Cubs traded a player to be named later for Austin Jackson.  Assuming the player to be named later isn’t anyone on their current roster, this was a solid trade for them from a real baseball perspective.  Real baseball has more spitting than fantasy baseball, but about the same amount of scratching.  The areas that are scratched are similar too.  Like just below the FUPA.  Austin Jackson clouds up the Cubs’ current roster in all the worst ways.  Can one team have too much of a good thing?  The short answer is yes.  The long answer is yeeeeeeeees.  Now, Coghlan (1-for-4), Fowler (2-for-5 and his 15th homer), Schwarber (1-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI) and maybe Baez, when he’s called up, are squeezed for playing time.  If anyone can make this work, it’s Maddon.  Sadly, only Maddon will understand how, why, what and every journalistic question as to when Jackson or anyone will play.  Oh, and Soler will return shortly too.  And by “shortly,” I don’t mean the manner in which Altuve does something.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE!  Before we get into the roundup, I just wanted to quickly announce that our fantasy basketball commenter leagues are signing up.  So, if your ringtone is Kurtis Blow’s Basketball or if you wear your purple three-piece suit five sizes too big and have babies’ mamas, fantasy basketball is for you!  Go there and sign up.  Anyway II, the roundup:

Kyle Hendricks – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  You know what would be nice?  Well, yes, a pillow that looks as comfy as Nicki Minaj’s booty, but besides that.  It would be nice if Hendricks pitched as well as his peripherals look.

Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer.  After Cozart went down, Eugenio stepped in and did likely better than Cozart could’ve done.  Somewhere, Salieri is smiling.

Jason Bourgeois – 3-for-6, 1 run, 2 RBIs.  Sing it with me, Bourgeois, “A working class hero is something to be…”

Hanley Ramirez – Another day, another update that Hanley isn’t playing.  If I had a nickel for every time I mentioned Hanley wasn’t playing, I’d have about a dollar.  Better than what I have now, which is an aging player in a weekly league that doesn’t ever play!

Dustin Pedroia – Cleared for baseball activities.  The first thing he should do is scratch himself.  Or maybe spit.  Ugh, such tough choices!

Mookie Betts – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, and his 2nd homer in three games.  I already know where I’m going to rank some guys for next year, but Betts?  I don’t have a clue.  His stats feel like a 2nd rounder, but he hasn’t wow’d me at any point this year.

David Ortiz – 2-for-3 and his 29th homer.   Why do I feel like Big Papi will be doing this until he’s 50?  Of course, that’s in about two years.

Eduardo Rodriguez – 5 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. Ivan Nova 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Red Sox come with a ton of Sons of Sam Horn hype and Yankees come with “You stupid son of a b*tch, the Yankees are the best” hype, so these pitchers might be overrated, but they’re really just streamers that I’d use the Stream-o-Nator on.

Mark Teixeira – Sent back to New York for tests.  As I mentioned yesterday, there’s no reason to DL players with the rosters expanding, which means — here’s to a few weeks of pinch-hit at-bats from Te(i)x.

Didi Gregorius – 4-for-5, 1 RBI, hitting near-.500 in the last week and has two 4-hit games in his last four games.  Didi, Didi, Didi, can’t you see, your hot schmotato hypnotizes me.

Jonny Gomes – Was acquired by the Royals to serve as a pinch-hitter vs. lefties and to help fans remember the Great Lakes, if, ya know, Guron was one.

Corey Dickerson – Took batting practice yesterday, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him return as soon as this weekend.  No real reason to not just let him play with the Rockies, if he’s healthy.  Of course, the “if” in that sentence has had its own zip code for Dickerson this year.

Robbie Ray – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks in Coors.  I started him in Tout Wars where I’m just throwing Hail Marys at this point, but how about Rudy’s lead in that league?  Cousin Afrosheen is pulling away from the pack like tigers in Minnesota would pull away from that crazy big game hunter dentist that was in the news for a day about a month ago, but my ex, who works for PETA, still posts about every day on her Facebook wall.

Brad Ziegler – 2/3 IP, 4 ER and the blown save after giving up three runs on Sunday.  Like a Crash Test Dummy, mmm, Ziegler’s hit a wall.  I grabbed Daniel Hudson, who should get a save chance in today’s doubleheader if the Diamondbacks find themselves in a close game, and, knowing my luck, Hudson will likely explode for runs like he has Montezuma’s Revenge.  FMFBBL!

