From Mexico City yesterday, we now move to Germany. “Guten tag, Guardians. Speakin’ zee Deutsch, ja cannot tag Domingo German. So, German is zee better in zee strumpets, and by ‘strumpets’ I mean zee peripherals, because, besides zee Cole, he seems like zee leader-hosen that is zee holterdiepolter that is zee Yankees team.” — That’s me, who surprisingly speaks less German than Spanish. So, last night, Domingo German went 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, lowering his ERA to 4.46. It was nearly, like, an hour and forty-five-minute gem, until Holmes made it inevitable the Yanks would “list it” on their Holmes show, Love It or List It. More on him in a moment. German’s strumpets, as they were, are gorgeous: 10.2 K/9, 2.6 K/9, and 3.64 xFIP, while getting lederhosen’d by homers allowed. Yankee Stadium isn’t a great place for a near-40% fly ball rate, and a high line drive rate, but the strumpets are saying he’s a clear Buy, and the schadenfreude will be someone else’s at you if you don’t grab him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Clay Holmes – 0 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.72, and his 2nd blown save, but the two unearned runs, aren’t getting him off the hook. I grabbed Michael King everywhere. As I say on today’s podcast, that will be up later, the Yanks aren’t winning enough to give away games in the 9th inning. They have no loyalty to Holmes, and he will be replaced if he blows saves.

Jose Trevino – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer, hitting .242. Cool, you know him, or shouldn’t know him, because he’s not great for fantasy, but can we take a short schedule moment to say: Yankees’ lineup is a mess. They weren’t great with Aaron Judge. Now, they look like they’d be out-hit by every other team in the AL, except maybe the Royals and Tigers.

Aaron Judge – Hit the IL with a hip strain. What a terrible sativa. What will these dispensaries think of next?

Cal Quantrill – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.73. As I was just saying, we might need to recalibrate what it means to stream vs. the Yankees. Also, for Quantrill: Streamonator.

Bryce MillerMariners are calling up their 24-year-old right-hander. Last thing Itch said on Miller was, “His time is nigh, but he’ll need something to go wrong in a stacked rotation.” El oh el. Not at Itch, but at the M’s. Um, go wrong in their rotation? If their only crack was in Robbie Ray’s pants. Itch said earlier in the preseason in his top 75 prospects rankings, “If you’re looking for a deep-sleeper starter late in a draft-and-hold format, it might be Miller time. A 4th round pick in 2021, Miller has chugged right through the minor leagues and figures to open this season in Triple-A after posting a 1.05 WHIP in 50.2 innings across ten Double-A starts in 2022. The main worry is that he goes the way of Matt Brash. His delivery isn’t as low or unbalanced (reliever-y) as Brash’s, but he too is a fastball-slider dominant pitcher getting kind outcomes in a kind setting. Speaking of kind, ever wanted a Kind Bar truck to fall on Grey?” What the heck! Miller’s command looks crazy wonky, but it was decent this year in 19 2/3 IP (1.4 BB/9). He looks closer to a 3.5 BB/9 or higher, which smells of trouble. His strikeouts should be around 8.6-9.1 K/9. On the “oh crap that’s bad” side, he could go 3.5 BB/9 and 8.5 K/9 and be a 4.50+ ERA guy. On the “oh, daddy, that’s nice, I’m appreciative of your love” side, he could have a 9+ K/9 and 2 BB/9 and be a strong number two. Like in the carnival game “water gun used to blow up the balloon in the clown’s mouth,” aim your expectations for the middle.

Jose Urquidy – Hit the IL with shoulder discomfort. Just went to look at the Astros’ depth chart to see who they had to replace him, and it was a Remember That Guy montage. Forrest Whitley? Oh, yeah, sure. Brandon Bielak? Mayim’s brother? Okay, yeah, kinda. It was a good run, but the Astros finally look beatable.

Luis Garcia – Out after eight pitches with elbow discomfort. Houston: We have a problem. Has anyone ever said that before? Am I the first? Cool.

Mauricio Dubon – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd steal, as he hits leadoff, hitting .317. Dubon’s in the last two Buy columns, and one of the Astros’ bright spots. Yeah, the Astros have been that bad.

Joc Pederson – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Welcome to Jocay! Hmm, that doesn’t work. How about…Welcome to Moc! That’s not good. Guess it only works for October.

LaMonte Wade Jr. – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 6th homer, and third homer in three games, and fourth homer in five games. I wrote off the last two as being in Mexico City’s whiz-bang ballpark, it does now seem like we have a hot schmotato alert!

Drew Smyly – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.83. Grabbed Smyly everywhere this week to stream, and, would you look at that, I’m…*touches cheeks, blushes*…Smyly. Weekly Streamonator (<–different link than usual) has combined values for two-starters, and Smyly was top guy available for me, so that’s all I really did.

Dansby Swanson – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Dansby? Whoever heard of a Dansby?!

