Up front I have to get it out of the way, I hate the Rays for hitting sleepers in shallower mixed leagues. They have five platoons set up already and we’re not even at Spring Training yet.  Once we hit March, there’s going to be at least seven possible platoons.  Platoons are good for liberty, bad for fantasy baseball, i.e., libertad/libertbad. The trade of Mallex Smith helps the case for Austin Meadows and, specifically, his playing time, i.e., you can’t spell libertad without trade.  (I tried too.)  In the Rays’ outfield, there’s still Kevin Kiermaier, Tommy Pham, Brandon Lowe, who I want to get playing time, and Guillermo Heredia, who I don’t want to get playing time but will likely because of that reason.  Kevin Cash divvies up so much playing time we should call him, Kevin One Of Those Change Belts Teenagers Who Work At Arcades Wear.  That’s pretty pithy.  Anyway, what can we expect from Austin Meadows for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Everyone is clamoring for a Daniel Palka post.  Don’t even try to lie.  I know how hotly contested this is gonna be.  Fine!  Daniel Palka is a bore, but let’s look at this way.  Imagine everyone lining up every sleeper post ever written.  What’s the number one sleeper post of all time?  The November 1995 sleeper post about Brady Anderson and how a 16-homer hitter was about to hit 50 homers?  A 2010 Jose Bautista sleeper post about how a 13-homer hitter was about to hit 54 homers?  A 2000 Darin Erstad sleeper about how he was about to hit .355?  Richard Hidalgo that same year about to hit 44 homers?  Before each of those posts, they were snoozes too.  Hence, sleepers!  So, before you place your iPhone on the ground with this post open so your dog can rub its ass on Palka, let’s hold judgment.  Anyway, what can we expect from Daniel Palka for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Talk about a guy who could be completely off radars next year, and be huge.  I’m hummna-hummna’ing before I even start.  Let’s talk team sitch first.  You’re gonna need a seatbelt for this one, because I’m going neck deep fast like a snake coming up a toilet drain.  Ramon Laureano takes a walk, and not just at 8 AM with a senior at a mall going to get lunch.  He might sneak into a .370 OBP, and, if I’ve learned anything from Fat Jonah and Billy Beane on a treadmill in Moneyball, a solid OBP guy means he’s going to hit leadoff for the A’s.  The A’s who last year scored the fourth most runs in the league and were sorely missing a leadoff man.  They tried Marcus Semien for 292 ABs, saying, “Let’s give Semien a shot!  Hey…that’s not mud in my eye.”  They gave Martini a shot at leadoff for 120 ABs and, like a bad episode of Sex in the City, Martini is what led to Semien, so we know how well that worked out.  Unless they trade for someone else this offseason, and I see no reason why they would, who else is leading off in Oakland?  Piscotty?  Olson?  Chapman?  They shouldn’t be, and, Billy Beane pulling the strings on that giant puppet-shaped Bob Melvin willing, they won’t.  Nomar backwards will.  If they can do a surgery on a grape, Laureano can be the A’s leadoff hitter for 400+ ABs.  So, what can we expect from Ramon Laureano for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Off the bat (up the middle, pasta diving Jeter!), I don’t know if Michael Conforto will be a sleeper.  I’m drafting him like he’s not a sleeper, and I see some other ‘perts drafting him like he’s not a sleeper, but, then I see some common folk drafts (I’m so highfalutin!), and I think how on earth did Conforto last that long?  That’s a sleeper.  For unstints, I ranked Eddie Rosario last year in the top 75 overall and called him a sleeper.  In some leagues, that would not have been a sleeper.  Michael Conforto is going to be samesis in 2019.  On a more philosophical note and worth discussing briefly, what a sleeper is changes depending on what company you’re keeping.  What a sleeper is is (stutterer!) amorphous.  In some leagues, Adalberto Mondesi might be a sleeper.  In other leagues, he’ll be drafted in the top 15 (I’ve seen it, don’t @ me). Last year, I named Eddie Rosario and Ben Gamel as outfielder sleepers.  Gamel sucked donkey balls, granted, but can you see how different those are in terms of sleeper?  Yes?  Good, then I can begin to belabor some other point.  Last year, Conforto went 78/28/82/.243/3 in 543 ABs.  Sounds like a poor man’s Piscotty.  I will call him Piss-on-a-cot-ty and move right along!  OR WILL I?!  Damn, you reversal question, you nearly gave me a heart attack.  Oh, you best believe there’s more where this came from, Conforto’s on the come, which is a phrase that I would never say in front of my mother.  She has virgin ears, don’t tell me different.  So, what can we expect from Michael Conforto for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

How is it that every year I’m so money that the U.S. Mint calls me up and asks if they can put my head on the hundred dollar bills, then I receive a follow-up call from P. Diddy asking if he can remix All About The Benjamins into All About The Albrights?  How so?  Only you mumble ‘How so’ to make it sound like a Pujols.  “Tell me how this is possible!” you scream into the abyss.  It’s easy, prematurely balding man.  I’m up here thinking about 2019 when most people are regurgitating what happened last year.  Even the best projections systems are so timid about pushing a guy’s projections for 2019 much past what they did last year.  For instance, Harrison Bader — a great example since this post will be about him at some point — Steamer projects him for 17/15/.245.  Can’t a guy at 24 years old, going into his third year in the majors, break out?  This is, of course, a rhetorical question so stop answering it.  Don’t even nod.  Do you have candy coming out of your neck like a Pez?  No?  Then stop nodding!  If you followed others, you’d think 24-year-olds all plateaued.  Players get better as they come of age, and they get worse as they get older.  Simplistic and there’s examples disapproving this?  Yes, but it still more or less holds true.  So, what can we expect from Harrison Bader for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?