The Book of Job says, “We will send out at least one email a day to all your contacts whether you like it or not.” Shoot, I immediately see what I did wrong there. I Googled for a Bible quote, and accidentally got an employee handout from LinkedIn. Big bad on me. Yesterday, Zack Godley went 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.86, with this start coming in Wrigley. *gulps* Maybe Godley isn’t an overstatement. His peripherals are gorge too — 9.2 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 3.23 xFIP. Throwing 92+ MPH with a mix of four pitches, and mostly going to Dazzletown with the curve being the pony killer (totally a saying!). “I made you glue!” which is what I shout trying desperately to make “pony killer” a saying. Oh, and all of it is coupled with a 56% ground ball rate. That would be the third best in the majors if he qualified. When there’s nary a starter in sight with a decent ERA, Godley’s otherworldly. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Yoan Moncada – Might be ready to play on Thursday for his homecoming back in Boston. Though, he only played in Boston for about a week. Is that a homecoming still? Maybe more like a pitstopcoming. Rest area coming? Hmm, that’s something totally different, isn’t it?
Steve Pearce – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 11th homer. It wasn’t a grand slam though, so someone’s mojo went slo-mo. Is that a saying? It should be. I think I need a nap. *three seconds later claps hands* I’m back, snitches! Pearce has three homers in the last week, so could be a little schmotato here.
J.A. Happ – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.92. This is the season where any starter under a 4.00 ERA needs to be on speed dial. Happ’s peripherals aren’t gorge, but not Hoobastank either — 8.5 K/9, 2.5 BB/9, 3.99 xFIP. What I’m saying is, Stream-o-Nator prolly, but case could be made in deeper leagues for more.
Josh Donaldson – 1-for-3, 2 runs, and his 13th homer, hitting .250. Interesting question of perception, if Donaldson would’ve had this last week-plus of hot hitting in April vs. August, you’d think more highly of Donaldson all season vs. now when you just think it’s a dead cat bounce, right?
Jose Pirela – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, as he hits third. Pirela shouldn’t be hitting third in a fantasy NASCAR league, and that’s in a Goodyear.
Ervin Santana – 9 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.28. It’s not Magic, it’s the Padres in Petco.
Miguel Sano – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 25th homer, hitting .269. Was about to say he’s having a fairly quiet 25-homer season, but that’s what happens when guys like Logan Morrison are headed for a 40-homer season.
Andrew Miller – Hit the DL with knee tendinitis. Saw that coming, he only has a 1.67 ERA and 0.76 WHIP this year. It’s sarcasm, people! If I can call you people, people. You heathens! Bend your knee! What say you, you’re a White Walker? Oh, eff me. My b.
Yadier Molina – 3-for-4 and his 11th and 12th homers, hitting .277. Yadier is a weird cat. You don’t see many cats weight 200 pounds, except maybe those Maine Coons. No, no, no, kidding. Yadier’s a weird cat, because he seems like a power hitter for a few seasons, then that dries up and he hits .315 on the reg, then that goes kaput and he starts hitting homers again.
Luke Weaver – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.77. I’m stealing this from someone. Forget if it was on the radio, TV or a commentator (literally my only communications with outside world during baseball season), but Weaver looked solid in his previous start besides a grand slam he allowed. I didn’t see it, but someone mentioned that. So, now we have two sorta solid starts in a row, if you’re to believe what I heard or read. Stream-o-Nator even likes Weaver on the road, which is an accomplishment in itself. I wouldn’t go full Sally (totally a saying), but I would dip my foot into the Weaver water.
Eric Thames – 1-for-5 and his 25th homer, hitting .252. Not to belabor this, but his home run came off a Cardinal pitcher who was wearing red!
Brent Suter – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.04. Bad pitcher gonna pitch bad. Naw’mean?
Dallas Keuchel – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.15. Hey, it’s Daylass Koochel! Yeah, Koochel has screwed the poochel since his return. With the Astros up by 50 or so games, we might see him get shutdown again.
Logan Morrison – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer. You know how I keep saying I believe in Smoak’s breakout? I don’t buy Morrison’s. Not saying I wouldn’t own him.
Austin Pruitt – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.65. Isn’t Austin Pruitt the character actor who made a career out of playing pedophiles and evolutionary missing links?
Joey Gallo – 1-for-3 and his 28th homer, and 3rd homer in two games. Schmotato? Prolly, but he’s also the kind of hitter that could go 0-for-25 at any moment.
Elvis Andrus – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, as he hits third. And it makes sense! Yeah, you saw that coming in March.
