Rick Porcello was masterful Friday night, turning in one of the best, most efficient, pitching performances we’ll see all season, holding the New York Yankees to just one hit (a home run) and striking out nine for a complete game win. His only hiccups were a HBP to begin the game and a solo home run to rookie 3rd baseman Miguel Andujar, after which Porcello proceeded to retire the next 21 straight batters with ease. More like Siiiiick Rick, brah *shock emoji* Or Quick Rick? IMHO (the “H” stands for handsome) this was the best start we’ve seen from a Boston pitcher all season, and that’s saying something for a team with Chris Sale on it. The former Cy Young threw first-pitch strikes to 23 batters and threw 68 strikes of the the just 86 pitches to get through this one. Veintidos, which might be the worst nickname ever, moves to 14-4 with a 3.84 ERA and 1.16 WHIP.  Most amazing for me, however, was that a Yankees/Red Sox game took just 2 hours and 15 minutes! It was the fastest Boston/NY game since May 6, 1994! So keeping in that spirit I will wrap this up quick. The last two Sox pitchers to 1-hit the mighty Yankees line up facing the minimum batters were Pedro Martinez in 1999 and Roger Clemens in 1991, and those are some pretty great names to have in your company.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Mookie Betts – 1-for-4. Alex Cora absolutely lost it and got himself ejected when Severino threw Mookie some chin music and both sides got umpire warnings. Same. Alex. Same. Severino throwing at Mookie’s head triggered some primal rage in me and all I remember is grunting gibberish and citing fangraphs stats and grabbing my bat and next thing I knew I had driven myself to Fenway Park. Mookie is my flame, my muse, my room mate, my one-and-only, and we fight for our family. I am glad Alex Cora feels the same way.

Ian Kinsler – 1-for-1, SB (11). Left the game with hamstring strain and will hit the DL. The best part about this injury was that we got to see Mookie Betts play second for an inning. Most likely because Cora wasn’t there to stop him because it sounds like none of the coaching staff really wanted him to do it. Regardless, he does do it and he immediately gets a ball hit to him and fields it perfectly because of course he does. He can do anything.

Steve Pearce – 1-for-3, HR (9), 2 RBI. Pearce for threeeeeee! I miss hearing that. His fourth homer in two days. Maybe do this more often, Steve.

Luis Severino – 5.2 IP, 7 hits, 4 ER, 3 BB, 2 K, 5th L. The baseball analysts on my television box were saying this is a step in the right direction for Severino who has struggled his past five starts, but it didn’t look very positive to me. He gets the White Sox next week, now THAT already sounds more like a step in the right direction.

Anthony Rizzo – 3-for-4, HR (16). H-R-to the Rizzo! OK Joe, the Rizzo leading off thing was cute for a while but can I get my RBIs back?

Javier Baez – 2-for-3, HR (23). I know one guy who’s hitting close to .400 in the past week with 3 homers and 9 RBI that would look GREAT leading off for the Cubs…El Mago! To be fair, Javy would look great hitting anywhere in the line up.

Pedro Strop – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, BB, K, SV (6). BUY. Maddon is practically handing Strop the closing gig on a Chicago deep-dish platter but he’s shaking it off like the second half of a Drake meme. He got the save but this was the bottom third of the Padres line up we’re talking about here. I would be scared to own Strop. I would still own him though.

Jose Quintana – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 6 K, 10th win. Cubs fans, try to hold onto this start and remember it when Eloy Jiminez is smashing bombz across town for the ChiSox next year.

Christian Villanueva – 2-for-4, HR (20). His first homer since July 15, but he’s still got a good shot at 30+ this year. It’s funny how sentences that start with “it’s funny” tend to not be very funny at all. But it’s also funny that we’ve been saying to pick up Charlie since he hit 3 homers on April 3rd and still he remains largely unowned, but next year on draft day people will see his 30+ homers and he’ll be drafted in 90%+ of leagues. Isn’t that funny!?

Anibal Sanchez – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, 2 BB, 9 K, 6th win now has a 2.89 ERA, 1.06 WHIP and 83/26 K/BB. Remember when I told you to pick him up week one!? How about when he got injured immediately after? Remember the former, not the latter. Former makes me sound cooler. Aniballin’ out of control, he’s got five quality starts in his last six. He threw 100 pitches in this one, just 59 for strikes, and faced one of the saddest line ups in beisbol the Mess, so take this one with a grain of salt. Aah is so salty. He’s been awesome, and I’d ride him while he’s a hot pot of coffee, but this firecracker could explode in your hand any minute.

A.J Minter – 1.0 IP, SV (8). BUY. He’s hasn’t blown a save chance in ever. In ever, folks! Why is he not owned in your league but owned in all mine?

