Beer Here! I Got Some Iced Cole Beer Here!

Welcome to the cookout, step right up! Grab a plate! You’re gonna love these hamburguesas! I call ’em hamburguesas because that’s how you get USA into burgers! Let me just check the grill temp so the hamburguesas don’t get charred on the outside and raw on the inside. I hate those hamburguesas! Whoa, the grill temp is 900 degrees?! Damn, I used these new Burn-Super-Hot Coles, and now it appears Coles is cooked! Welp, Gerrit Cole has all kinds of issues with his elbow, which is terrible news, clearly. How bad? We have no idea. Yanks are starting to take after the Mets with lying about injuries. Must be something in the New York water. NY water is great to make pizza and MRIs appear to be whatever you want them to be. I dropped Gerrit Cole into the top 40 starters, way down in the top 500, and adjusted my pitchers’ pairing tool. I didn’t want to draft him before this, and now I couldn’t be more out. I’d put his over/under at 30 IP, and take under. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Aaron Judge – Dealing with side pain, which sounds vague and rather oblique. The entire Yankees’ team is ramping down while everyone else ramps up. I haven’t moved Aaron Judge in my rankings yet, because I figured he was only getting 140 games anyway, but I can’t say I’m psyched to hear he’s babying himself. You’d think a 7-foot guy would have more room to hide injuries, but it’s the exact opposite. More room to get injuries.

Dylan Cease – Traded to the Yankees oops, sorry. Traded to the Padres. Listen, ADHD is a serious affliction that affects anywhere from 4.1% to 99.8% of the population, depending on where you’re getting your stats. Whether it’s 99.8% or lower, one thing is for sure, Padres’ GM, AJ Preller suffers from it. I’ve never seen anything like it. Padres are in rebuild mode, trade their biggest piece for a prospect, Drew Thorpe, who scouts love. Preller is content; Padres are content. This is the future; this is how we win; this is the way. [three months later] On second thought! AJ Preller is the worst kind of dynasty manager. Even while Preller rebuilds, he’s trading away his prospects. Incredible. So, Cease in San Diego gets a small boost, because, well, shizz couldn’t be worse than in the South Side. Still not going nowhere near him in fantasy because I’m out on pitchers with terrible command in this new pitch clock rules world, until we see another year. Or at least a pitcher as pricy as Cease in drafts with no command. He was updated in the top 40 starters.

Hey look who’s greeting Dylan Cease at the airport pic.twitter.com/aX0MCznw11

— Razzball (@Razzball) March 14, 2024

Drew Thorpe – Went the other way in the Padres’ trade. Could Preller have traded Drew Thorpe to the White Sox just to say to the Yanks, “Hey, you could’ve had Cease, too bad, suckers!” So, I don’t have Drew Thorpe ranked, and don’t think this move puts him on redraft radars, except for maybe AL-Only, and, even there, he’s a free round flyer. Itch does have him in the top 50 prospects. Samuel Zavala and Jairo Iriarte were also sent, and I’m sure Itch will be along with his thoughts.

Steven Wilson – Also traded to the White Sox. Yeah, who cares–Hold up! He could actually be the White Sox closer. I’d laugh if that wasn’t so sad. Think the White Sox might split 15 saves total. Bullpen chart is updated and so is my top 500.

Prelander Berroa – Out with a shoulder issue. One of the few bright spots for the White Sox, besides Jerry Reinsdorf’s advanced age, and now he’s removed from the top 500.

Devin Williams – Out for three months with two stress fractures in his back. I’m sorry, how the ever-living-effin-effin-effin eff do you get to practically April and realize you have two stress fractures in your back when you had back issues last year? Yo, I get a mosquito bite and I go to the urgent care, do these em-effers not have doctors? This makes no sense whatsoever. SAGNOF continues to beguile. This doesn’t hurt my “I think you need a top closer” as much as it reenforces “you should draft as close to the season as possible.” So, bullpen chart is updated and my top 500. I think Joel Payamps, Trevor Megill then Abner Uribe, that order, but it could literally be in any order until we get clarity.

Ceddanne Rafaela – Red Sox CF job is a shizzshow. I can’t make heads or tails of Ceddanne vs. Wilyer. I’ve asked Red Sox people and they don’t know either. Best I can figure is Ceddanne is easily the man with the future gold glove, and they like him better, but “better” could mean they send him down to get another year of control. I honestly don’t know if Cora even knows which way he’s going. It matters because the Prospectonator — which has all the projections for every rookie — the top guy that has a chance for ABs and is being drafted crazy late is Ceddanne. With Refsnyder’s cracked toe, I’ve officially moved Ceddanne back to where he was before the Grissom trade in the shortstop rankings.

