Corey Kluber (7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.83, and his 1st 20-win season) just passed Trevor Bauer with 216 Ks, giving the Indians four guys with 200 Ks. They may not even win as many games as the Rays, but you’re really coming for the Indians in the playoffs? I predict a red-blooded, all-American Indians-Braves World Series. “Hello, my name is Woke Wally. Yes, I’m wearing a badge that reads, ‘Woke.’ I received this honorary badge as a participation trophy from my wife, Margaret. Do you know what I was participating in? Citizenry! I’m here at your sheriff’s office to file a formal complaint on behalf of the millions affected by a casually racist World Series.” The Stream-o-Nator lines Kluber up vs. the Royals for his final game, but I can’t imagine he throws more than three innings in that start, and is likely just skipped. For 2019, Kluber is once again going to be way out of reach for me, like an imaginary tassle on the end of a Braves fan imaginary tomahawk. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sample sizes are everything, or so I’ve heard. From other people. Not about me. I’m personally told sample sizes mean nothing. Gently reminded, as I’m also reminded, it happens to everyone. What is ‘it?’ Damn, that’s deep, which is not what I hear often when discussing sample sizes, but Tim Beckham (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) went deep twice yesterday (11th and 12th homer). I’m talking about sample sizes more than a bachelorette party because Beckham had done nothing up until yesterday’s game. At this point in the season, it’s not what has a guy done this month or past week, but what did he do yesterday and what can he do today? Two homers tell me a guy is locked in. *Beckham mimes being in a box* Perfect! I’d grab him, sample size be damned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
At this point in the season, it’s like a tag line for a bad horror film, no one is safe. Narrator, “This fall, in a theater near you, Jamie Lee Curtis, the world’s hottest cougar. A cougar so hot when she enters any room, a DJ plays, “Stray Cat Strut,” but the people in the room replace cat with cougar.” Unsuspecting person, whistling, “I’m just going to open this random closet over here while this ominous music plays. No, I’m not going to turn on a light first, that would be silly.” Unsuspecting person opens the closet door and Jamie Lee Curtis jumps out, “Boo!” “Boo as in you want to be my boo, because you are so hot for a 70-year-old. How about me, you and the diner waitress who calls me sugar get a motel room?” Jamie Lee Curtis shakes her head and walks away as people sing Stray Cougar Strut. Narrator returns, “No one is safe, and everyone wants to sleep with the 70-year-old Jamie Lee Curtis, because she is so hot. Has she had work done?” No one is safe on fantasy teams either. In the Sells, I’ll get to dropping, but this is about picking up (and not just 70-year-old women). There’s a good chance I go all-in on Daniel Palka this offseason. Of course, before going all-in, it’s important to get consent first. I learned this the hard way with Giancarlo. This post is just about what he can do over the next week. That would be best informed by what he’s done over the last week: 4 HRs and hitting .375. As I tell Jamie Lee Curtis in my daydreams, giddy up, sexy, we’re going for a ride! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Briefly alluded to Stephen Piscotty in yesterday’s roundup and how I’d love to the see the A’s go deep in the playoffs. Do I think they will? Can pigs fly? No, though, Puig can hit deep flies, and lick inanimate objects like he’s a fly regurgitating his food. The A’s have two starters and they’re named Mike Fiers and Edwin Jackson (5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.18). So, that’s an uphill battle as they say on the way to the soap box derby starting line. They do have a well-balanced offense, which is a little crazy when you think about their home park. Ron Jeremy has less foul territory. Oakland is a top five offense, and their park, as it always has been, is a bottom five park for offense. That’s so backwards it’s like, “I’m getting so lucky on Tinder recently!” Then finding out you’ve actually been opening 23 and Me and you’re banging your cousins. At the forefront of the A’s attack — A’stack? — is obviously Khris Davis (2-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI), but ‘a little dab will do ya’ with Semien (3-for-5, 1 run, 5 RBIs), every Semien encounter begins with a Martini (3-for-6, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer), and Matt “Thank God I’m Not Matt Olson” Chapman (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) has been on one since July, but Stephen Piscotty is having the year everyone expected from him when he was on the Cards. I know he had some personal issues, but he might be the first player ever to not be better on the Cards vs. anywhere else they’ve gone. Piscotty went 2-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and hit his 26th homer with back-to-back huge games, and in the last 20 games, he’s hitting .338 with eight homers and 26 RBIs. For 2019, what can he do? Piscotty doesn’t know! Piscotty doesn’t know! But I do. He can do what he’s been doing this season, a solid third outfielder with 2nd outfielder upside. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is going to blow your mind. Before you read any further, I want you to take some precautions. Grab some masking tape from your “Never Used Shizz” drawer and wrap it around your head. Whoa, whoa, whoa! You didn’t just wrap your head with masking tape, covering your eyebrows, did you? Hmm, well, when you remove that tape, you’re gonna look like Phil Simms. (Hint: He’s got no eyebrows.) Okay, I told you to avoid Tommy Pham in the preseason, due to his draft price, and ranked him 31st for all outfielders. On our Player Rater going into yesterday’s game, he was ranked 31st. *does Ace Ventura victory dance on the porch* I have exorcised the demon! Yesterday, he had one of his best games of the season, if not best (yes, too lazy to look), he went 3-for-5 with his 18th and 19th homer, hitting .266, but hitting .327 on the Rays, and if he wasn’t derailed by an injury when he first arrived in Tampa, he’d be doing better (or worse as his BABIP stabilized; it’s ~.500 in September). I could see letting up on my hate on Pham in 2019, but he’s still old and has stopped running, so the price will need to be much more reasonable. Okay, you can remove the tape now. Hey, eyebrows are overrated (like Tommy Pham coming into this year). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Why do I keep hearing in my head Deniece Williams? “Let’s hear it for the boy! Let’s give that ball a hand!” Am I the only one hearing that? Recently, Jameson Taillon mentioned that he always smells the ball before playing catch. What is with guys smelling balls? Don’t pretend I’m the only one! Is that a carryover from our gorilla days? I’m like John Scopes with a monocle! Speaking of evolution, I was recently thinking about how we’ve managed to stand upright, but thousands of years and we’re not using our feet as hands yet? Like you wouldn’t take three hands and hop on one leg all day, please. Any hoo! Jameson Taillon threw a gem yesterday — 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.24. I’m going to like him in 2019, as I’ve liked him for the last few years, but I can’t say I’m as excited about his 8 .4 K/0, 2.2 BB/9 and 3.56 xFIP as I wish I were. His fastball velocity of 95 MPH should be producing a tad more. I think there’s a 10 K/9 in there somewhere, but since he’s basically repeated his previous year’s stats, it’s hard to expect that much more in 2019. Still, have to give the ball a hand! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
*spraypaints Foltynewicz incorrectly on the bumper of my car* “Okay, Cougs, now back this car up over my head. Why are you arguing with me? I see the way you look at me when I burp in public, just back the damn car up over my head! I’m looking for a visual metaphor here!” So, how was your Monday? Mine was just terrific! Not as terrific as Ryan Borucki, apizzarently. On my tombstone it’s going to read, “He died from a miserable September in his fantasy leagues, of course. Dur.” I mean, Jesus Aguilar Christmas Effin’ Christ, what in the holy name! Okay, okay, OKAY! Back to Borucki. Yesterday, he went 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.86, which is a helluva lot better than Faultywhichwhich! Borucki’s K-rate (6.1), his walk rate (2.8) and his 4.57 xFIP leave piles and piles to be desired. However (throw out everything Grey just said!), the Stream-o-Nator does like his next start a teensiest bit, and I could see streaming him. “Now back up the car!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Didja you know The Captain from Captain & Tennille’s real name is Daryl Dragon? Why would this guy have a nickname? Your name’s awesome, you don’t get a nickname. Daryl Dragon has bedtime slippers that are cooler than you. Daryl Dragon washes his hands, then breathes a not-very-intense fire on his hands to dry them. Daryl Dragon can’t get a speeding ticket. “Okay, Mr. Dragon, I’ll let you go this time with a warning because your name is Daryl Dragon.” Raul Mondesi? Now that name sucks as bad as Thanksgiving dinners with the Mondesis (Mondesii?). “Please pass the potatoes and change your name back to Junior.” “NO!” and chucks mashed potatoes at his father’s head. “You throw like your mom!” “I hate you” And so on. I don’t hate Adalberto Mondesi though. Yesterday, he went 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and had a slam (9) and legs (25). He has nine homers and 25 steals in only 219 ABs. Mr. Prorater says, “In a full season, he’d have 20 homers and 55 steals. And if I ate an orange a day for a year, I’d have enough Vitamin C for a Mars colony.” You could consider this your first 2019 sleeper, assuming I don’t get too crazy with myself and rank Mondesi in the top 25 next year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jeff McNeil sounds Irish, but, to me, he’s Polish’d. He’s old, for sure — or fer sure, if you’re a millennial — and seems to have received a bad rep because he’s older. As a Cougar Hunter, I can attest that, like wine and women who attend bingo competitions at churches, prospects aren’t done at the age of 26. Sure, we’d prefer players hitting 20 homers at the age of 19 like Sexy Dr. Pepper or doing the breakdancing worm on top of their N’s like Acuña, but all prospects are not the same. You have to subtract at least two years from McNeil’s age just because he’s on the Mets and they spent that time trying to figure out how to sell tickets to a Jose Reyes/David Wright reunion on the left side of the diamond. The Reyes/Wright reunion is like if ABC reunited a sitcom and everyone loved the super sweet dad, who they thought was dead, let’s call him David Goodman, but reunited him with a piece of garbage, let’s call him Jose Roseanne. The Wright part is fine, there’s fond memories, but the Reyes’ part they can leave in the dumpster. So, McNeil took longer to tap his power, so what? He can still have four to six years of productivity, because he looks ready to go now. I’m pumped for him in 2019, but this is about this year, and I’d absolutely grab him. Dude’s got so much Polish about to call him Jeff McNeilski. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
In the biz, we call this post, In Appreciation. It’s like In Memoriam, but Jennifer Hudson isn’t singing a song and no one died. What did you just ask? Is your childhodd guinea pig alive again because I just said, ‘No one died?’ Doode, I’m saying no one died in general. No, that doesn’t mean General Tsao is alive again! Shut up! Yesterday, Javier Baez went 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his 31st homer, hitting .295. That day? For this year? As the pimp told his lady of the night, ho-hum. But, five ladies and gentlemen, Javier Baez is your NL MVP if only Cubs fans vote! By the by, Baez has more 100 RBI seasons in his career than Bryce Harper. I will now drop a 140 WUT. How about we make every post the rest of the year about how much Bryce sucks? Worst 35-homer hitter in the history of baseball ever? Okay, that’s prolly Adam Dunn, but Bryce is real close for useless. When the Nats need a big hit, he Ks or walks. When the game is out of reach and no one is on? Harper’s you’re man. Okay, this is becoming about Harper instead of Baez. On the year, Baez has 31 HRs, 21 SBs, .295 and 90/100 on the runs/RBIs. On our Player Rater, he is teetering between 5th and 6th overall. For 2019, I’m having a hard time envisioning me ranking him any lower than 10th overall, and likely much closer to top five. Now, about that sucker Harper… Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?