We got a week in the books, folks, and I didn’t think I’d being doing another post this year after the unthinkable, unspeakable, most-obvious-thing-to-happen happened when a good quarter of the Florida Marlins team tested positive for coronavirus. Most would think when a worst case scenario like this occurs, the season would be halted, or at the very least restructured. (After watching some NBA last night, the bubble certainly appears to have been the way to go). But no. It’s just the Marlins, right? Who cares. I wonder to myself, “Self, would the reaction have been the same had 15 Yankees tested positive?” But they didn’t, it’s just the Marlins. The “worst” team in baseball. Besides this was a one off thing, right, what are the odds another team gets it? *Fast forward three days* Oh, three teams have it now, you say? Welp. And Commissioner slash idiot Rob Manfred claims he could shut down the season Monday if the “players aren’t more careful.” L-O-L. Careful like sending hundreds of players and workers back into situations where they not only have to travel, but its often impossible to maintain social distancing? So now we have six teams not even playing, teams that actually “matter”, and its an absolute mess not just for players and fans, but anyone trying to field a daily fantasy line up. Phew. OK, sorry for the tangent but this could very well be my final post of 2020, so I’m going to write about what I want, and I want to write about Taijuan Walker’s best start and first win in almost four years! After missing the majority of the past two seasons due to Tommy John, Taijuan Walker returned “home” to start in Seattle for the first time since 2016 Friday night. Walker looked dominant pitching seven scoreless innings, allowing just one hit, two walks and striking out eight A’s. Tai consistently threw strikes and used his fastball effectively, topping out at 95 mph. Sweet sassy molassy! His Jordan cleats were hitting different, too. It’s always the shoes! The cutter was cutting, his breaking ball had good movement but it was really the way he commanded that fastball that made the difference. After a rough first start in Houston last week, it was an excellent rebound for Walker to get him and the M’s back on track. Rotoworld called a Walker add quote “risky” today, but as I ranted above, this season is all about risk, so why not take a risk on Taijuan Walker!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Jesus Luzardo – Bob Melvin announced Jesus will rise on Sunday and make his first Major League start. If that’s not a sign you should grab him, my Scientology courses have taught me nothing and were just a big waste of money. And that’s crazy! My Mark Super VII Quantum E-meter is off the charts saying Luzardo is worth the flier in all leagues he’s available.

Taylor Williams – 1.0 IP, K, SV (2). Lot of speculation as to who would be the M’s closer. Speculate no longer! Or continue for as long as you like, but pretty sure it’s Taylor Williams! These are facts, not Folklore, that’s a different album.

Kyle Lewis – 2-for-4, run, RBI. Just need to shout out to my grandmother, because she can’t hear very well. But for real or fr as the kids write it, I wouldn’t own Kyle Lewis without Razzball, so thank you Razzball. He is everything I ever wanted. Now if I could pause to memba a sec. I’ve been reading Razzball for over 10 years (!) now, and I don’t think I still read anything on the internet I read 10 years ago (remember the Chive, ugh). And though some things have changed, and the site usually freezes my computer now because of the ads, it’s still great (free!) content. Thanks for being awesome all these years, and finding awesome talent, like me especially, to contribute.

Luis Castillo – 6.0 IP, 8 hits, 5 ER, BB, 6 K. Luis Luis. Oh noooo. Don’t take me where ya gotta goooo. The Tigers came back ready to swing for round two, after facing Castillo last week, and knocked him around. He’s still got a 17/2 K/BB. Mmm. Them Ks more soothing than the first five tracks of Folklore! Hey, there’s that album reference again! It must be really good!?

Spencer Turnbull – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, BB, 6 K, 1st win. Unlike Castillo, Spence, (can I call ya Spence?), was even better during his second crack at the Reds lineup, limiting them to just three base runners in six innings. Don’t look now but are the Tigers not terrible anymore? I might ride this Tiger train as Spence takes on St. Louis next week!

JaCoby Jones – 2-for-4, RBI. Speaking of Tiger Train…JaCoby’s been hotter than a Tiktok thirst trap slashing .423/.464/.885 with three homers and seven RBI. The 1.450 OPS and runs are real nice especially considering he has batted primarily from the nine hole. Grab JoNes while he’s hot.

Ronald Acuña – 1-for-5. Alt-165! You cannot be serious right now. You know we only have 60 games to win this championship together. What about our plans? Do you even want to get an apartment together anymore? Think of the wasted party potential? What are you even doing!?

Dansby Swanson – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBI, SB (2). Swanson be serving up plenty of Winner Chicken Dinners for ATL lately. PUBG anyone? Or everyone is on Warzone at this point? Either way, wouldn’t want to be in the Gulag with Swanson right now. He’s slashing .387/.406/.377 with 7 runs, 2 HR, 11 RBI and 2 SB, and has hit safely in every game this season so far. Will he ever go hit less again!? Idk! Probably not! Dansby good like that!