Taj Bradley – Will start the year on the IL with a strained pectoral. More like Taj Ma-ithurts (I’m sorry for that). Moved Taj down in my top 100 starters, down in the top 500, and adjusted my pitchers’ pairing tool. Potential fill-ins for Taj are Tyler Alexander and Jacob Lopez, two guys I can’t even get up the nerve to bid on in AL-Only.

Gregory Santos – Dealing with a mild lat strain. While Santos is out, Mariners will turn to Tom Suozzi.

David Bednar – Supposed to throw off mound soon. It’s true, my job in the spring is to remain calm and try to keep you calm, but I’m not worried about Bednar at all. Closers need, like, 3 IP of prep before the season.

Jared Jones – Been eying him. Trust me, I have. Is he that much worse than, say, David Peterson, who is in my top 100 starters, for this year? No, not that much worse. Marmos just released his top 100 starters *after* the top 100 starters, and Jones wasn’t there. Is Jones a possible top waiver wire pick the first week or so of the season? It’s possible. I wouldn’t hate a flyer on Jones, but his command worries me, and feels primed for a roofie.

Graham Pauley – Looks to be in the lead at breaking camp with the Padres as their 3rd baseman (with Machado at DH, though it could be the reverse). Pauley Over-the-wall-nuts has some power and no position. Limited upside but could be a fringe mixed league guy if he sees at-bats. Similar to Matt Mervis. Stay confident, never Mervis. Worth checking in on the Padres, in general, because it’s a mess for playing time. Did you say Marsee? No, I said mess, but Marsee is there and has 50-steal speed, but might hit .190. Another note on the Padres’ potential lineup is they’re all former shortstops, except catcher, which is nuckin’ futs. They’re the all-Reverse-Mookie Team. It is a good lesson for dynasty teams. Draft shortstops, because they’re the most athletic and can play anywhere. So, was Graham Pauley updated in the 3rd basemen rankings? No, not at all. Only really NL-Only relevant. Itch has said, “Pauley hit 23 home runs and 22 stolen bases in 127 games across three levels, slashing .308/.393/.539 with 93 strikeouts and 60 walks. A 13th round pick in 2022, Pauley is 6’1” and 200 pounds with a smooth left handed swing that brings just enough uppercut for regular barreling, and I’d like to uppercut Grey.” All right, not cool. He looks like a 15/15/.250 hitter this year, if everything breaks right.

Jackson Merrill – Unlike Graham Pauley, I think Jackson Merrill is deserving of being put into the rankings. Itch said, “Supreme contact skills from the left side give Merrill a fantastic base from which to develop his game over the next decade. He struck out just 62 times in 114 games across two levels last year, posting a 111 wRC+ in High-A and a 104 in Double-A despite being 4.3 years younger than the league average age. Only person I like to imagine with better contact is my fist to Grey’s head.” What on earth? Most people are projecting Merrill for 12/8/.250-ish, but they’re honestly throwing darts at numbers. He could be 7/30/.280 or 20/20/.240 or somewhere in-between. Clearly worth a flyer though for upside. He was added to the shortstops rankings. He looks like opposite-handed Tatis in this video. Call him Oppo-Tatcos.

Easy the other way off Gallen? about to get the zoomies and run around my desk a couple dozen times https://t.co/xVQ1SdcLNr

— Razzball (@Razzball) March 12, 2024

Victor Scott II – Damn, I expect sequels from Hollywood but who needed a Victor Scott sequel? Okay, I did! So, VS2 had 94 steals last year in High and Double-A. With Lars’s health noothing but baad news and Edman on his 4th opinion on his wrist, VS2 could be the Cards’ CF. He would be flying up draft boards faster than his foot speed, if he breaks camp. You can see in our new lineup tool — that’s right a new lineup tool! Really, the only lineup tool you need, if being honest — Cards have been leading off with VS2 to get him as many looks as possible. My hesitation with ViSco2 is he sounds like a washing machine when I abbreviate his name like that. Plus, Edman and Lars will reportedly return, so ViSco2 might just be a two-week flyer. He feels like a “by May drop.”

AJ Smith-Shawver – Optioned to the minors to rejoin the Braves when. Dot dot dot. Well, let’s see the Braves’ rotation: Max Fried had a strained forearm last year; Charlie Morton is 40; Chris Sale hasn’t stayed healthy since Young Sheldon was still young, and Reynaldo Lopez hasn’t been a starter since Young Sheldon was still old.