Call An E-Cab For A Pitching Lyft

Miami Marlins starting pitcher slash heartthrob Edward Cabrera soared high with his flying fish of Florida Friday night and this team got me hooked on E-Cab’s gorgeous line and filthy sinker. The full line was eight masterful innings, with just one run allowed, two hits, one walk and 11 strikeouts en route to his sixth win of the year and the Fish’s seventh win in their past 10 games. Get hoooooked!! Ed-Cab it’s really happening for us! I like my Cab’s full-bodied, dry and fruity and paired with good cheese, and Edward provided plenty of stinky cheese Friday, generating 19 whiffs in this one with a CSW of 34%. He threw 109 pitches in the gem, 74 of them for strikes and a big key to his success over the past few months has been limiting his walks. He’s got just six walks allowed to 45 strikeouts since the start of July. Yes, like any good Cab it gets better with age, and if we remove the 27 year old’s rocky April, he’s got a 2.15 ERA since May with a 94/24 K/BB! That’s an Ace, over the internet friends and stalkers! The breakout is here and it’s arrived in the heat of a pennant race. With the Mets down bad, South Beach is hoping the Marlins will take the bait and cast their line to a postseason push. E-Cab gets another favorable match up with the Guardians next week and needs to be rostered everywhere as these Fish continue to swim upstream. Marlins beisbol, baby! Get hooked!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Chase Burns – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, 10 K. Burns baby Burns! Pittsburgh could not cut to the Chase and Burns dominated this hapless lineup with his fastball slider combo that was damn near untouchable. Throw out the rain-shortened Speedway game, that’s now four straight starts with 10 Ks for the rookie flamethrower. The 5.24 ERA is a bit skewed due to a 0.1 IP Fenway game where he may have been tipping his pitches, but make no mistake, Burns is looking like on of the most valuable starting pitching adds of the season. He gets the Phillies next week and they certainly have the line up to ruin this nice thing we have for everybody.

Jurickson Profar – 1-for-3, HR (6). I Profar’d when he was on HGH but he’s got three homers in the past week and is leading off for Los Bravos. I’m sure Atlanta fans would Profar Acuña leading off.

Heriberto Hernandez – 2-for-4, HR (7), 2 RBI. I can tell you he’s hitting over .300 with a .903 OPS and two homers in the past week but you’re still not gonna pick him up. I wouldn’t either.

Dennis Santana – 1.0 IP, K, SV (7). Smooth Santana at last saves his first game since the Bucs shipped Bednar to NYC City. It only took his three tries, two losses and 7 ER to get there. ERA still at 2.52, Friday’s outing was relatively eventless which is what we should expect from most of his appearances going forward. He needed to be owned everywhere.

Bryan Reynolds – 2-for-4, 2 RBI. He hit a go-ahead 2-run triple in the eighth and I’ve been waiting all year for Bryan “el Rey” to get hot and now that he’s hitting .320 over the past week I am severely underwhelmed. Whelm me, B-Rey! Whelm me!

Devin Williams – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, K, 5th L. Mr. Manager Bufoone or Bugoone or pick your offensive nickname has got to be trolling Cashman and all of us at this point. Devin Williams ain’t it right now and you’re not doing anyone any favors right now trotting him out there. At least he’s better than Jake Bird?

Hunter Brown – 5.1 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, BB, 5 K. Brown was cruising through five before allowing four straight base runners in the sixth as the wheels fell off. Do you think there’s more wheels or doors in the world, they asked. That’s when I offered up my convo-halting “Yeah but, there’s barely any wheels under water, and most the the world is ocean” argument. That’s also when I got looks so dumbfounded I was sure no one had ever said anything stupider. As for Big Brown, he’s been battling issues locating his breaking pitches lately, he’s not throwing the slider, and the knuckle curve hasn’t been effective. He’ll need to fix that if he wants to return to that Ace form he showed most of this year.

Cam Schlittler – 5.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, BB, 3 K. Basically only throws fastballs, but oh boy are they fast. He lacks an out pitch for left handed batters and until he finds that will likely have more outings like this. He does get the decimated Twinks next time out.

Jose Altuve – 2-for-4, HR (2), 2 RBI. Altuve stepped to the plate to a chorus of boos and quickly answered with trash can tank first pitch first at bat. The jeers obviously rattled him real good. The guy is an emotional wreck!

Tomoyuki Sugano – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 2 BB, 4 K, 9th win. Was following this game closely and Tomo somehow seems to always have runners on base, which is not an easy thing to accomplish, and winning like that is even harder. Still he notched his third QS in his past five despite the A’s teeing off on him. He gets the Mariners next week and that’s a no Tomo domo arrigato, Mr. Sugano.

Keegan Akin – 1.0 IP, K, SV (2). O’s chose their closer just like they chose their line up: they picked the oldest fattest guy available despite much more high upside options available. The fact that Mr. Manager Hyde went back to Keegan after he got the loss last Sunday tells me all I need to know. Akin is your closer in Baltimore for now and the O’s have been playing well recently. You could do worse.

J.T. Ginn – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 9 K, 4th L. Do you think JT orders G&Ts when he’s out? Aside from having one of the coolest names in the sport, I learned scrolling twitter for hours that JT has possibly ruined a couple marriages with his promiscuity and that most of twitterverse hates this guy. But did you also know the 9 Ks was a career high and he generated 19 whiffs against the O’s? He gets the Rays next time but it doesn’t sound like you can trust this guy. Sinner!

Adley Rutschman – 1-for-2, HR (9). His first home since June 16! If it wasn’t obvious the O’s offense goes with Adley, and when he’s on, they look like the actually good baseball we saw last year.

Ryan Mountcastle – 1-for-3, HR (3). Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” department took a lake day, but told Jan, who told Steve who left a post-it for Mark to let you know Mountcastle is back. He’s never been so back.

Jo Adell – 2-for-4, HR (24). Zack Neto also homered (17). Not your average Jo with the jack. Call him Joe Friday because he’s on the case! That’s three homers in the past four games and he’s rocking an .771 OPS. He still strikes out too much but man does that 20 points of batting average really make a difference. Your uber prospect has arrived Angels fan(s). Is this not what you were expecting? Were you expecting Mike Trout? You already have one of those.

Spencer Torkelson – 1-for-4, HR (25). Tork with torque! Don’t get it twisted! That’s science!

Tarik Skubal – 4.2 IP, 6 hits, 4 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. Tarik’s worst and shortest outing of the year. It was just one of those days for Skubal. Don’t take it personal.

Kyle Finnegan – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (23). Will can see your Vest right out of the ninth inning gig.

Tanner Bibee – 5.1 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, 4 BB, 7 K. Tanner BB is right. The ratios aren’t pretty but the 119/39 K/BB plays everywhere. He probably won’t get nine runs of support every time though.

Aaron Civale – 3.1 IP, 8 hits, 9 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. If the White Sox can’t fix him no one can!

C.J. Kayfus – 2-for-4, run, 3 RBI. Grey gave you his CJ Kayfus fantasy on Monday. He’s like a lite version of Josh Naylor. Call him Naylor Softly. Respectfully. Romantically even. He’s hit safely in his past four games with two straight multi-hit efforts including this three run double.

Daniel Schneemann – 1-for-4, 2 runs, RBI. BUY. The Guards have now won eight of their last 10 after being sellers at the deadline. Are we looking at a Major League win-to-stick-it-to-the-man situation or is it just a good week. They’re just a half game back of the final wild card spot. Watch out! We’ve got a good ol’ fashion hometown community pow wow on our hands.

Joe Ryan – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 5 K, 11th win, (ELEVEN) ERA at 2.79. Oh man, he sure would’ve looked good in a [insert your home team here] uniform.

Seth Lugo – 4.0 IP, 9 hits, 7 ER, 2 BB, K., 6th L. I thought the Royals had the pitching staff to make a run, but not like this. He’s now allowed 12 ER and 4 homers since signing that extension at the end of July. Typical.

Mike Yastrzemski – 1-for-4, HR (10). Carl’s Jr.’s Jr with the western bacon chee! Now slashing .300/.318/.750 with two homers and a 1.068 OPS with his new team. He’s probably worth a look as long as he continues leading off.

Bobby Witt Jr. – 1-for-5, HR (17). He’s under pacing his usual homer total but the 30 steals make it all palatable. Still on pace for a 25-30+ season which is much more than we can expect from Gunnar at this point. He also leads the league with 37 doubles. He’s still a top five pick next year.

