(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)
Rockies’ manager Bud Black was one of the best pitching coaches. It is such the Rockies’ move that they hired him to coach in Colorado. It’s like everything the Rockies do needs to be sent through the “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator. Here, I’ll show you: “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator make sense of hiring Bud Black. “That’s easy, Grey, the Rockies figured he could coach up their pitchers from a 4.75 ERA collectively to a 4.65 ERA, and win one more game.” Brilliant stuff! Hey, “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator, what about the Kris Bryant signing? “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator, you shouldn’t smoke it’s bad for your health–Oh crap! It’s overheating. Someone call for help! So, without the “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator, we’re going to have to figure out Hunter Goodman‘s call-up on our own. Will he play? He absolutely should. I’m interested in all leagues because: 34 HRs in the minors this year at 23 years of age, and he hit .371 in Triple-A (only 15 games), but he makes solid contact for a power hitter. A power hitter in Coors! Sign me up! The only question left is it a coincidence that when Goodrum went to AA, we got back a Goodman? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! Before we get into the post, just wanted to mention that our fantasy football tools are up and running. I know some of y’all play football, even if I don’t. It’s the Streamonator but with pigskin. It’s the Pigskinonator! Anyway II, the Buy/Sell:
DJ LeMahieu – You know what I want DJ to play? Tems! I love her! Does anyone know her? She’s so good. Also, I want DJ to play my middle infidel slot because he’s hot.
Connor Joe – Just randomly looked at the Player Rater for CJs, and their ranking based on value is clearly Abrams, then Connor, then C.J. Cron. Rockies would’ve been better off keeping Connor Joe last offseason over Cron. Incredible how the Rockies make ever single wrong decision. Gonna start calling them the Colorado Opposites.
Spencer Torkelson – That ESPN still claims Tork is below 50% rostered is just so goofy. Thinking next year I stop using ESPN for these posts completely. This year I’ve already moved mostly to using our rostership percentages that you can find on every one of our tools. For what it’s Cronenworth, Tork is at 100% rostered, according to us.
Nolan Schanuel – Kept pronouncing his name as Chanel, and can’t see his name any other way now. My brain is dumb.
Brandon Belt – *looking at my fantasy team* Ooh, what a beautiful Chanel/Belt. (Very, very dumb.)
Davis Schneider – Not sure why Schneider gets hot, because every time it happens he’s removed from the lineup. Stay cold, man!
Carter Kieboom – Was Carter Kiebust until about nine days ago. Still don’t think it’s all fixed, but he’s at least been hot.
Michael Busch – Mentioned on this week’s podcast how I grabbed Busch — they let you when you’re famous. It ended up being lucky because I lost McLain within a few hours, but I don’t love Busch — hey, maybe you should apply to be the fantasy baseball guru on Queer Eye. (This blurb will prolly get me canceled so it was fun! Wish me luck!)
Royce Lewis – As excited to roll Royce out there, as a retiree at a local coffee shop, which becomes a vintage car show every Sunday.
Ronny Mauricio – Here’s what I said previously, “Called up by the Mets. Was watching the Mets game on Wednesday, from start to brutal finish for Aroldis, but it was on mute while I was reading a book, and the book was titled, “Ronny Mauricio: Future Star,” and I missed that he was being called up for Friday! What’s the chances? As it turns out, BetMGM says it’s 780 to 1 and I made someone a millionaire by messing up! I should’ve bet on myself! You could bet on Ronny Mauricio too, because he’s a star about to shoot through the night sky over Metco. This year, he went 23/24/.295 in Triple-A with a 18.2% strikeout rate. To further upset my paisans at all 120 Original Ray’s around the city, I think I like him more than Jasson Dominguez, but would go Dominguez first, because the park is a tad better. It’s a fun, close toss-up. The New York baseball scene got more interesting overnight. It was overnight a night ago, but ya know what I mean.” And that’s me quoting me!
Osleivis Basabe – Would be an interesting experiment if the Rays would have more or less wins if Kevin Cash just played his best lineup vs. changing it every third inning. My guess is he does literally nothing for the team’s bottom line. Any hoo! My Osleivis Basabe fantasy.
Adam Duvall – Should be Duvalol, because I am laughing at how long it takes people to pick him up.
Wilyer Abreu – The symbol next to his name on the paternity list was an O. The O is how they got themselves in this mess. The O face was nine months ago.
DJ Stewart – Not just a hot bat, but DJ Stewart’s also spinning the hottest tunes at the chili dog and root beer spot! “This one goes out to the couple in the Toyota Tercel! 4 Non Blondes would like to say ‘What’s Up?'”
Ramon Laureano – The Guards have reinvigorated Laureano. I wonder how. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo*
Yennier Cano – Need to find a new way to do the reliever Buys next year too. I don’t love saying the same guys every week. I could’ve suggested Evan Phillips all year, because he’s under 50% rostered and he’s been a top 20 closer, and easily rosterable all year. Gonna think on it over the offseason, that and how many Cole Ragans sleepers one person can write.
Tanner Scott – Fun fact! Since I grew up in New Jersey in my high school graduating class, we had a Tanner Scott, Tanner Joey, Tanner Lorenzo, Tanner Stacy, Tanner Susan, Tanner Leo, oh! Tanner Rene, can’t forget her. They all loved the Rays, so to speak.
Cristian Javier – Please, I’m begging you. Move on. He’s been broken for so many months now. He hasn’t been good since June 15th, and that was vs. the Gnats, so maybe it was them more than him. It’s just tragic-to-look-at start after start. I don’t know what is wrong with him. The thing about fantasy baseball ‘perts who diagnose issues with pitchers, great! You get a Triscuit! But that doesn’t mean the pitchers can fix it. You think Javier’s wanted to be bad for two and a half months? Ranking CJs again: Javier’s been the worst.
Masataka Yoshida – How I am finding players to “sell,” which is actually “drop” is by going to the 30-day Player Rater, sorting by guys rostered in 100% of leagues who have been very meh. Frank Voila! Yoshida! Still like Yoshida, in general, if you’re in a dynasty league, I wouldn’t trade him for the chance to answer the question “Does this make me look fat?” by my wife, but you can check out the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer.