Carlos Carrasco was bumped from the rotation.¬† Do I smell a 400-foot, long-tossing fool from Columbus, Ohio that has a rap group that plays to sell-out shows in the furnished basement of his parents’ house?¬† Trevor Bauer, your time is near.¬† I said that last line in a Darth Vader voice.¬† Trevor, I am your father.¬† I said that in the voice of someone who has a son named Trevor.¬† Am I confusing you?¬† How about now?¬† Trevor Bauer may have overcome his past WHIPping post issues and could be usable in all mixed leagues.¬† They worked with Trevor in Triple-A.¬† They taught him to pitch from the rubber instead of short center.¬† I would speculate on him, as I said in Friday’s Buy column, I wouldn’t go and drop anyone too crazy valuable.¬† Josh Tomlin may instead be called up to replace Carrasco.¬† Tomlin can’t pitch out of the bullpen because it takes him like 2 innings to get out of his oversized chair.¬† Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jason Kipnis – Left yesterday’s game with an abdominal strain.¬† That has people in Cleveland screaming like they saw a mythical creature, “ABDOMINAL…..NO….MAN!”
Carlos Santana – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer and 2nd in as many games.¬† If it’s getting stuffy in here, it’s because Santana’s buy window is closing.
Josh Hamilton – Nearing baseball activities after taking one-handed swings on Monday.¬† One-handed swings, huh?¬† Are we sure he didn’t set up Dr. Richard Kimble?
Erick Aybar – 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI.¬† Last week, I said he wasn’t a .209 hitter.¬† Well, he’s not anymore.¬† He’s hitting .292.
Archie Bradley – To the 7-day DL with a flexor strain in his throwing elbow.¬† The good news, this will make it harder for Kevin Towers to sell Bradley for fifty cents on the dollar.¬† Do I hear thirty-five cents?!¬† This brings us to a good point that I will be making right after I do this clunky intro, is Bradley any different than Marcus Stroman or Trevor Bauer?¬† They’re just young pitchers.¬† They could roofie you.¬† In most redraft leagues, you can probably get their production off waivers from a guy like Tyler Skaggs or Josh Beckett or any number of other guys by just using the Stream-o-Nator.
A.J. Pollock – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer, hitting over .350 in the last week.¬† How many Pollocks does it take to spot a hot schmotato?
Wilin Rosario – MRI showed no breaks in his hand.¬† His doctor, Kurtis Blow, was bummed.
Jacoby Ellsbury – Didn’t start yesterday due to minor hand pain. Will be interesting to see what people, who claim Ellsbury is only prone to fluke injuries, say when he has a non-fluke injury.¬† “Just a fluke that it’s a non-fluke injury!”¬† That’s them.
Michael Pineda – Out a month with a strained lat.¬† You know what would make his lat feel better?¬† A three-inch coat of pine tar.¬† Sounds like David Phelps will stay in Pineda’s spot in the rotation.¬† Imagine what could’ve been if the Yankees had Buhner in the rotation.¬† Phelps has been great for Ks, but real iffy for control.¬† Definitely worth a look in AL-Only leagues, but pretty borderline for mixed leagues as of now.
CC Sabathia – 5 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA is at 5.11.¬† Damn, I bet Sabathia thought he’d never see 511 again.
Mark Teixeira – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer in the last week.¬† By the time, you can regret not picking him up, he will be injured again.
Mike Zunino – 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI.¬† Doesn’t his last name sound like a poor attempt by the National Hurricane Center to name a hurricane with a Z?¬† “Oh no, it’s El Zunino!”
Justin Smoak – 2-for-5. 1 RBI.¬† Hey, it’s our season’s first hot schmotato that appeared to be something greater, but maybe now he will get hot again and be something greater.¬† Got it?¬† Good!
Matt Cain – Scratched with a cut finger.¬† I hope he wasn’t handling food products.
Yusmeiro Petit – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks.¬† Was just filling in for Cain, though he looked a lot more Able.
Angel Pagan – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer.¬† Sonavadrop!¬† But I thought he had a knee issue that was sending him to the DL?¬† Dah!
Jason Vargas – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER.¬† More like Varburp.
Salvador Perez – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer.¬† Sitting Shiva Perez is still struggling when someone greets him with good morning, thinking, “What’s so good about mourning?”
Jarrod Dyson – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 5th steal.¬† SAGNOF!
Jose Bautista – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 8th homer.¬† Please, just stay healthy.¬† It’s all I ask (well, that and every player that is on any of my teams also stays healthy).
Edwin Encarnacion – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer.¬† Still would be concerned about him, and be looking to sell.
Brett Lawrie – 2-for-4, hitting .192 now, after languishing in the .160’s for weeks.¬† May not have Lawrie to kick around anymore, that’s until he runs into a wall like he’s a puppy chasing a flashlight.
Aroldis Chapman – Will start his rehab assignment on Thursday and will probably return by the following Thursday.¬† Bu-bu-bu-but what about my cheap, bootifull, SAGNOF-y Broxton?!
