Since the Jays were calling up Vladimir Guerrero Jr. today, the Nationals and Angels thought it was a good idea to drop their own sizzle in low-key fashion like wearing an Elmo doll at the Met Gala.  If Carter Kieboom is Barbara Hershey to Vladimir Guerrero Jr.’s Bette Midler, then who is Luis Rengifo?  That jerk husband of Barbara Hershey’s who held her back all of those years?  Bette’s giant Marmaduke?  Is it embarrassing that I know Beaches by heart?  Not at all!  According to Prospect Mike, Carter Kieboom’s outlook is, “Kieboom is a plus-hit/plus-power shortstop who split time between High-A and Double-A in 2018. His numbers dipped in the more advanced league, but he still hit .260 with five homers.  15-20 homers is a realistic power ceiling and he won’t sell out for it, meaning a decent average as well.  I’ve also become a decent dart-thrower practicing on a picture of Grey.”  What the eff, my dude?  Carter doesn’t have great speed, which is a bit of a bummer since that always translates, but he could hit for power and average as a middle infidel.  Hopefully, this means the end of days for Brian Dozier.  Remember, this is the team that promoted and played Juan Soto last year.  Mean’s while, the Angels called up Luis Rengifo.  Doesn’t his last name look like an acronym of an obscenity on social media?  “You really think Killary would’ve been better?  RENGIFO, grandma!”  The biggest question for me with Rengifo is Brad Assmunch.  Does he even know what he has?  I highly doubt it.  Watch him play La Stella over Rengifo.  Here’s what Prospect Mike said, “Rengifo can hit from both sides and he can basically play anywhere on the field. There’s also just enough power to make him really interesting if he sticks in the middle infield. He’ll probably get written off as a super-utility player, but he has a disciplined approach (75 walks, 75 strikeouts across three levels). Oh, and he swiped 41 bags this year to go along with seven homers and a .299 batting average. I know you’re not supposed to scout stat lines…but damn, that’s almost as sexy as the thought of Grey being run over by a car.”  C’mon!  Rengifo and Kieboom’s projections are both at the Prospectonator.  They’re, hmm, how do I put this?  Interesting.  Surprised to see Rengifo ranked above Kieboom for projections.  Think I’d go the other way with them, but they are slightly different, based on needs.  I do know I needs me some upside and added them in multiple leagues.  ALL ABOARD THE UPSIDE TRAIN!  Chugga-chugga Shin-Soo Choo!  Chugga-chugga Shin-Soo Choo!  Chugga-chugga Shin-Soo Choo!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jon Lester – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.37, as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I want to say on the record I did not follow Susan into the gender neutral bathroom on purpose, or into her stall.”

Kenley Jansen – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA up to 3.55, and a home run allowed to Albert Almora Jr. (his 1st).  Jansen still got the save but when you’re giving up ding-dongs to Albora Malorda Jr., well…No pitchers are good this year, not even relievers.

Ross Stripling – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.65.  Maybe it’s me misremembering it, but it seems like an epidemic of 4 2/3 IP starts where the pitcher just needs one more out to get the win.  Wait a sec, maybe a side effect of the epidemic is the misremembering!  And you people make fun of me for wearing an aluminum-foiled hat.  Who’s laughing now?  Seriously, who?  I can’t hear you I have tinfoil in my ears too.

Jean Segura – On track to return from the IL on Saturday.  Or as it’s known in my house, “The one day Cougs sees me.”

Aaron Nola – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.68 vs. Caleb Smith – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.17.  Interestingly enough (not interesting at all), Smith looked much better than Nola in this game.  First, he was facing actual major league hitters.  Second, Nola wasn’t fooling anyone.  Bunch of hard-hit balls and previously mentioned terrible hitters swinging wildly at balls nowhere near the plate — side note:  Are we sure this Brinson thing is ever going to happen?  Third, there is no third.

Sean Rodriguez – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer as he appeared on his 31st MLB team (he once played for the Pilots before they were the Brewers).  The Phils’ stacked lineup has lost Kingery, The Oft-Blighty Quinn and, well, somehow Aaron Altherr has a job again.  Let’s take this to a new blurb, shall we?

Aaron Altherr – 0-for-2 as he has a starting job again, or at least I’m told by Previous Blurb Grey.  Thanks, PBG!  Altherr’s going back to the bench once ODB returns, if not sooner, but I could see an NL-Only cheap bid.

Hector Neris – 1 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.18.  Seranthony Hopkins, would you like some fava beans and a save chance?