A.J. Pollock – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer.  A Pollock by any other name wouldn’t smell so cabbagey.

David Freese – Will be activated from the DL today.  Once Scioscia tags him, Freese will be able to move again.

Hector Santiago – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.37.  As predicted here amongst a lot of predictions that didn’t come true, Santiago is slowly working his ERA up to 3.50.

Chris Bassitt – Experiencing shoulder soreness.  C’mon, Bassitt, you’re my favorite underdog!

Mark Canha – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer.  I was about to say he’s hot, but I just looked at his last week and he’s hitting a robust .179.  How dare he make me sully anything with the word bust in it!

Danny Valencia – 2-for-4, 1 run, 3 RBIs, hitting over .350 in the last week.  Oh, Danny Boy, the hits, the hits are calling.

Jed Lowrie – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer.  I was thisclose to making him my batty call yesterday.  So, so glad I went with Adonis Garcia instead.  So, very glad.

Hank Conger – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer.  Yes, I lost some credibility on my ability to think clearly with Conger when I ranked him super high in the preseason, but Castro’s injured and, for deep leagues, Conger will be starting.

Carlos Correa – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer.  Fly, iCarlos, fly!

Dallas Keuchel – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks in 121 pitches.  Was A.J. Hinch waiting to switch out Keuchel when he came to bat?  Cause that’s a McClendon move.  Someone needs to make up the t-shirt, “Crazy…like a McClendon!”

Jose Altuve – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 35th steal.  I just had an idea for Altuve for Halloween.  He can dress up like Neil Armstrong and keep saying, “One small step for man…”

Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homers.  Doode went so cold when he went to the Mariners, if you would’ve told me he only had ten homers all year, I prolly would’ve believed you.  Trumbo might be addicted to being called a bounce back candidate.  Every year with this guy.

Carlos Martinez – Scratched from today’s start as the Cardinals begin to cut back on his innings.  Ah, September, when teams try to pretend their compliant to managing young starters’ innings with rubber stamps while passing off rubber checks by keeping them off the rubber.  What, there was a sale on the word rubber.

John Lackey – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA at 2.87.  You know what Lackey is?  Workmanlike.  Next to workmanlike in the dictionary, there’s a picture of Lackey.  “Next to (blank) in the dictionary, there’s a picture,” as a phrase, is going to get some weird looks in 20 years.  “There’s pictures in the online dictionary that President Ivanka Trump approved?”

Jhonny Peralta – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 1 RBI.  I believe those might’ve been his first hits in August.  Speaking of which, goodbye, August!

Mark Reynolds – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and has hits in 8 straight games, and a homer yesterday.  All brays to Mini Donkey!

Gio Gonzalez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.13.  All things considered, this was a good start by him.  Okay, not all things considered, that would be exhausting.

Ryan Zimmerman – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 13th homer.  Don’t make me belabor it.  He’s hot, grab him if you need some power.

Josh Hamilton – Will only serve as a pinch-hitter during the final month of the season.  If only Burr would put Hamilton out of his misery.

Tyson Ross – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.27.  You know what Ross has been this year?  The guy who’s been decent, that you really don’t want to start.

Mike Foltynewicz – Was a late scratch yesterday.  It was likely serious if they went through the trouble of writing in his name in the lineup card, then scratching him.

Shelby Miller – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.56.  This guy filled in for Faultywirewicz.  Not a bad backup to have.  Braves might want to consider keeping him in the rotation.

Christian Yelich – Didn’t start again on Monday due to his sore knee.  A 17-year-old really shouldn’t be having these sorts of problems.

Justin Bour – 3-for-4, 1 RBI, and two homers in the prior two games.  Hot schmotato alert!

Hunter Pence – Took swings yesterday, but still feels pain and isn’t expected back soon.  Only thing worse than looking at a Gangly Manbird, is looking at a sad one.  No one wins here!

Alejandro De Aza – Was acquired by the Giants to help with the loss of ManBird.  Not the Byrd man, they have him still.

Jake Peavy – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.38 vs. Brett Anderson 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K.  This matchup was billed as, “Um, well, we have season tickets so you wanna go?”  “Who’s pitching, dad?  Bumgarner?  Kershaw?  Greinke?”  “I don’t think so, but the weather is nice out!”

Andre Ethier – 1-for-3 and his 13th homer.  He doesn’t start vs. lefties, and I don’t mean against Reds pitchers or Commies.

