Cards Dealt Four Jacks And Then Show A Fifth On The Mound

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“Count’s 2-1, and Jack Flaherty is leaning in…and, would you look at that, that is interesting…Willson Contreras is calling for an 88 MPH fastball down the middle.” I kid! Jack Flaherty (7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 5.24) looked great! After the first inning. Was a bit wonky at the start. At one point, he went from a 75 MPH curve to a 95 MPH elevated fastball to a 84.5 MPH slider to a 79.5 MPH knuckle curve on four straight batters, all resulting in strikeouts. All he needed for motivation was to prove his own catcher sucked. “But how,” Jack Flaherty wondered in his most sincere of voices, “Could a pitcher look good while making his catcher look bad?” Flaherty still desperately needs command from pitch 1 to 100 while going 95 on the fastball, but last night was a step in the right direction. Speaking of directions, the Cards all sucked together, and now they’re all fantastic together. The Cards’ way, I suppose. Nolan Arenado (2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 4th homer in four games) is going off, and I had a reason to Sell Low written down that was so eloquent. It’s right over by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado! Also, in this game, Andrew Knizner (1-for-1, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 3rd homer, and 2nd in as many games. This homer was vs. a position player, but there ain’t no asterisks in my fantasy league. Next, Tommy Edman (4-for-5, 4 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 6th homer, as he heard the footsteps of people going to waivers to drop him. Finally, Nolan Gorman (3-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs) hit his 10th homer, as the house of Cards begins to rise again. Hopefully, Oli Marmol isn’t inspired to give one of his motivational speeches again like, “Tyler O’Neill and Willson Contreras, you guys suck and can’t field your positions or run and I hate all of you.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Keller Me Impressed

by: Grey

First off, we have to wish our five female readers a very Happy Mother’s Day. I started a petition for next year’s Mother’s Day, where MLB puts a nipple on each base, and, when runner steps on it, it lactates. I think after I petitioned MLB last year to have hairy bean bags on the end of bats for Father’s Day, they’ve muted me somehow, so if you could boost this, I’d appreciate it. One guy who’s obviously a momma’s boy is Mitch Keller (7 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.38, 70 strikes out of 93 pitches). This comes after a 4-hit shoutout, which comes after four years of near-5 ERA pitching, which comes after being a highly touted prospect, which comes after emerging from his mother’s womb, because yesterday was all about moms! His peripherals are all saying everything Mitch Keller is doing is really happening vs. some kinda mirage that will evaporate when his luck runs out. The most incredible part of Mitch Keller’s star mitzvah is that he’s doing this prior to his trade to the Yankees for Albert Abreu and cash considerations. Oh, you know it’s coming, Keller high water. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Encarnacion-Stranded On A Desert Buy Land

May 12, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 307 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)

Welcome to CES, the biggest electronics trade show in the world! In year’s past, I’ve debuted many different mind-altering products, and that was just the year I showed up with peyote! You might remember our booth from last year where we debuted the first Ay-I. It was AI, but it added a thick Italian accent to all its answers.“What is Death Valley?” “Ay-I suppose it’s-a desert! But it could be anywhere me and my buddies did an impromptu burial-ay-oh!” Then there was the year I debuted my chopsticks that attached to the end of fingers so you could get to the bottom of any snack bag! Pringles, you no longer defeat me! Then there was the year I debuted giant leafs. Now, instead of picking up after your dog, you just camouflage it! All ingenious products, to be sure, but this year we have something that’s only available in minors. Naïveté to believe in Santa? No! Christian Encarnacion-Strand! Maybe I’ll be shocked, like after sticking my finger in this plug, but I think there’s only one big minor league promotion left, bat-wise, and it’s CES. Maybe it will be Elly De La Cruz, but, because of his age, I think Cincy drags their heels with him. Maybe I’m wrong on that. Would love to be! If Cincy wasn’t so good as a park, CES’s insanely low walk rate might bother me. It doesn’t because he’s going to hit for so much power. He could be a top 20 overall power bat when he’s called up. There’s a chance here for a guy who hits 25+ homers in only three-quarters of the season. It might come with a .240 or lower average, but the power is going to be special. I’ve already stashed him in a few leagues, because it feels like it’s only a matter of time, and I know he’s a winner! Like that year I debuted pill compartments, but for clothes! (This seriously is a good idea. Hit me up on my mobile and let’s chat about emerging markets.) Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Did Eovaldi Change Something Or Was It In Nate?