Nicholas Castellanos – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .259.  “It feels wrong to throw him out of this Cessna while flying over the Greek Isles, even if he’s from here–Wait!  Castellanos just moved!  He’s alive!”  Honestly, this comes just in time because people were starting to ask to drop him, and my keyboard shortcut “It’s April” was wearing out.

Jordan Zimmermann – Left yesterday’s start with right elbow discomfort.  That might account for his poor pitching this year.  What led him to pitching poorly for the last five years is still to be determined.

Michael Chavis – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in three games.  I’ve been telling you to pick him up, and I’ll say it again in this afternoon’s Buy column.  The one thing I can’t answer you, what you’re waiting for?

Jackie Bradley Jr. – 0-for-3, hitting .147.  The news out of Boston is louder than other places and I get sucked in by it too.  Any narratives that JBJ is somehow a better hitter this year than he was last year should be ignored always.  No matter the year.

Andrew Benintendi – 2-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI, hitting .306.  He’s a 20/20/.310 guy, so when people are complaining about him, I don’t get it.  With a home run or a steal in the next week, he’s exactly on pace for exactly what he does every year.  This is what you signed up for.

Luis Castillo – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 1.234567890123.  Okay, he has a 1.23 ERA, probably.  If you have a time machine, do you go back and tell your younger self to buy Apple stock or ignore Castillo’s horrendous Spring Training?  You can only choose one.

Leonys Martin – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer.  Dah!  I dropped him to pick up Kieboom.  Oh well, Kieboom’s going to be Scooter Gennett circa 2018, so we good.

Jake Bauers – 1-for-2 and his 3rd homer.  This came in a game started by Trevor Bauer (8 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners (6 BBs), 3 Ks).  Elias Sports Bureau said this is the first time two Bauers did something in a game since Jake Bauer took on his Iranian doppelgänger, Gilgamesh Bauer, in a game of horseshoes/hand grenades in the 8th season of 24.

George Springer – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer.  Not to careen out into a wall, taking a turn too fast on a victory lap, but Springer’s on pace for like 45 homers.  At least someone’s shoulder appears fine.  I’m farting in your general direction, Kris Bryant!

Christian Walker – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, hitting .341.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column, as he was in last week’s and the week before that, when he was the featured buy.  Way to stay on top of things, guys and five girl readers.

Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.72.  Stunned — stunned, I tell ya! — by his season thus far, and his numbers show only signs of his ERA getting better.  I guess some pitchers can just throw 86 MPH and make it work for them.  Just not guys I target.  Or tar-jay, for the housewives reading along.

Jameson Taillon – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.06.  Someone mentioned in the comments the other day this and then I repeated it on the podcast this week, and now I’m saying it for a third time without taking the time to go back and see who said it, but they said, “Pirates’ pitching coach, Ray Searage, makes average pitchers great and great pitchers average.”  And that’s me quoting the person who I’m quoting who I don’t remember!  So true.  Searage elevates the mundane and wet blankets the fantastic.  Thank you, (person who I made) Anonymous (through sheer laziness)!

Cole Tucker – 2-for-4 as he hit leadoff.  Surprised to see him hit leadoff, the Pirates also have…Nope, they have no one else worth hitting leadoff!  Don’t worry, ***nt Hurdle will mess it up.

Taylor Hearn – 1/3 IP, 4 ER as he got his 1st start.  Taylor Hearn is okay, but I prefer Pork Roll.

Tim Beckham – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .304.  I’ve owned him in a 12-team mixed league since the Japan series, for what it’s Werth, and it should be Werth something since you’re reading this shizz.

Marco Gonzales – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.80.  He’s good, yadda3.  But how about the Mariners?  Next winter, every team is going to “rebuild.”  The only underwhelming player on the entire team is Mallex Smith, and that’s still a plus because it got that scrub Zunino off the team.

Tommy La Stella – 1-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. He has seven times more homers than Kris Bryant.  Hahahahaha–Kill me.

Kole Calhoun – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games, but hitting .187 on an undercover cop.  So, maybe hot schmotato, but Kole is no diamond in the rough.

David Fletcher – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs, hitting .301.  Move him to the leadoff slot, you imbeciles!

