The top 20 shortstops for 2016 fantasy baseball were once as bad as the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball that I went over the other day. Now the shortstops have had an influx of youth — or utes, if Joe Pesci is reading — and the future’s so bright I gotta wear shades, Arvid. I’m happy for the shortstops, and happier for myself. For a while, the top 20 shortstops were Tulo and those other guys. Kinda like the top 20 catchers is Posey and those other guys. Oh, and there was a top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball post already too (organic linking!). Hopefully, the shortstops aren’t just showing up in a librarian’s outfit with red-rimmed glasses and appearing sexy, then turning out to be Sally Jessy Raphael. As with the other top 20 rankings, I point out where tiers start and stop and my projections. All the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings can be found under that thing that says 2016 fantasy baseball rankings. Unsuccinct! Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2016 fantasy baseball:
1. Carlos Correa – Went over him in the top 10 for 2016 fantasy baseball.
2. Xander Bogaerts – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Castro. I call this tier, “We’re ushering in a new day, that’s not Usher as in the guy that would be hanging out with Cicely Tyson.” By the way, Cicely Tyson? The hottest 90-year-old. Cicely Tyson, Sally Jessy Raphael and Roseanne Barr for FMK. I’m F’ing and M’ing Cicely Tyson, and K’ing the other two! Is that possible? As for the tier name, I debated whether to put Tulo and the rest of the next schmohawk tier up here and move this tier down there, but that wouldn’t be true to how I want to draft them. The idea is to draft for this year, right? I mean, we’re not drafting for 2012, right? We’re also not drafting for who had the best career, right? Yeah, didn’t think so. As for Bogaerts, he was the best shortstop last year, according to our Player Rater. He’s also locked into the three hole in the Red Sox lineup, which shouldn’t change too dramatically this year unless Rusney, Hanley or Sandoval actually do something. Even if that happens, Bogaerts should be around the three hole. Bogaerts is only 23 and this is the start of a beautiful friendship. 2016 Projections: 88/17/84/.306/12
3. Corey Seager – I already gave you my Corey Seager fantasy. I wrote it while escaping a milk carton, one upping Houdini. 2016 Projections: 81/19/63/.284/8
4. Francisco Lindor – Last year in only 99 games, he went 12/12 with a .313 average. If he qualified, he would’ve had a top 30 slugging percentage. I love Lindor, but his slugging doesn’t totally compute like why CVS insists on giving receipts that are 27-inches long. Lindor had a 13% HR/FB, and in his minor league career his HR/FB was 8.3% and his homers only went on average 375 feet, and only two homers would’ve been out of all parks. He had quite a few homers that looked like this. He hit a ton of grounders (50%+). I could be way off here, but I think Lindor could regress slightly in power. If he gains in power, then he’s going to be a top 25 player next year, because he has easy 20-plus-steal speed. 2016 Projections: 86/10/62/.289/22
