You know how they say think about baseball to make sex last longer? Okay, so I was thinking, to make the baseball season last longer do we think about baseball? Maybe we think about sex. This is a riddle for the Sphinx! I saw Chris Sale struck out his 300th batter of the season, and I got a pit in my stomach. I mean, I know the season’s quickly approaching its French end title, “Fin,” but it still bums me out like a mid-20’s Evan Gattis. Yesterday, Chris Sale went 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 13 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.75. He became the first Red Sox player to record 300 Ks in a season since Pedro Martinez in 1999. And Pedro had his good luck charm, little person, Nelson de la Rosa! Well, I guess Sale does have Pedroia. You look at Sale’s peripherals and you kinda wanna drool — 12.9 K/9, 1.8 BB/9, 2.62 xFIP, and averaging 94 MPH on his fastball. His K-rate is the third best for a starter since 1900. Okay, so maybe Kluber doesn’t win the Cy Young. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mookie Betts – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer, hitting .263. My guess is people will drop Mookie Best a little bit in next year’s ranking — think Bryce this year — and, once again, you’re gonna have a nice buying opportunity. You’re welcome (had nothing to do with it).
Zach Britton – Receiving a PRP injection in his knee. I remember this time I smoked PRP. I could’ve sworn I was on the set of Stand By Me during the blueberry pie contest–Wait, I might be spelling PRP wrong. So, Brad Brach will fill-in while Britton has yet another injury issue, and could be done for the year.
Billy Hamilton – Didn’t play, but returned from the DL, after fracturing his thumb on September 6th. Apparently, his bones heal at the same speed as him.
Luke Weaver – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.05. He’s at 129 IP pitched, after 119 IP last year, and I’m ready for the Cards to shut him down. Who’s with me?! I can’t hear you! Still nothing, but I’m assuming you’re yelling. My guess is he’ll go at least one more start — +30 IP from one year to the next is usually the benchmark — and the Stream-o-Nator likes it, and I can’t see any reason not to go with him.
Paul DeJong – 1-for-5 and his 24th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. In the field, with a baseball bat, it’s Colonel Mustard!
Dexter Fowler – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, and 3rd homer in as many games. It’s almost like he’s made up his mind that he would get to everyone’s preseason projections of 20 HRs. Good for him, just wish he wasn’t Ambien-Dexterous for most of the season.
Rookie Davis – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 8.63. He may never get to be Sophomore Davis.
Luis Severino – 3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.03. Ugh. If you own Severino in a keeper/dynasty league, you are rooting hard for the Yankees to get eliminated in the 1st round of the playoffs. Severino + deep playoff run = Adam West. Hmm, math’s a little off there, but close. Was supposed to equal Matt Harvey.
Aaron Judge – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 45th homer, hitting .277. Seriously historic season happening with Judge. As Judge might say, can I get a witness?!
Gary Sanchez – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 32nd homer, hitting .282. G. Love and the Special Sanchez is lapping the competition for best catcher. On our Player Rater, he’s pushing $30 of value, and the next closest isn’t even at $20. Also, his value per game is $23; there’s only two other guys above $10. Also, he’s in the top 20 overall for fantasy value with every position included.
Didi Gregorius – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer, a new Yankee record for shortstops — eat a D, Jeter. If a 20-something girl is reading, I didn’t abbreviate Derek with D.
Ender Inciarte – Out of the lineup with a sore thumb. Have Billy Hamilton spit on your thumb!
Matt Kemp – Out again with a tweaked hamstring. He’s now missed four straight games. Guess it’s a side effect of gaining 75 pounds. Yo, Kemp, you don’t have to eat all of Matt Adams’ leftovers.
Freddie Freeman – 1-for-4 and his 28th homer. Not bad for a guy who says swinging a bat feels like swinging a wet newspaper. Right now, there’s a dog reading that flinching.
Kurt Suzuki – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer. Yeah, no juiced balls, Robbie Manfred. Sure, guy.
Lucas Sims – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.14. Sims doing pretty good for a guy created out of thin air by a nerd.
Trea Turner – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 10th homer, hitting .283. I’m drafting him every year until I get that 20/60 season.
Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.68. Sad emoji for the stunod who shows up next March with no prep and drafts Gio on the strength of that ERA.
Whit Merrifield – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (18) and double legs (31, 32), hitting .290. Nobody steps to my Baby Bae, Pham, but Merrifield’s actually been better. Shoot (not you, deranged white person), Merrifield is a top 35 player overall.
Mike Moustakas – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 37th homer. Moistasskiss passed Steve Balboni for the single season Royals’ homer record. Balboni still holds the Royals’ record for the most dad looking body and face.
Jake Junis – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.05. He’s been a revelation, and that doesn’t suck even though he sounds like Judas. He should get one more start at least, and I’d go in on him.
Blake Snell – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.01. There’s prolly at least a few Blake Snell 2018 sleeper posts already written out there. He’ll be a sleeper like someone who just drank a nitro cold brew.
