“This British author was a part of the World War II Operation Goldeneye, and used some of this experience in his novels.” “Who is Ian Seymour?” The audience howled in laughter when I shot up in bed, soaking wet. My recurring dream of being dumb on Jeopardy! continues. But who is Ian Seymour? Wow, also the author of Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang? Wait, I have Ian Fleming’s Wikipedia page open. Rays’ Ian Seymour is an aristocrat–Still have the same page open, huh? Righto! Yesterday, Ian Seymour went 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.02, and has solid underlying numbers — 9.7 K/9, 3.4 BB/9, 4.19 xFIP and hilariously has barely pitched in the majors, because the Rays either prolong service time or abuse their starters. No one can be used normally! At 27, he has 113 IP on his career. You’d think he was terrible. He was not. He had a 2.35 ERA in 145 1/3 IP his last full year in the minors in 2024, then followed that with 86 IP in the minors and a 2.62 ERA. Constantly with a 10.5 or greater K/9, and just criminal how he was in the minors for so long. Well, he no longer is and pitching well! As I keep saying, you’re not going to get butt pats with a “Good job” by holding schmohawks like Framber when guys like Seymour are doing well. Ooh, ooh, I know the author’s name! “Who is James Bond?” Damn it, those weren’t autobiographical? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Cedric Mullins – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and his third homer in three games and fourth homer in five games, and I really have to add him to the Buy column coming out later today. Holy freakin’ schmotatoes.
Carter Jensen – 2-for-4 and his 13th homer. His hitting streak stopped on Wednesday because of Big DiMaggio. Oh, you thought no one’s passed Joe D. because it’s an impossible record to break? Ha, please. It’s Big DiMaggio! Everyone knows that!
Isaac Collins – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer. You ever see four homers everywhere you look and think of Vlad Jr.? That’s currently happening with me. It’s an affliction. Like gout.
Stephen Kolek – 2 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.50. If you have Kolek on your teams because I liked him for a brief moment a few weeks ago. I see you, I hear you, I feel you–metaphorically. But you don’t need to hold him.
Framber Valdez – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.29. I’ve started to hate Framber in ways I didn’t think was possible. He was my 2nd pitcher drafted, all he has to do is “not suck.” Is “not sucking” an overly complicated thing? It doesn’t seem it. If you’re in a shallower league, unlike me, I’d drop him. Actually, that’s not true. I would’ve dropped him last month. In fact! In one league, I did.
Hao-Yu Lee – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. This guy’s got you thinking, “Did Grey make up this name in poor taste or is that a real guy?” and he has as many homers as Vlad Jr.
Colt Keith – 1-for-2 and his 6th homer. Colt Keith has 13 homers every season he’s been in the majors (two), and he’s currently projected for 12 homers. Please send you donations to your nearest blood bank and let’s get Keith the help he needs.
Kenley Jansen – 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.23, as he entered randomly in the 7th. Ya know what’s kinda cool in an understated way? Jansen losing the closer gig on a future 100-loss team. Perfect, no notes. I don’t know if there’s a replacement either. I guess Kyle Finnegan (1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.23) would be my choice, but he’s not being used as a closer either, as he entered a blowout last night in the 8th.
Nathan Eovaldi – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.02. A great start? Ha! I wouldn’t even call it a good start. But this is exactly what Framber should be doing. A vaguely passable start. That’s all!
Elias Diaz – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, and second homer in two games. Elias Sports Bureau said, “No, he’s not related to us, can you please stop calling here?”
Walbert Urena – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.03. Walbert is butting heads with “Is it better to be lucky or good” and continuing to come out on the side of lucky.
Bryce Miller – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.71. Piggyback this! I just crotch-chopped like I was Abner Uribe about to lose the closer gig. Miller’s stats so far: 10.6 K/9, 0.9 BB/9, 2.64 xFIP and there’s a case to be made he’s a top ten starter right now. It’s like all the Mariners’ starters came together and were like, “One of us can be great and we want Miller to be that guy.” Honestly, a sweet sentiment.
Manny Machado – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .192. Does he have non-home run hits? Seriously asking.
Jackson Merrill – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .212. I know I said to sell him a few weeks ago, but now his price is so absurd I feel like there might be a buying opportunity. It’s a market with ebbs and flows, don’t make me communicate obvious things.
Randy Vasquez – 3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.71 vs. Roki Sasaki – 3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.40. This matchup was billed as, “Can you believe how much energy we’ve put into thinking about these guys who are pretty sucky?”
Dalton Rushing – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .263. After his home run, he showed Ohtani video to try to help him hit homers, and Ohtani said through a translator, “Please get away from me.”
Kyle Tucker – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .249. He has to get hot at some point, right? [the silence of 1,000 monks]…right?