5. Starlin Castro – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball.
6. Troy Tulowitzki – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until here. I call this tier, “Your uncle’s favorite shortstop.” This tier is going to elicit this from your uncle at the family draft, “You go ahead with your Segway with no handle bars and your hashtag this and hashtag that, I’m going to draft Tulo because he’s been the best shortstop for the last ten years and he’s now in a great park and lineup. You should learn to respect your elders.” Only thing is, Tulo hasn’t been great in four years and it’s not like the last park he was in was Petco. 2016 Projections: 75/20/78/.271/2
7. Ian Desmond – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until here. I call this tier, “Your drunk uncle’s favorite shortstop.” This tier is going to elicit this from your drunk uncle, “You can’t take my guns from me, you lily-footed pussywillow! I hate you and your lib morals!” Then he drunk-drafts Desmond. As for Desmond, it wouldn’t shock my casbah to hear he’s signing a deal with the Padres or in Japan. Both are equally fantasy Siberia, so I might lower Desmond after he signs. A fantasy ‘pert does have the right to change his mind. UPDATE: Signed with the Rangers to play left field, which is about as good a landing spot as we could’ve found for him. For ten years people were saying Arlington is a hitters’ park, then for two years people were saying Arlington is no longer a hitters’ park, but is now a pitchers’ park, but then last year it looked like a hitters’ park again and everyone that thought it was a pitchers’ park might just have been overlooking Darvish was great for those two previous years and the Rangers offense was terrible. Desmond is always ranked in the top of the league for home run distance and I wouldn’t be surprised if he hits a career high in homers (that would be more than 25 homers). I was tempted to move him up in the rankings, but he could also hit .180 for two months and get benched, so I left him here. 2016 Projections: 68/21/74/.241/12
8. Marcus Semien – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Marte. I call this tier, “If sleep is the cousin of death, then sleepers are the cousin of life.” The guys in this tier are sleepers that I’m going after if I A) Don’t have a shortstop yet. B) Want to take an upside flyer at MI. C) There’s no C. If this were a one man tier with Semien as a sleeper, then I could’ve just called this tier nocturnal emission. I haven’t yet written a Semien sleeper post, but once we get on the other side of these rankings, I likely will. If he weren’t in O.co, which is like a ghetto Yellowstone, he’d be on everyone’s radars. Put Semien in Coors and you’re likely to catch charges for trying to impregant women in their mouths. Put Semien in Coors Field and he’s a 25-homer guy. Whatevs, I guess, right? Okay, but he could also steal 20 bases. Is 25/20 at all attainable in Oakland? No, no way, nuh-uh, nada chance-o, amigo. In Oakland? Semien’s still got real appeal outside of IVF. 2016 Projections: 66/18/72/.262/10
9. Trevor Story – I already gave you my Trevor Story fantasy. I wrote it while listening to the new Logic album, and wondering why anyone still does between song skits. UPDATE: Will break camp with the Rockies, and have to assume unless he really bottoms out, he will stay a starter all year. His Ks have been a problem in the past, but it’s Coors, so how bad could it be? “Should I answer?” No, Josh Rutledge, it’s a rhetorical question. 2016 Projections: 62/18/68/.242/17
10. Addison Russell – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball.
11. Jean Segura – There’s a saying in Tennessee — well, the saying is in Texas, but it’s probably in Tennessee too. It says, “Fool me once, Segura, shame on you, I won’t be fooled again, but I am being fooled again.” I am getting better at being fooled though, because in past years I would’ve ranked Segura in the sleeper tier with Semien. Now, I think Segura could get replaced by July with Arcia, or traded to a team where he becomes a bench bat, though no longer taking bats to the face while on the bench. UPDATE: The move to Arizona has me excited and I realize that I’m going against exactly what I said when he was on Milwaukee. Screw George Bush Jr. and The Who I’m ready to get fooled again! 2016 Projections: 71/9/46/.259/25
