There’s literally nothing like a sweet summer Friday afternoon at Wrigley Field in Chicago, where the ivy glows green, the breeze drifts through the stands, and time seems to move at the pace of the game. The famous hot dog vendors screaming louder than the neon relish on the dogs they’re hawking. And as the team to play the most day games on Friday, Cubs fans are truly privileged to get the opportunity to enjoy a Friday afternoon at the ballpark (at least until they up and move to the field in Hammond, Indiana). Well, after Friday afternoon’s 18-3 beatdown at the hands of the San Francisco Giants, you’d be hard-pressed to convince Cubs fans right now that they are lucky for any aspect of their North Side baseball club. The Giants started the hit fest off early with a Willy Adames two-run homer in the first inning, a 430 foot bomb that cleared the stands and set the tone for the day. Cubs starter Edward Cabrera struggled, and Matt Chapman piled on with a grand slam in the fourth, and at that point, Cubs fans must be thinking there’s actually plenty of places they would rather be on a Friday. At home, for one. Now they probably have to sit in traffic. Ugh. But oh no, they weren’t done yet. Adames and Chapman both homered again in the sixth inning, Chapman with a three-run tank that gave him eight RBI for the day and put the Giants up 16-0. Sweet sassy molassy! Okay, Cubs fans, you can go home now. The eight RBI was a single-game high for a player this year, and Chappy is finally heating up, hitting three of his four homers in the past week. Lost in the 18-run shellacking was Casey Schmitt’s four hits, including his 14th and 15th home runs, and rookie Jonah Cox going a perfect 3-for-3 with his first career home run, a 450-foot bomb. Have a day, rook! Maybe this is the offense Buster Posey had been envisioning this whole time. The 18-3 final looks like a football score, which unfortunately just reminds Chicagoans of their Bears impending relocation to the Hammond, Indiana aka the armpit of Midwest. How embarrassing for you all. At least, for now, you still have breezy Friday afternoon games at Wrigley Field’s friendly confines, and at least the beer was cold.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Edward Cabrera – 3.2 IP, 8 hits, 8 ER, BB, 6 K, 3 HR allowed as he returned from the IL. Welp, um, at least his velocity was up? *dodges deep dish tomato pie*

Robbie Ray – 5.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 5 BB, 4 K, 4th win. Not to pile on the pepper, and whatever you put on my hot dog I’ll eat, Cubs fans, but this pitcher just cannot throw strikes right now (nine called strikes all games, he needed 45 pitches to get through the first two innings) and the Cubs just let him beat them and grab his first win in almost a month.

Seiya Suzuki – 1-for-1, 2 runs HR (9). Seiya later, Soldier field! I heard the Hammond sunset is beautiful at golden hour when the light hits the smoke stacks, smog, and shipping containers just right.

Jesus Luzardo – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 5 ER, 2 BB, 2 K. Oh, Jesus. I thought this was behind us. If you’re going to own the Lizard King Luzardo, I guess you need to expect a certain level of volatility. He had gone four straight solid outings before this one, and it wasn’t even all that bad when you consider the White Sox are kind of a scary match up these days. Should get back on track versus the Jays next week, they’re terrible.

Brandon Marsh  – 1-for-4, HR (6), 2 RBI. B-Marsh has been absolutely on fire as of late, and not just because it’s hot and that beard is itchy. He’s hitting .380 in the past week, and .360 over the past two weeks with two homers. But whatever he gives you is gravy cause you drafted him for the vibes.

Adolis Garcia – 2-for-4, HR (6), RBI. I held this joker for two months before dropping him on Monday after he went 0-for-17. He’s now on a four game hitting streak with homers in back to back games including this absolute tank. Say what you will about Adolis, that bat flip is a thing of beauty.

Kyle Schwarber– 4-for-5, 2 runs. I mean, it is June, after all.

Randal Grichuk – 2-for-3, 2 HR (6). Bet the Yankees could have used a power bat like this right about now.

Bryan Woo – 6.1 IP, 9 hits, 5 ER, 7 K. Grey told you to SELL! Cursed him with his Woo Doo, probably. If you haven’t read his blurb, let me fill you in. Grey haaaates Bryan Woo. That much is clear. Sell if you can. But not to Grey.

Framber Valdez – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 3rd win. He’s alternating poor quality starts with very usable starts. If this trend holds he’s probably going to have a rough day next week, and the Twins should tee off. He’s also probably going to have some sort of attitude, probably or at least yell at someone for doing something that was his fault. Don’t blame me, I’m just telling you the numbers!