Jacob Misiorowski – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.47, but also gave up four more unearned. A rant I’ve done before, but it was a short schedule day, so strap in for a repeat rant! So, The IO Update gave up a three-run homer to Jose Trevino. Embarrassing? Yes, but more importantly, it’s so silly that home runs allowed can be unearned. I get why they are in some circumstances, but at least the hitter hitting the actual home run should be earned. I have Mis in a league, so I’m glad it was unearned, but it’s also very dumb. Okay, repeat rant over! Now, look at this gloriousness, which is made incredibly funny by having Trevor Rogers on top:
Lowest ERA in first 17 starts of a season, last 50 years:
2025 Trevor Rogers: 1.35
2000 Pedro Martínez: 1.38
2005 Roger Clemens: 1.41
2026 Jacob Misiorowski: 1.47— Sarah Langs (@SlangsOnSports) July 2, 2026
Garrett Mitchell – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer. He should do steroids just so we can get another Mitchell report.
Chase Burns – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.40. Burns has been great; I wrote a preseason sleeper post; I love him; semicolons are fun, but I do worry he’s more of a 3.00 ERA pitcher and we’re being slightly spoiled here. In other words, Burns after reading.
Sal Stewart – 1-for-4, and his 17th homer, 2nd homer in three games, third homer in a week. Sal seemed like the product of a huge April, and he might still be, but the current heat is nice, unless it’s with humidity. Humidity, you ruin everything.
TJ Friedl – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. It was his first hit since May 29th. Friedl-y’s an adjective for when a guy becomes so bad he’s got me spitting up my Fribble.
Davis Martin – 3 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, 5 walks, zero strikeouts, ERA at 3.08. I’m not sure how someone could allow six hits and five walks in just over three innings, and strikeout no one, but get out with only two earned runs. That feels mathematically impossible. Not matheMartinically though. I over-portmanteau’d, didn’t I? Alas! I’m currently working on the top 100 for the 2nd half (will be up on Patreon next week and on the site the week during the break), and I was contemplating Martin, and, after one start, I think I need to reevaluate. That was as bad as starts get.
Chase Meidroth – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Looked at the Player Rater for Meidroth and saw he was right next to Ernie Clement and near 200 overall. Clement seems like a perfectly respectable middle infidel. Three million votes for him should’ve triggered a council to look at removing All-Star votes from fans.
Grant Taylor – 1 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.02. “Should be able to go more than an inning, but I’d love for you to keep him for just the 9th. It would help my fantasy team and your team.” How’s that to send off to Will Venable? Oh, I could also add, “You ever see Celtic Pride? Okay, imagine that starred Sir Anthony Hopkins as Seranthony Dominguez and that’s what happens if you go back to him as the closer.” Better?
Slade Cecconi – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.44. Clearly, not a great start, but, honestly, it wasn’t as bad as Davis Martin’s. Streamonator hates Cecconi’s next start and I don’t have any special feelings for it.
David Fry – 1-for-1 and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column because el oh el, it’s David Fry, but he’s here now.
Brayan Rocchio – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. This home run was a walk-off homer, his 2nd of his career, which I know because they said it after he hit it off the foul pole, and while I shook my head muttering, “You gotta be kidding me.”
Dustin May – 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.80. Never in the history of baseball has a player been broken, then been fixed, then broken again as quickly as Dustin May. Elias Sports Bureau said, “If you say so, sure. How would we even search that?”
Jordan Walker – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 19th homer. Good to see him coming out of his slight slump (3 HRs in June, hit .283). Please save those long slumps for when I roster you next year!
Nathan Church – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. The power of Church compels you!
Alec Burleson – 1-for-5, 2 runs and his 14th homer, hitting .274. He’s so underrated and solid. I like Burleson a lot, and I usually don’t like players like Burleson. I’m showing real growth!
Hurston Waldrep – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.68, as he moved back into the Braves’ rotation, if they keep skipping Elder, which may not be the worst move for the Braves, but I can’t say I’m particularly enthused for Waldrep either. Maybe Waldrep can rattle off a good month or two of stats, and you don’t need much more from a waiver pitcher at this point, but his command is so awful, I wouldn’t yet even use the Streamonator for him.
Mickey Moniak – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, 3rd homer in three games. Not to alarm you, but Moniak has only played 53 games. He’s basically on a 45-homer pace.
Jake McCarthy – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer. Rockies and A’s should only play home games or against each other.
Jared Jones – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 5.28. Easily his best start, and still wasn’t able to throw more than 73 pitches. (I don’t think he had an injury; I looked for info why he was lifted and didn’t find anything, so I think it’s because all pitchers throw like a middle reliever.)
Endy Rodriguez – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Endry! He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because why not?
Nick Gonzales – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .305. Very much a 4020, because he doesn’t hit for much power or possess much speed, but hitting .300+ nowadays is impressive. “Nowadays” is the most old-person-coded word. “Nowadays, it’s matcha this, Dubai chocolate that! Get off my Lazy Boy!”
Mason Montgomery pitched the 9th 3 Ks…think it’s a sign he gets save ops? Have a great 4th!
The official scorer who ruled that an error and didn’t give Miz those earned runs should be looking for a new job by now. I mean that is a hit and 4 earned runs for any pitcher I own every day and twice on sunday.
Eovaldi had a shutout through 4 and then gave up 2 hr’s in the 5th. Colt Keith and Hao-Yu Lee, who?
He has a hr problem this year. That’s 19 already and 3rd most in mlb. Must be a Texas thing with Degrom.