The Tyler White hot fire stayed lit last night with his third multi-hit game in a row, going 3-for-4 with 2-run home run. His second jack this year and brings his average to .692 with 7 RBI. Who is Tyler White, you ask? And why should you care, you say? Why am I talking about an Astros rookie first baseman not named A.J. Reed? Geez, bruh, what’s with the attitude, this is my first week back and I’m just trying to help. The 33rd round pick slashed a real nice .325/.442/.496 with 25 doubles, 14 homers and 99 RBI between AA and AAA in 2015. Ty also slashed .366/.460/.585 with 2 homers this spring. So none of this is completely out of no where. And it’s not like we’re talking about Trevor Story here. Now that I think of it, I probably should have written this blurb about him. What a Story! Oh man, perfect headline, too. Think of the all the delicious clicks I’d get. Oh well, Tyler White Hawt will surely cool down but until that time let’s have some fun with early season stats. Doode is slugging 1.308, with a .875 BABIP and a 2.022 OPS! Uh, that will help your fantasy team! Inflated saber metrics aside, White’s available in about 80% of ESPN leagues, Grey told you to BUY and he’s certainly worth a look while he’s hitting all the baseballs.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:
Chris Carter – 2-for-4, 2-run HR (2). Don’t blame Carter for rebooting the X-Files for a mediocre to below average mini series that offers maybe two decent episodes. This Chris wanted nothing to do with it. He just wanted to keep hitting dingers and striking out. He should do plenty of both in Milwaukee.
Nick Castellanos – 4-for-4, run. One of Grey’s big sleeper picks, Nick was ranked considerably higher in Razzball’s rankings than most others, so if you read this site you may very well own him. If you don’t read this site you are literally the worst and I want nothing to do with you because you aren’t reading this anyway.
Jose Iglesias – 2-for-4, RBI. Jose Churches will hit for average and not do much else, but if you’re praying for a middle infidel that won’t hurt you, no way Jose should be overlooked.
Miguel Cabrera – 2-for-4, HR, 2 RBI. Miggy spent the offseason training with B. Rabbit and Mekhi Phifer in the ‘Roit and is ready to bring the flame.
Jordan Zimmermann– 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 3 K. Here’s a guy I wanted no part of in the preseason, so good on you for making me look bad JZ.
Luis Severino – 5.0 IP, 10 hits, 3 ER, 5 K. I feel like I own Severino everywhere, and to be fair, Detroit is a tough first match up. Things won’t get any easier next week in Toronto. I’m not dropping him, but I probably won’t be starting him either.
Jacob deGrom – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 6 K, W. If you study the Letters of Telios deGrom, and re watch the first season of True Detective, Rust Cohle points out that the 12th Century Franciscan mystic foretold that Jacob would pitch to win on April 8, 2016. Or did you not catch that on your second watch through?
Cesar Hernandez – 2-for-4, RBI. Grey told you to BUY Cesar, and the Coen Brothers recently told you to Hail Cesar! What more motivation do you need?
Neil Walker – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBI. You really made it, Neil. New York City. The Big Apple. The big time. You did it.
Michael Conforto – 2-for-3, run, 3 RBI. Is he really a great sleeper pick if he’s stuck in a platoon and everyone knows about him and everyone is targeting him in drafts? The answer to all these questions is: yes.
Francisco Lindor – 2-for-4, 2 runs. How long before he’s the best hitter in the Injians lineup? Or has that moment already come?
Danny Salazar – 5.1 IP, 2 hits, ER, 3 BB, 7 K, W. I love K-Zar. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely adooooore K-Zar. But if I wanted to a young pitcher who throws gas, gets lots of Ks and struggles with command I felt like I could get one of those way later in the draft.
Trevor Story – 3-for-5, 2 HR (6), 4 RBI. ALL HE DOES IS HIT HOME RUNS! The first major leaguer to homer in his first four games! How cool is that! I bet its way cooler if you actually own this superstar! Wen ur shortstop is LIT AF. That’s Trevor Story. Let’s have more fun with early season stats! Story’s on pace for an incredible 243 homers! But considering he probably won’t play every day once Jose Reyes returns, we can bump that down to a modest 120 jacks. He’s slugging 1.316 and he is probably the reason your fantasy team is winning right now.
D.J. LeMahieu – 2-for-4, 2 runs. I am a sucker for D.J. who keeps pumping out the hits and handing out adderoll every Friday night. Holy heck, I feel amazing! I hope that’s not just the drugs talking. I really can do anything. If you need a middle infielder, D.J. is always a good play while at home.
Matt Kemp – 4-for-6, 3-run HR, 4 RBI. Kemp hit a shot and it was his longest home run in, well, a long time. I would check but I am coming down from that adderoll pretty hard and feeling angry.
Yangervis Solarte – 3-for-5, 4 RBI. Oh hey there, San Diego Padres offense. Nice of you to join us. Wil Myers was 3-for-5 with 2 runs, and Melvin Upton, Jr. was 2-for-4 with a HR and 2 RBI. Who cares if it was in Coors. Regardless, I have a feeling Jay was very beers last night. Go Friars!
Nolan Reimold – 1-for-4, HR. I always like Reimold but he never really gets the playing time for me to justify recommending a pick up. So forget I wrote anything. This never happened.
Joey Rickard – 2-for-4. Grey told you to BUY and Joey Joe Joe is leading off for a stacked O’s line up. Don’t be Rickard-ed, pick him up!
Chris Davis – 1-for-2, 3 runs, HR (2). THE POWER OF CHRIS COMPELS ME! THE POWER OF CHRIS COMPELS ME!