Delino DeShields – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. I told you eighteen months ago he’d break out! I keed. He doesn’t even play every day.
Carlos Gonzalez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. I feel like I should get double points for calling CarGo a schmohawk in the preseason, because no one, and I mean no one else was expecting this drop off in Coors, especially with how home runs are hit this year. C’mon! I want my just desserts! Maybe a cannoli made by Dino from MasterChef?
Jay Bruce – 1-for-4 and his 29th homer, and 2nd in as many games. Bruce would be a 45-homer guy as a Rockie. Still underappreciated (even by me), but he would be.
Cody Bellinger – 2-for-4 and his 30th homer. Whenever I see someone doing the dab, I think of Cody, because that’s the launch angle of his homers.
Danny Santana – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. I could’ve sworn Dannys Antana had a big game recently, so I looked, and he kinda did, but not enough to give him a full-throated endorsement. That’s what she said! What?
Julio Teheran – 5 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.10, but left the game with thigh cramping. Fun fact! You can buy a misprinted shirt at the Salvation Army that reads, “World’s Best Cramps.”
Arodys Vizcaino – 1 IP, 0 ER and the save. Took longer than anyone that owned Johnson would’ve ever guessed. (By the by, I love how the Braves are now pitching Johnson every day in random innings, as if they’re trying to destroy his arm like a scorned lover.) Once again with feeling, pick up Vizcaino.
Jesse Winker – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and I picked him up. Yep, just that fast. Mr. Winker is now on my team.
Robert Stephenson – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 6.98. As much offense as there has been all season, I think yesterday was the lowest scoring day of the season without doing any actual research to come up with that information. Hey, we’re living in a post-facts world.
Adam Duvall – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 24th homer, hitting .267. He was a whole lot more impressive when home runs were only up 500% vs. the 12,000% hike this year.
Felipe Rivero – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 0.99. Keeping with the little offense yesterday, it was a bizarro day with Rivero, Felipe’ing the script.
Ryon Healy – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer. Will get to 27 homers, and will be forgotten again next year. Mark my words! Why did you just take a Sharpie to your computer? Mark my words wasn’t meant literally! Oh man. Now you did it.
Jeremy Hellickson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.45. Everything the Orioles touch turns to gold! Well, besides their pitching staff having an ERA over five. Everything else though? Fort Knox!
Caleb Joseph – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in his past three games. Caleb sounds like a character in Under the Banner of Heaven, right? “Caleb reached his hand inside his hat and pulled out six names. Five that would be his apostles, and one name that would fetch his underpants.”
Brandon Maurer – 1 IP, 3 ER. Brandon Maurer said, “I cannot pitch in San Diego city, I cannot pitch in Kansas City, I cannot pitch here or there, I cannot pitch anywhere.”
Mike Trout – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer. This guy seems good, glad someone signed him.
Kaleb Cowart – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Oh no, the Kalebs are surrounding us! On the reals, Cowart has multiple hits in his past two games, and hot schmotato alert!
C.J. Cron – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in his last three games. Five over-the-internet dollars says The Sciosciapath now benches him.
J.C. Ramirez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.03. I was thisclose to calling him a home streamer, but, wow, his home/away splits are wonky. Dramatically leaning towards him being a road scholar. You’d think Jesus Christ Ramirez would do well in Angel Stadium.
Masahiro Tanaka – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.93. His struggles during day games vs. night games has been well documented, but yesterday was an extremely overcast day game. Tanaka’s found his answer — clouds! Next day game Tanaka has to pitch in, we just need Didi to vape large clouds behind him.
Jordan Zimmermann – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.35. JZ beat the Yankees-led FlavaFrazier and Gregorius Didi, when he should be working with them. We’re all East Coast here!
Vance Worley – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.31. Jo Anne Worley’s child, Vance, has been a long reliever for most of the season, but he could stay in the rotation a little longer now. For fantasy, you Vance with the Worley and you will get burned.
Dee Gordon – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 39th and 40th steal, hitting .300. On our Player Rater, guess who had more value: Hamilton or Gordon? Trick question! They were actually tied yesterday (likely no longer).
Derek Dietrich – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and his 2nd homer in the last seven games, and hitting over-.300 in the last week, and…No one’s interested in this guy, are they? Fair enough, fair enough, said like Harry from When Harry Met Sally.
Christian Yelich – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer. Hey, his homers are a man! Mazel tov!
Max Scherzer – Will visit a chiropractor about his sore neck. Finally, Jon Cryer found more work.