Trevor Cahill – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.93.  Hard to start him anywhere, but the Streamonator loves his next start, and I could see it.  By the by, video below is of Rudy naming his tools — think we should start calling him, Dr. Rudy Doofenshmirtz:

Tyler Wade – 1-for-3, 1 run and two steals (4, 5).  Also stealing bags was DJ LeMahieu (2-for-5, 1 RBI, 1st steal) and Mike Tauchmann (0-for-4, 1st steal) off Cahill/Lucroy.  Worst flavor of sparkling water since Coconut.

Gio Urshela – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer.  If you had Gio Urshela down for 200+ ABs this year with the Yanks, you’re a witch and you put a hex on the Yanks.  By the by, the Angels are still worse than them!

Clint Frazier – Hit the IL with a sprained ankle.  “Now starting for the New York Yankees…in right field…Mell Hall.  Oh, this could get awkward during meet and greets with fans.”

Cameron Maybin – Traded to the Yankees.  Traded from where?  Retirement?  How many Yankees does it take to screw in a light bulb?  Three to sprain an ankle, five to hurt their oblique, one to plantar fascia their fasciitis, four to do some shizz to their shoulders and one Cameron Maybin.

 
  1. Stumanji! says:
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    Technically, all taylor ham is pork roll, but not all pork roll is taylor ham. Neither of them are scrapple.

    Anybody not from Philly or Jersey has no idea what’s going on.

    • Tom says:
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      Whatever happened to chicken roll?

    • Malicious Phenoms says:
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      JERSEY!!

    • Rabbit says:
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      Dammit, you beat me to the bunch with a pork roll-to-scrapple themed comment. Hope you’re happy. (You probably are. I would be.)

    • Cram It says:
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      I vomit in my mouth at the word Scrapple, and I projectile vomit from the taste of it. People love that sh*t here in Maryland.

      • bigbear says:
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        True! My in-laws (from MD) love scrapple. They’ll go to a restaurant for breakfast and get scrapple instead of sausage or bacon. Thankfully my wife hates it. Seems like there is no middle ground.

      • Stumanji! says:
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        Scrapple is disgusting in theory but delicious in my face. And now we’re enemies, Cram.

        • Cram It says:
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          It’s the theory that I can’t get past.

    • plastered says:
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      I’m in Cali and only people that know of Taylor Pork roll are from NJ. when I go back east I always pick me up a big roll to take back. Lol

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        @plastered, you can get it in Bristol Farms in LA

        • Snakes Dundee says:
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          Holy cow I did not know this. I’ve only seen it in full rolls at the Fairfax Farmers Market

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Yeah, they have it there too… You can find it…

      • Snakes Dundee says:
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        One thing I still can’t find in LA is Yuengling beer. There’s a bar in Noho called Brickyard that had some bottles a while ago. Only other time I had it here was when I convinced the Transpo coordinator to ship a pallet over on the grip truck on a show I was working on. Good times.

    • LennyDykstraIsJustMisunderstood says:
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      I never eat anything with sCRAPple in the middle……….basically scrapple is anything not good enough to be ground up into hot dogs

      Seriously though there are only a few local places that makes excellent scrapple otherwise it is crap.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Taylor Ham is the fancy pork roll — pork roll is the Taylor Ham of the people

    • LenFuego says:
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      Having my own coug (lower case out of respect for Grey’s trademark rights) from New Jersey who waxes poetic about “chicken roll on a hard roll”, this might be the best comment thread ever. Bee tee dubs, hard rolls are very soft – do not ever try to make sense out of New Jersey.

      Can we talk about Tastykakes and Butterscotch Krimpets next?

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Hard rolls are soft! That’s the best… So true! They’re actually Portuguese rolls

  2. Mat says:
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    Grey,

    Just listened to the podcast. F*** those people that made fun of you. Lighten up people! I wish I knew more guys that are into fantasy baseball on a personal level. I hope KB’s shoulder is ok as a Cubs fan but didn’t get him in fantasy anywhere.

    How about Raisel Iglesisas. Good to see he is turning it around. Picked up Aguilar in a couple leagues because he was flat out dropped….points magic wand at Jose Peraza* Do stuff.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha, thanks! I hope KB’s shoulder is okay too, ugh

      Ha, I hope so on Peraza and Aguilar too, double ugh

  3. Crazy J says:
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    I want to ride shotgun on your Castellanos fan bus, but I’m afraid we have no fuel and 2 flat tires.

    • JakeTPE says:
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      That HR off Pesky’s Pole was a joke but maybe it jump starts his season? He’s been brutal.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      He’s had a solid line drive rate for what, 3 years? I think he’ll be ok, just never a ton of HRs

      • Crazy J says:
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        meh

        • JakeTPE says:
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          Another homer tonight!! Yay Nick!

