Before Lewis Brinson (3-for-4, 3 RBIs) homered twice (6, 7) on Wednesday, I wrote him up for the Buy column this week — which is available now on the Patreon. I had included him, because I saw recently that Lewis Brinson was hitting near-.350 in the last two weeks, and had hit some homers, so I was pumped to open his Statcast page to see improvement and! And! AND! Well, no, not entirely. He’s been better than he has been for Launch Angle, getting good wood on ball and xBA is up, but, damn, he still misses so much. If you lift balls with good wood–Wait, are we still talking about hitting? Right, right. Yes, good things will happen. Brinson is hitting balls as hard as Tatis, Verdugo, Story and Walsh. Clearly, great guys to be mentioned in the same breath, but they all make far more contact, and have three-plus times as many at-bats. This last few-week stretch has been great, but when I called him recently Byron Pennieston, because he was a poor man’s Buxton, it still applies. Of course, I’d still grab Pennieston in any league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Is the title anti-Italian discrimination? Lucky I didn’t go with Whop, Whop, That’s How You Drive A Rig-A-Tony. It’s whop as in making a loud blow, like a homer! Hey, I’m half-Italian, I can’t be discriminatory. You can tell I’m half-Italian because I can be loud about absolutely nothing. If I mention Tony Soprano and you don’t do the stations of the cross, I can’t trust you. Taken too soon. *crosses self, kisses hand* I can’t wait for the prequel, that’s got ugatz on nothing not for nothing. Anthony Santander, vaffanculo, where’s this guy been? Anthony, you should be so good, what happened to you? You upset me, you know that? Yesterday, Santander went 2-for-4 with his 8th and 9th homer, as he hits .245. You kiss your mother with those stats? His Launch Angle came down this year, unlike the price of gabagool. It’s brought down his fly balls. *grabs balls* What’s it to ya? His HR/FB% is in the basement with my old Z. Cavaricci pants. He looks like he split his great, although short, 2020 season and his just okay 2019. Yesterday might’ve been the start of hot streak, like this blond going through my rat tail, but his numbers look fairly mediocre, unlike the sleeper he was coming into the year. Unless he can drive through the ball like a Fiat, and Fix It Again, Tony. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Roughly three months ago, we were talking about the grave, man. Not Kendall, but the one where Luis Robert (2-for-5, 1 RBI) was placed with care next to Eloy Jimenez (2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer). Where Yermin Mercedes later joined him, then Yasmani Grandal, then Billy Hamilton, then Adam Eaton, but who cares about him. Really, the only ones not missing time for the White Sox has been the pitching staff. I just jinxed them, didn’t I? No, I haven’t because to offset my jinx, I took a cat-o-nine-tails and whipped my back 27 times, Lucas Giolito’s uniform number. Do I have to whip myself 33 times for Lance Lynn too? I’m not asking you, I’m asking the voodoo high priestess I am Zoom’ing with! The brutal truth is I didn’t have room for Luis Robert to sit on my IL for the last three months, and I dropped him. Well, that’s not the brutal part. The 88 lashes I’m being told to administer to myself for Robert’s uniform number is the brutal part. SOMEONE SAVE ME is what I scream into a Pringles can for later. You never scream an SOS into a can, then cap it in case you can’t scream later? Hmm, weird, must be me–Any hoo! I see Luis Robert as a top 30 bat again. Unlike, say, Chris Sale, hitters don’t need as much time to get up to speed, and if Robert’s healthy, I’m all-in. As for Eloy, well, he’s a top 20 bat. He homered twice on Sunday, followed that with a different song, same verse on Monday and, if he homers twice a game from now until October, I’ll prolly just mutter about how awful Cody Bellinger is and about how I dropped Eloy when he was supposedly out all year. Absolutely owning the day and the night, Grey Albright! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On the day the Phils retired Roy Halladay’s uniform number, Zack Wheeler was the first Phillies pitcher to retire 22 consecutive batters in a start since May 29, 2010 — Roy Halladay’s perfect game. How does baseball baseball so entirely? Of course, Roy Halladay Day was going to feature a complete game shutout vs. the Mets. It’s baseball baseballing. Anything else would’ve been shocking. Can you just bet the Mets will suffer? Does Vegas take that sorta bet? Awkward segue alert! The Patreon podcast is booked to do a live show in Vegas with me, Donkey and Billy. Details are on the podcast. So, how do you bet the Mets will suffer? Do you bet something like, “I want…The Mets to suffer plus ‘will be swept,’ plus ‘while being shutout,’ plus ‘while going against the ex-Mets pitcher, Zack Wheeler (9 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.42),’ plus ‘while losing 1st place.'” That’s like a Quinella combined with a Pick 6. Wheeler has the 2nd best xFIP of qualified starters; 2nd best FIP if you prefer that; 3rd best xERA if you want that; 10.4 K/9, 2 BB/9, his best velocity of his career (!) and best SwStr%. It’s hard to imagine Zack Wheeler being ranked any lower than the top five starters for 2022 fantasy baseball. Since he’s an ex-Met, that might be the bonus number on the Pick 6. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

