Royals Thwarted By An 800 Lb G-Willia

“You going to a spa with your friends?”
“I am.”
“Hmm…I know we went to couples’ therapy, and we’re supposed to trust each other more, and I’m trying to, but you seem kinda suspicious. Plus, you’re wearing a Guardians’ jersey and you told me the name of the spa is Gavin Williams.”

So, Gavin Williams, the pitcher not the fake spa your wife is going to, pitched a gem yesterday in KC, not an easy place to do it. Gavin Williams went 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.55, and I can’t say just Gavin or Williams but have to say Gavin Williams every time I say Gavin Williams. Just me? Never the hoo! His gem had me dive into his stats, and they are way better than I expected. His velocity is up (97 MPH on average fastball), and paired with a slice of nasty on an 81 MPH curve. Watching him, and he was throwing a curve that I’m not sure anyone can hit. Don’t even know how he has a 4.55 ERA with that curve, and his peripherals say his ERA should be much better. Always hard this time of year to expect better vs. just go for great matchups, and Streamonator rightfully hates his next one, but Gavin Williams has opened my eyes for 2025, if nothing else. Well, that and my credit card bill says next to Gavin Williams: Ladies Weekend Getaway. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Josh Naylor – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (29) and legs (6), hitting .245. Yaylor!

Lane Thomas – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (9) and legs (32). Guardians traded for him, then acted like they didn’t want him, i.e., MLB GMs are just like us.

Michael Wacha – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.50. Started him everywhere for a tough two-start week, and he got through the first, and technically harder one, according to the Streamonator, relatively unscathed, and I just absolutely jinxed his next start, didn’t I? Why did I have to open my big mouth?

Ronel Blanco – Sounds headed to the bullpen. Sucks for fantasy, but one of the only teams making the right call to manage their young starters’ innings. Don’t hate the player or the messenger. Maybe just stop hating. Phillies fans know how to love:

Phillies fans are all a bunch of old fashioned romantics pic.twitter.com/UpK24rT0Ql

— Razzball (@Razzball) September 2, 2024

Justin Verlander – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.52. He has a player option after this season. Hopefully he does the right thing and just rides off in the sunset. Oh, it’ll never happen, but he should.

Kyle Tucker – Revealed he did have a shin fracture. Luckily, otherwise he’d have the world’s longest IL stint for essentially bumping into an end table.

Ty France – 4-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, hitting .238. Three singles and a double. Excuse moi, with France, it’s three singles and Le Big Mac.

Gunnar Henderson – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 34th homer. Making a late push for AL MVP! (To finish 3rd.)

Cedric Mullins – 3-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. O’s scored 13 runs, so you know I’m all about collecting ‘dem counting stats from Mayo! What’s that, Emmanuel Rivera (2-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs) started at 3B? Oh, um, why?

Corbin Burnes – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.19. Not to be a hater all my life, but this is such a lackluster start vs. the Shite Sux.

Shohei Ohtani – 2-fro-4, 2 runs and 3 steals (44, 45, 46). From a fantasy perspective, I love that he’s going for 50/50. I wish all my players were going for individual goals to up their steals. It’s also very funny to me that Ohtani’s so clearly going for 50/50. There’s no mystery. He gets on base, he’s running. He’s at bat, and he’s swinging for a homer. Maybe he has money on going 50/50?

Teoscar Hernandez – 5-for-5, 1 run and his 10th steal. Home run short of the cycle. The Teoscar goes to the Best Juan Pierre Impersonation.

Freddie Freeman – 2-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 20th and 21st homer. Quietly, Freeman and Vlad Jr. have flip-flopped on the Player Rater. Vlad’s now a top 15 player and Freeman is barely top 50.

Jack Flaherty – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.01. Jack-Fla aka Jack Florida had me thinking. The league separations don’t matter anymore. So, if a guy were the AL Cy frontrunner, then traded to the NL, and continued to pitch well, is he really not a Cy Young because of a league trade?

Eduardo Rodriguez – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.33. His first start back confused me into thinking he was fine after an 18-month layoff. Turns out he needs 18 months between starts.

Eugenio Suarez – 3-for-4, 3 runs and his 23rd homer. Are we sure Christian Walker isn’t still playing just with a Suarez jersey?

Joe Musgrove – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.09. Now three straight solid starts, looking like the guy you thought you were getting in the preseason. Not the guy I thought, as I warned you against him, but the guy you thought when you ignored me.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s Get Him In Your Lineup Department said, “Out of the office for Labor Day (ironic).”

