Roansy makes me laughsy. He sounds like the curmudgeon 60 Minutes guy has risen in Latin America and his name is Andy Roansy. “Why do I keep getting mail?” Andy Roansy yells in Spanish then pushes mail off his desk. Señor Eduardo Bradley chuckles and outros the show. So, Roansy Contreras is being called up to start today vs. the Cubs. He made Itch’s top 100 fantasy baseball prospects. His numbers in Double and Triple-A this year: 2.64 ERA, 0.93 WHIP in 58.0 IP with 82 Ks. His stuff looks lightning-esque. Didn’t feel like embedding a video, so I just made a super whatever tweet, I’m such a basic b*tch:
— Razzball (@Razzball) September 28, 2021
Prospect Itch said of Contreras, “Why is he being called up? Are the Pirates as stupid as you?” That’s him on text to me. Itch said previously, “RHP Roansy Contreras looking filthy in Pittsburgh. He topped out at 98.2 mph with just nine inches of drop on a four-seamer as he breezed through the ninth. He also threw a curveball with mucho inches of drop and an elite spin rate of 2924. Wonder if I could spin Grey’s head that much.” Not cool, man! I’d grab Contreras in any league where you’re desperate. He’ll only get one start, but so will everyone else. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Cavan Biggio – Activated from the IL. Yo, Cavan Biggio is broken. Not sure if he’s fixable, but out of all the fun, exciting, sexy, humps-and-pumps the Jays have, Biggio should be one, but he absolutely is not. He looks headed the Keston Hiura route, and I don’t say that lightly. If you struggle with contact in Triple-A still, and he does, it’s not a good sign.
Jameson Taillon – 2 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.40, as he was activated from the IL, and left with the same ankle injury. For the year, Jameson is risky can’t tango or foxtrot.
Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 37th homer. He hit a ball that was 16 inches off the ground. A golf shot that had no business going out. He hit it to the 2nd deck. Also, Giancarlo and Aaron Judge (2-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 37th homer) are dragging Yankees’ fans, the Booing Goombahs, to the playoffs kicking and booing, whether they want it or not. Think some Yankees fans would prefer to lose so they can complain about Giancarlo and Judge.
Wander Franco – 0-for-3 and keeps his on-base streak alive, moving it to 42 games, one short of the record held by Frank Robinson. As I posed to Podcaster Geoff on this week’s podcast, in three years, who will you want, Juan Soto or Wander Franco? I don’t think it’s clear and I think Juan Soto is the best hitter in baseball.
Andrew Kittredge – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 1.66, as he was activated from the IL, and entered the game in the 6th. Kevin Cash must’ve heard Colin Firth is playing the part of Andrew Kittredge and Firth is just a poor man’s Hugh Grant.
Chris Sale – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.90. There should be a little-known playoff rule that only comes into affect once every 30 years that says, “If you’re vying for a spot in the playoffs, and you lose to the Orioles, you’re automatically eliminated.”
Ryan Mountcastle – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 32nd homer. “Oh bugger off!” That’s Mountcastle when he sees an insect.
Hunter Renfroe – 2-for-4 and his 29th homer, hitting .264. As Scooby Doo would say, “Renfroe!”
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-2 and his 32nd homer. Seems like old times (July).
Trevor Story – 2-for-4 and his 24th homer, hitting .247. I’ve gone to the same stat for like five years in a row about how no one on the Rockies has hit below .250 since 2001, outside of super rare examples, and this year practically the whole team is. Change the humidor from suck to blow.
Salvador Perez – 2-for-3, 3 runs and his 47th homer. Kinda want to see him get to 50 homers now so someone drafts him in the top 15 overall. Shoot, ESPN might rank him there!
Andrew Benintendi – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. Benny stays hot, but left after fouling a ball off his leg. He’s now a question mark, or exclamation mark, depending on state of panic.
Luis Robert – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer, hitting .349. Okay, he missed a lot of games, but where are all the people who were saying he would hit 7th and .250? Doing fantasy football, huh? We also have fantasy basketball and fantasy hockey. Ha, not link-droppy at all!
Yoan Moncada – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 13th homer. Yoan’s gonna need a full offseason day — December 12th — to analyze what happened and can he fix it.