Enrique Hernandez – Out a few weeks with a strained hamstring.  Mattingly said, “This is the worst news I’ve heard for a Kike since–”  And then a cavalcade of rabbis from the Anti-Defamation League entered the clubhouse on horses wearing yarmulkes, interrupting Mattingly.

Justin Ruggiano – Acquired by the Dodgers from the Mariners for a player to be named later.  I wonder if the Mariners are acquiring all of these players to be named later because McClendon can’t remember anyone’s name.

Abraham Almonte – 2-for-4 and hit a home run on Sunday, hitting over .350 in the last week and this might be the last time I ever say anything nice about him.  We shall see.  Or not.  Your choice!

Danny Salazar – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks as he outdueled David Price 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Like a cigarette after drunk sex, I really needed that start from Salazar.  I don’t want to gloat too obscenely though, because he has a big matchup again later this week and we need all hands on deck for our prayer hexagon.

Ben Revere – 2-for-5, 1 run as he hit leadoff.  Hello, major fantasy value boost, may I have another?

Manny Machado – 2-for-5, 1 run as he started at shortstop.  Rejoice, 2016 fantasy baseballers with very little games played requirements.

Evan Longoria – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer.  Member when he was the commercial spokesman for New Era hats?  He should be featured in a New Era commercial for their new, fitted brown paper bags.

Asdrubal Cabrera -1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer.  Asdrubal went cold the past week after having a hot two weeks prior, and it sounds like I’m writing his autobiography.  So, finally he said to his 4th grade gym teacher, “I will be someone one day,” and that teacher was Edgar Renteria.

Tim Beckham – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer.  He’ll be vying to be a full-time player next year, and likely a deep sleeper candidate.  Assuming he can shake this “Is he going to be a failed prospect like Delmon” stank.

Wei-Yin Chen – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Ugh, you do butter against everyone and then vs. the Rays, you’re just butt.  Not cool, Chen, not cool.  The Stream-o-Nator hates, and rightfully so, his next start, so I’d look elsewhere.

Lucas Duda – Won’t return when first eligible. Ma nishtana, why would Duda be any different than any other player?

Curtis Granderson – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer.  This might be the best the Mets have played since Keith Hernandez smuggled a pound of coke in Wally Backman’s backside.  Grandy has done more than his part too.  He’s now in the top 20 OFs for all of fantasy, according to our Player Rater.  Though, there is a legit gap between the top 15 and the top 20.

Michael Conforto – 2-for-2 and his 4th homer.  Conforto isn’t playing every day, because the Mets are still carrying around a corpse with Cuddyer’s jersey like they’re Doing the Bernie.

Bartolo Colon – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.42.  Colon blew through the Phillies….in a good way.

Maikel Franco – Will take batting practice on Wednesday.  Phillies interim manager, Pete Mackanin, said, “Once he does that — getting a few at-bats and taking some batting practice — I might run him right in there if he’s 100 percent.”  I like how he’s so flippant with the future of the franchise.  Yeah, man, just run him back out there!  For s’s and g’s, if nothing else, am I right?  C’mon, the risk of him re-injuring himself makes it fun!  Maybe you hire a hypnotist to convince Maikel he’s actually playing handball, so he swings with his wrist and no bat.  Really up the stakes!

  1. Manley Ramirez says:

    You really think Peanut Dick (because you know, PLANTAR fascitis) would return without any rehab starts? Would sure be nice for him to get some ABs at Coors before they hit the road again.

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Manley Ramirez: I’d guess maybe one to three rehab starts at the most

  2. Gareth says:

    I grabbed Baez yesterday. This roster crunch on the Cubs is a concern though. Do you think he starts enough to warrant an extended spot in a 12 team rcl, while subsequently clogging up a spot for streaming? It’s so annoying when your player sits and there’s other good options out there.

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Gareth: I think he’s borderline in the RCL due to non-consistent playing time

    • Theo says:

      Considering Castro committed 4 errors at 2nd the last two days, I think it is safe to plan on Baez playing regularly for the rest of this week. Hopefully he won’t strike out 50x and can stay in the lineup (Just a Cubs fan’s take).

  3. Gareth says:

    Think I’m going to have to change my Avatar. I no longer have the cat in the picture and it saddens me to see it when I post.

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Gareth: Aw, I’m sorry

  4. Gareth says:

    Who’s the drop – Doolittle or Machi?

