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Go ahead, Mr. Wendle! Mr. Wendle, yeah! Lord, Mr. Wendle! If you didn’t know I was quoting Arrested Development, you’d think I was fornicating with someone named Mr. Wendle. You know Mr. Wendle is no bum. By the way, is it in poor taste to hand out B.U.M. equipment sweatshirts at a homeless shelter? Ya know what, prolly better you don’t answer. Yesterday, Joey Wendle (3-for-4, 6 RBIs) hit his 8th and 9th homer, about two weeks after I told you to drop him. Oopsie! Much more egregiously is the A’s and Rays screwed over Wendle so bad that he won’t be a free agent for the first time until he’s 34 years old. What a s’Wendle! Any hoo! Also, in this game, Austin Meadows (1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 22nd homer as he makes a case for himself in my fantasy team with Audrey and Jayne. Um, my Meadows fantasy team. Then, Jordan Luplow (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 8th homer, and I didn’t know what MLB team he was on, and I’m not even sure Jordan Luplow knew. Over on the O’s making the O face was Jorge Mateo (1-for-5, 2 RBIs) who hit his 3rd homer, and is hitting around .350 since his trade from the Padres to the O’s. With his 50-steal speed, he’s angling himself for a 2022 sleeper. For this year, I’d absolutely grab him but for SAGNOF; power has a face, and it’s not his. Finally, Cedric Mullins (2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) and Ryan Mountcastle (4-for-5, 3 runs) both hit their 24th homer. Not at the same time, that’s not allowed. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
James Karinchak – Optioned to Triple-A. What a tumble this guy took this year. That’s what happens when you have a name best suited for hockey. Sorry, don’t make the rules!
Cal Quantrill – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.93. According to the Streamonator, Quantrill gets the same Red Sox, but in Fenway to be played at Payback O’Clock.
Bobby Dalbec – 1-for-3 and his 17th homer, and 3rd homer in three games, and has been a hot schmotato for a minute, but not an Urban Dictionary minute which is a long time.
Tanner Houck – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 3.63. Has he been optioned down yet? Did the Red Sox take all the options they have for all their players and make some kind of arrangement to use them all for Houck? Are Houck and Duran on some kind of virtual seesaw between Triple-A and Boston?
Rafael Devers – 2-for-5 and his 31st and 32nd homer, hitting .277. Okay, him or Vlad Jr. in 2022? Now, are you sure?
Frankie Montas – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.66. How is his ERA still so high? Hasn’t he been good for the last two months? Yes, which is why I’m putting down an emoji of a nodding head with a smile, then the emoji pulls its face off and underneath is a confused face, then it pulls that face off for another smiling face.
Aaron Ashby – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.95. Unlike the Marlins or Braves, the Brewers don’t make usable young starters. They make lights-out sicksters. The stuff of a sickster is ffffffilthy. That’s a fifth of filthy. His slider produces, “Oh, sorry, that’s an embarrassing swing.” Ashby’s numbers are goofy (14.2 K/9, 4.6 BB/9) in Triple-A, and I don’t think he’s anywhere near a lock for the rotation this year, so monocle and remember for next year.
Rowdy Tellez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer. Grey’s tellin’ us about Tellez goes like this: Home run, monocle, nothing for a week, then another homer.
Miguel Sano – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer. Anything less than 35 homers with a sub-.225 average doesn’t butter the muffin or mutter the buffin.
Jose Berrios – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.53. Berrios feels like the kind of starter where you just put him in your lineup, then put masking tape on your computer screen where his name is, and see what he’s done at the end of the season.
Kevin Smith – 1-for-2 and his 1st homer, as he was promoted to replace the injured Cavan Biggio, and has been playing third. Anything’s better than another Clerks film! More impressively, Kevin Smith has been making movies for 30 years and still has no idea how to direct. Can’t believe the Jays have a 3rd baseman who gets away with wearing giant jorts. Okay, okay, OKAY! He had 19 HRs and 16 SBs in Triple-A this year while showing decent contact (23.6 K%), so maybe there’s something here for deeper leagues while Biggio is out.