12. Ketel Marte – I already have a Marte sleeper post written that I just didn’t get a chance to post yet, and I don’t know when I will, so here’s some of the juicy bits. He hit .438 with an 0-2 count. It was only in 16 at-bats (7 hits), but it felt indicative of his entire year. At 21 years old, he saw 217 at-bats from the leadoff spot in 219 total at-bats. He hit .283 in 57 games and showed no signs of being overmatched. What he showed was poise like he’s running for Ms. America. He showed said poise as a leadoff hitter like he showed when facing a two-strike, zero ball count. That feels special, but you could write it off as a small sample size, until you hear he’s done it everywhere he’s played professionally. Every stop along his minor league journey, he’s been young for the level and performed well. At 19 years old, he hit .304 in Single-A. In Double-A at 20 years old, he hit .302, then went on to hit .314 in Triple-A. He has speed, but he doesn’t completely rely on it to get aboard, i.e., he has some on base skills. Aoki won’t last more than a few months in the leadoff slot, and then we’ll be drunk on Ketel again. 2016 Projections: 72/6/51/.267/25
13. Elvis Andrus – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Alexei. I call this tier, “This tier and the next tier are the same tiers, but different tiers. Damn, I thought that would make sense when I started writing it.” This tier and the next tiers can act as middle infidel options. Which tier you draft from will be dictated by what you need. If your team is heavy on speed at this point, you draft a MI for power, which is the next tier. If your team is heavy on power, then you grab some speed, which is this tier. Personally, I trust the guys in this tier to provide speed more than I trust the guys in the next tier to provide power. Impersonally, I, the Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it), bestows on you knowledge, now you accept it. As for Elvis, well, you know what you get from this schmohawk. 2016 Projections: 71/7/57/.261/27
14. Alcides Escobar – Alcides and Andrus are virtually the same player. I will call them Alclones Elviscobar. 2016 Projections: 81/4/50/.269/24
15. Erick Aybar – Here’s what I said this offseason about Aybar, “Dealt to Braves for Andrelton. I like this move for Aybar. Sure, the Braves’ offense is the most awfulest thing in the world like a depressed Keith Murray would sing, but Allahu Aybar should be near the top of the lineup and have the green light to do whatever he wants on the base paths.” And that’s me on repeat! 2016 Projections: 77/5/45/.276/17
16. Alexei Ramirez – Signed late in the offseason with the Padres. If there was one place for him to end up and have great value, it was the Padres. Now hold that sentence in a mirror and read its inverse. The best part of this signing is he replaces Alexi Amarista in the starting lineup, so all of those diehard Padres fans don’t need to learn a new name. 2016 Projections: 51/9/59/.245/15
17. Tyler Saladino – He was in the bottom ten for all of baseball for the weakest contact made. You expect anything else but light hitting from a guy with salad in his name? Tyler’s the apple of his father Waldorf Saladino’s eye, but even he’s not nuts for his kid’s contact. Lettuce get to where his value lies, Saladino could steal 25 bases. UPDATE: Rollins takes his playing time so there’s no more reason for Saladino dressing. 2016 Projections: 56/7/59/.234/22
17. Brandon Crawford – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Lowrie. I call this tier, “Flip the last tier on its head. Or less dramatically switch power with speed.” Let’s do a fun little exercise. Don’t groan, I’m not asking you to actually exercise. Just asking you to choose the odd number out of these three: 7.0%, 6.5%, 16.2%. The last number, 16.2%, sure looks like the tiger that has spray-painted stripes on itself and is hiding in the zebra cage. Those percentages were Crawford’s homers per fly ball. In AT&T, I’d expect that to regress to the norm this year. 2016 Projections: 54/14/70/.248/5
18. Zack Cozart – With Frazier out of town, the Reds will go with Cozart again as their shortstop, while his underrated, scheming, very jealous mentee, Eugenio Salieri moves over to 3rd. Could be the most exciting development for the Reds this year outside of them opening their team Hall of Fame inside Marge Schott’s 1200-square-foot ashtray. 2016 Projections: 72/15/51/.241/5
19. Jung-ho Kang – Last September, Chris Coghlan ‘playing the game the way it’s supposed to be played’ caused Kang’s knee to go ‘a way that it’s not supposed to go.’ As of now, Kang is due back by end of April. I’m sure that will change at least ten times between now and April. Shoot, it just changed again during me writing that, didn’t it? 2016 Projections: 58/16/67/.269/2