Reynaldo Lopez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.98. Nodding my head like a Pez dispenser at Lopez’s bounce back.
Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-3, and his 30th homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. If someone dropped him, which they should have, he could be a few-day schmotato.
Luis Urias – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer. Lots of fuss by yours truly over Captain Willy Adames, and for good reason, but Urias might be a sneaky one next year too. Should do a column: Sneaky or Stinky, then for ones I can’t decide on, just call them Sneakers.
Adam Wainwright – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Wainwright is going to be 80 years old, returning to the park to throw out the first pitch, and then throw 85 more for a shutout.
Nolan Arenado – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 34th homer, hitting .256. Ran into Jeff Bezos at Starbucks, and he said quote, “I make the best Mocha Mint Frappuccino,” and he’d will all his money to me, writing just that on this napkin I’ve haphazardly put by my open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado!
Dylan Carlson – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer. Every Cardinals player is getting in on this winning streak, rising to the occasion, except Carlson. Never seen someone so committed to the bit of “hitting around three homers every month.” It’s boring, man.
Miguel Sano – 1-for-4, and his 30th homer, hitting .219. There’s no time to cyclops with a monocle, there’s no telling whether or not the schmotato will come hot — AS ORDERED! — it’s grab and hexagonal prayers now.
Tyler Alexander – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.95. He’s supposed to get the White Sox at home in his final start, and usually that would be no bueno as the Streamonator says, but the White Sox will rest everyone and Tyler Alexander will throw a no-hitter, or not, but I’d start him.
Tyler Anderson – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.41. I’m only mentioning him to try to confuse people into thinking I’ve written two blurbs for the same pitcher.
Matt Brash – Was called up. Here’s what Prospect Itch said, “(Brash) looks a little like hit closer Paul Sewald with the impossible angle created by his delivery that brings his lead leg well over toward third base before he crossfires back toward the plate. Will likely get hit with a reliever tag more than once as he climbs the ladder, but he managed seven dominant innings in his last start. I’ve got a pretty open mind to his potential role, and I suspect Seattle feels a similar way. Brash is enjoying a loud breakout season, and please someone break me out of Grey’s hell.” Hey, c’mon! Brash throws 97-99 MPH on his fastball, and an 88 MPH slider with around a 39 Whiff%. Have a feeling we’re going to be hearing a lot about this guy this offseason, and I’d look at grabbing him in dynasty/keeper leagues.
Mitch Haniger – 1-for-3 and his 38th homer. The way he’s carrying the M’s to the playoffs, showing this guy’s got balls! Figuratively.
Cody Bellinger – Activated from the IL. Great, I hadn’t felt pain in almost ten days!
Walker Buehler – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.49. Dodgers’ fans better get ready to fight other fans and themselves for many playoff games, because they seem ready to go deep into the playoffs. Assuming Bellinger doesn’t accidentally hurt Scherzer or something.
Charlie Morton – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.39 vs. Zack Wheeler – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.78. About as close as we’re going to get to a play-in playoff this year, I’m afraid. Why are you trying to hold my hand? I’m not really afraid! Get off me!
Jesus Aguilar – Underwent knee surgery. I sure hope he doesn’t have a setback and can’t return until June while Lewin Diaz (1-for-6, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer) takes the 1st base job and runs with it. I sure hope that doesn’t happen. I sure sure sure hope not.
Jesus Sanchez – 1-for-4 and his 14th homer. I’m so ready for him to hurt me in 2022.
Francisco Lindor – 2-for-7, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer. If he goes 121-for-127 and hits 11 homers in one of the Mets’ final games, which goes into the 60th inning, Lindor could salvage his season. It’s not too late!
Marcus Stroman – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.02, and he stole his 1st bag. Sho, Sho, Sho, Stro, how you do that trick?
Noah Syndergaard – 1 IP, 0 ER, as he was activated from the IL. Please remind me to never recommend anyone draft a starter who is roughly 12 months away from Tommy John surgery. No idea what the Mets are doing having him return. Is it that big of a confidence booster going into the offseason to throw one random inning? Let him go play golf for a few months and rest for 2022. How about he play golf on his knees for instructional videos and call them, Thorf on Golf?