May 12, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 290 Comments

by: Grey

You sign enough 30+ injury-prone right-handers from former Northeast clubs and one’s gotta work out, right? To make sure that joke made sense I went to look at Nathan Eovaldi‘s player page to see if he would be considered injury-prone. He has 1300-ish IP in his career in 11-ish years. That’s 118-ish innings per year. Is that ish good or ish bad? I haven’t the ishiest. We’ve reached the point where I don’t even know if 118 IP per year is a lot or a little innings. What’s a healthy amount per year? 150? So, only 30 less innings than a healthy amount? Okay, this is likely pedantic, and last thing I wanna be known as is a peda. *intern whispers in ear* No, I didn’t say that. I said peda. With an “a.” It’s totally fine. So, Nathan Eovaldi (8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.70) is a top 15 starter this year. Real or not real? We shall explore! 9.5 K/9, 1.2 BB/9, and 2.89 xFIP. His homers are crazy suppressed but what is clearly helping is being out of Fenway and its BABIP-rich environs. By the way, don’t ever say “environs” out loud or someone will have the right to punch you. Eovaldi looks like he’s capable of a 3.50 ERA in 120-ish innings. That ish ain’t bad. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Marlins Call Up The Tallest Perez Since The Rumored Perez Hilton Hotel

May 11, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 353 Comments

by: Grey

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Hey, what’s this red thing? *touches flame* Ow! Brandon Pfaadt! Hey, what’s this yellow part of the flame? *touches fire again* Ow! Gavin Stone! Hey what’s giant inferno? *touches a building that’s on fire* Ow! Drey Jameson! Hey what’s this flaming hot ball? *touches the sun* Ow! Grayson Rodriguez! *steps on a rake labeled Tanner Bibee and falls into fiery pit* Ahhhhhhhhh noooooooo I just wanted to pick up Eury Perez! So, guess what, we have a new rookie pitcher to make you want to rip your eyes out. Here’s what I said previously about this new Marlins’ call-up, “Eury Perez for 2023 fantasy baseball is going to come down to when Eury Perez debuts for the Marlins. Once he debuts, he’s going to be the top FAAB guy that week and he’s going to be a game-changer for all mixed leagues. Wanna know some numbers to make you drool a little? Okay, let’s do it: In 17 starts, he threw a 12.7 K/9 at Double-A. His command was at a 3 even, but he’s got 70-grade command, so, yeah, we could see a 12 K/9 and a 2.2 BB/9 in the majors. Ya know, just your standard run-of-the-mill ace. You can’t hit a 97 MPH fastball coming off a 87 MPH change and vice versa. It’s just not happening if my man’s tunneling, and, yeah, he could be a future Hall of Famer.” And that’s me quoting me! He might be booted when Trevor Rogers returns, but I would grab him everywhere, just in case he sticks. I’m a moth and these rookie pitchers are my flame! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Diaz Goes Tres Leches

May 10, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 370 Comments

by: Grey

Jordan steps behind the three point line, head fakes Ehlo, who sails past him, tumbling to the half-court line. Jordan looks at the fallen Ehlo, “Was it that good of a head fake?” He sets himself, and goes up, up, up, — that’s three ups — and the ball is soaring, soaring, soaring — that’s three soarings — and SWISH! SWISH SWISH! That’s three swishes! Right into the…bleachers? Jordan Diaz shrugs at Ehlo. It’s a Shruggle! He gave him the Shruggle! The patented “Who knew I was this good?” and rounds the bases. Jordan Diaz has done the impossible! He’s made Grey talk about basketball — kinda! Yesterday, Diaz went (3-for-4, 4 RBIs) with three homers, his 2nd, 3rd and 4th. Jordan’s homer comes a day after MJ’s homer. Pippen ain’t easy, obviously. I’ve said previously Jordan Diaz is like a poor man’s Luis Arraez. Call him Luis I-Need-A-Raise. That might be selling his power short, and his batting average high. At least for this year. He could sneak into a 15-17 homer season, but being in Oakland won’t help. His strikeouts are up, so the potential .280 average feels like a long shot. He could also just be finding himself like Jason Bourne or that guy on The Citadel, a blatant rip-off of Jason Bourne. At worst, a hot schmotato. At best, Jordan gives us more Flu Games. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Making The Majors Again Is A Morel Victory