Will Vest – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, BB, 2 K. BUY! Kyle Finnegan pitched the eighth, and this would have been a save chance if not for a Torkelson home run playing spoiler. Vest looks like the de facto closer while Kenley is out. I tried to put myself in the shoes of Mr. Manager and know Finnegan has the ever intriguing closer experience, but AJ Hinch is not your average Mr. Manager. He’s actually pretty good. So most likely this is a fluid situation, which is so obnoxious.

Colt Emerson – 1-for-4, HR (4), slashing .255/.328/.582. His third homer in the past week. Oppo taco, too! He’s got a porn star name and a .926 OPS. How are we not talking about this rookie more? He should be rostered everywhere. This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!

Gleyber Torres – 3-for-4, run, 2 RBI. He’s hitting .538 with seven hits in three games, including a dinger since he returned from the IL. Also, the Tigers have won four in a row, and Skubal could be back next week.

Sonny Gray – 6.1 IP, 8 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, 7th win, ERA at 3.20 ERA . More sunny than grey this time! When signing with Boston, Sonny was fairly vocal about not enjoying his time in NYC City and this was his first meeting since those comments, so you can imagine the Yanks were ready to show him why their city never sleeps. Fortunately for Boston, they are missing their star player, and probably need him even to beat a team with no star players like the Red Sox. Seven wins on this team is impressive, he should be a popular trade candidate should the Sawx decide to sell.

Willson Contreras – 2-for-4, HR (13), 3 RBI. Speaking of trade candidates, Willson absolutely hates this baseball. Upper deck! 420 blaze it! Willie’s putting up some career numbers this year for a guy who’s had a fairly illustrious career, hitting .299/.394/.540 with a .934 OPS, and top 10 in wRC+! That’s something for an offense averaging less than two runs a game. He’s also consistently looked like the only bat in this lineup who gives a [expletive deleted].

Aroldis Chapman – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (13). This was his first save chance in almost two weeks, and it got a little hairy with some baby BBs, but he’s looked like the best closer in baseball outside of Miller and another valuable trade chip.

Ryan Weathers – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 5 ER, BB, 4 K, 4th L. It was more stormy than sunny for Weathers, who was hit hard all night despite some increased velocity. He was also victim of a missed double play and some sub-mid defense. Still, he’s now given up five earned runs in three of his past four starts. Regression fairies are in favor of a hard salary cap. They think players are overpaid divas, that owners are the real heroes doing the dirty work behind the scenes and they will destroy your ratios.

Ben Rice – 2-for-3, HR (18). This one was in the Rice cooker for hours before poppin’ off! Benny is fourth in homers, second in OPS and wRC+, fourth in RBI and first in SLG% (.649). Uhh, yes please and thank you keep it coming. Yordan Alvarez has the higher OPS and seems like the obvious frontrunner for MVP, but Rice would be real interesting if not for his team. Still, I think that catcher eligibility makes Ben Rice undeniably the most valuable player in fantasy right now.

Spencer Jones – 3-for-3, RBI. I mean, if the Yankees were auditioning Aaron Judge replacements based on looks alone this guy would probably be the top choice.

Trey Yesavage– 5.2 IP, 5 hits, 6 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 3rd L. Trey was cruisin’ through this one until a nightmare 6-6-sixth inning where he surrendered more runs than he has in a start all year. Yes savage! We’ll chalk this one up to the O’s being so hot right now, Hansel. You’re still starting him next week, even against the Phillies.

Adley Rutschman – 4-for-4, 4 runs, HR (8), 5 RBI. It seems obvious to say when Adley has a game, the O’s win big, since he hits in the heart of their lineup, but man, when Adley is having a game, he’s like an absolute monster. He kicked this one off with an Ad-bomb, then came through in the clutch in the sixth to tie the game. Love that intensity from Gunnar, by the way! It almost feels like he’s not completely tanking my season. Rutschman finished the game with four hits and four runs, and don’t look now, but the Birds have won 10 of their last 14.

Coby Mayo – 1-for-5, 2 runs, HR (8), 2 RBI. We call that a miracle whip! Hell man’s on fire! Five game hitting streak with two homers in that stretch and three bombs in his past 10 games.

Drew Rasmussen – 7.0 IP, 1 hit, 0 ER, 9 K, 5th win. Just how we Drew it up! The Razz got roughed up last week, so this was a nice rebound, but he’s about as reliable as it’s gonna get. His 0.92 WHIP is good for second best in the league (only Cam Schlittler is lower) and the nine Ks was a season high. That should get him on the list of top 100 starts but I’ll wait for Vin to share.