Travis d’Arnaud – 3-for-4, 5 RBI, SB (1). When you’re playing your old team who gave you every chance to succeed (maybe too many), and you decide you need that sweet spicy REVENGE anyway. d’Arnailed it!

J.D. Davis – 2-for-3, HR (1), 3 RBI. Which JD would you rather own? Not so easy is it? Robinson Cano and Amed Rosaio also homered. The Mess don’t look so messy this year. Even Cano is hot (.360/.429/.520) and that guy’s like 50. Everything’s coming up Queens!

Rick Porcello – 4.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 5 K. Maybe I spoke too soon.

Jordan Montgomery – 5.2 IP, 5 hits, ER, BB, 4 K, 1st win. Jor-Mo looked sharp against the actual worst team in the league, and while I don’t want to take any credit away from Jordan, I do want to take the Sawx down a notch because I can’t even with them right now. You trade away the best player in the league for scraps and you expect to win, Boston? No, there’s no way you expected to win with this pitching staff. Hard to even call it that as they’re mostly the same tired players they’ve been using for the last two years to try to replace the fact that they still don’t have a legitimate closer. Boo this team! For shame. As for Montgomery, he gets the O’s next week and I’d absolutely take a flier.

Aaron Judge – 1-for-5, 2-run HR (3). D.J. LeMahieu was 3-for-5 and Brett Garnder and Gio Urshela also homered. The Yankees, on the other hand, were built for a season like this. We all know Giancarlo can’t stay healthy for a whole year, but 60 games??? OK, now we’re talking. New York has made it look easy in the the early going, and none more effortless than A-aron Judge who hit his 3rd dinger last night. This ain’t a rivalry anymore, Boston, its a massacre.

Randy Dobnak – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Any Randy is A-OK in my book, and Dobnak is no exception. He gets the Bucs next week and they’re not very good, stream away!

Mike Clevinger – 4.0 IP, 6 hits, 4 ER, 5 BB, 5 K. Based on your twitter presence, Mike should be better than this, but the Twinkies are good and he settled down nicely after surrendering a bomb to Max Kepler in the first inning. He gets a shot to rebound next week versus the Reds. Me thinks he will!

Ryan McBroom – 2-for-4, HR (1). All tidy like! Maybe he should hit, dot, dot, dot…clean up? I will see myself out.


Craig Kimbrel – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, 2 HR. Welp. I guess shaving the beard didn’t help. I like to call Kimbrel a heart attack closer. The only outs he gets these days that don’t make me gasp are strikeouts. Players tee off Craig like he’s Bryce Harper’s dad. Add the fact that he cannot perform in any non-save situation and you got a a pitcher that’s about to lose his job any day now. I’d grab Jeremy Jeffress if you need the insurance. Kimbrel looks done.

Yu Darvish – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, BB, 7 K, 1st win. The Cure for my ERA and WHIP woes. Friday’s I’m in Love with Yu.

Colin Moran – 2-for-4, HR (4). BUY. He’s tied for the league lead in home runs, which is more than a third of his total last year. Grey told you to buy and Grey generally seems pretty on the ball! Not just anyone can go deep off Kimbrel, right?

Josh Bell – 1-for-4, HR (1). Bell ding dongs the dinger!

Anthony Santander – 3-for-4, HR (2). Santander is not only a COVID survivor slash success story but he is also trustworthy enough to handle all my finances. That’s right I bank with Santander, and you can likely bank on Santander to provide some healthy stats in the heart of this young O’s lineup.

Hanser Alberto – 3-for-5, HR (2), SB (1). In Baltimore, they like their slam & legs served on a crab cake bigger than your head, with a sprinkle of old bay seasoning and a iced cold Natty Boh.

Cole Sulser – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (2). Cole had a rough go blowing a save against the Yankees Thursday night, but the fact that the Manager went right back to him for the save the next day speaks volumes about either a.) how good Sulser is b.) how bad the O’s bullpen is c.) Ask Grey about c. Regardless! The O’s need a closer too, and the lowlier teams tends to get plenty of saves opps (see Tigers, Detroit). Cole looks like the 9th inning guy to own in B-More and yeah, I’d add that!

Shin-Soo Choo – 1-for-3, HR (1). You know, referencing above razzball “memba” blurb, I’ve been writing or trying to write funny blurbs about Choo for almost 10 years and I’m just done. If I have to write another pun on this guy’s name I am just going to snap.

Mike Yastrzemski – 1-for-3, SB (1). BUY. Yaz is a player I own because sad to say it I am a homer sometimes.  Has there ever been a player more loved by a team fan base that is not the team he plays for, or ever played for? My Uncle or Father or other old white guy I know will text me: u see what yaz did?  Well, ya. Of course I did. I’m obsessed. Did you??