    • Manley Ramirez says:

      @Gareth: Can’t it be both?

      • Gareth says:

        @Manley Ramirez: Chasing saves is Gross.

    • zeus says:

      @Gareth: Machi had a horrific ninth yesterday outside of not blowing the save.

  5. Nick says:

    Guys, Grey,

    here is my “winner the regular season” team,
    before playoffs: Keeper league
    C Salvy Perez
    1B Goldy
    2B José Alty
    3B Matt Carpy
    SS Ian – back from Hell – Desmond
    OF1 Beauty-Sta
    OF2 Fowler
    OF3 KDavis
    Util E5
    Util Miggy Mighty Sano
    Bench DeShields + Buxton + K.Wong
    DL Springer + Myers

    SP1 Archer
    SP2 Salazar
    SP3 TJWalker
    SP4 J.Shields
    RP1 K.Jansen
    RP2 C.Allen
    P Tolleson
    P AJ Ramos
    P J.Wilson (holds)
    P B.Shaw (holds)
    Bench: Heaney + A.Wood
    Waiting Room: Berrios

    What would you change for the playoffs?
    Springer would be activated soon! Is Buxton expendable?
    K.Wong is cold streaky –> Go Baez?
    interesting players on FA : Granderson, J.Bradley Jr, D.Valencia, Moustakas, Ryan Zimm

    Heaney has a disatrous +5Era
    AWood and Shields are just so unpredictable
    pick Y.Ventura on FA?

    thanks Nick

    • The HAND OF SAGNOF says:

      @Nick: granderson and jbj are hitting. I’m rolling out jbj until he stops. Granderson should be rostered. 20+ hr on FA shouldn’t fly in most leagues.

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Nick: Can lose Wong, Buxton, go with Baez and Springer

  6. Ante GALIC says:


    Fantastic write-up. I cracked up through almost every blurb once my slow brain figured them out. Kind of like a delay after effect rush.

    a. On Lackey you are bang on. The guy is money at home and just brings his lunchpail to work every day.

    b. Salazar prayer hexagon in full effect

    c. Go see ‘The Age of Adeline’. It’s a cool movie AND you get sex after for being emancipated.

    d. NORM MACDONALD quote of the day:

    ‘LA Lakers have chosen Mike Brown as their new head coach. Coach Brown said his first meeting with star player Kobe Bryant went well, but that’s also what “you know who” thought when she first met Kobe at a Colorado hotel.’

    • The Tribe says:

      @Ante GALIC: Haha, its funny because rape! Up top, bruh!

      • zeus says:

        @The Tribe: SJW Alert!!!!

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Ante GALIC: Thanks! A. Yup B. Thank you! C. Never heard of it D. Ha

  7. M says:

    Any chance Machado gets 4 more starts at SS ROS?

    • danny almonte says:

      That’d be amazing for me…

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @M: Seems unlikely, but I guess could

  8. MJ says:

    No Addison Russell mention even though he homered off of Chapman?!

    • Cram It says:

      I’ve been streaming like a badass @MJ: Addison Russell. Mentioned.

  9. MJ says:

    I am guessing Jackson was picked up partly because they believe Soler is done for the rest of the regular season. Hopefully he will be back for the playin game as he is more important to that lineup then people think!

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @MJ: Word

    • Fungazi says:

      @MJ: Oh yeah, I can imagine it gets really hot in the Cubs dugout without Soler up there creating bat wind 4 times a game.

  10. ebudz says:

    Morning Grey!

    I’m actually up by 43 points and have a lead to start the week for once and I’m trying to stay ahead of my opponent streaming-wise so after the first game starts around 3pm today, who should I be picking up to stream tomorrow?

    Thanks to your advice yesterday, I’ll already be rolling out Niese vs. PHI (20.7), Cashner vs. TEX (11.2) and Shoemaker @OAK (0.3) today so which two or three guys will be worth starting tomorrow? Remember I just need positive scores and to give you an example of the scoring, Ross put up 26 pts and Hendricks scored me 5 pts yesterday if that helps…

    ESPN 10 Team H2H Points:
    Pitcher Scoring: WIN (+3), LOSS (-3), IP (+3), K (+1), BB (-1), SAVE (+3), ER (-2), HIT (-1), NH (+10) PF (+15)

    Gausman vs. TB (12.4)
    Walker @HOU (8.0)
    MIlone vs. CHW (1.9)
    Rodon @MIN (-3.6)
    Iglesias @CHC (-9.2)
    H. Owens vs. NYY (-11.2)
    Heaney @OAK (-11.6)
    Locke @MIL (-13.4)
    E. Ramirez @BAL (-16.9)
    Leake @LAD (-23.9)

    • danny almonte says:


      Wow SON doesnt like Iglesias at cubs. You agree, Grey? Im starting him…

      • White Rabbit says:

        @danny almonte: he stuck out 8 last time vs the Cubs … seems to be on a roll (but then again so are the Cubs). if you can afford a kidney, some whip and some era in case of a roofie and really need the K’s, then go for it!