Alan Roden – 2-for-5, 2 runs. Do we need an exterminator to deal with this Roden problem? Demands to be mentioeds as he seems to be the Twinks new leadoff hitter, and he’s notched back to back multi-hit efforts including a home run Wednesday. I’m desperate but I ain’t Alan Roden desperate–yet. But keep hitting things change!

Kody Clemens – 2-for-5, HR (13). The Twinks new clean up hitter with the Rocket for dad! He’s hitting .360 in the past week and the position eligibility makes him interesting. Maybe in Nepo-baby Only leagues.

Luke Keaschall – 2-for-4, 2 RBI. Luke can be your daddy, err, father! The rook’s hit safely in all but one game he’s played, and he fractured his arm in that game, so we give him a pass. He’s got six hits and a home run in three games since returning from the IL with 8 RBI. That’s 10 RBI in 10 games. Is it the force? Yes, probably, and he was a BUY and you probably should add him.

Kodai Senga – 4.1 IP, 2 hits, ER, 2 BB, 2 K, 4th L, 79 pitches. Could not find the strike zone with his fast ball which is concerning, alarming, devastating, adjective. Is the Senga Genesis now Terminus? He’s given up 12 ERA in his past four starts and can’t get through four innings. He gets a juicy match up with Atlanta next week, but I can’t see how you can start this guy with confidence anymore.

Brice Turang – 1-for-3, HR (9), SV (21). The slam & legs in Milwaukee is served with a brat, cold custard and washed down with a Miller High Life. Turang’s living his own high life with 3 homers this week and 9 RBI batting .346 with 2 steals. Speaking of steals, Brice Turang on draft day!

Brandon Woodruff – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 8 K, 4th win. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a pitcher return from surgery so dominant before. He hasn’t allowed more than 2 ER in any of his six starts. Perhaps since it wasn’t TJ he still has his pinpoint command, which helps him work around the velocity loss. Not that’s he’s not still throwing the fastball. Cause he is. It’s just no one can hit it. Rarely does an IL stash pay off so well, but he’s looking like a league winning stash and the good times should continue against the Pirates next week.

Juan Soto – 1-for-4, HR (27). Things looks dire in Queens. Where’s Spiderman when you need him. Mets need Lindo to get hot. Soto going to do what he does regardless.

Trevor Megill – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, SV (27). This almost went bad but Perkins made an amazing piss missile throw here and maybe he should have got the save not Megill?

Michael McGreevy – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 0 ER, BB, 3 K, 4th win. McGreedy McGreevy handled the Cubbies Friday after they got to him for five runs last time out. Revenge! Another Cards ground ball pitcher who could help your ratios if he wasn’t giving up 17 runs in five starts. The Ks won’t be there either. I’d say you should probably pass but he does get the Rockies next week and I could see considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure though!

Jordan Walker – 3-for-4, HR (4), 2 RBI, slashing .237/.291/.336 . Six hits in two games. *Eyes emoji* What would really spice this season up right now in the August dog dayz lull is a Jordan Walker breakout. Make it happen, MLB!

Riley O’Brien – 1.0 IP, 0 ER pitched the ninth. JoJo Romero – 1.0 IP, K, pitched the eighth. Just when you thought it was safe to add Romero as newly minted Cards closer, O’Brien pitches the ninth in a non-save but close-ish situation. Grey told you to BUY Romero and best guess is they will share the job, lefty/righty and all, but JoJo has the coveted closer experience Mr. Manager’s crave. Stay tune as the drama unfolds.

Cristopher Sanchez – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 0 ER, 6 K, 11th win. Is Sanch the most underrated Cy Young candidate in the league? He’s allowed 2 ER or less in 19 starts. He’s got a 1.69 ERA over his past 12 starts and 2.36 ERA on the year. That’s fourth best in the league, folks. Only Skenes, Crochet and Skubal are lower and no one will shut up about those three. Sanchez has a higher WAR than all of them at 6.0! The sweetest of sassy molass to you, sir! When can we expect people to stop shutting up about Crisopher? By all means gush!

