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For what it’s Cronenworth, I wrote this prior to the news the Yankees were acquiring Andrew Benintendi:

Let’s make it 2-for-2 off the bat and DFA Joey Gallo! That would also be a better hitting line than Gallo’s ever had. The Mets got the Yanks so shook after a walk-off win they went out and acquired a guy who can’t even play in Toronto in the playoffs. Doesn’t seem like the smartest of trades, but I’m sure Cashman did his research. So, the assumption is Hicks goes to the bench (finally!), and Benintendi goes out to left field. Then what happens when Giancarlo returns, and they trade for David Peralta and Matt Carpenter hits 6 homers in a week and the sky is falling! I don’t know. Benintendi is clearly helped by this move, due to the stadium and lineup, but he does have a very flat Launch Angle and kinda makes baby contact, so I don’t think this boosts Benintendi to, say, a top 20 outfielder. He’s around a top 40 outfielder now, and I’d say he’s top 30 now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Domingo German – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 8.22. I watched this game — man, Karl Ravech sucks — and I’m surprised to see German’s line looks that good. We’ll look closer at German if he’s still a starter by next week, but I’d guess the Yanks will have traded for Jose Quintana or, maybe, if they’re lucky, Patrick Corbin!

Gleyber Torres – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. His opposite-field homer found the netting in Metco off David Peterson, and I have no idea why David Peterson’s pitching middle relief. Michael Fulmer is available, guys!

Jacob deGrom – Just completed what is being reported is his final rehab start with a tentative call-up to start on August 2nd. Hard to find good scouting reports on this guy. Hard thrower? Lots of junk? Not sure.

Pete Alonso – 1-for-3 and his 26th homer. Albombso!

Josh Jung – Will start a rehab assignment tomorrow. Will be there about a week, then to an affiliate for a week, then to sleeper lists in 2023. Tentatively.

Jon Gray – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.62. We love all Gray’s in this house, whether they pitch well or not (okay, more when they pitch well). Streamonator has a giant metal rod for his next start, and I can see it. Uh, starting him, not the metal rod.

Julio Rodriguez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer. Right now, I’m listening to The Jets’ Crush On You and inserting “Julio Rodriguez” after every time they sing “you.”

Marco Gonzales – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.66. Ya know what’s a little bit funny to me? Rangers spent $500 million to kinda suck.

Stephen Piscotty – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 4th homer. Also, in this game, Stephen Vogt (1-for-3) hit his 5th homer. The last time two Stephens homered in the same game? Elias Sports Bureau doesn’t know! Elias Sports Bureau doesn’t know!

Cole Irvin – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Was gonna say Streamonator, but his ERA is WHAT?! Cole turning into a diamond before our eyes? *looks at his peripherals* No, those are Coles. And not as in Gerrits.

Cristian Javier – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.26. Is it me or are the starts by the Astros in Oakland during this series the most disappointing starts of all-time? Okay, of the last few days?

Yordan Alvarez – 1-for-2 and his 29th homer. Now wrap Captain Woo Cubano’s hand in bubble wrap, thank you very much.

Rowdy Tellez – 2-for-4, 6 RBIs and his 19th and 20th homers. Watching Rowdy play is so infectious. If diabetes were contagious. Sorry, that’s mean. I’m battling Covid right now, and throwing shade like an umbrella. I got the stupid Canadian variant over the break in Vancouver — screw you, Trudeau!

Luis Urias – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. I looked at the Player Rater and sorted by “Urias” and was shocked to see he’s the third Urias. That’s one stinky Urias. Though, could be a hot schmotato.

Kyle Garlick – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 8th homer. Pouring some Garlick out for Jimmy Caan, Liotta, Sorvino and Paulie Walnuts. All my favorite paisans!

Jose Miranda – 3-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .281, hitting over-.400 in the last two weeks and near-.600 in the last week. “You have the right to remain loud!” Miranda talking to his bat.

Ketel Marte – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 10th homer. It’s ironic this guy’s name is a vodka, because he is not the life of any party. Is that irony? I have no idea.

Josh Rojas – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer, hitting .283. He’s having himself the kind of month (2 HRs, 6 SBs, hitting near-.375) that makes me want to go to the local ice cream shop and ask for two of the red ones scooped into my right hand, then fill the left one with jimmies so I can make a mouth sundae.

Taylor Rogers – 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.35, moving his record to 1-5 with seven blown saves. Ha! Taylor Rogers let me introduce you to my memory of Carlos Marmol, while David Robertson replaces you any day now.

Yu Darvish – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.24 vs. Tarik Skubal – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.67. This was a matchup of two guys who I was out on way too early. For Darvish it was this preseason — oops — and for Skubal it was just about a month ago — oops, I did it again!