Keibert Ruiz – Will be recalled today by the Nats. Said on Friday in my Buy column that there was a chance he’d be recalled and to grab him, but now. Dot dot dot. It’s too late. Dot dot dot. In like 2% of leagues. I hope you two-percenters are happy with yourself! In the end, he’s still a catcher, so don’t go crazy with yourself, but I did look to grab him in a few deeper leagues. He does, after all, have 21 homers in only 72 Triple-A games. By the way, having Keibert and Kieboom in the same lineup is going to make my head explode, due to the I before E thing.
Josh Bell – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 22nd and 23rd homer. When Bell rings it twice, it’s a dinger dinger dong.
Juan Soto – 1-for-2, 2 runs and a slam (22) and legs (7). Have Sexy Dr. Pepper more places than I want to say, because it hurts to think about it, but now that I’ve suffered through five of six months, please don’t let him get crazy hot in September and ruin all the heavy lifting to get him to fall later in drafts next year. Same goes for Mookie and Cody B. and all the strugglers I have.
Noah Syndergaard – Tested positive for Covid during his rehab. Whew, at least it wasn’t a Milk Crate Challenge injury.
Jonathan Villar – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. Also, in this game, Kevin Pillar (1-for-4, 1 run) got his 3rd steal. That’s a -illar slam and legs.
Javier Baez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .242. This guy is beautiful and a mess more times in the matter of a few innings than most guys are in an entire season. Call him Ugly Delicious. Also, not sure how many people heard about the Mets players are now booing their fans after something good, but what’s absolutely hilarious is they’ve been doing it since the beginning of August but they do such few things that are good, no one noticed until yesterday. The Mets and their fans are in a seriously toxic relationship.
Logan Webb – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.65. It’s like Logan Webb became a viable number three fantasy starter three months ago, then two months ago he became a number two, and now he’s working on number one. Hey, gorgeous, keep making love to my ratios, you dreamboat!
Anthony DeSclafani – 3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.38, as he was activated from the IL. Talk a bit about this on the podcast this week that’s coming tomorrow, but Giants’ SPs are cheat codes, even if you only start them at home. With that said (here’s where Grey throws out everything he just said), if a pitcher is actually injured and not faking to throttle innings, then it might not be worth the risk. With That Said, Part II: They Say More, he had a tough matchup on Sunday whether healthy or not.
Huascar Ynoa – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, ERA at 2.90. In a wall-less world, Ynoa would be in the Rookie of the Year conversation. Huascar needed glasnost.
Ian Anderson – 5 2/3 IP, 6 baserunners, 0 Ks, ERA at 3.36, as he was activated from the IL. He should be rostered in 100% of leagues, and 101% of Jethro Tull leagues. Speaking of rock bands, if you’re doing anything for the Touki, you appear to be out of luck, as he worked a garbage-time 9th inning.
Jorge Soler – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 20th homer, hitting .213. Also, Eddie Rosario (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) stole his 10th base and Joc Pederson (1-for-2, 1 run, 1 RBI) filled out the outfield. So yesterday, Adam Duvall took a seat, but on Saturday Rosario was benched, which is a long, boring way of saying I don’t know how the Braves’ outfield is gonna shake out in the final month. My guess is they all see a fair bit of rest.
Antonio Senzatela – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.18. Solid start, and he gets the Braves next in Coors, so do you have a death wish?
Ranger Suarez – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.48. On the surface, this feels like when Chris Sale started his career as a reliever then transferred seamlessly into the rotation and people were screaming, “I’m a chicken, where’s my head?” and flailing their arms above their shoulders. But I just peeped Suarez’s numbers and his ERA is way better than it has any right to be.
Madison Bumgarner – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.37. After streaming him *handshake emoji* Learning what love is from Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt = Mad About You.
Alec Mills – 8 1/3 IP, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.32. It’s weird to sell your soul for one great start a year, but Mills doesn’t think it is.
Kyle Hendricks – 4 2/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.43. Glass is half full: He’s making it easy to ignore him in all 2022 leagues.
Patrick Wisdom – 0-for-3, hitting .256. Dr. Daniel Pantalones reviews all the games on Friday, but I just had to point out that Wisdom had four homers between Friday and Saturday. He’s rostered around 40% in all ESPN leagues, so most people are checked out to fantasy football but there’s gotta be at least 70% of you still grinding. Smartened up with Wisdom.
Luis Robert – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs hit his 5th and 6th homer. A Lou Bob-a-lup-bop a-wop-bam-boom.
Yasmani Grandal – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his third homer in the last three games. OBPwulf is epic. Also, in this game, Eloy Jimenez (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 8th homer, which made for a Goodwin, who also hit his 8th homer.
Dylan Cease – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.82. If a near-12 K/9 and 3.54 FIP is up-and-down for his first full MLB season, then sign me up everywhere for next year.
Taylor Hearn – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.96. Fun fact! I call Taylor Hearn by his generic name, Pork Roll. This was a solid start by him, but I’d use Streamonator for him going forward.
DJ Peters – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 3rd homer in the last week. Hot schmotato alert!
Adolis Garcia – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 29th homer. May all your rookies regress as wonderfully as Adolis.
Pablo Lopez – His return has been delayed with “Have we lost our mind? Why on earth would we bring him back this year?”
Sandy Alcantara – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.27. Starting to understand what John Travolta was singing about with Sandy.
Jesus Luzardo – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 8 Ks, ERA at 7.19. This is why I liked the Luzardo pickup by the Marlins at the deadline. Don’t think he’s totally fixed just suddenly, but it could happen. From zero to Marveluzardo, just like that.
Jesus Sanchez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert! Also, Elias Sports Bureau said this was the first time a Jesus won a game and another Jesus drove in all the runs since a Padres game during the Spanish Inquisition.
Carlos Santana – Scratched on Saturday due to hip soreness. When I heard this, I scrambled to the newest, uh, news on Nick Pratto, and, as I did that, I saw fifteen mentions of Edward Olivares being called up to be sent down over and over during the last four months, then I solemnly turned to my mirror and applied Joker makeup.
Salvador Perez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 38th homer. Salvador Perez hates the narrative that says a guy stops doing well after a big contract, and is taking it personal.
Marco Gonzales – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.02. Streamonator doesn’t love his next start in Arizona, but the Dbags don’t scare me so I might go in on him.
Kyle Seager – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer, a new career high. His mother called to congratulate him, when Corey wasn’t home to talk.
Jarred Kelenic – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer. It’s so hard to imagine a guy hitting .150-something in his rookie season, then becoming a top hitter in baseball, but we have to remember the first season for most players goes poorly. And because you don’t believe me without actual examples, Bonds hit .223 his first season in 1986; .261 his next, then .283 in 1988.
Jake Fraley – Hit the IL with shoulder inflammation. Me spelling out his name, “Eff, really?”
Adam Wainwright – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.97. He hasn’t just been good. No, he’s been great. Great great. Like Cy Young candidate great. How? That shizz is an enigma wrapped in a puzzle stuffed into the Riddler’s leotards with question marks all over them. Also, happy birthday to Wainwright, who turns 40 today. May your curve forever bend knees more than a limbo stick.
Tommy Edman – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, 2nd homer in three games. I liked Edman in the preseason, but mostly drafted him everywhere because he was eligible everywhere. Even if he only had outfield eligibility, he was worth the draft pick, according to the Player Rater.
Yoshi Tsutsugo – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in four games. Hot Tschmotschmogo.
Gregory Polanco – Released by the Pirates. “He never reached his true ceiling previously but now? Wow.” That’s people talking about every Pirates player on a new club.