Billy Hamilton – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his first slam & legs in his major league career.¬† If only Marge Schott were alive to see the homer, she could’ve texted a frownie to Donald Sterling.
Alfredo Simon – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, 1.60 ERA.¬† Yeah, I don’t buy him at all.¬† I don’t care if he’s holding a gun and tells me, “Simon says pick me up,” I’m not touching him.
Zack Cozart – 2-for-4, 1 run, hitting .165 on the year, but that won’t continue.¬† I mean, it’s not like he’s great, but he’s not a sub-.200 hitter.¬† If you’re desperate, I could see trying to catch fire in a schmotato.
Jose Fernandez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks.¬† Wanna have a good laugh at my expense?¬† After three starts last year, I dropped Jose Fernandez.¬† It still stings!¬† No fear, I still won that league, beating Rudy.¬† *low building laugh*
Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer.¬† He now has three homers in the last four games.¬† Salty on a hot schmotato?¬† Yummers!
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer.¬† Only 28 more!¬† (I think he might get there by the All-Star Break.¬† Hey, Giancarlo, smoochies from Grey!)
John Lackey – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, 3.83 ERA on the year, but has actually pitched much better than that — 8.8 K/9, 1.8 BB/9, 3.17 xFIP.¬† Lackey’s been unlucky — say that fast 117 times! — and I could see owning him.
Shane Victorino – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs.¬† First multi-hit game since he returned from the DL and it could be the start of something.¬† Haven’t loved him since he started rehabbing, but I’ll love anyone if they’re hitting.¬† I’m a slut!
Will Middlebrooks – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 1 RBI.¬† Don’t you want to call him Will Meredithbrooks?¬† No?¬† Okay, that’s on me then.
Kevin Kouzmanoff – Needs back surgery on a herniated disk.¬† They should abbreviate that HD, like compact disk is CD.¬† I just fixed you, Queen’s English.¬† Ta!
Martin Perez – 4 2/3 IP, 8 ER.¬† Fangraphs Database decided to dump a whole bottle of Liquid Paper on his stats all at once.¬† “We don’t carry off-white Liquid Paper.¬† We want the world to know we’ve corrected a mistake!”
Leonys Martin – 1-for-4 and his 8th steal.¬† I haven’t had a chance to talk much about Leonys so far this year because he hasn’t had (m)any big games.¬† He’s hitting .307 and on pace for 40 steals.¬† What, you don’t like wonderful?
A.J. Griffin – Will undergo Tommy John surgery because he succumbed to peer pressure.
Yoenis Cespedes – 1-for-1, 3 runs.¬† Well, of course he had so many runs; he’s got a hundred legs.
Josh Reddick – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st steal.¬† Where on earth did this young brother’s power go?¬† Reddick as a slap hitter is far from interesting, and sounds downright unseemly.
Derek Norris – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and hitting .365 on the year.¬† Has been outhitting his platoon-mate, John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt, by a country mile, but the A’s would platoon Ted Williams if he couldn’t hit a lefty for three games in a row.
Justin Verlander – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, but was actually outpitched by Jose Quintana (6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks).¬† And you thought I couldn’t find a way to take a Quality Start by Verlander and make it negative — ha!
Chris Sale – Robin Ventura said there’s a “slim at best” chance he rejoins the rotation this weekend.¬† I’ll say his chances of staying healthy the rest of the year are slim to anorexic.
Cole Hamels – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER.¬† I didn’t like Hamels coming into the year, but, on the fo’really, did the entire league get hit hard last night?¬† Did MLB test all hitters for steroids on April 28th, so they knew it was safe to shoot up yesterday?¬† Did Mark McGwire have a birthday and make a wish?¬† I got questions, y’all!
Jon Niese – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.¬† Oh, I see, not every pitcher got hit hard.¬† It was opposite day in the majors.¬† I keed.¬† (Kinda.)¬† Niese does have a 2.20 ERA thus far and it’s not a complete product of luck.¬† He doesn’t get many Ks, and as the Stream-o-Nator would tell you, don’t go near his next start.
Daniel Murphy – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 6th steal.¬† After I saw Hamels got hit hard by the Mets, I looked at the box score and tried to piece together where the RBIs were.¬† I still don’t know.
Josh Willingham – Cut his hitting session short due to soreness in his wrist. ¬† He said he couldn’t tag a ball right now with spray paint and Banksy.
Doug Fister – Aiming to return to the rotation on May 7th.¬† Washington hasn’t gone as far to say that will be National Fister Day, which is prolly for the best.
Lyle Overbay – 2-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .308.¬† I am not proud at all to be saying this, but I grabbed Overbay in an NL-Only league.¬† At least he’s healthy, not something that can be said about most of the Brewers team.
Jhonny Peralta – 2-for-5, hitting over .300 in the last week with two homers.¬† Hhot schhmotato.
Jaime Garcia – Will start rehab assignment on Sunday.¬† You think when he goes up to a hostess and says his name the hostess says back, “Hi, you?”