Lane Thomas – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. Only people gonna be left with zero homers are Myles Straw, Nick Madrigal and Jose Abreu.

MacKenzie Gore – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.77. Love Gore. Call me Wes Craven. But his 5.2 BB/9 is unsustainable.

Jose Berrios – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.29. Wouldn’t suggest Berrios for my worst enemy’s fantasy team. Yet, people keep asking him about him, and eventually I’m just gonna say, “Sure, if you want,” because I can’t keep fighting it.

Bo Bichette – 5-for-5, 3 RBIs and a slam (7) and legs (1), hitting .344. Finally, a steal! I said that to Bdon, and he was like, “What was it, a 3-2 count and a hit and run?” Such a hater of Boba. I can’t even.

Daulton Varsho – 0-for-4 and his 5th steal! Woo hoo! You guys who drafted him in the top 30 overall were so right on! Oh, wait, I had my hand covering the rest of his line. I see now he is hitting .186/.288/.284. Hmm, is that good?

Enmanuel Valdez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (1). I googled “Enmanuel Valdez” and it said, “Do you mean Emmanuel Lewis star of Webster or the Exxon Valdez?” Guess we’ll see what Itch’s said, “Valdez ranked 39th on MLB Pipeline’s list of the 47 prospects traded this week, which feels like evidence of the ongoing blindness with which much of the public-facing prospect world treats Houston prospects. Valdez is slashing .327/.410/.606 with 21 home runs and 26 doubles in 82 games across Double and Triple A this season. He’s 23 years old. You wanna rank 20 low-minors pitchers ahead of him? Be my guest. More Valdez for the rest of us. Except Grey, screw him.” Okay, not nice. Valdez could be a 15+ homer, .270+ hitter in Fenway with kinda bleh speed. It’s fine in deeper leagues, as long as he’s playing.

Jarren Duran – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Feel like I’m getting the rep that I don’t like Duran. That’s incorrect. I love him for free off waivers. Grab him everywhere! I’m only saying he won’t have a .500 BABIP and will likely hit .240, not .400.

Alex Verdugo – 2-for-5, 2 runs and a slam (5) and legs (2), and 2nd homer in as many games, hitting .311, and leadoff. Currently hot, obvi, but Verdugo’s also the kind of guy who is more valuable at the end of the year than he ever seems like.

Luke Weaver – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 7.88. Saw people picking up Weaver this week in some of my leagues, and, honestly, I thought maybe I had missed a bit of news like he learned a new pitch or how to not suck. People really sell their soul for a two-start pitcher.

Nick Senzel – 3-for-4 and his 3rd homer, and all three homers have come in the last few games. Hot schmotato alert, clearly. On a side note, whatever happened to Joey Votto? Did he retire to do Tik Toks?

Blake Snell – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.28. Pretty sure this is the first time in his career Snell has gone six innings. Or maybe it just feels like it.

Sean Murphy – 4-for-7, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer, hitting .282. The top two catchers on the Player Rater are Jonah Heim and Sean Murphy. Just as everyone who drafted J.T. Realmuto expected.

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 3-for-5, 3 runs, and his 5th homer, hitting .363. He left the 2nd game of the doubleheader after taking pitch off his shoulder that looked like it hurt more than it would cause him to miss much time, but there’s a reason why we go see doctors vs. having me, someone who isn’t a doctor, watch replays, then diagnose.

Spencer Strider – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.57. Didn’t have his best stuff and still got the win and a better line than most without their best stuff. Know why? The mustache.

Charlie Morton – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38. Some schmohawk, Tonkin, followed him and allowed two inherited runs to score. You sunk my battle-for-a-W-ship, Tonkin!

Denyi Reyes – 1 IP, 5 ER, as he was called up. Fun fact! His first name is short for denying, which is usually expressed Denyi NG, as in “Denyi not good.”

Tylor Megill – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.11. Streamonator didn’t like this start (though, it was a “millimeter on a play at the plate” away from being excellent), but loves his next one, and I agree.

Pete Alonso – 1-for-8, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .248. Albombso!

Brett Baty – 3-for-9, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. Brett, Shirley, Ned, Warren. That’s me ranking people whose last name sounds like “Beatty.”

Tony Gonsolin – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.38. People who are saying, “Dodgers have no room for Gavin Stone,” are very funny. Good bit, guys!

Will Smith – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. His new hitting coach, Al Peesha, is really helping keep his front hand strong.

Mookie Betts – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer. Mookie Best!

Jason Heyward – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer. If only Heyward and Bellinger switched teams three years ago!

Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer. Wait until June Schwarber realizes April and May Schwarber have done something. Hope June Schwarber doesn’t get too jealous.

Taijuan Walker – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 6.91. Phillies last week, “Taijuan Walker is perfectly healthy.” Phillies this week, “Did anyone say ‘no take-backsies?”

Bryce Harper – Will return today from Tommy John surgery. Can’t imagine he throws more than a few innings, at most 70 pitches.