Trea Turner – 2-for-4, HR (12), 5 RBI, SB (26). The slam & legs in Arlington is served with a beef rib so big you half to unhinge your jaw to take a proper Texas bite. Relevant because when Treat Urner gets hot he gets slap-yo-momma-ribs with her special BBQ sauce hot. And I don’t think the Phils need any more weapons right now, especially slap-yo-momma sauce.

Merrill Kelly – 4.1 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, 5 BB, 4 K., 7th L. And the best starting pitcher acquisition at the deadline so far has been…Charlie Morton. I definitely just jinxed him too. Sorry Charlie!

Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-5, HR (41). Schwarbomb! His fourth this week! No disrespect to all the great and powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-hitting, all-throwing, Ohtani but I think we’d all love to see Kyle for MVP.

Zac Gallen – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 3 BB, 6 K, 9th win. Thank goodness. I mean, if you can’t get it done against the Rockies, I’m not sure we should be rostering this joker.

Kyle Karros – 1-for-3, RBI. Karros got the call up Friday after slashing .301/.398/.476 through AA and AAA and immediately made his presence felt with his first career hit and RBI.  Have a day, rook! Welcome to the Rockies aka hell.

Blaze Alexander – 2-for-4, HR (2), 4 RBI. His second homer this week hitting .333. Between Blaze and Warming Bernabel I don’t know who’s hot anymore or who’s just named that way!

Walker Buehler – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. He doesn’t look “good” per se, but he’s been not-bad enough to limit the damage with six straight starts allowing 3 ER or less. I’ve waited four months to say this, but if the Red Sox can win handily with Walker f’n Buehler, well, they just might be a wagon, ya’ll!

Nick Pivetta – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 5 ER, 3 BB, 3 K. Having just come over from Boston, the Sox know Pivetta’s one weakness. Home runs!

Wilyer Abreu – 1-for-4, 2 runs, HR (21), 2 RBI. Wilyer or won’tyer! Abreu leads the team in home runs with 21 which seem low, but before you mention they shouldn’t have traded the one-who-will-not-be named-and-will-not-play-first-base, Devers hit his 21st home run Friday night, too.

Clayton Kershaw – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, ER, BB, 4 K, 6th win. I told you last week I was considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially streaming him Friday and I felt racked with guilt all week realizing it was a matchup with the Jays who just scored 1000 runs in Coors. But Kersh be reliable like that. Thanks friend!

Max Scherzer – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, 2nd L. We’re reaching the point of the year where the wily vets start finding their grooves, or their wiles, if you will. Mad Max has been untouchable blood and fire over the past two weeks with a 0.89 WHIP, and 21/3 K/BB. He’s looking like the BJays Ace right now tbh, which is more of an inditement of this Toro pitching staff. It’s fun to root for Canada, but Gausman/Scherzer/Berrios is not a fearsome 1-2-3 come October.

Mookie Betts – 2-for-4, HR (12), 3 RBI. Mookie Best! The silver lining with the down year is that I’ll be able to draft him everywhere next year. I don’t care if he sucks now, he’s my best friend forever!

Drew Rasmussen – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 4 K. Dwew posted a pretty mid July, but how much of that was Mr. Manager’s Cash handling of him with baby gloves. Is that the expression? Baby gloves? Sounds wrong. Well, the gloves seem to be off again and that’s back to back scoreless outings for the Razz. Maybe Cash is saving him for the postseason they likely won’t be participating in.

Junior Caminero – 2-for-4, HR (31). Dark horse MVP candidate with Judge and Raleigh scuffling? Two homers in three days. Look at this fly! Nothing Junior about it.

Cal Raleigh – 1-for-4, HR (43), 3 RBI.  Ahh, finally relief. I’ve been so backed up, I feel like it’s been forever since the Big Dumper took his last Big Dump. Well, Call delivered porcelain perfection at just the right time Friday for his first homer of August. He’s got just four homers since the break but even if he didn’t hit another homer all year (he will) he’d still be the top catcher in all of fantasy beisbol, and that’s definitely not something you thought you’d be getting when you drafted him back in March. Regardless, the M’s win their fifth in a row behind the Cal’s heroics and he still leads the league in dumpers and drama. It’s another Raleigh Rally and we’re all witnesses!

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts, or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!