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @ebudz: Gausman, Walker, Rodon

      • ebudz says:

        @Grey: Word thanks Grey! Just scooped up Gausman and Walker but already owned Rodon so there’s one more streamer spot open right now .. anyone else worth starting in my league or just go with those 3? Part of me wants to pickup Iglesias or Heaney just so my opponent can’t use them against me…

        • Grey

          Grey says:

          Nah, just those three… Grab Raisel if you want to block your opponent

    • Slim Nincompoop says:

      @ebudz: Meh….if desperate, I’d go Gausman and Walker. The #’s don’t suggest so, but I’d be willing to start Heaney @ Oakland as well.

  11. MisterMister says:

    Grabbed Peraza for some sweet, sweet September SAGNOF from someone who dropped him, but of course I benched him last night since he didn’t start. Is this going to be like Billy Hamilton’s first call-up, where he won’t start every day, but there will be days to leave him in anyway for the higher odds of a pinch-situation SB? 3 SB in 3 days and 1 start (Small Sample Size Alert).

    Even if he plays inconsistently, I figure there is value in holding him, as preventing some other team from getting his SB may have as much value as what they add to my score.

    • MisterMister says:

      For context: clinging to a 3-point lead, and where the SB cat ranks 138, 137, 124, 123, 121, 121, 116, 108, 105, etc., I’m tied at 121 and the top chaser is 124. Definitely a crunch-time cat this year.

  12. Steve Stevenson says:

    Grab Conger or Rupp over “0-for-August” Grandal in 9×9 H2H, or continue to Popeil?

  13. Chris says:

    Hello Grey,

    Thoughts on dropping the recently cold Parra in favor of Werth?


    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Chris: Go for it

  14. Pete says:

    Okay to drop Teix and grab Zimmerman in a 12 team H2H points league? Hitting is shallow, and I’m going to need the bat for playoffs since I’m not carrying any bench hitters.

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Pete: Go for it

  15. dem ribbies says:

    Sonofabench! 10K’s on the pine stings every single time.

    I don’t normally keep arms, but was lucky enough to score Salazar for $2 on the wire. No-brainier keep in a 10 team – keep 10 format?

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @dem ribbies: Likely, but don’t know your other options

  16. Randy Bobandy says:

    I conspired to bench Keuchel and Ross last night, not by design but because I forgot to check my team. Wow is me!

  17. Clint says:

    Do you think MLB will hire TLC cameramen for the playoffs and the inevitable matchup of Altuve vs Stroman, seeing as how they’re so well versed in the intricate art of filming close to the ground & all for all their Little People-sploitation shows?

    Serious keeper question for h2h points league. Here’s my current starters:
    2B: Altuve (2B eligible)
    SS: Addison (2B/SS eligible)
    3B: Machado (3B eligible)

    I had Franco until he got hurt but he’s currently out there on waivers. If the O’s actually manage to get Machado the 5 games at SS he needs for multiple eligibility (a big IF) and Franco makes it back to play before the end of the season (another big IF), should I keep the roster as is or is it more valuable to drop Addison, slide Manny over to SS, and pick up Franco for 2016 keepers? It’s a shallow 8 team league but Franco still seems pretty valuable & the only other guy I could drop for him is Gregory Polanco at utility.

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Clint: Ha! Hilarious… Pick up Franco

  18. ashtray says:

    Who’s the better add for the upcoming 4 game SF @ COL series: Paulsen or Byrd?

    • Gareth says:

      @ashtray: Byrd.

    • J-FOH says:

      Why not own Paulsen for the az series then drop for byrd when sf rolls thru town

      • The Tribe says:

        @J-FOH: Agree w jack

  19. El Famous Burrito says:

    Does the Austin Jackson trade make The Big FraGu an everyday starter now?