“Weird that DraftKings has a bet for Gavin Williams to have a no-hitter into the 9th when he loses it to a Juan Soto homer. Feels kinda specific. Hmm, let’s see how this plays out…What’s that, FanDuel is giving a $5 free roll on an over/under for 126 pitches by Gavin Williams today? That is odd…Last pitcher to throw more pitches was Alex Cobb in 2023, so there’s no way Gavin can approach that…BetMGM has the Mets home crowd giving Gavin Williams a 23-second standing ovation after he goes 8 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 6 Ks, moving his ERA to 3.17? There’s just no way that’s a real bet…A guy that went to high school with my mom has a Facebook post that is an AI image of Bieber breastfeeding from Diddy and my mom’s asking if it’s real? Well, that I believe…” Any hoo! Crazy stuff yesterday from Gavin Williams, and you could’ve made some money, huh? Peripherals are still saying Gavin should be less of a pitcher than his ERA is saying, and his command is such a mess (4.8 BB/9), but clearly the results have been excellent. Don’t worry, regression will catch up to him next year when you finally draft him. You can bet on it! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David Fry – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer, hitting .175. That’s in 42 games, and nothing but big Fry’s.
Angel Martinez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. I like Martinez, you know this, so let me just say it is so Guardians-esque to trade away a bunch of guys, lose some others to DraftKings and make a run for the playoffs.
Juan Soto – 1-for-4 and his 26th homer. Sexy Dr. Pepper spoiled the no-hitter. By the way, Guards haven’t had a no-hitter since 1981, which I know is Len Barker, because I had the card, and it’s impossible to forget anything from around age 6 thru 12, according to Freud.
David Peterson – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.98. It’s no wonder I’m doing well in ERA when I see some of these guys I have. Peterson has a 2.98 ERA, it’s August! I’d be worried I was tempting the Regression Fairies if they weren’t so busy with MacKenzie Gore and Ranger Suarez. Speaking of which…
Ranger Suarez – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.94. Regression is taking Suarez behind the woodshed and showing them a chalkboard outline of the difference between good pitching and getting effed. “See, this is good pitching, and this is the Baloney Pony.” That’s the Regression Fairies.
Coby Mayo – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. Mayo is good every day that ends in nnaise.
Trevor Rogers – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.44. Told you to pick him up on June 23rd, since: 1.39 ERA. Zoinks!
Spencer Arrighetti – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER as he was activated from the IL, ERA at 7.43. His last start on April 5th was 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER. Therefore, good as new! Okay, so you tried. There’s not a ton of time for guys to figure their shizz out, so if he’s not hitting the ground running, I wouldn’t wait around, unless it’s a deep league.
Christian Walker – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, third homer in a week. Walker’s managed to figure out a way to become completely unknown, and useless between his once-every-two-weeks homer, even when he has three homers in the past week. An incredible feat.
Heriberto Hernandez – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Gotta be honest, he could have hit six homers yesterday and I’m not sure anyone would pick him up outside of the most crackers of us.
Davis Schneider – 3-for-7, 4 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer. Only wish the Jays were in Coors for another week.
Bo Bichette – 2-for-6, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .301. He’d be a 40-homer hitter if he called Coors home. Gunnar would still hit 13 homers. Also, in this game, Ernie Clement (4-for-7, 4 runs) hit his 6th homer and Vlad Jr. (4-for-7, 4 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 18th homer. Wish I could have all opposing hitters in Coors for the whole month of August.
Ty France – 4-for-4, 4 runs, 1 RBI. No joke, the Rockies pitchers would struggle in Triple-A. Though, in fairness, a lot of the damage was done against the Rockies’ catcher Austin Nola, who gave up 8 ER. Everything he learned, he learned from his brother.
Kendall Graveman – Ginkel was transferred to the 60-day IL with a sprained shoulder, so oddly enough I’m digging up Graveman to say he’s the DBags’ closer.
Corbin Carroll – 1-for-3 and his 23rd homer. Anyone hear why he’s running less than Josh Naylor, who is a literal turtle?
Xander Bogaerts – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer, 2nd homer in two games. I might be misremembering this, but I think this is the first time in seven years he’s been hot.
Ryan O’Hearn – 1-for-4 and his 14th homer. In a game started by Nestor Cortes (4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 7.11) and closed by Mason Miller (1 IP, 0 ER), the Padres were showing off their new wares. Guess the most significant possible add here is Nestor, and I wouldn’t touch him with a nine-foot pole attached to another one-foot pole.
Josh Naylor – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (14) and double legs (20,21). Speaking of Mr. Turtle, the World’s fastest turtle. In the clubhouse, do the Mariners have a bowl of greenies?
Julio Rodriguez – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer. Has anyone asked JRod why he doesn’t start his season until after the break? That would be interesting to hear.
Lenyn Sosa – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, third homer in a week. This Chicago Sosa is giving me some vibes, looking around the league for a Stalin McGwire.
Dustin May – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.93. Wow, he sucks? Even on the Red Sox? That is very surprising. I am Dus-May’d.
Jonathan India – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Whatever happened to the guy who was so great his rookie year? Magellan couldn’t even find that India.
Michael Wacha – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.36. Wacha and Lugo are the most no-frills 1-2 that are a solid 1-2, where 1 is always good and 2 is usually good, but so hard to trust.
Jerar Encarnacion – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in two games, but left with a hammy issue. Jerar to Jerawr to Jegrr.
Andrew Heaney – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.77 vs. Robbie Ray – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.85. This matchup of Heaney and Ray was accidentally referred to as Ray’s Heiney, and for that we want to apologize.
Cade Horton – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.18. Now has a scoreless streak of 23 1/3 IP. I wouldn’t bother Orel Hershiser just yet, but maybe let him know he might be needed in September. For what it’s Wuertz, Horton’s peripherals are worse than Gavin Williams.
Ian Happ – 1-for-3 and his 16th homer, hitting .230. Was beginning to think this shizz would never happen.
Seiya Suzuki – 2-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 27th homer, hitting .251. Seiya ball!
Dansby Swanson – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer, 2nd homer in three games, hitting .245. If he ends the year with 24/12, hard to see how he wasn’t a success this year. Well, that’s prolly accurate of all Cubs hitters except Happ and Shaw.
Andrew Abbott – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.34. Regression is coming fast and furious from all directions like I’m Vin Diesel without a mirror. (What?)
Junior Caminero – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 29th and 30th homer. I saw Nick Fortes (1-for-4) hit his 3rd homer, and I briefly thought Caminero hit three and Fortes hit forty. I need a nap. [shuts eyes for five seconds, claps hands] I’m back, baby!
Christopher Morel – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. He used to be such an interesting fantasy guy. Now there’s zippo interest. Sad, isn’t it? No? You don’t care? Wow, you ain’t no empath like yours truly.
Shane Baz – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.92. Baz been better, now just a has-been.
Mike Trout – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 20th homer. He’s two homers away from 400 for his career. That means he hit how many last year, ChatGPT? “He’s two homers away from 400, so Mike Trout hit 378 homers last year.”
Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-2 and his 10th homer, 2nd homer in three games, this homer was a pinch-hit jammy. Au Shizz!
David Bednar – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.55, recording the save, as he threw 42 pitches. Again, for emphasis, 42 pitches. Yankees really should’ve went out at the deadline and got some relievers. I guess Bednar might get the next save, after resting for a day or two. I wouldn’t go back to Devin. That doesn’t mean that Boone won’t.
Jack Leiter – 3 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 4.05. I’d love to see what a good pitching coach can do with him (and Kumar).
Shohei Ohtani – 4 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.37, 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 39th homer. When he left the game, it was Ohtani 2, Cards 1, but no one in the Dodgers’ pen can hold a lead. Still kinda weird that the Dodgers added Nadir Bupkis at the deadline, but what do I know?
JoJo Romero – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.09 as he entered the 7th. Sadly, much like the Twins, teams who are out of it, just use whoever whenever without roles. Romero could be the closer, or he could be the 7th inning guy. Riley O’Brien (1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.84) did get the save, his first. Will he get the next? Your guess = my guess.
Cade Cavalli – 4 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, as he was recalled by the Nats. He stinks, but don’t take my word for it, look at his stats! He had a 5.35 ERA in 74 minor league innings this year. Maybe there’s a chance MLB hitters aren’t as familiar with his stuff, so he finds some short-term success, but I wouldn’t bank on it. I can monocle and reevaluate though.
Jeffrey Springs – 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.89. He went 15-up, 15-down, until Riley Adams hit a dinger, but Springs still looked excellent. His numbers, however, look less excellent.
Tyler Soderstrom – 1-for-4 and his 20th homer, as he hit 5th, which is whatever, but hitting 7th was Butler and hitting leadoff was Langeliers, which is. Dot dot dot. Something.
Andrew Vaughn – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. Vaughn has a career-high 12-game hitting streak and seven homers with the Brewers in 22 games, and hitting near-.375. Is it too early for NL MVP talk with Vaughn?
Blake Perkins – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, three homers in a week, and filling in admirably for Chourio with a little schmotato action.
Jose Quintana – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.57. I see the one starter I have that’s still solid and, “You must be Jo-Quin.”
Jurickson Profar – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Did anyone happen to see Profar hanging out recently with Fernando Tatis Sr.?
Michael Harris II – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer. It’s gonna be hard to like Harris next year after year after year of sucking up the suck joint, but also he made some strides in the 2nd half, and I might shock the world (if he’s reasonably priced).
Spencer Strider – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.04. Jokes aside, I hope he’s okay. By August, he should be rounding into form and, if this that, the form is like an amorphous blob.
Jack Flaherty – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.56. Gonna be the reverse Gavin Williams. Next year, when you’ve finally given up on Flaherty, he’s gonna be a top three starter.
Zach McKinstry – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer. He should just go by ZacKinstry. Who do I write a letter to to make this happen?
Spencer Torkelson – 2-for-4 and his 24th homer. I was about to say he’s been struggling, because I was reading the room in the comments about dropping him, but I went to look at his actual stats, and he had a 6-homer, .269 July. That’s not actually bad.
Kerry Carpenter – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, 3rd homer in a week, and lifted in this game when a lefty came in, which made me smile knowingly and shake my head, but not shake my damn head because I’m not a beaver.
Alan Roden – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, hitting .198, as he hits leadoff for Baldelli, because of course. Oh, and the Twins won! Shaking my damn fist like an angry beaver at Baldelli!
Brooks Lee – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 11th homer. The lucky fan who caught the homer ball showed cameras it read, “Brooks wuz here.”
Pierson Ohl – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER. This was a spot start, so not much here, but I will say that I saw his last name in the box score and thought it was someone screaming the letter O. “Who was that in Killing Eve again…” Coming to me, “Oh!”