Chadwick Tromp – 2-for-4, 2 runs, RBI. Tromp had a fantastic night at the plate. Just Beautiful. One of the best nights. No one has ever had a better night. It was huge.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 2-for-5, 9th inning game tying 2-run HR (2), SB (3). Well, 2020 was your last chance to draft him outside top 10, hopefully you did and he’s making you very happy right now. In San Diego, Slam & Legs are always served in a warm tortilla, with fried fish and a cool seafood soup to sip on while you wait for the ball to land.

Tommy Pham – 2-for-5, go ahead 3-run HR (1), 4 RBI, SB (5). The Wham Bam Thank You Pham Slam & Legs! And I mean that like, thank YOU, fam. Cuz we family. Cuz we’re both leading our league’s in SBs because of you.

Garrett Richards – 5.2 IP, 8 hits, 4 ER, BB, 6 K. I should be all over Richards in PetCo. Why am I not? Did he burn me too many times as an Angel? Maybe. Or maybe I am all over Garrett Richards in a ‘Dres uni I just didn’t know it until now. Wait here while I pick him up…ohh, he’s at Coors next week. Hmm. Well, best to wait to see!

Charlie Blackmon – 3-for-5, HR (1). Trevor Story also homered with 3 hits. Blackmon another COVID survivor slash success story! Yay! We’re beating this thing!

Drew Pomeranz – 0.1 IP, SV (2). Kirby Yates – 0.2 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 2 K. Uh oh. Back to back blown save opps from the best closer in the biz. The first one we can let pass, but two in a row, that’s almost a streak! It was at Coors and his job is likely safe for now, but save vultures should circle Pomeranz like he’s a desiccating corpse. Two saves for Dwew in a week! Yates owners should be worried!

Wade Davis – 0.2 IP, 2 hits, 4 ER, 2 BB. Speaking of owners who should be worried, Wade Davis looked all kinds of awful Friday night surrendering two home runs. Seems less of a matter of if Davis will get replaced as when. Daniel Bard might be a fan-favorite choice but he got roughed up Friday as well. Scott Oberg, who is set to return this weekend and served as set up man last year, is also a name to watch.

Kyle Tucker – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBI, SB (2). Almost doubled his batting average last night with the big day. Stuck in a platoon with Reddick, otherwise I’d be all over him. Still worth a speculative add especially if he’s moved up in the batting order. This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!

Brian Goodwin – 2-for-3, 2-run HR (2). So Brian is obv doing his best Mike Trout impression, and, hmm, actually doing a pretty good job? He’s got three straight multi-hit games, with 2 dingers and 6 RBI in that stretch. He also hates children, and would never leave you and your fantasy team for a “baby.” Me likes. Keep it up, Goodwin!

David Fletcher – 2-for-3, 3 runs, RBI. Power and speed? No, no, not really? How about batting average? Zzzzzzz. Positionaly eligibility? Zzzzzz. Runs scored?! Fletch got all these things in spades, he’s rocking a .400 average right now, and leads off for the Angels hitting in front of Mike Trout, when he’s not so baby crazy. The positional eligibility is a def an added bonus in a season where half the time most of my team isn’t playing for pandemic related reasons. If you’re still awake, grab him if he’s available!

Mookie Betts – 3-for-5, HR (1). My flame, my muse! Do you miss me like I miss you? Perhaps that’s why you’ve been struggling. Well no mas! Bi-weekly zoom happy hours from now going forward! We’re gonna bust you outta this “slump” brah!

Zac Gallen – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, BB, 9 K. Gallen looked fairly dominant against one of the league’s best offenses. Only Mookie Betts got to him and tagged him for 2 runs, but you know how I feel about Mookie Betts. Zac left the game before the D-Backs could provide him any run support so he’s still looking for that elusive first win and 4th career win. His three wins in 17 starts (2.80 ERA) was laughable to me, until I remembered he played for the Marlins.

Corey Seager – 2-for-4, HR (3). Shortstop is so loaded this year, Seager didn’t even cross my mind on draft day, but maybe he should have. He has more homers than Mookie and Bellinger combined! The numbers don’t lie, ya’ll!

Archie Bradley – 1.0 IP, hit, K, SV (2). “That Archie is so hot, but I think I’m catching feels for Jughead? What do I do, Betty? Do we solve this murder mystery together?” –Every episode of Riverdale, probably.

Joe Kelly – 0.1 IP, 2 hits, BB. Oh man, do I love me some Joe Kelly. I think we all do. I forgot he’s usually not really that good fantasy-wise. But he did give us this glorious gif, and I’ll be damned if you’ll find a better clubhouse guy!

Andre Scrubb – 1.0 IP, hit, K, SV (1). Andre Scrubb got the save last night for Houston, or A. Scrubb, as he’s listed in the box score and is basically how every Astros player is being viewed right now.

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!