May 9, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 430 Comments

by: Grey

So far this season in Triple-A, Christopher Morel was going .330/.425/.730 with 11 homers and four steals in 29 games. That he was in the minors for the Cubs until yesterday would be the funniest thing if it wasn’t so sad. Not funnest, though Morel is a fun guy. You might be thinking, it’s not funny, who knows if Morel can hit in the majors. Please scream these letters at yourself in the mirror: A! He was a top 130 overall guy on the Player Rater last year. He was already good. In the majors. B! Christopher Morel aka Captain Mushroom was more valuable last year than Ketel Marte, Oneil Cruz, Ke’Bryan Hayes and Adley Rutschman. That was last year. Are A and B kinda the same? Yes. So what? C! There was barely a B and you want a C? Get out of here!. Not to get all stupid with prorating — “If you were to hear the song, ‘How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?’ and price every dog in every window, it would take you 37 years, 11 months and sixteen days.” Oh, shut up, Mr. Prorater! — But if you were to prorate Morel’s stats from last year, he was a 20/15/.235 hitter. That sounds just okay, due to the average, but, again, look at the guys he was already better than. I held my dog, Ted, up to my computer with the waivers page open to see if he’d lick the screen where Morel’s name was to see if he could hunt truffles. Instead, Ted licked Jose Abreu, so he was kinda truffle hunting because truffles are usually covered in sh*t. Depends on how deep your league is on whether or not you should find mushroom on your team for Morel, but he has solid speed and power, and shouldn’t be total shiitake. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kirilloff My Lawn

May 8, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 579 Comments

by: Grey

“My wrist, well, guys and gals, chicks and *icks, you’re not gonna believe this, but, it’s 100%. My wrist is healed. It’s the best it’s ever felt. My wrist feels like Elton John during his imperial phase. My wrist is playing Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting, and people aren’t hearing crap, but they’re hearing a masterpiece. My wrist is Nic Cage in Leaving Las Vegas, doing all kinds of crazy judo chops in the supermarket aisle, and people are believing it, and are riveted. My wrist is Ty Cobb without the racism. My wrist is perfect!” This was a quote from Alex Kirilloff this year, and last year, and the year before. He was called up by the Twins, and played 1st yesterday (1-for-2). Kirilloff has been struggling with wrist issues since 2021. Almost exactly two years ago, he tore ligaments in his wrist. Those are the worst kind of after-dinner mints. Why do we care? If he’s healthy, he’s a 40-homer hitter with a .280 average. Sadly, we don’t know if we’re ever getting the purported strong-wristed Elton John or a limp-wristed Kirilloff. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Buy Senzel, Buy Senzel, Let Down Your Hair

May 5, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 389 Comments

by: Grey

“Ding Dong ain’t got shizz on me!” That’s a famous quote from Denzel Washington after my autocorrect gets done with it. See, my autocorrect keeps changing Nick Senzel to Nick Denzel, and I’ve tired of ducking changing it. I called AppleCare and asked them how to change my autocorrect settings to “Not stupid” and they laughed, then, when they were done laughing, I asked again and they said, “Oh, you’re serious?” Ding Dong ain’t got shizz on me with how serious I am! No, this isn’t the star of Antone Disher, and it’s Antwone Fisher! This isn’t Robbin Carter, and it’s Ruben Carter! The Boner Collector? Why does my autocorrect even know that word?! I’ve never in my life typed such a thing! So, Nick Senzel aka Nick Denzel was once a top prospect. That ship sailed so long ago it’s reached its destination already at: Port U-A-Bust. He’s sipping Mai Tais with Garrett Hampson and Bubba Starling, but the DJ just announced there’s one final dance, because he’s playing Last Dance by Donna Summer, not Michael Jordan’s The Last Dance, and Senzel is the only one going to the dance floor to move his hips. Hopefully, he doesn’t hurt himself! He is capable of a nice combo of power and speed and never struck out much, so he could hit .280. Can he stay on the field? I have my doubts, but I could see adding him in all leagues. He is after all a two-time Oskar winner. Damn it, autocorrect! Oscar is the more common spelling! Why would you change that? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Prospblocking Cubs Have a Mervis Breakdown

