asked me to leave.  We’ve gone over the final 2018 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters and the top 20 starters.  This is different than Final Fantasy rankings where you rank Final Fantasy 1 thru Final Fantasy 15.  That’s hardcore nerd shizz!  This is simply fantasy baseball — we’re softcore nerds like Emmanuelle is to porn.  So, there’s no more of these godforsaken recap posts left.  You’re welcome.  I, my over-the-internet friend, will be talking next about 2019 rookies.  Anyway, here’s the top 40 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 20 Starters for 2018 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap

October 22, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 100 Comments

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All the final 2018 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters are done.  For those that skipped today’s title, this starts the top 20 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball.  This is NOT for 2019 (caps for those who can’t read titles; supposedly it’s easier to read caps, I have my doubts).  This is a recap.  Actually, RECAP, literally.  Will these affect next year’s rankings?  Sure.  But not entirely.  To recapitulate, these rankings are from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater.  We’re (me’re) using it to fairly gauge our (my) preseason rankings.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 40 Outfielders, 2018 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap

October 19, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 33 Comments

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With the top 40 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball, we’ve finished all the hitter recaps.  We meaning me, but I’ll include you.  No, that’s not a cue to try to hold my hand.  Why are you now patting my butt?  Don’t muss my hair!  The pitching recap will begin next.  You can hardly wait.  No, you!  To recap, the end of the season rankings are based on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater.  I felt the easiest way to keep it objective would to go this route.  This way when I say someone finished 30th and I ranked them 23rd in the preseason, it carries more weight like Willians Astudillo.  Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 20 Outfielders for 2018 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap

October 18, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 52 Comments

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Went over the catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and shortstops and top 20 3rd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball.  Guess what’s next!  No, not pitchers. Read the title, man.  In 2010, there were only 5 outfielders that hit 30 homers, in 2011 there were 9, 14 in 2012, in 2013, there were 3, a small bounce back with 6 in 2014, eight in 2015, 11 outfielders in 2016, and last year there were 15.  This year…DRUM ROLL!….10 outfielders hit 30 homers.  Womp, womp.  Obvious trend…denied!  As for steals, there were 14 outfielders who stole 30 bases in 2012, 10 in 2013, 11 in 2014, five in 2015, seven in 2016 and last year there were…2!  This year:  five outfielders stole 30 and eleven players overall, up from six.  Steals are on the come up!  As before, these rankings are from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 20 3rd Basemen, 2018 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap

October 15, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 40 Comments

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For those looking for pictures of ballplayers taking off their ballcap and recapping themselves, you’re in the wrong place!  Something I’ve noticed from recapping each position is not every hitting position was deep.  Outfielders?  Crazy deep.  1st basemen?  Surprising awful.  2nd basemen?  Solid.  Shortstops?  Sneaky sexy — snexy?  3rd basemen?  Stacked until the end, then there’s a huge dropoff.  Eduardo Escobar is 12th for shortstops (17th here), but Camargo is 19th here and 20th at shortstops, i.e., there’s a drought at the tail end of this like a reverse Wet Tail.  Also, there’s about three guys who don’t have other eligibility.  Managers are using 3rd basemen like utility men.  This recap ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked players in the preseason. Now, let’s get this, young money.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 20 Shortstops, 2018 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap

October 12, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 78 Comments

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Here’s what I said two years ago, “We’re gonna find out if the top 20 shortstops are as Ken Bonerific as the top 20 2nd basemen.  Hint:  they are.  Damn, I gotta work on building suspense.  That hint pretty much gives the whole kit away and tacks the kaboodle onto its back as it’s walking out the door.  Goodbye, kit and kaboodle, I just gave you away for nothing.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Then last year, the shortstops collapsed like every piece of furniture you’ve ever put together from Ikea.  This year?  Rebound, baby!  Without further Machado, to recap, this final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments.  The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 20 2nd Basemen, 2018 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap

October 8, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 88 Comments

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We already went over the top 20 catchers and the top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball.  Today, we dip our big toe into the top 20 2nd basemen pool.  2nd basemen had some huge disappointments, while also being deeper than 1st basemen.  A few disappointments, to varying degrees:  Yoan Moncada, Jonathan Schoop, Dee Gordon, Paul DeJong, Robinson Cano, Ian Happ, Daniel Murphy, Tim Beckham and some in this post, big and small and one that is small that was a big disappointment.  To recap this crap (rhyme points!), this final ranking for last year is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments.  Actually, that’s the ESPN Player Rater, I’m using the Yahoo Player Rater (due to position eligibility).  Tomato-tomato with different emphasis.  The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 20 1st Basemen, 2018 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap

October 5, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 87 Comments

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After drudging through an Andy Dufresne-type tunnel for the top 20 catchers for 2018 fantasy baseball, I find myself with a group that actually really hurt or helped your team depending on how you drafted.  If you went wrong with your 1st baseman, it could kill your season.  Hey, Wil Myers, no hard feelings from me, because I didn’t own you.  You prolly got some splainin’ to do to your owners though.  If you went right, you might’ve won your league.  However (uh-oh), 1st base, well, I guess that’s why we’re here.  To recap, this final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 20 Catchers, 2018 Fantasy Baseball, Recap

October 4, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 50 Comments

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It feels like just the other day the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in July, you screamed out, “Give it to me, Giancarlo!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend. C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2018. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2018. To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?”  It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players, then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. It’s cold hard math, y’all! Please, for the love that all is holy, don’t ask me if this is for next year.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The 10th Annual Razzballies

October 2, 2018 | Y to Z | 93 Comments

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Welcome back for another star-studded event!  Assuming you hack into your favorite online dictionary and replace the definition of ‘star’ with “guy who lives in his mom’s basement and screams when someone finishes his Doritos,” and next to the definition of ‘stud’ you put a picture of yourself.  The Razzballies are the only award show where it’s totally fine to show up in sweatpants, and for your fingers to be orange from Cheetos.  We don’t judge.  We will occasionally mock.  Mock-judge, tomato-tomahto.  Get over it!  But don’t mock Judge, that’s not all right.  I hope you enjoyed the clip show where I inserted myself into various baseball clips from this year.  How about the clip where I was Kris Bryant learning about launch angles from David Eckstein?  Hee-lar-e-us!  So, before I’m talking to no one but a room full of seat-fillers, here’s the year-end awards for the best and worst of fantasy baseball:

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