Jacob deGrom – 8.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, BB, 9 K, 7th loss. If you study the Letters of Telios deGrom, and re watch the first season of True Detective, Rust Cohle points out that the 12th Century Franciscan mystic foretold that Jacob sent secret messages to the mystics requesting trades to contenders. 

Johan Camargo – 1-for-3, HR (13). Camargo, whose name my friend from Quincy, Mass pronounces as Cah-mah-ga, has been a godsend in my deep NL-Only dynasty league going .273 in the past week with 3 homers. I can’t see owning him in anything shallower than that though.

Shohei Ohtani – 4-for-5, 2 HR (11), 3 RBI, SB (3). First career multi-homer and 4-hit game. OMG I’ve been waiting for this! Shohei likes his slam & legs Japanese style with raw fish (gross!) and lots of the spiciest guacamole I’ve ever tasted. At least I think it’s guacamole? Ohtani has struggled since returning as DH so this was fun to see. I might even, but I don’t know it’s been so long, well, OK!–are you ready? Say it with me, Jerry…Sho-hei. Oh-tani. SHO-HEI! OH-TANI! JERRY! Louder! Doesn’t it make you feel good to say it, Jerry!? I’m your mother h*cker! SHOOOOO-HEEEIII OHHHH-TAAANIIII!

Leonys Martin – 2-for-3, HR (10), 2 RBI. Still holding value despite hitting at the bottom of the lineup. Is it better to hit in the bottom of a good line up or the top of a bad one? Do I have an intern to do this? If not I’m going to have to ask Siri, and she never knows what the h*ck I’m saying.

Vince Velasquez – 6.1 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, BB, 7 K, 8th win. In the parallel fringe dimension where there exists alternate reverse versions of ourselves, Vince Velasquez went 4.0 IP, with 10 hits, 6 ER, 4 BB, 7 K. I’m saying in the whole of existence there were only two possible outcomes for this start, you’re lucky you’re in this dimension, this time at least, but either way Vinny’s getting you them Ks.

Trevor Richards – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 7 K. This player sounds like you threw a number of white guy below-average streamers into a name generator and Trevor came out. He’s actually pitched a lot better than this looks, and he’s had solid ratios and Ks over the past month. If only he didn’t pitch for the Marlins I might be recommending him here, but I’m now.

Christian Yelich – 1-for-3, HR (17). Hitting .367 with 3 homers in the past week this Brewers offense keeps getting better and more confusing by the day. I want to see Eric Thames play short and Josh Hader play center field.

German Marquez – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 9 K. German was in line for the win but Wade Davis (0.2 IP, 1 hit, 3 ER, 2 BB, K, gave up the GW HR to Eric Thames) had other ideas. This was Davis’ 6th blown save and second in a row and it’s not as if there isn’t some great alternatives in that Colorado pen, but his job is likely safe for now.

Junior Guerra – 8.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. Are you the Ace? This is what the Brewers management are asking right now. They’ve already asked everybody else so it must be him right? This was Junior’s longest outing of the year and the first time he went over 7 IP. He also was in line for the L if Thames hadn’t bailed him out in the 9th. He gets to show his true Ace potential against the Padres next week in San Diego.

Rougned Odor – 2-for-5, HR (12), 4 RBI. Gallo and Chrinos also homered. Hi, I’m Rougned Odor. You may remember me from batting .220 with 1 home run the first two months of the season and putting you in a deep hole in batting average that you have still yet to recover from. Well, I dropped him and I’m fine now. I have Cesar Hernandez. I’ve moved on. I am fine, I don’t even think about Rougned anymore. I’m fine. Did you know he’s batting .417 with 5 homers, 10 runs, and 10 RBI in the past week after hitting just 6 home runs in the first 67 games. Rougned, not Cesar. I don’t even care. I am just fine. This is all fine.

Jonathan Villar – 3-for-5, RBI. He was a big time BUY and he’s hitting .500 since joining the O’s and he’s leading off and yes you should pick him up. Will he hit .500 for the rest of the year? Will he steal 30 bases? Will he single handedly carry the Orioles back into contention? The answer to all these questions is: probably!

Mallex Smith – 1-for-2, SB (21). Another BUY! and it’s a good one. MmmAlex. How long have I been saying to pick him up? He’s hitting .444 with 3 steals in the past week. That’s some hashtag SAGNOF plus a little BA for your OBP.

Lucas Giolito – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, 3 BB, 6 K. This is the kind of start I expected when I first drafted you in March. It is also the kind of start I’d have to see multiple of before I consider picking you back up again.

Jose Abreu – 2-for-4, HR (18). Hitting close .350 with 5 homers in the past two weeks Abreu remains a reliable if not a little zzz-ing fantasy player. Next year, when Eloy has fully arrived, and Yoan is not Groan Moncada anymore, Abreu will be the first baseman to own in fantasy. Remember that for 2019!

