This draft was so slow that I lost half my starting rotation before the draft ended. This draft was so slow that when it started Minnie Minoso was still alive. This draft was so slow when it started Tupac was still dead. I didn’t enjoy my time last year in the 15-team NFBC slow draft. I drafted Mark Trumbo, Prince Fielder, Cliff Lee, Anibal Sanchez and Patrick Corbin and my only chance was a big year from Nadir Bupkis, who gave me just that. See, there’s no waivers and the league is 50 rounds deep, so if you’re hit by injuries, you’re done. So, I was talked into doing the league one more time, but knew I had to draft starters early and often, and, of course, prior to the draft even completing I lost Zack Wheeler and Tony Cingrani. Many will disagree with me, but I’m under the firm belief that it’s a lot harder and more fun to win a league like a Razzball Commenter League, than it is to win a super-deep league. With super-deep leagues, if you’re hit by injuries, you’re done. That’s neither fun nor challenging. That’s just shizzy luck. You can say I should’ve known Wheeler and Cingrani weren’t safe, and I’d say to you that neither are any of the pitchers that are healthy all year. They just happened to stay healthy. It’s not like the guy that drafted Alex Cobb is any smarter than the guy who drafted (insert pitcher that is healthy right now that may not be healthy by the time you read this). How’s dem grapes? Sour! Anyway, here’s my 15-team, 5×5, roto, NFBC slow draft team and thoughts:
C: Mike Zunino
C: Hank Conger
1B: Carlos Santana
2B: Scooter Gennett
SS: Hanley Ramirez
3B: Adrian Beltre
MI: Alcides Escobar
CI: Eric Hosmer
OF: Adam Jones
OF: Wil Myers
OF: Denard Span
OF: Steven Souza
OF: Dexter Fowler
UTIL: Colby Rasmus
Bench: Welington Castillo, Jordan Pacheco, Mark Reynolds, John Mayberry, Logan Forsythe, Omar Infante, Jake Lamb, Zack Cozart, Francisco Lindor, Zoilo Almonte, Shane Victorino, Kevin Pillar, Domingo Santana
P: Jeff Samardzija
P: Zack Wheeler
P: Mike Fiers
P: Tony Cingrani
P: Jake Peavy
P: Danny Salazar
P: David Robertson
P: Francisco Rodriguez
P: Jeremy Hellickson
Bench: Anthony DeSclafani, David Buchanan, Jhoulys Chacin, Jason Marquis, Miguel Alfredo Gonzalez, Wei-Yin Chen, Randall Delgado, Danny Farquhar, Marco Gonzales, Colby Lewis, Aaron Nola, Brett Oberholtzer, Adam Warren
HOW DEMORALIZING IS IT TO LOSE YOUR 2ND AND 4TH STARTERS PRIOR TO THE DRAFT ENDING? YOU CAN GIVE IT TO ME ON A SCALE OF 1 TO SEPPUKU.
Seppuku. Definitely. By the by, my autocorrect wanted to change seppuku to Giuseppe. So, I’m guessing there’s a lot of Japanese people reading their iPhones, trying to decipher who the hell is this Giuseppe and what did Giuseppe do to drive their loved ones to disembowel themselves. I already went over the luck involved in a league this deep in the intro so I don’t want to belabor the point, but, I mean, c’mon, can’t Samardzija and Peavy hurt themselves already to get the pain over with? Actually, that would just begin the true pain, because then I’ll be starting Colby, Buchanan, DeSclafani and Oberholtzer. Note to self: If you have an Oberholtzer on your fantasy team, reexamine life. Oh, and I didn’t even mention Fiers has shoulder problems. I’m in good shape! *high fives self*
YOUR HITTING DOESN’T LOOK THAT BAD. OKAY, WHEN COMPARING IT TO YOUR PITCHING.
My hitting doesn’t look bad if, and this ‘if’ needs its own zip code, they all stay healthy. I have no sort of depth on offense. If Santana, Beltre and Hosmer are hurt at the same time, I have Mark Reynolds and John Mayberry and Jake Lamb…um…Well, I have a good excuse for not having more corner backups. That excuse is my pitching was falling apart in media res, so I went starter crazy, sacrificing my hitting depth. I have some flexibility due to Pilates. My team also has some flexibility since Santana can go to 3rd, Hanley presumably to the OF, Reynolds can go to 1B or 3B and Mayberry can play 1B and OF. When I say “play,” you know I’m stretching its definition, right? Good. Having been in one of these leagues last year, I know that the pitching injuries I’ve been hit with are only the beginning. I’m sure at some point my starting lineup will have in it Infante, Mayberry, Pillar and Boeuf Welington.
YOU SURE ARE PUTTING A LOT OF PRESSURE ON K-ROD AND ROBERTSON. SHOULDN’T YOU HAVE MORE RELIEVERS OR DID YOU BUMBLEFUDGE THAT TOO?
If Robertson or K-Rod get hurt and King Farquhar doesn’t steal some saves, I’m finished in ye ol’ saves category. But whatevs. Something I learned from last year is since there is no waivers or daily transactions, you end up missing most vulture saves even if you own the players getting the vultures. Last year, I had Joe Smith and I might’ve got three saves from the 15 he recorded. I’ll explain. It’s Monday and Fernando Rodney goes down with a sore hamstring. You can’t get Farquhar into your lineup since lineups have already locked, so you miss out on a week’s worth of vulture saves. The following Monday rolls around and Rodney is supposed to return on Saturday, so you decide to put Farquhar into your lineup for almost a full week’s worth of vulture saves. Unfortch, the Mariners don’t get one lead for the next week and on your bench you waste a perfectly good spot start by Delgado. So, you either have a closer in your lineup or a starter. Starting a middle reliever for 2 IP, 2 Ks and the hopes for a save is a waste of time. It’s almost like it’s SAGNOP, Saves Ain’t Got NO Place.
HOW ABOUT YOU STOP COMBING YOUR WELL-MANICURED MUSTACHE AND TELL ME HOW YOU THINK THIS TEAM WILL DO?
My calculations on my starting lineup are $32.1 for runs, $23 for HRs, $29.3 for RBIs, $39.2 for SBs and AVG is at $34.2; pitching comes out to $13.8 Wins, $15.9 Saves, $16.9 ERA, $16.2 WHIP and $20.2 Ks. In other words, my hitting is tight, boi! And my pitching is light, boi! You prolly could’ve guessed that just from looking at it. I’m hoping to throw quantity over quality to rack up Wins and Ks while praying my ERA and WHIP aren’t that bad, then score on my hitting. In theory, this sounds like a good plan. Will this actually work? Yes, if the apocalypse comes tomorrow and the season is cancelled and we reward the championship to the best team in theory.
