by: Grey
Another day, another great Phillies pitcher, eh? I said “eh” like I was drinking a bottle of maple syrup with my pinkie in the air. I hate the “we have to talk about” segue. It sounds like Oprah in my head. “We have to talk about something, you know what we have to talk about […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Gavin Williams (7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 BB), 13 Ks, ERA at 3.81) might have the record for most ledes in one calendar year, and he only has a 3.81 ERA! Has any pitcher ever been so good while seeming so bad? Sorry, he’s excellent. Also, he’s got a near-4 ERA? I’m not […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Mariners went out and got Taylor Ward at the deadline and ever since they’ve been like: [pokes Taylor Ward with a stick] “Uh, is he supposed to move?” [lights end of stick with a fire, takes burning ember and pokes Taylor Ward again] “No, he’s a goner. Sad. I guess toss him into the Puget […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Could Zebby Matthews (8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.58) of the Matthewsses be having himself a star mitzvah? Let’s see the background on him: His real name is Daniel Zebulon Matthews. Honestly, smart move to go by Zebby. Zebulon is out of this world on its own. […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
You know what’s kinda weird? Those earrings that stretch earlobes? I just shuddered thinking about them, but they’re not weird. Eating turkey makes you tired, but turkeys aren’t always sleeping? That’s closer to weird, but not quite what I was going for. They still deliver mail six days a week, in all kinds of terrible […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Many people know Minnesota as the Land of 10,000 Lakes. What they don’t know, who the heck counted all those lakes? What if they were at like 9,877 lakes and someone tickled them and they lost count and just started again at 9,880, then it would actually be the Land of 9,997 Lakes, but no […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Going outside my house in Staten Island in the 103-degree heat to put a little Luis Garcia Jr. (3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer, hitting .287) jersey on my baby Jesus in my nativity set and calling inside, “How’s that Ma?” Ma screams back, “LuGaJu! LuGaJu! Now put a little Ben Rice […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Last week, after yet another bad start, Paul Skenes couldn’t sleep. He was ruminating his career. His bad starts piling on top of each other. On top of it all, he was dealing with a girlfriend who had a very bad jimmy leg. His coach, LL Donkey, said to him, “If you’re going to be […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Okay, we have to talk about Cal Raleigh (3-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 15th, 16th and 17th homer). I should’ve told you to drop him April. Maybe that would’ve got him going earlier. When not accounting for injury, this season is the worst follow-up to a MVP-like year ever. I can’t think of many that […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
It’s not all bad news that you don’t have Nick Martinez on any teams. If you drafted him instead of Paul Skenes in the 2nd round, your leaguemates would’ve lured you into Patrick’s basement. (Patrick is your leaguemate and the stock broker who keeps trying to get you in his fund, and you’re like, “Patrick, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Saw an open house on RedFin recently of the Rockies’ front office. You enter from the parking lot into the lobby, which was built to resemble a giant ear canal. Then you travel into the main workspace, where the office and personnel is supposed to be and it was designed to appear to be a […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Mariners’ Jerry Dipoto watching the giant clock that reads, “Rookie Eligibility Manipulation.” The big hand reads, “Service Time,” and the smaller hand reads, “Under 45 Days Active to Maintain Rookie Eligibility.” Dipoto remarks to his assistant, “Why didn’t they put ‘Under 45 Days Active to Maintain Rookie Eligibility’ on the big hand and ‘Service Time’ […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?