May 5, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 237 Comments

by: Grey

As you might’ve heard, Matt Mervis was called up, but, more incredibly, Eric Hosmer grounded into a double play while he was sitting on a bench. Those boos aren’t from fans for Eric Hosmer; they are boos from Eric Hosmer because he’s a ghost of his former self. This is funny in a “how stupid am I” way: So, I saw Christian Encarnacion-Strand posted himself on Instagram in a Reds uniform, then deleted it, so that means he’s coming, right? Of course! So, I dropped Matt Mervis for CES. Hey, if you can’t laugh at me, at least cry with me. Welp, I just gave you my Matt Mervis fantasy last week. Not much to add. I mean, there’s a lot to add, like Matt Mervis for one! Hopefully this waiver claim goes through dropping CES. I’m so stupid! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jung Frankensteins The D-Backs

May 4, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 395 Comments

by: Grey

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Don’t just toss around the boomstick tag, okay? Pass out the boomstick tag after thoughtful introspection. Okay? Okay. With that said, Josh Jung (3-for-5,3 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer), that 3rd baseman in Texas? Yeah, he has a boomstick. Not saying he could play Quidditch, that’s a broomstick. This is a boomstick. To give you a super random comparison, Jung could be Ty France but with the boomstick. Jung, the France man. Call him Josh-Jung Sartre. Though, France has kinda sucked, but I was talking about his average when it’s good, and Jung should have more power France. Hmm, maybe that comparison isn’t great, except how else was I getting to call him, Josh-Jung Sartre? Some have doubted whether or not Josh Jung has the power to be an attractive fantasy corner man contributor. Doubt no more, as Josh-Jung Sartre once said of self-reflection. Can he stay on pace for 40 homers? We’re in unknown territory, but he’s been ready for the last two years. What would Sartre say of that? Let’s see, hmm… “Hell is other people having Josh Jung on their team.” Geez, this guy’s a real bummer. Unlike his sorta namesake! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey Hey Hey It’s Pfaadt D-Back

May 3, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 434 Comments

by: Grey

“Please bend your knee, Gabriel Moreno, we have a coronation to attend to. Thank you.” Places sword on Moreno’s shoulder, then passes it over his head to other shoulder, and ceremoniously says, “Every fifth day, from today forward, you will be known as Boombalatty, so it’s now Pfaadt y Boombalatty. The perfect battery mate. You have no choice in this matter. Okay, now you can stand.” So, the Diamondbacks are showing their youth by exposing their baby Pfaadt. With Brandon Pfaadt being called up, the minors are closed now. *Matt Mervis pounds on door* Sorry, man, we just closed! So here’s what Itch’s said previously, “The 6’4” 220 lb Brandon Pfaadt got better outcomes than anyone could expect from a Triple-A Diamondback, posting a 0.99 WHIP with 74 strikeouts in 61.2 innings. Pitching coach Brent Strom has gotten great results from a lot of arms over the years, and Pfaadt comes gift wrapped with all the bells and whistles, carrying his plus velocity deep into starts and commanding his four-pitch arsenal like a veteran. I’m a veteran of fighting a war with Grey.” What? If it’s not clear, Brandon Pfaadt is a pickup in all leagues. Pfaadt chance I’m missing out on him! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4984 posts

Cards Dealt Four Jacks And Then Show A Fifth On The Mound

Keller Me Impressed

Encarnacion-Stranded On A Desert Buy Land

Did Eovaldi Change Something Or Was It In Nate?

Marlins Call Up The Tallest Perez Since The Rumored Perez Hilton Hotel

Diaz Goes Tres Leches

Making The Majors Again Is A Morel Victory

Kirilloff My Lawn

Buy Senzel, Buy Senzel, Let Down Your Hair

Prospblocking Cubs Have a Mervis Breakdown

Jung Frankensteins The D-Backs

Hey Hey Hey It’s Pfaadt D-Back