Matt Wieters – 2-for-4, 2 RBI. Matt Wieters fact #896732: Matt Wieters still plays in the Major Leagues and is available in about a third of ESPN leagues. Crazy I know!
Chris Archer – 5.0 IP, 10 hits, 6 ER, 2 BB, 5 K. Archer gave up four home runs in this one, talk about entering a DANGER ZONE! He was my Cy Young pick in our preseason poll and I’m wondering if I can make a last minute change. I still love Archer, but I would trade my pick to any of the Mets starting pitchers at this point.
Starling Marte – 3-for-4, Grand Slam HR, SB. J.J. Hoover blew the save giving up the Salami to Marte. I am staying as far away from the Reds bullpen as I can at this point. It’s too early for saves desperation. It’s also really unattractive. At least that’s what the girls on Bumble tell me.
Alfredo Simon – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 2 BB, 7 K. Alfredo is available almost everywhere and he’s back in Cincinnati where the chili flows like a Drizzy freestyle. He gets the Cubs next week, and I wouldn’t touch him there but I’m watching him closer than the Star Wars Rogue One trailer.
Brandon Phillips – 2-for-2, HR, SB. Actually, can we talk about that trailer for a second!? Do you want to see my Star Wars blog? Are we really getting a new Star Wars movie EVERY YEAR. It’s really happening, people.
Stephen Piscotty – 1-for-4, HR. I’d don’t want to drag on about this and I’d rather not speculate because I am in the business of cold hard stats and data, not fantasy, but I’m 95% certain I heard Darth Vader breathing in my 10th watch of that trailer. VADER IS BACK! Also, real stormtroopers!
Josh Donaldson – 1-for-5, Grand Slam HR (3). And another hot young protagonist who may or may not be a tie fighter pilot? Is she traitor? Is she jedi!? I don’t know! OK, okay, sorry, I will stop. How about that Josh Donaldson? Is he jedi!?
Michael Saunders – 2-for-5, run. Grey told you to BUY, and we both know the force is strong with that one. (Last Star Wars I swear it!) Saunders is a long time Razzball favorite and bats in the stacked B-Jays line up. Go grab him, that’s how the force works!
Marcus Stroman – 5.1 IP, 6 hits, 5 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. Wen u drafted Stroman as ur ace and the Jays pen blows his 6 run lead.
Craig Kimbrel – 1.0 IP, K, SV (2). Wen ur team pays top dollars for a closer n he looks like he may actually b worth the $$$.
Xander Bogaerts – 3-for-5, 3 runs. Wen ur bae finally collects 3 hits after going 0-fer the 1st 3 games and u can stop throwin him mad shade.
Travis Shaw – 1-for-2, 2 runs. Wen u can’t stop talkin in memez and ur real life human girlfriend is getting angry so u send her a meme.
Brock Holt – 2-for-5, Grand Slam HR (2), 5 RBI. BUY BROCK HOLT!
Ervin Santana – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K. Big Erv always seems to be underowned and underdrafted to me. But what do I know, I just made up the words underowned and underdrafted. The Ks are always there though and if you pick and choose your match ups I think there’s value here.
Byung Ho Park – 1-for-3, with his first Major League HR. You can exhale. Now, do you feel better about drafting him as early as you did. Wait, what–sonuvabench!
Delino DeShields – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 SB (2). Grey’s boyfriend finally gets something going last night with two steals, and I am so peanut butter and jealous I don’t own him right now. No for real, I think I am having an allergic reaction, someone call a doctor!
Josh Reddick – 2-for-3, HR. I saw J. Reddick homered in the box score and I thought to myself, “Self, what are the Clippers doing playing the Mariners!?” Got to shake off the NBA and put on the MLB. That’s when I realized I had eaten too much pot and I went home, picked up Josh Reddick, not J.J., then put on my favorite Jefferson Starship record and went to sleep.
Ryan Madson – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (2). I own Sean Doolittle in a few leagues, and even I think Ryan Madson should be the closer already. I would grab him everywhere.
Taijuan Walker – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, 4 K. Tai Walker is my kryptonite. Maybe this is the year he puts it all together and me drafting him high isn’t as painful as me having to sit through Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice was.
Ross Stripling – 7.1 IP, 0 hits, ER, 4 BB, 4 K. Stripling Tease! Now that was unexpected. Ross’ first start since returning from Tommy John and it was a doozy. Stripling had a no-hitter going through 7.1 before being pulled. I have a hard time recommending Ross, mostly because I don’t really know who he is, but he’s certainly a name I’ll be watching closer than a new Star Wars trailer. Oh, did I already mention Star Wars? I am running out of things to say it’s my first post of the year and I’m rusty AF. How do I funny again? Hmm. So, yeah. How about that Ross Stripling?….is he jedi!? I don’t know!
Dexter Fowler – 2-for-3. Well, cock-a-doodle-bork! Aren’t we glad the Cubbies resigned this guy? Especially since Kyle Schwarber is donezo. And Cubs will be Cubbing. Classic. I take comfort in that. Anyways, Dex is batting .600, collecting multiple hits in every game so far. His OPS is 1.715 which is flame emoji times three. Would bang.
Jean Segura – 3-for-4, 2 runs, SB (2). Oh, Mean Jean! My most favoritest disappointment in fantasy. Remember when I drafted you with my second pick? I do. I can’t really forget it actually. I have tried many combinations of drugs and alcohol. Irregardless! You’re ready to make it up to me, aren’t you? Steal two bases for YES, or score two runs for NO. Hopefully you haven’t heard about me and Xander yet…Me and X are just, well, it’s complicated. Those are just rumors anyway. Pay them no heed. Either way I’m ready to be best friends again.
Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!
