Yesterday, Eloy Jimenez went 1-for-4 and his 28th homer, hitting .259, as he marches to the finish line on a mediocre year…Or was it?! Damn, reversal question, you always scare me. It’s worth noting, Jimenez struggled with injuries a bit this year and he only has 430 ABs. He’ll get roughly forty more at-bats this year, so figure 32 HRs in 470 at-bats (this math totally tracks; don’t come for me, nerds!). Give him the standard 570 ABs and he would’ve hit roughly 38 HRs in his rookie season. Geez, it doesn’t sound so bad when I put it like that. Wait, I can do more, he was playing injured a bit so 50 more healthy at-bats and Eloy Jimenez hit 40 homers in his rookie year. Want me to keep going, because I can get him to 73 homers? No? Suit yourself. Think people are looking at Eloy as having a poor rookie year, and the shine’s off him for 2020. However, I see a guy who almost hit 73 homers in his rookie year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Reynaldo Lopez – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the Twins, ERA at 5.44. Listen, as I always say, throw a terrible pitcher against a great team and it’s gonna end up bad for the pitcher, unless something weird happens. It’s one of my great quotes.
Luis Arraez – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs, hitting .350. Highest average for a 22-year-old in the past 100 years (min 300 PA): .406 Ted Williams; .358 Freddie Lindstrom; .357 Stan Musial; Arraez; .346 Joe DiMaggio. Four Hall of Famers and Arraez.
Jose Berrios – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.58. Not because I predicted the Twins to win the World Series but didn’t bet on it, but I wouldn’t mind if the Twins were eliminated early to keep innings off Berrios’s arm. Okay, it was totally the first reason about the non-bet.
Mark Trumbo – Out with a left trapezius strain. Remember, getting on the rope is the easy part, walking across it carrying the pole is the tough part.
John Means – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.65. Streamonator hated this start, so when Malcolm X Jr., or simply Malcolm XI, said he was going to win his H2H league by any Means necessary, it wasn’t by this Means.
Trey Mancini – 2-for-5 and his 33rd homer, hitting .279. Mancini Alfredo plays pepper before every game with a pepper mill. It’s-a not so legal, but-a, every time he get-a out, Boog Powell pull-a him back in.
Tyler Alexander – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.87. Slow news day so I googled to see if he was related to Doyle Alexander, but all I found was he was suspended. How did Doyle Alexander lead me to find out a suspension, you ask. Naturally:
Jordy Mercer -1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. “My friends call me Jordache.” Okay, Jordy, take it easy.
Brandon Woodruff – Was activated from the IL and will work as an opener today. The plan is for him to make three starts before the end of the year, and hopefully have him go 4-5 IP by the last start. My plan is not to pick him up.
Carlos Martinez – 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.00, and his 20th save. Was available to pitch after a bout of allergies this weekend. If he was allergic to losing, Sunday would’ve been a real trying day for him.
Dakota Hudson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.35. Dr. F. Angrafs Database about to go Reggie Jackson-loco, “I must kill the Queen,” when it comes to Hudson’s ERA next year. Dr. F. Angrafs Database said, “Your FIP is ungodly!”
Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 28th homer. OZUNA like to go deep. OZUNA aim is to encourage open-minded inquiry into world religions through theosophy.
Tommy Edman – 2-for-4 and his 13th steal, hitting .350 in the last week with two homers and two steals. Hot schmotato alert! I wish Edman was batting 2nd instead of Wong, but now I’m off Wong (hehe) and on Edman.
Marcus Semien – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer, hitting .284. Holy peanuts on an open fire, Semien is hot. Now 17 homers since the break, and hitting near-.300. Only three players in Major League history with at least 116 runs, 173 hits, 38 doubles, 7 triples, 30 home runs, 85 RBI, 78 walks and 10 stolen bases in a season: Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Marcus Semien. Yes, the legendary 173/38/7/30/85/78/10 club. By the by, Babe Ruth had seven triples — ha, some great athletes in the outfield with a center field fence 700 feet away and tombstones in the middle. How about 10 steals? That was because fielders weren’t yet sure how to cover bases. Different era.
Jorge Soler – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 45th homer. Soler is Ra, the Sun God. Convince me otherwise.
Robbie Ray – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.20. He got the Marlins at home. Anything else would’ve had to be a do-over. And baseball doesn’t do do-overs, buckoo! According to Google, things you can do-over are the Air Mobility Command Museum–Crap, I’m reading about things to do in Dover, Delaware. Okay, forget what I was saying.
Eduardo Escobar – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 35th homer. Escobar loves facing Miami. Didn’t you see Netflix’s Cocaine Cowboys?
Pablo Lopez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.94. Streamonator likes his next start, and I like Lopez, even if it’s a bit jarring an abbreviation of his name forms his 1st name again. WTF is Pab-Lo? Get out of here with that shizz!
Trevor Story – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 33rd homer, hitting .296. Podcaster Ralph and I discuss Story on today’s podcast (I think it comes out today). Where does Story go in 2020? I’ll have to wait to see! (Hear?)
Ian Desmond – 2-for-4 and his 18th homer, hitting .255. When he’s in Coors, it’s time for Desmond’s close-up.
Jeff McNeil – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer, hitting .319. Give me Coors for all my hitters, or give me death. Wait, I don’t own McNeil. Kill me now!
Brandon Nimmo – 1-for-5, and his 6th homer. So, seeing he was in Coors, did you stream Nimmo? Hehe.
Steven Matz – 4 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.16. Glad I didn’t start him, but I did consider it:
— Razzball (@Razzball) September 16, 2019
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 37th homer. Hard to find someone hotter right now than Schwarber. Am I right, Joe Buck? Just nod your pants if you agree.
Cole Hamels – 3 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.92. Gotta do better if he’s gonna be an effective Opener. Effin’ around; he’s not an Opener; Hole Camels sucks.
Anthony Rizzo – Was seen in a walking boot yesterday. That’s what he gets for parking his foot by a fire hydrant. Rizzo’s got an ankle sprain, and I doubt he’ll be able to do much for you the rest of the year, so in most redraft leagues, you can lose him.
Craig Kimbrel – Will throw 12-15 pitches in batting practice on Tuesday. So close to good, but so not actually good. It’s like going into a Mexican restaurant and accidentally ordering whackamole, and the waiter bops you on the head with a giant rubber mallet.