by: Grey
Cardinals won’t make the playoffs, but they should’ve been a 100-loss team and they might end up at .500. That takes ingenuity. Like parallel parking a golf cart while drinking six beers out of a boot. Ingenuity does not show up on the leaderboards. You’re not going to find ingenuity as a category in your […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Another top prospect was called up, this one was also the star of Webster and used to dunk on Gary Coleman, his name is Emmanuel Lewis. Dick Butkus was his dad and he burned down a house. Let’s hear it for the boy, who is actually a 49-year-old man pretending to be a seven-year-old! [intern […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Okay, time to Pratter about Cooper. Super duper. I can’t say ‘super duper’ without hearing Puttin’ on the Ritz in my head. How has no cheese spread used the song Puttin’ on the Ritz with someone glomming some goodness on a cracker? Or has Ritz crackers used Puttin’ on the Ritz and I’ve forgotten? Did […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Talking to my Shohei Ohtani bobblehehead, “You’re going to be okay. You just need to rest a few days.” [Moving his head and miming talking] “I’m sorry, what?” [picking up my Shohei Ohtani translator bobblehead] “Unfortunately, I tried to play through a shoulder, knees and elbow, knees and elbows, knees and elbows pain. I’m sorry […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Brewers cook up one thing: Excellent starters. It’s how they produce those weak hops, Amber. Know what ales them? Nothing! No ups and downs for a yeast inflection. Oh, hey, Googler, glad you found us from your search, “How to make beer?” This is exactly going to help you, because when I stand at a […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Yesterday, Aaron Judge went 0-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. He was slotted right back into right field, which is perhaps the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Only thing dumber might be paying a red-light camera. They can’t make you pay. This is legal advice from a fantasy baseball ‘pert. Call me into […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Happy Labor Day, or as MLB calls it, “Happy Give Some Teams Off On A National Holiday Because We’re Professional Idiots.” Welcome to my semi-monthly tribute to the couple who used to make the MLB schedule for, like, 20 years and were awesome, and, ever since they retired a few years back, the schedule’s been […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?One of the first things you learn in Spanish language classes is how to roll your cars. You hit a corner as hard as you can and scream, “OYE!” [intern whispers in ear] You roll R’s? What does that even mean? The letter? I have a stack of resumes to replace you that goes from […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Connor Norby aka Con-Nor is again the Rockies pulling a fast one on an unsuspecting trade partner. Here’s the Rockies’ front office, “Who will we tantalizingly ruse this time? The Marlins? Okay, watch this,” then they do a move that you’re just left to wonder, “Are the Rockies so insanely dumb that they’re smart?” It’s […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Yesterday, Adley Rutschman (2-for-4, 3 runs) hit his 10th and 11th homer, as he returned to Camden for the first time since his trade. He hit that 2nd home run and you know he was like, “Yeah, former sugar daddy, this is what you’re not getting no more!” Then as he rounded the bases, he […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Another day, another great Phillies pitcher, eh? I said “eh” like I was drinking a bottle of maple syrup with my pinkie in the air. I hate the “we have to talk about” segue. It sounds like Oprah in my head. “We have to talk about something, you know what we have to talk about […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Gavin Williams (7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 BB), 13 Ks, ERA at 3.81) might have the record for most ledes in one calendar year, and he only has a 3.81 ERA! Has any pitcher ever been so good while seeming so bad? Sorry, he’s excellent. Also, he’s got a near-4 ERA? I’m not […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?