Mauricio Dubon – 2-for-4, 2 runs, HR (6), 3 RBI. Three straight games with a home run! The man cannot be stopped! If you told me Mauricio Dubon would be my best rostered hitter on June 6th I would ask you what last place feels like. I was looking over some of the prospects Dave Dombrowski dealt to build the Red Sox 2018 championship team and was shocked to see that the best prospect he dealt during his tenure ended up being Mauricio Dubon. You could make a case for Michael Kopech based on his Dodgers run, sure, but most of these prospects such as Jalen Beeks, Yoan Moncada, Deven Marrero, Travis Shaw and Victor Diaz didn’t become successful major leaguers. Holy tangent, sorry I’m saying being aggressive with trading your prospects when they actually have value is the way to go! I’m looking at you, Orioles!

Mitch Keller  – 4.2 IP, 7 hits, 6 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. I now understand why Carmen Mlodzinski was upset he lost a rotation spot to this guy.

Martin Perez – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 4th win. Braves are the new Brewers with pitchers. But the Brewers are also still the Brewers don’t get that twisted. Perez has four straight five inning starts, including one 10 strikeout performance in there, and oh boy, being on a team that scores runs sure does make a difference, doesn’t it? He gets the White Sox next, and I might not push my luck that far, but Martin has delivered well above his MP!

Brent Rooker – 1-for-4, HR (9). This was definitely my worst pick of the year, and I might spend all season trying to make up for it. You can tell me his bat will heat up with the weather and Sacramende in the summer, etc., but it’s hard to envision when he’s striking out 10 times a week. I have to close my eyes when he plays, and at this point, I’m more worried he’s going to lose his starting job to Henry Bolte (3-for-4, slashing .328/.397/.391) than that he’s actually going to return anything close to the value I paid for him.

Isaac Paredes – 1-for-2, HR (9), 4 RBI. He’s now homered in three straight! Cue the Pride Paredes! Quick, now trade him, Houston!

Travis Bazzana – 3-for-4, HR (4), SB (9). Crikey! The slam & legs in Tejas comes slathered in BBQ with giant beef ribs that are nice, but you actually wish were pork. Travis calls this one his hollaback girl and he has been Bazzanas. B-A-Z-Z-A-N-A-S!

Corey Seager – 1-for-4, HR (8), 2 RBI, slashing .182/.286/.371. I would say he was activated from the IL and didn’t miss a beat, but he was terrible before hitting the IL so miss all the beats, Corey! Do this instead! Be like an entirely different player.

Alec Burleson – 2-for-4, 4 runs, HR (8). My dude is hitting .400 over the past week including this Burly bomb! I don’t want a skinny baby I want a Burleson! Especially if you’re going tarps off. And what’s this I hear about the MLB not supporting this? Are we being so serious? Any activity that looks like fans are actually getting into the game must be halted immediately. This is the way we’ve always done it and must continue the tradition.

Lars Nootbaar – 2-for-6, RBI as he led off. I mention Nootbaar, not because of his funny name or because he’s besties with Ohtani, but partly those things, but because he led off Friday night which is interesting to me. Also, Nooooootbaaaaar!

Zebby Matthews – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 4 BB, 2 K, 2nd win. Zebby’s second time in the bigs has gone much better than the first, and throw out one rough start in Pittsburgh last week, and he’s really held his own. However, the box score looks better than the actual stuff looked, the four walks is a red flag and KC is terrible.

Michael Wacha – 5.2 IP, 8 hits, 4 ER, 2 K. Our Quality Start King has now gone back to back starts without a quality outing after nabbing nine QSs in the 12 starts that predated it. These were cherry matchups, too! He gets another shot at the Rangers next week and hopefully can get back on the quality start track or the joke’s on me. Wacha wacha!

Byron Buxton – 0-for-1. Ran directly into the wall fielding a fly ball and was pulled after the inning. These are the kind of nightmares Lord Buxton drafters have but sounds like he dodged any serious injury. Would be surprised if he played Saturday, but should be back out there soon.

Brooks Lee – 1-for-4, HR (9), 2 RBI. He was a BUY! His third homer this week! More like Brooks Robinson Lee!

Ryan Feltner – 6.0 IP, 1 hit, ER, 2 BB, 4 K. In case you were hoping for a Friday night Coors slugfest, do not fret for Feltner, the bullpen gave up eight runs. Got to love it!

Jake Bauers – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBI, slashing .277/.361/.497. Bauers played the hero in this one, as he had so many times on the show 24, but unlike 24, the Brewers got extra time to save the day in this one. I wonder what Jack Bauers would think of a ghost runner. It’s an obvious spy. Or worse–a bomb!