Matt Carpenter – 2-for-4, HR (27).  Appears to have cooled off a bit hitting just .417 with 2 homers in the past week after hitting 11 home runs in July. One of the people in my Rougned Support Group owned Carpenter and traded him in April for Luis Castillo. Sigh. He’s going to be okay, but it’s hard, you know.

Tyler O’Neil – 3-for-5, run. BUY. Dexter Fowler headed to DL is sad but it is actually great news for the rookie who could see plenty of playing time with Dex on the shelf. He was a buy and he’s hitting over .600 with a steal since his call up. Sure, it’s a very small sample size but if it helps create a sense of urgency for a player you should definitely add I’ll go with it. PICK UP ROOKIE PHENOM TYLER O’NEIL DUDE IS BATTING .600!

Yairo Munoz – 3-for-4, RBI. It’s a another Cardinal BUY! Put a Bird on it! Take my excitement for O’Neil and cut it in about half and you just about have my enthusiasm for Yairo. Even with Kolten Wong returning, Munoz could be useful for his versatility if you need a middle infielder.

Chris Archer – 4.1 IP, 7 hits, 5 R, 6 K. Gave up a homer to Carpenter in the first inning but settled in until getting in trouble in the 5th. You could say the fifth was his uhh…something something DANGER ZONE, LANA! Sorry I haven’t watched Archer in a long time. I finally finished Bojack Horseman, and I think Scientology would be really beneficial for him. Regardless, it wasn’t the ideal debut for Chris and it won’t get easier at Coors next week.

Devon Travis – 2-for-5, HR (7), 3 RBI. L. O. L. I almost didn’t mention him because I didn’t want you to think, I think you should pick him up because I don’t think that.

Randal Grichuk – 4-for-5, 2 runs, RBI. He’s leading off for the B-Jays and hitting .333 in the past week. Pick him up if you hate yourself!

Ryan Borucki – 8.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 K, 1st win. UGH. How long can I ignore you before I can’t ignore you any longer and have to mention you? Turns out for two months. In that time, Borucki has six quality starts (one win) in seven chances, and an Eww-inducing 30/11 K/BB. Yeah, um, that’s a HARD pass, but I’ll tell you what. You pitch well against the Red Sox next week and might possibly consider the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially streaming him. I don’t know for sure though.

Patrick Corbin – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, 8 K, 8th win. This is exactly the kind of start I expect from Patrick Corbin. When he starts getting into these 8+ inning, 3 hit, 0 ER gems, I start getting nervous and expected him to blow it. Just be exceptionally average Corbin and keep striking guys out and we’re good here.

David Peralta – 3-for-4, HR (17). Paul Goldschmidt hit his 24th homer. Peralta tends to disappear for months on end and when he comes back he’s everywhere for a few weeks then goes back into hiding. Jeff Goldblum same thing. I think they may be the subterranean people of Agartha. Do you all Hollow Earth  theory or nah? Remember when Goldy hit 3 homers in April/May then 10 in June? Whether they go back in the ground or not, I’m happy both Peralta and Goldy are with us surface dwellers right now.

Austin Slater – He’s hit safely in five straight games and has a steal in that stretch. NL-West Only leaguers it must be your lucky day!

Justin Verlander – 7.2 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 14 K, 11th win. The 14 Ks ties his season high and I think this is the JV we’re going to see for the rest of the year. To be real though, this is the way you should be throwing a baseball when Kate Upton is holding your spawn in her womb. Absolute power and dominance.

Alex Wood – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 3 BB, 4 K. Speaking of Kate Upton, Wood was putting together another quality start but was forced to leave this one with a hamstring cramp. Maybe the Dodgers should have shored up that rotation and not the middle infield. Or maybe Wood is fine and he’ll be ready for his next start. Idk!

Joc Pederson – 1-for-4, HR (17). Roc-a-Joc beisbols! Pretty sure you could field a team with the Dodgers alternates/platoon players that could beat the Orioles.

Blaine Hardy – 7.0 IP, 1 hit, 0 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. He had a no-hitter going through some portion of this one? The game was 12 innings or something so I kind of lost track/interest.

Brett Anderson – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, BB, 2 K. Threw just 74 pitches in this game before the A’s went to the pen. That’s his best Rick Porcello impression. It works really well versus Detroit. He gets the Dodgers next which I’d normally avoid, but I’m done doubting Oakland at this point.

Whit Merrifield – 3-for-5, 2 runs, SB (25). He’s got a rapist’s wit! ie four steals in the past week! Take that, Trea! But what I think the world really want to see now are Whit’s tweets from over five years ago!