  4. Vash says:
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    Trading Mazara and Odor for Dahl in a keeper….do it?

    What scares me is Dahls lower than avg velo and high ks but thinking he’s a 30hr/20sb player.

    • JakeTPE says:
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      I remember Ralph (or maybe it was Grey) on a recent podcast talking about trying to move off Dahl in dynasty fwiw. He’s just injured too much was the gist of it.

    • Cram It says:
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      I wouldn’t do that. I’d agree with Ralph/Jake, he’s hurt too much to risk the upside. Whereas Mazara and Odor are still so young, you have a better chance on one of their upsides panning out.

      • Vash says:
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        What if i can get Scwerber with Dahl?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I’d want Dahl unless it’s a deep league

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, agree with myself or Ralph

  5. JakeTPE says:
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    Fantasy Master Lothario and all of Razzball,

    Who do you like better?

    For runs, hits, SB, that kinda thing: Adam Eaton or Caesar Hernandez?

    For RBI, HR, stuff like that: Moreland or Hunter Dozier?

    Or if two from one set are way better than both from the other, that works too.

    Thanks. You know the season is going well when every guy you own shows up in the “So-and-so moved! He’s alive!” part of the Notes!! Thanks for the chuckles, Grey, and have a fab weekend.

    • WhiteRabbit says:
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      Hail Caesar/Dozier

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Eaton/Dozier for me

    • JakeTPE says:
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      Thanks, WhiteRabbit and DT! It’s a peaceable kingdom in here!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha, thanks! Agree with DT, barely on Eaton, but I guess

      • JakeTPE says:
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        Thanks, Grey. Eaton usually hitting higher in the order (for now) so I was leaning him, too. And when he gets injured I can just grab someone else! Bonus!

  6. Ante Galic says:
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    Grey!!!

    So nice, so nice, ’cause I got Yu.

    a. So here’s your WS lineup.

    Garver (why isn’t the 1500 OPS player playing?)
    Rizzo
    Shaw
    Muncy (he has sat for 3 straight and is about to explode as in the MLB version of releasing a serious case of blue balls, amiright?)
    Story
    Chavis (signed him up this AM, for sure gonna tank)
    Escobar
    Dahl
    Tapia
    Inciarte
    Conforto
    Springer
    Walker
    Bench – Goodrum, Dwight Smith Jr, Danny Santana (now has 2B eligibility), Kiermaier
    IL – TreaT

    SP – Paxton, Glasnow, EdRod
    RP – Hicks, Iglesias, Jeffress, Minter, Swarzak
    IL – Skaggs

    Now the fun stuff.

    1. DannySantana has 3 errors in 10 games. Not bad, only 48 errors prorated over a full season. Thanks Mr Prorater! You still feel nothing for him?

    2. I tried to drop Skaggs to pick up Chavis. I see that the system automatically put him into the vacant IL slot, keeping Chavis. I’ll see how Skaggs does tonight, but I have to activate him. Would you drop any of the bench bats for him? [Don’t say DannySantana!, just kidding you can say DannySantana].

    3. Start 1 at the U tonight in a 5X5 RCL.

    a. Walker facing CHC Kyle Hendricks
    b. Goodrum facing CHX (LHP Rodon), he’s not great versus LHP
    c. DannySantana facing SEA (LHP Kikuchi), he sucks versus LHP
    d. Dwight Smith Jr facing MIN (LHP Martin Perez), he’ll prolly sit versus LHP
    e. Kiermaier facing that new BOS pitcher, is he any good?

    I’m leaning Walker, so ‘a’ above. Agreed?

    b. Abbott and Costello quote of the day for April 26

    [You’re 40, she’s 10]

    Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): You’re 40 years old and you’re in love with this little girl that’s 10 years old. You’re four times as old as that girl and you couldn’t marry her, could you?

    Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Not unless I come from the mountains.

    Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): All right- you’re 40 years-old, you’re four times as old as this girl, and you can’t marry her, so you wait five years. By that time the little girl’s 15 and you’re 45. You’re only three times as old as that little girl. So you wait 15 years and when the girl is 30, you’re at 60. You’re only twice as old as that little girl.

    Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): She’s catching up.

    Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Yes, yes. Now here’s the question. How long do you have to wait until you and that little girl are the same age?

    Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Now what kinda question is that? That’s ridiculous!

    Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Ridiculous or not, answer the question.

    Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): If I wait for that girl she’ll pass me up. She’ll wind up older than I am.

    Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): What are you talking about?

    Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): She’ll have to wait for me!

    Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Why should she wait for you?

    Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): …I was nice enough to wait for her!

    Ugh, Poor Lou!

    c. Have a nice weekend.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      1. Odor is going to replace him in the lineup today or tomorrow

      2. Dannys Antana

      3. Walker

      4. Nice

      C. You too!

      • Ante Galic says:
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        Grey!

        Thanks, man.

        From 81 Games pitched, I have 11 wins, 202 Ks from 169 2/3 INN, 18 saves, 4.30 ERA and 1.273 WHIP.

        3-way tie for 8th in Wins=4 pts, 7th place is 11 wins and 11th is 10 wins so very volatile.
        9th in Strikeouts pitched=4 pts, 8th is 211 and 10th is 199
        4th in saves=9 pts, 3rd is 20 saves and 5th is 16 saves
        10th in ERA= 3 pts, 9th is 4.12 ERA and 11 is 4.40 ERA
        7th in WHIP=6 pts, 6th is 1.223 and 8th is 1.290

        I’m starting Paxton tonight at SF (Bumgarner)

        Would you start Skaggs tonight @KC (Duffy)? He’s currently on my bench.

        Cheers,
        Ante

  7. Vash says:
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    Kyle Schwarber…..he seems lost. Anything positive that says he hits 30 and hits .250?

    Same With Candelario. I hear about his amazing batting eye, but he looks barely serviceable for the Tigers.

    • Cram It says:
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      Schwarbs will probably hit close to 30, but .250? Meh.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I think Candy’s coming around, but he might not be anything that special… Meh on Schwarber, he’s a 25-7/.245 guy

  8. Jordan Alex Rosenblum says:
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    Kieboom Rengifo’s The Dynamite

    Such an exceptional, typical, cliche wordplay minus the typical and cliche bit. BLT without lettuce and tomato please. You’ve reached a new low/high in the world of pun.

    • Dave D says:
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      When it comes to witty write ups Grey runs laps, as in circling the bases, around you and 99% of humanity that posts text on the internet. I’m honestly amazed at how consistent his quality is posting at least one write-up a day, five days a week, and he always something really good to offer. Not many people can do that, which is why I visit here daily and not many other places.

      • Jordan Alex Rosenblum says:
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        Well said Dave D, couldn’t agree more!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks, guys… Rudy does the title tho

      • Kelly Denzik says:
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        i have to agree,we take it all for granted it seems but you no we all love you

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Thanks, AL!

      • Dave D says:
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        So, he writes the punchline, I mean title and then you write the article or vice versa? This sounds a bit like Bernie Taupin and Elton John.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, he usually just writes the title, I write the article

  9. Matt says:
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    Points magic wand at Peraza*

    Do stuff.

    • Matt says:
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      Didn’ tmean to post this twice. My bad.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha

  10. Dave D says:
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    Nice write up. Never saw Beaches thankfully. Due to Assmunch’s recent antics I sadly had Fletcher benched over a non-IL’d Rendon and a lost Peraza. What a waste of five RBI. At least Allen looked great?

    Not sure what to make of Rengifo due to my total lack in confidence toward Assmunch and his judgement regarding who to play and where. You notice the Yanks stole FIVE bases off Lucroy (4 were Cahill and one Anderson) with no CS? That’s amazing. What a combo. Can Rengifo pitch or catch to neutralize the running game against us? Wow. Im perplexed. My real hope is for Jo Adell to push Calhoun out permanently in July. When we’re 20 games below .500, why not?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Allen’s got his sea legs…If he were on the Titanic….

      Adell could be up now, I have more faith in this year seeing him

  11. wwekoda2020 says:
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    Traded walker for mchugh in an OBP H2H league how’d I do?

    • Cram It says:
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      That works.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      It’s fair

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with others

  12. Jc says:
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    DeGrom coming off IL…who do I drop? Dwight Smith Jr or Harrison Bader?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Flip a coin….Dwight

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  13. RookieNookie says:
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    Are you worried about Trevor Bauer? 2 games with 6 bbs? Would you pursue a trade where I get G.Cole/CSmith for my Bauer/Vogelbach in a 12 team league that counts QS? Would that trade be fair?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      It’s fair, I’d hold

    • Stumanji! says:
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      Bauer for Cole is a lateral move; coin flip. I’d take Smith for Vogel if you needed another SP tho.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Not worried, trade sounds fair