Hunter Goodman – 1-for-3, HR (16), 2 RBI, SB (5). We’ve come a long way since I blindly drafted you for being the only catcher on the Colorado roster in 2025. Would you believe Hunter had just 10 home runs at this time last year! That’s right the slash is down a bit but he’s pacing better for power than he was in his break out season last year. He’s also got four homers and a 1.372 OPS over the past week! You’re a good man, Hunter!

Jake McCarthy – 2-for-6, run, SB (11). BUY! I know McCarthy is boring, but he’s leading off, in Coors, hitting .346 with two homers, 2 steals, and 7 RBI in the past week. 11 steals! (ELEVEN) Does that seem boring to you!? You must be the Dark Wizard.

Trevor Megill – 1.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, BB, K, BS, W. BUY. Just when you thought this bullpen was settled after Abner Uribe suck it chopped his way out of the gig–Coors happened. He did get the win and made it through the inning, so let’s blame this one on Coors and move on, but this book is not closed yet, unfortunately, DX will never die.

Christian Scott – 5.2 IP, 3 hits, 2 BB, 3 K, 2nd win. Like a good Christian! I’ve been waiting for this one. Rookie nookie in pitchers can be volatile, but Scott has been fairly solid on that front. The strikeouts have been meh, and he’s not going particularly deep into games, but outside of his debut, he hasn’t hurt you, and he’s now got dubs in back-to-back starts. I told you to grab him back in May, and that was pretty okay advice I gave that one time! He gets the Cardinals next, and I could see considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure, though!

Michael King – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 4 ER, 4 K, 5th L. The King stood no chance against the men from Queens.

A.J. Ewing – 1-for-4, 2 SB (7). Knicks in three! Can someone get Timmi Chalamet an AJ Ewing jersey?

Merrill Kelly – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 7 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. I’m starting to think we shouldn’t be starting players against the Nationals. I’m scared of the Nats, you guys. They’re approaching Dodgers/Coors territory for me. I’m not starting pitchers against Washington unless they’re Aces until further now.

Foster Griffin – 5.0 IP, 2 hits, ER 4 K, 7th win, ERA at 3.63 ERA. Zero disrespect to Foster, who’s clearly Australian for win, I mean no shade but how cool would it be if the Nats were buyers at the deadline? Like, go get Tarik Skubal and shock the world!

Daylen Lile – 3-for-6, 2 runs, HR (8), SB (5). In Arizona, the slam & legs is served New Mexican style, with cheese and lettuce and any trace of cultural significance removed for profit!

Luis Garcia Jr. – 2-for-6, 2 HR (7), 6 RBI. Grey told you to BUY, and this is some soothsayer witchcraft! I wonder if he likes Luis as much as he hates Woo? Have I mentioned I think the the Nats possibly, maybe, feasibly, potentially, conceivably, perchance, could be a wagon, y’all!?

James Wood – 2-for-4, 3 runs, HR (17) sporting a .267/.405/.539. CJ Abrams also homered (13). The Nats scored 14 runs on 16 hits, including this hit, which went very far into the seats. Got Wood? I wish. I can’t knock on Wood either. My best friend James leads the league in runs scored and walks. He’s fourth in the league with a .944 OPS, and sixth with a .405 OBP. Not enough for you nerds? He also ranks first in exit velocity, meaning no one in the MLB hits the piss out of a baseball harder than Big James Wood.

Reid Detmers – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. He’s got a 41/9 K/BB over his past five starts. He might be the most infuriating pitcher in the league to own, but he must be owned!

Freddie Freeman – 2-for-3, HR (10). Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty we are Freeman at last!

Roki Sasaki – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 10 K. We call that the Roki Doki! The 10 Ks was a career high. Here they are. Mmm. I could tell you he’s unlocked something, but we’ve circled this Angels start on our calendars for weeks and knew this was gonna be good. He’s also had a string of some fairly favorable matchups, but the White Sox who he gets next week, are not that. All that said, he’s unlocked something. There, I said it. It was only a matter of time before he put it all together. Sasaki’s got a 2.15 ERA and 0.85 WHIP over the past month with a 34/6 K/BB. Yes, just six walks! Pulling out my jump to conclusion mat and telling you that’s more than enough for me to say he looks fixed, and you should lowkey add Roki everywhere he’s still available. Mr. Manager Roberts said, “This is the guy we saw on video from Japan.” If that’s true, the Dodgers just got themselves another ace, and the rest of the league should be very afraid.

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!