20. Jose Reyes – There’s gonna be a lot of people who swear to you that Coors is going to stave off Reyes’s decline. Your drunk uncle is in that group of people. Here’s your drunk uncle again, “Now we don’t like guys in Coors? Okay, how about you go ahead with your climate change hullabaloo and politically correct name that you call the Cleveland Indians and I go back to painting my face red and drafting Reyes?” Coors has never stopped players from getting injured. In fact, it’s been researched to actually cause players to break down. As I said previously about Reyes, “For the past three years, Reyes hasn’t made it out of April without an injury. It was a solid career, but doode’s so toast that Wonder Bread calls him up for a booty call, and then Reyes throws Wonder Bread through a window.” And that’s me quoting me! UPDATE: Since Reyes tried out for the NFL during the offseason, it’s unclear when he will return. It’s not unclear that he won’t stay healthy even when he does come back and Trevor Story is close to being called up. Wouldn’t surprise me to see Reyes have a completely lost half of a season then get traded to a playoff contender in July. 2016 Projections: 51/7/42/.292/15
21. Asdrubal Cabrera – Here’s what I said this offseason on Asdrubal, “Signed with the Mets. Great, now Wilmer’s going to never stop crying. Don’t you people have any feelings? Asdrubal is really just Wilmer Flores with less power and older. Why did they sign Asdrubal then? Better to ask, why did the Mets invest $300 million with Madoff? Yeah, terrible signing and now Flores should cry if he’s not traded, because his career is about to be wasted.” And that’s me quoting me! 2016 Projections: 60/14/63/.249/8
22. Eugenio Suarez – I wouldn’t be shocked if the Reds infield becomes a cluster fudge of prospects being called up, digging at Suarez’s spot like Teddy Roosevelt, says the guy that watched seven minutes of Ken Burns’s documentary on the Roosevelts. 2016 Projections: 54/15/64/.241/4
23. Jed Lowrie – Here’s what I said this offseason about Lowrie, “Traded back to the A’s. I’m sure Beane has just as much knowledge and forethought with his moves of the last few years as he did during the height of his Moneyball years, but his recent moves scream of throwing darts at a board.” And that’s me copying and pasting me! 2016 Projections: 53/13/62/.248/1
24. Trea Turner – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Arcia. I call this tier, “Last chance for anything remotely interesting.” As for Turner, went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball.
25. Tim Anderson – Rudy berated me for not originally including Anderson in my rankings, saying, “You think you’re hot shizz, but you are cold diarrhea.” Or maybe that was a quote from Welcome to the Dollhouse. Either way, I can see Rudy’s point, Anderson stole 49 bases last year in Double-A and has some power, and only The Salad Man is blocking him. Rudy is only projecting him for 230 ABs, but that could change at the drop of dime based on Salad. 2016 Projections: 36/6/25/.249/20 in 250 ABs
26. Jonathan Villar – Here’s what I said this offseason about Villar, “Acquired by the Brewers. Villar is a puzzling addition since he does relatively the same shizz as Segura. The Brewers will try him at 3rd base, so the left side of their infield will be like Segura and his Mini Me or that great Fleer card, Pete and Re-Pete. That card screams a simpler time, as long as you don’t imagine Pete explaining point spreads to his son. “If you’re good, I’ll take you to the track.” That’s Pete talking to his son. If Villar does start at 3rd, then he will have sleeper appeal since he can steal 40 bases. Of course, he could also hit .220.” And that’s me–well, you know. UPDATE: With Segura gone, it opens up a spot for Villar. Yay! He’ll now be replaced by Arcia sometime mid-summer. Lowercase yay. 2016 Projections: 32/8/41/.248/21 in 300 ABs
27. Nick Ahmed – Last year, Ahmed had 9 HRs and 4 SBs, so when I say remotely interesting for Ahmed, I’m speaking more about what he’s done in the minors. Like a year of six homers and 40 steals in High-A. Oh, and it’s worth noting, that if Trump wins the Republican nomination he may force Ahmed to leave the country. 2016 Projections: 52/7/54/.257/15
28. Orlando Arcia – I already gave you my Orlando Arcia fantasy. I wrote it while floating like a bee and stinging like a B. Brian Blair. UPDATE: The Brewers are saying with the trade of Segura that Arcia won’t be coming up any sooner, i.e., Arcia later, alligator! Yet, I don’t fully buy that and I would now guess that he could be promoted by June. 2016 Projections: 25/4/18/.282/15 in 250 ABs