Bobby Dalbec – 2-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 9th and 10th homer, and three homers in the last five games. In one league where I lost Devers, I grabbed Jeimer, and, in another league, I grabbed Dalbec. I am living right, baby! *dances up the wall like Bing Crosby because of all the DayQuil I’m on, thinks about calling him “Bingo” and falls off wall laughing, your standard FOWL* Hey, anyway, this Dalbec fella might just be hot, and he could hit a bunch of homers if he goes on a sizzler.

Nathan Eovaldi – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.32. One strikeout? I’d pfft but I don’t have the energy.

Josh Naylor – 1-for-5 and his 14th homer. Naylor? We were just introduced?! On a less juvenile take, he has so much power. The pitch he homered off of was down and away, and he golfed it the other way. Only went 380 feet, aided by the Monster, but still. He had no business homering on that pitch.

Cal Quantrill – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.97. Went to look at his peripherals and hadn’t seen anything that ugly in a long time. Can I get a woof?

Drew Rasmussen – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.17. I hate Kevin Cash so much. Does he really need to pull every starter at 4 2/3 IP?

Jorge Mateo – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer, and his 1st opposite-field homer of the season. Too bad those don’t count double!

Braxton Garrett – 5 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.96. Hmm, that wet blankets the excitement a little, but he still had eight strikeouts, and, I’m still in for one more start. Faith (in Marlins’ starters) don’t fail me now!

JJ Bleday – 1-for-4, and his 1st career homer, as he he hits third. Meesa likes Jar Jar Bleday!

Luis Castillo – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.86. After the game, Castillo said, “This was a great win for us, and I can get many more for ‘insert team name here.'”

Albert Pujols – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 686th career homer. I’m first and foremost a baseball nerd, and it would be cool to see Pujols get to 700 homers, but there is literally no way it happens, right? Maybe if he gets to face Patrick Corbin a bunch of times.

Nolan Gorman – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (10) and legs (1), hitting .229. Someone’s playing like they don’t want to get traded to the Nats!

Adam Wainwright – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.28. Wainwright’s going to be playing when there’s robot umps, and be like, “I used to play with your father, a toaster.”

Kevin Gausman – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.30. Wainwright’s ERA is lower than Gausman’s, and people still draft starters high. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I liked Gausman this preseason (and Wainwright), but ERAs are just so fickle! Wins are fickle! You can literally count on strikeouts, and walks.

Charlie Blackmon – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer. This was a leadoff homer, which acted as the opening of the latest Chazz Noir novel, “My Beard Flows in Coors, That’s Beard, Not Beer.”

Lucas Giolito – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.14. Considering it was Coors, it wasn’t that bad. “Wasn’t that bad” is practically a Cy Young for how well Giolito’s pitched this year.

Matt Olson – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. 35 homers on the year feels like it would be asking a lot, but, ya know what? I wanna ask for that.

Charlie Morton – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.34. Came in with a 4.59 ERA on the road, and lived up (down?) to that. Just a Morton owner being salty!

Kyle Gibson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.60. Streamonator hates him and I don’t disagree. Well, maybe more apathetic.

Mitch White – Optioned to the minors. Dodgers could take the guy who spins the sign in front of a Subway, dressed as a hoagie, and turn him into a decent starter, so it’s hard to fault them for just booting White, even though he was pitching well.

Andrew Heaney – 4 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 0.47, as he was activated from the IL. Streamonator doesn’t love Heaney, but, as long as he’s healthy (is he still healthy? How about now? Now?), I’d try him.

Patrick Corbin – 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.49. Patrick Corbin allowed 7 hits and 6 ER on 45 pitches and didn’t make it out of the 1st, and is one of the hottest trade targets on the market! Corbin only allowed 7 hits, his lowest mark in a game in July! Sounds good doesn’t it, Dodgers?!

Vinnie Pasquantino – Day-to-day with thumb soreness. This is really hurting his Fonzie impersonation.

Janson Junk – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, in his 1st start of the year. A positive with the Angels that’s not related to Ohtani? That doesn’t seem possible. And, looking at Junk’s minor league numbers, it really doesn’t seem possible. After yesterday’s start though, Janson might just keep his locker in the Angels’ clubhouse for a bit longer, and call it the Junk trunk.

Mike Trout – Angels said Trout’s return is still at least a week away, as he was diagnosed with costovertebral dysfunction. A week away sounds like how Trout was day-to-day for five months last year. Mike Trout is the absolute best at injuries that linger. The GOAT of linguries. Costovertebral is so rare, it’s not even known by autocorrect. Yet, I know how this will affect Mike Trout’s entire career, because I am…*rips off shirt, reveals a stethoscope decal stuck to chest*…A fantasy sports doctor! Costovertebral dysfunction, whatever the eff that is, could linger for the rest of Trout’s career. I’d hold him for now in redraft leagues, but this doesn’t sound good for dynasty or keepers. “I was playing through it for a while,” said Trout, the guy who never seems to play through it. It’s gonna be a very sad day when Mike Trout prematurely retires and is remembered as a modern-day Mickey Mantle.