Standing at a box that appears to be a dynamite detonator, we follow a thick black wire out of the box and down the road to its natural conclusion. At the other end, a mile down the road, the wire is in a cup of Hong Kong milk tea filled with boba. We realize now that was not a dynamite detonator but Grey wearing a box instead of clothes, and that wire was a mile-long straw to suck boba. Suddenly, I shoot up in bed, sweating, screaming, “Myles Straw!” Then, as I get my bearings, I mutter, “Wow, what a dream,” then boba starts dribbling out of my mouth. An animated question mark forms above my head and I ask, “Was it a dream?” So, speed is nowhere. Myles Straw is currently in the top five for steals in the majors, and he was just traded to a team that is running out the clock on its name, i.e., he can run every time he’s on base. Also, he’s the best fit for the everyday leadoff spot. So, you’re thinking, “Grey, you’re silly handsome, but if Straw, um, sucks — hehe, I made a joke — who cares if he’s leading off?” Straw doesn’t, um, suck. He’s a 60-grade hit tool guy, who could hit .280. Sure, he has no power, but you’re not grabbing Straw for power; he’s for speed, runs and potentially average. I love Straw! *sneezes* Sorry, I have hay fever. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Sam Hilliard went 1-for-4 with his 7th homer, and 3rd homer in the last 4 games. It’s no coincidence his hot streak started this week. Last weekend, Hilliard was dealing with a hitch in his swing and striking out even in batting practice. He saw Trevor Story (2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer) walking by and asked him for some help. Trevor responded, “Listen to me, I hate this organization and if you help me sell the stadium for one penny on eBay I will help you.” And that’s how Trevor Story helped Hilliard and how a 15-year-old in Fox Creek, Colorado came into possession of Coors Field. It’s been a crazy good week to grab an outfielder off waivers, huh? Olivares, Soler, Hilliard, oh my! More guys will be coming this afternoon in the Buy column, but Hilliard is here now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In the front row of Dodger Stadium, an empty seat adorned with only everything bagel seasoning and suspenders commemorating Larry King sat to the right of home plate. Still there in person, Mary Hart recounted how Larry used to say, “Something smells funny in my Duane Kuiper.” A big game for the Dodgers, make no mistake. Almost as big as the game they lost the night before. This game they wouldn’t come up short, especially with Jake Odorizzi (3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.95) helping. Mookie Betts (2-for-5 and his 16th and 17th homer) led the way, showing why he’s Mookie Best. The celebrities weren’t just in the stands, as Will Smith (1-for-3, 3 RBIs) hit his 15th homer. The big story, of course, was the debut of the newly-acquired Max Scherzer (7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.75). One film exec in the crowd was heard saying, “He wouldn’t be half-bad if he had the same color eyes.” Oh, and A.J. Pollock (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 14th homer, and he’s been about 500 spots better than Cody Belanger on the Player Rater, as Cody now hits out of the eight hole. Hey, the 8-hole is only two spots from ‘falling’ to leadoff, which is what I say as I slowly climb out my window. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“We’re going to put all Graveman talk to rest, forever ever, amen. Bow your heads. Please. You with your head half-bowed…you have a crick in your neck? Okay, fine. Here lies the Graveman talk. He was a great teammate, we were told. You know who’s also a great teammate? A guy who is hitting home runs every game and helping your stupid asses win! Okay, you can raise your heads and go get some herring.” Yesterday, Abraham Toro went 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer, and his 5th homer in last seven games. He was re-christened Vigoda because his first name is Abe and his last name is a fish. It makes sense if you know Barney Miller. In all sincerity, I almost made Toro the lede buy this week, which will be available on our Patreon later today. Also, I’m starting to think Toro might be on my early list of 2022 sleepers. This is Splash and I’ve fallen in love with a fish. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jarred Kelenic was such a terrific call-up, before he was called up. Jarren Duran was a Hall of Fame lock, before I locked him into my fantasy lineups. Vidal Brujan? A chef’s kiss that can be heard from each of the 27 local Tampa Bay Hooter’s that lands you in the hoosegow for 27 counts of unwanted advances. Wander Franco? More like a cat that’s making me have an allergic reaction, call him Dander Franco. The best rookie bats this year have been Adolis Garcia, who came with no fanfare, and Akil Baddoo, who everyone expected to fall apart due to being a Rule 5. With that MLB (Major Lowering of Bar), please welcome Jo Adell! In Triple-A, he hit 23 HRs — stupendous! Stole 8 bags — I’ll enjoy that! Hit .289 — wow, I’m moving my pants without the help of my hands! And struck out 29.2% — Um. So, he might hit .205, but there’s no leagues where I wouldn’t pick him up. There’s also a chance he might only last on my teams until Sunday. Here’s hoping he’s better than all other call-ups. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m still spent from Friday’s trade deadline. It. Dot dot dot. Was. Dot dot dot. Awesome. MLB should have a trade deadline every month. Like musical chairs with walk-up music. “Okay, we have 450 chairs, and when Whomp There It Is stops, you have to be in a chair, ready?” Whomp, and the music stops and everyone sits down, except Trevor Story, who simply just walks off into the sunset. In the distance, we hear Trevor Story cursing out the Rockies. Bud Black smiles, “He loves this organization so much,” Bud calling off, “You’re our forever Rockie!” So, the Cubs sent everyone away, except Rafael Ortega. Smart move or the Ricketts getting lucky while being cheap SOBs? Like a teamster, I’m gonna lean on the latter. Coincidence that Ricketts sounds like a disease you get from a lack of nutrition or no? Any hoo! Rafael Ortega (4-for-4, 5 RBIs) hit three ding-dongs (4, 5, 6), after homering on Saturday. Ortega is 30 years old and has bounced around the minors since 2008, while stealing nearly 40 bags some years, so he has speed too. I’m inclined to say unlikely to continue, but grab while hot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