Salvador Perez – 2-for-3, HR (19). When your catcher is your best player on offense, you’re gonna have a bad time, Royals. As the kingdom crumbles around the franchise, Sally remains standing, still the best catcher in all the fantasy realms hitting .320 in the past week with 3 home runs. I will trade you my catcher, whoever that is, for Perez, and I will throw in my worst closer. Let me know soon though cause I’m about to drop him.

Miguel Sano – 2-for-4, run, 2 RBI. Miguel is the current razzball obsession. He was a BUY so I’ma HYPE him up as much as possible if Sano what I mean? Dude is hitting over .400 in the past four games with three extra base hits! That’s right folks, the POWER is back. But you know what else is back? The multi-hit games! He’s got two multi-hit performances in his last four games. That’s 50%, people! And that’s not all! There’s more counting stats! He’s scored 3 times and drove in 3 runs since his return! The Twinkies are scoring runs and he’s a big reason why! Are you getting the message? Buy Miguel you Sano you want to!

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!

  1. nightpandas says:
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    Hey pants,

    15 team keep 11 obp slg qs and k/9

    Would you move Osuna and Castillo to a contending team in exchange for Buxton, Bieber and J Urias as I am not competing….

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      @nightpandas: Would you keep Buxton if you traded for him? Seems like the most valuable player in the deal going forward might actually be Osuna

  2. Grey

    Grey says:
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    Met someone the other day, Dan Legsleeves — no relation, right?

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      @Grey: that guy is a poser and I wouldn’t trust a thing he says!

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Wow, feel like I’m walking in on some kind of below-equator-attire feud…

        • Dan Pants

          Dan Pants says:
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          @Grey: Lol! Feud? He’s a fake! He doesn’t even qualify!

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            *looking at 23 and Me* I don’t know, man…

            • sportivetricks says:
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              @Grey:

              Come on, Grey. We all know that Legsleeves is just a Chinese-knockoff Dan Pants. I learned my lesson after I ordered his column on Amazon while I was trying to buy a three pack of iPhone chargers for $2.99.

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                Haha

  3. Molina Bros BBQ says:
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    OBP no AVG you’re taking W.Calhoun ROS over O’Neil, yes?

  4. phil says:
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    I’m in second fighting for this year. Would you trade Kershaw for Severino?
    The thing is Kershaw can’t be kept. I would be able to keep Severino next year. But Severino is not looking so good and Kershaw is.

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      @phil: if kershaw can help you win this year i’d keep him

  5. Steve says:
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    O’Neill or N Williams, bench bat ROS – 14T OBP Mixed

    Thanks

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      @Steve: I’ll take williams until I knew oneil is playing everyday

  6. Kruk_Ain't_An_Athlete says:
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    Weekly pitchers question for our 14-team QS, Svs+holds 5×5.
    I have Bauer and Carrasco so that’s 2/9 spots.
    The others I’m not sure about are Weaver, Pivetta, Castillo, and Godley. Streamonator loves Tyler Glasnow’s supposed starts but it’s hard to know if those will even happen. SON is also high on these free agents – P. Lopez, Barria, F.Pena, Suarez, Matz, and Fried. Would you replace Weaver, Pivetta, Castillo or Godley with any of them?

    That leaves three spots for saves/holds.

    My RPs are Chapman, Iglesias. I also have Osuna and Strop so one of them will probably be on the bench and one will start.

    Thank u Señor Los Pantalones Largos

    • Lenfuego says:
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      @Kruk_Ain’t_An_Athlete: Why don’t you trade a reliever for a starter? Heck, trade two relievers for two starters. You ought to be able to score an awfully good starter for, say, Iglesias and Weaver, for example.

  7. Malicious Phenoms says:
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    Solid stuff Mr Britches.

    Question for you: Which two of these guys has the best future. Robert Stephenson, struck out 13 last night, 8 solid starts in a row, lowering his walk rate along the way. Touki Toussaint, pitching well, takin the step his year so far. Domingo Acevedo, also takin the next step and he is a Yankee, Frontline starter, maybe, next Yankee close, possibly.

    cheers

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      @Malicious Phenoms: I like touki but this is a great q for ralph!

      • Malicious Phenoms says:
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        @Dan Pants:
        Thanks Dan, I already posted on raplh’s podcast page..

        Touki is gonna be a good one..

  8. Steve says:
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    Chapman or Bellinger rest of the way?

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      @Steve: Bellinger

  9. Luvdarooks says:
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    Need SB OBP then R R.O.Y. ———-TOP 3 Please ….
    From :
    y Munoz
    M Gonzalez
    Duggar
    Rosario
    Camargo
    Difo
    Mercer
    M Rojas
    H Perez

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      @Luvdarooks: munoz camargo rosario

Comments are closed.