Steven Souza – 1-for-2, 2 runs and a slam (30) and double legs (15, 16). It’s kinda fun to start seeing some of these near-the-end-of-the-season stats that are you-can-hardly-believe crazy. What, I got some hyphens at Costco, and have to use them.
Jon Lester – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.56. He’s done the Saberhagenmetrics thing before in his career, so there might be some hope for him next year, but it won’t be the way I’m leaning.
Aaron Altherr – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 19th homer, and third straight game with a homer. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and not resort to caps locks and wild exclamation marks like a 12-year-old girl who just ran into Harry Styles, but Altherr should not be on your waivers anymore.
Alex Wood – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.71. This blurb is just for Prospector Ralph to draw a circle around in lipstick.
Chris Taylor – 1-for-3 and his 21st homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Not too shabby for a guy who I thought was a dame until about May.
Matt Moore – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.20. Whew. Shizz was touch-n-go like your Uncle Don when Moore left two guys on with no outs in the 7th, but we got out of it alive. Thankfully, he’s in Chase for his next start, so not even a Stream-o-Nator option.
Yoan Moncada – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .241. Well, let’s just be grateful that his overall numbers aren’t gonna look great, and most people are over at fantasy football now, otherwise his price would be getting inflated like a Kardashian’s ass.
Brad Peacock – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners (1 hit), 6 Ks, ERA at 2.98. March, “Haha, someone drafted Peacock right before I took Cueto. What a fool!” September, “Eff me with your Peacock.”
Austin Jackson – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 3rd steal, hitting near-.500 in the last week. Indians have a ton of weapons, so he may not play every day, but he has been hitting when he does.
Jake Lamb – 1-for-3, 3 runs and his 28th homer. He hit .197 in the 2nd half last year. He’s hitting .197 in the 2nd half this year. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and, seriously, stop fooling me.
David Peralta – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. Guess he’s healthy again. He excites me so much, and I’m not even 100% why.
J.D. Martinez – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 41st homer. You can try to stop Just Dong, but he will still Just Dong you.
Robbie Ray – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.95. *rips up lottery tickets and throws them in the air* Ugh. *insert dank meme of Tyra screaming* What did I do to deserve that vs. the Padres? What? Actually, don’t answer, it will only infuriate me. Guess on the bright side is some people might see an almost 3.00 ERA and underrate him next year.
Hunter Renfroe – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 22nd, 23rd and 24th homer. Whoa, doode’s playing mad. I like it. He’s like, “This team sucks and you demote me?!” Oh, and obviously, hot schmotato alert! I grabbed him everywhere I could.
Dinelson Lamet – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.45. Lamet’s …And Justice for All, except the people who streamed him last night. Let’s just say, there were nine homers last night in Petco, so, yeah, someone had a vacuum on in that Wester Metal Supply Co. building.
Rougned Odor – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 30th homer. Sonavabench! I don’t even know why I still own him, while not playing him. I’m like an abused dog. You’ve damaged my psyche, Rougned.
Felix Hernandez – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER and outpitched by Andrew Cashner. Makes more sense for F-Her’s nickname if his last name were Himandez.
Mitch Haniger – 1-for-5 and his 14th homer, and his 4th homer in the last eleven games. Somebody wants to win you a H2H playoff.
Domingo Santana – 1-for-3 and his 27th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games, and third homer in his last five games, and Sunday, Bloody, Sunday!
Adam Frazier – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .282. He clobbered Knebel — Knlebbered? — but it wasn’t a death blow to the Brewers like Mike Tyson on Honda.
Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 56th homer, hitting .279. Watching Giancarlo this year is like tantric sex, and I’m failing at the tantric part, if you catch my drift. To put this in “There’s Something About Mary” terms, I want to start calling him Giancarlo “Unconventional Hair Gel” Stanton.
Justin Bour – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Yesterday, I said there wasn’t much time for a guy to heat up, so you should just grab Bour. Today, I say, Yesterday Grey’s right again!
Jose Urena – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.55. Urena’s so under the radar he won’t even win the postseason Razzball award for “Pitcher You Streamed So Much You Just Ended Up Owning.” Of course, you should’ve. He’s given more fantasy value this year than Tanaka, Taijuan, Hamels, Duffy, McCullers and Jon Lester, to name a few.
Brandon Nimmo – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer. Definite bright spot for the Mets. Oh, not Nimmo, I’m talking about Keith Hernandez on a coke binge cleaned the broadcasting booth and there was literally a bright spot from polishing. I keed, Nimmo’s actually good with the oh-bee-pees (.398 OBP; 17% walk rate).
Daniel Mengden – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.30, after throwing a shutout in his last start. Hey, maybe my Dave Magadan rookie cards will gain some value with dyslexic card collectors. A boy can dream! So, Mengden is obviously in a solid groove, and maybe you can get lucky if you start him next time out, but the Stream-o-Nator doesn’t like it, and Mengden’s peripherals are hideous.
Marcus Semien – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .253. Due to injuries, this was a totally lost season for Semien. In the preseason, to avoid Semien, should’ve put a sock on him.