The Giants are Mr. Magoo of the MLB. They’re unknowingly walking up a scaffolding and everyone watching on is expecting them to fall, grimacing at starting Wilmer Flores, screaming, “Be careful if you’re going to start Alex Dickerson.” Mr. Magoo’s Giants can’t keep balancing on the precipice without falling, can they? Yet, the Mr. Magoo Giants just keep winning. At top of their improbable lineup sits, LaMonte Wade Jr. aka LMW aka Lavarian Motor Works. LaMonte Wade Jr. sounds like Sanford & Son’s, uh, son, and, like everyone else on the Giants team, he’s Mr. Magoo’ing his way to incredible value. Lavarian Motor Works has been one of the hottest hitters in the last week on the 7-Day Player Rater. How improbable has it been? LaMonte has more homers this year in the majors than he had in any combined year in the minors, and he’s been in the minors since 2015! Yeah, this is pretty improbable, and he has some serious splits where he sits, but that’s no reason not to grab him. Vroom vroom, it’s time to roll out the latest Lavarian Motor Works on your teams. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dodgers, Yankees and Padres should just divvy up the entire league and paper, rock, scissors the World Series.

“Paper beats rock.”
“Damn…Oh, man, did you have to bat flip your hand to rub it in? Don’t you know the unwritten rules of paper, rock, scissors?”

No matter how good the Yankees and Padres are, the Dodgers are Standard Oil. So, the full package for Max Scherzer and Trea Turner is:  Keibert Ruiz, RHPs Josiah Gray, Gerardo Carrillo; a bagel Larry King once took a bite of and put aside; fan meet ‘n greet with Rob Lowe, Hollywood Walk of Fame star of Mr. Ed; a good parking spot at Trader Joe’s, which seems impossible but whatever; a call from Tom Arnold about this “thing” and someone to intercept the call and jot down notes, and OF Donovan Casey. Let’s look at the Dodgers’ lineup once everyone is healthy:

Betts RF
T Turner 2B
Muncy 1B
J Turner 3B
Seager SS
Smith C
Bellinger CF
Pollock LF
Bench Barnes C, Pujols 1B, Taylor INF/OF, McKinstry INF/OF, McKinney OF/1B
Staff: Scherzer, Buehler, Kershaw, Urias, Price and Danny Duffy. Oh, eff off.

There’s a lot here, so let’s get on the other side of the anyway to break it down. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?