29. Andrelton Simmons – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Galvis. I call this tier, “You can count on these guys. Not in the good way.” These guys are all reliably awful. As for Andrelton, here’s what I said this offseason, “Traded to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Which Is 40 Minutes From Los Angeles. Interesting that the extraterrestrial Andrelton was moved to be close to Disney right after they secured the rights to Star Wars. Will Andrelton be moonlighting as a greeter at Disney dressed as Jar Jar Binks? Here’s my reaction video of watching the new Star Wars trailer, “Wow, Princess Leia looks terrible.” Why was this trade really made? I’m scratching my head, looking perplexed. I have no idea why the Angels wanted Simmons. Last year, he hit four homers, five steals and .256 in a full season of at-bats. I guess the Angels were feeling Yunelvious.” And that’s me doing as I did! 2016 Projections: 66/8/71/.252/6
30. J.J. Hardy – Every once in a while a shortstop comes along and plays well deep into his thirties, while the rest of his contemporaries fall off or retire. Hardy is not that guy. Doode got old. 2016 Projections: 42/7/46/.207/1
31. Jhonny Peralta – The Superfluous H keeps trucking along like the sixty-five-year-old truck driver that’s been on trucker speed for the last ten years and pulls into a weight station one day, blinks for the first time in ten years and goes into sudden cardiac arrest. At some point, the Superfluous H is going to blink and everything is going to go south, but for now we haven’t seen any signs of slowing. UPDATE: Tore a ligament in his thumb and is out up to three months. A bad day for dangling H’s everywhere. Bet he wishes he had a superfluous thumb instead of a superfluous H. “I can’t recommend enough extra fingers.” That’s Antonio Alfonseca chiming in. 2016 Projections: 28/11/42/.257/1
32. Jose Iglesias – Who can hit .290 and steal 15 bases while chipping in 3 homers? Joe Church! And you can take that to the bank! Though you’ll want to get your tax exempt certificate first. 2016 Projections: 58/3/49/.290/15
33. Eduardo Escobar – This guy is widely underrated. That’s because when it’s time to rate Eduardo, people stop rating players because they feel like he’s not worth rating. Stupid raters! 2016 Projections: 55/9/58/.269/5
34. Didi Gregorius – He almost sounds like what your mom would call Biggie Smalls. “Hey, didn’t you like that Biggie Gregarious fella?” That’s your mom reading old copies of your Source Magazines while she’s missing you away at college for the first semester. “Mom, get out of my stuff?!” That’s you, you ingrate. 2016 Projections: 51/10/55/.268/4
35. Adeiny Hechavarria – He’s one Hechavarria good fielder, according to the Marlins, so they’re going to keep playing him. Marlin fans seem like the types that enjoy good glove work. That’s the only way to explain how they put up with Loria donning a proctologist glove every few years and tearing the guts out of the organization. 2016 Projections: 51/6/45/.272/9
36. Freddy Galvis – One thing I didn’t mention in the opening that is worth noting, shortstop is a tougher position than 2nd base, so there’s a lot less platooning at short. This means there’s less shortstops than 2nd basemen. That doesn’t mean the 2nd basemen that were in the top 20 were good. There was just more crizzap. As for Galvis, Barney Gumble burp. 2016 Projections: 46/8/49/.238/9
37. Jordy Mercer – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Flores I call this tier, “These guys are wonderful (to their mothers).” As for Mercer, or Jordache, as his mom calls him, should play shortstop until Kang returns, and then could go to 2nd if Hanson is not working out which would move Harrison to, I don’t know… 3rd base! 2016 Projections: 41/6/45/.250/3 in 350 ABs
38. Brad Miller – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball.
39. Enrique Hernandez – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball.
40. Cesar Hernandez – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball.
41. Danny Espinosa – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball.
42. Jedd Gyorko – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball.
43. Jimmy Rollins – Signed a deal with the White Sox to play shortstop while they wait for Tim Anderson. This feels like a once-great player signing his last contract-type of signing. Dale Murphy on the Rockies, anyone? 2016 Projections: 31/6/20/.208/9
44. Wilmer Flores – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball.
45. J.P. Crawford – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the list. I call this tier, “Dynasty isn’t just for Carringtons.” I already gave you my J.P. Crawford fantasy. It had an extra smattering of sass. 2016 Projections: 22/3/17/.258/8 in 220 ABs
