I believe Razzball is the friends and not the family, but I’ve been drafting with Scott Pianowski and Dalton Del Don so long they feel like family. Like my two cousins who call me when they’re in Los Angeles and say, “Hey, you wanna meet up for sushi? It’s your treat.” Then, when I go to meet up with them, they’re not there and 45 minutes after I show up at our meeting point, I get a text, “Sorry, have to cancel, so hung over.” It’s one word, father’s side of the family! Hungover is one word! As you might’ve noticed I didn’t say Brandy Ehrens was a part of the league, because he’s bailed on me/us/they; you choose the pronoun. I even hired a skywriter to put in the clouds above his house, “Kyle Schwarber wants you to draft him.” Guess someone else would have to draft some Cubs. (If you want to compete against me, Rudy and hundreds of others, join the Razzball Commenter League. More the merrier!) Anyway, here’s my Yahoo Friends & Family team, it’s a 15-team, mixed league:
C: Jorge Alfaro (21)
1B: Cody Bellinger (3)
2B: Javier Baez (1)
3B: Travis Shaw (7)
SS: Trevor Story (2)
CI: Jake Bauers (14)
MI: Niko Goodrum (17)
OF: David Dahl (5)
OF: Eddie Rosario (6)
OF: Domingo Santana (12)
OF: Odubel Herrera (18)
UTIL: David Fletcher (22)
UTIL: Delino DeShields (23)
P: Patrick Corbin (4)
P: Josh Hader (9)
P: German Marquez (8)
P: Cody Allen (10)
P: Joey Lucchesi (11)
P: Matt Barnes (13)
P: Kyle Gibson (15)
P: Steven Matz (16)
P: Shane Greene (19)
Bench: Michael Pineda (20), Domingo German (24), Brent Honeywell (25), Brandon Woodruff (26)
YOU WANNA SHOW ME YOUR 15-TEAM TARGETS AND WHAT YOU ENDED UP DOING IN EACH PROJECTED CATEGORY SO JUST SHOW THEM. YOU DON’T NEED ME TO ASK.
You make like you’re so put out.
YOUR MOTHER PUTS OUT, JUST SHOW THE DAMN CATEGORIES!
Look at the guy in your league’s team who drafted Joey Gallo and Chris Davis and say, “That’s not punting average. This is punting average,” then point to my team. (If you want to get our War Room so you too can see goals and how you’re doing in each category, sign up for our fantasy baseball tools. War Room is included for free.) My intention in this draft was to draft my own team. Did I not draft my own teams in the last few drafts? Funny you should ask! I got this Task Rabbit for $4.99 and he does drafts, windows and takes out the trash. His name is Alejandro. He is awesome. He also writes up posts. Grey yells in his uncommonly awful high-pitched shriek, “Alejandro, you’re not writing about yourself again, are you?” “No, Senor Gris.” No, of course, I’m drafting my own teams! What I mean is I didn’t pay attention to ADP this draft because Yahoo is bonkers. For unstints, David Fletcher is ranked around 978 after about 850 players who are not in the majors and may never be in the majors. This has to factor into their ADP. You can’t accurately tell ADP when guys are buried. You think the average prematurely balding man is searching through 978 players to find David Fletcher? C’mon. Any hoo! I drafted David Fletcher because my average was in, as the French say, Le Sewer of the Old Woman’s Perfume. It’s a famous sewer in the 7th Arrondissement.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN? FOCUS OR F*** US ALL! WE NEED ACTIONABLE INTEL!
Right, right. Sorry. Okay, back to drafting players for a team I wanted vs. trying to be cutesy with ADP. I made sure I grabbed David Dahl — hello, beautiful — Cody Bellinger — up jump the wonderful! — Travis Shaw — that’s not a reach; it’s a reacharound! — Niko Goodrum — whom I’ve drafted in every league, how’s your sobriety going? — Eddie Rosario — you’re a little boring, but I love you! Then, there’s Domingo Santana. This is the biggest reach in the draft as far as ADP is concerned done by any ‘pert, past, present or future. Yes, but why is he going so late? Seriously. I don’t get it. The last time he had a full-time job he was a top 20 outfielder. That was two years ago. He was not a top 20 outfielder last year because he was blocked by two other top 20 outfielders. That wasn’t his fault. At 26 years old, why can’t he pick up right where he left off when he donged 30 HRs, stole 15 bags and hit .278. His current ADP at around 260 makes no sense. I’m perplexed, y’all!
OKAY, I TUNED OUT AROUND THE FIFTH WORD OF THAT. HOW ABOUT YOUR PITCHING? CAN YOU SHINE A FLASHLIGHT ON THAT?
In years past, the guys in this league would draft crazy pitcher-heavy. Last year, someone drafted Max Scherzer in the 1st, then Madison Bumgarner in the 2nd, and, well, pitching was nuts (that person finished 10th). Perhaps because there was some league turnover, but pitching was a bit tamer this year. Or at least felt that way. Last year my first three pitchers were Carlos Martinez, Lance McCullers and Sonny Gray. Woof, and hold the mayochup, because I’m about to ralph. However (you knew it was coming), I was battling for the league title until the last week because I also drafted Patrick Corbin and Trevor Williams, and picked up Ryu, Dereck Rodriguez–Well, either way, my War Room categories for pitching last year: ERA — 11; WHIP — 2.4 (!); 5.1 for Ks. I ended up with a 12, 8, 8, respectively. So, I can make up ground in pitching, and I’m better off coming out of the draft, then I was last year. At least according to the numbers. Oh, and I now own Joey Lucchesi (and Niko Goodrum) on every team I’ve drafted. By design!
ANY BIG TAKEAWAYS? OR I GUESS, AT THIS POINT, ONE TAKEAWAY TOLD TO ME IN UNDER 250 WORDS.
No one seems to want Josh Hader. Are you people a bunch of social media managers afraid of his old tweets? This is the 2nd league where I drafted him way below where he should’ve went. Last year, he was the 4th best RP on our Player Rater, which is the least surprising thing since all four hours of Leaving Neverland. Slightly more surprising, Aroldis and Kenley were the 8th and 9th best RPs. Of course, Hader was valuable, and will be again. Have you seen dude pitch? If anything, he could be more valuable if the Brewers finally turn to him for the bulk of the saves. Even if they don’t, he’s still a top reliever. Only wish I could’ve grabbed Hader and a better 1st closer.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. REGRETS ARE LIKE A BENT-OVER PLUMBER, THEY BUM ME OUT. LEAVE ME WITH SOMETHING UPLIFTING AND SPIRITUAL.
I’m putting it out there; I think my hitting is even better than the category projections are saying. Dahl, Bellinger, Shaw, Story, Rosario and Baez all have the makings of a top 10 hitter. If you want to get less crazy, Bellinger, Story and Baez have already had seasons of being a top 10 hitter. If Dahl and Shaw can do what I think they’re capable of, this team is gonna be a thing of dreams and I am determined to make it so. The New York Times described Bonnie Franklin’s character on One Day At A Time as “pert but determined.” That sounds exactly like me, one determined fantasy baseball ‘pert. I am the Bonnie Franklin of fantasy baseball!