Jameson Taillon – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.66. He said, “Has a 1.73 BB/9,” with a shrug, and conceded he might draft him next year. And that’s me talking about me in third person!

Jorge Lopez – 1 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.00. Not to be Daddy Tough Love, but is that worth the occasional save?

Dansby Swanson – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 13th homer, 2nd homer in a week, and four-hit game on Sunday and currently hotter than his wife.

Jared Jones – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.91. I’ve already moved on. I waited for the long IL stint, but I don’t trust him for this year anymore.

Bryan Reynolds – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 22nd homer, 2nd homer in five games. You could set your watch by Reynolds’s power every year. If you have two homer hands, and only have the numbers 24 and 27 on your watch.

Dennis Santana – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.48 and his 3rd save. Feels like he was used as the closer yesterday, not because he’s the closer, but more to say no one is the Pirates’ closer now.

Wyatt Langford – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .244. Everyone got this guy wrong. He’s not even averaging two homers a month!

Jack Leiter – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 11.78 vs. Gerrit Cole – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.65. This matchup was billed as, “I’m glad I didn’t turn on the oven while my head was in it when it briefly looked like Cole was being out-pitched by Leiter.”

Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4 and his 25th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, fifth homer in ten games. And to think, it was Gleyber Day! Well, he went 3-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs.

Luis Severino – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.84. At home he is Cy Severino and in away games, he’s Sever-him-from-my-team-rino.

Julio Rodriguez – 1-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 20th steal, and 2nd steal in as many games. Conspiracy Theory Alert! I bet someone on his personal team (agent, business manager, best friend who can tell him like it is) got in his ear and was like, “Everyone thinks you’re washed. You should suck it up, buttercup, in the final month and put up some stats.”

Logan Gilbert – 6 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.19. Conspiracy Theory Alert II! His catcher has the world’s biggest ass, and he was pitching vs. the A’ss. Is someone tell the hitters the pitches with ass solidarity?

Cal Raleigh – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer. That boy is ass, in the best way possible.

Shea Langeliers – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer. [holds finger to earphone] Being told yesterday’s game between the M’s and A’s was for those of us who punted catcher because we’re smart.

Osvaldo Bido – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.52. Not to defend my sweet boy, but, outside of Raleigh, he got nickel and dimed and didn’t look bad at all. Streamonator likes his next one, and I’d start him everywhere.

Trevor Larnach – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer. We y’all (w’all?) would like to see him hit a 16th homer, but when Twins’ hitters get to 16 homers, they disappear into a Bermuda Triangle-like realm between worlds called The IL.

Brooks Lee – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer, as he returned from the IL two games ago, and I didn’t mention because, frankly, no relation, honestly, no relation, there’s better options if he’s not hitting. But now he might be hitting. We shall see. Or not! Your call.

Simeon Woods Richardson – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.95 vs. Zack Littell – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.04. This matchup was billed as, “September is not an easy month to stream because pitchers have reached their innings limit, and might have a pitch count limit, or they’re just tired.” That matchup billing was longer than either starter’s outing.

Jonny DeLuca – 2-for-4 and a slam (5) and legs (14). He was a light schmotato last week, could it be continuing? (Maybe.)

Andre Pallante – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.07. Fun fact! Andre 3000 is a personal goal for Pallante for runs allowed.

Pedro Pages – 2-for-4 and his 4th and 5th homer. He should style his hair into a Pageboy. Missed marketing opportunity. Any hoo! He’s playing with Contreras injured, and has some light power.

Rhys Hoskins – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer. If he hits 40-ish homers in September, my preseason bet that he would lead majors in homers won’t look too shabby!

Freddy Peralta – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.75. FreddyKBB having a two-start week with two wins would be all I’d ask for from the Fantasy Baseball Overlord. Give me one wish, FBO. I will never bother you again! Okay, maybe Osvaldo Bido’s next one too.

Jackson Chourio – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 18th homer. Last year, when writing up Chourio, I said he was a young Acuña. Could he be better than him as soon as next year? Well, he’s better than him this year. Dur!

Willy Adames – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 29th homer, and 5th game in a row with a homer. That ain’t a bedsheet hovering! That’s the Ghost of Dale Long prepping to follow Adames as he chases his record of eight games in a row with a homer. By the by, I did a google for Dale Long so I could look at his Wiki page, and I saw he was the first left-handed catcher in baseball in 1958 since Jiggs Donahue in 1902. Every baseball player from around the turn of the 19th to 20th century has a nickname that sounds vaguely racist and died in an insane asylum. Jiggs had both!