Was thinking about this the other day. Bear with me, it’s not fully formed (like the rest of this shizz). Is there a higher upside move than becoming a magician? David Blaine scored, Penn & Teller seemed to have done all right for themselves, Siegfried & Roy did fine until that white cat went ape…But how about all of the 18-year-old’s who are like, “Mom, Dad, I’m declining the full ride to Brown. I want to do this…” *pulls sheet off table to reveal their daughter sawed in half* “Oh, crap. Marci?” The world is littered with failed magicians! You want upside? There’s no greater upside call than deciding you want to be a magician for the rest of your life. The Indians team? They’re all freakin’ magicians! Hey, Jose Ramirez (2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 26th and 27th homer), you’re David Blaine! Francisco Lindor (1-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer)? You’re David Blaine! Michael Brantley (2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs)? You’re David Blaine! You’re all David Blaine! We even have some David Blaine magic for Jason Kipnis (2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games). If you went Francisco Lindor and Jose Ramirez with your 1st two picks, you’re also a magician, according to the Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. (The other way to look at this theory is only a handful of knuckleheads are actually stupid enough to want to be a magician, and the world is not littered with failed magicians and no one is turning down a free ride to an Ivy League school to become a magician, but we don’t talk about this part of the Upside Magician Theory.) Thank you, Jose Ramirez and Francisco Lindor and all the Indians, I believe your magic is real. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Trevor Bauer continued to keep the drool moist on his owners’ chins — 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.30. The other day some ‘perts listed their biggest surprises of the 2nd half, and one (maybe more) talked about how surprised they were about Bauer. Yeah, shocker. *insanely long pause, staring straight ahead* Really, really surprised. *just a dead-eyed stare, slowly picks up Capri Sun, sips real slow on tiny straw, lets out long burp* Yup, no one saw that coming. Yesterday, it was too bad, Cody Allen had an epic Kazaam — 2/3 IP, 6 ER, moving his ERA up to 4.66. I’m just going to sit down for a second. Aw geez, it hurts to sit. I’m going to lie on my stomach. Make the pain go away. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With Aaron Nola, I should likely talk about Zydeco, but he reminds me of Paul Simon’s quote about Graceland. Vampire Weekend was criticized for copying his signature style, which is absurd since he copied it from African artists, and Simon copped to that. He said, “In a way, we were on the same pursuit, but I don’t think you’re lifting from me, and anyway, you’re welcome to it, because everybody’s lifting all the time. That’s the way music grows and is shaped.” Without every great pitcher to come before, would there be Aaron Nola? I know what I know, and I lost Nola this year. Like I lost Carlos Carrasco and Corey Kluber previous years. I long for them when the diamond’s on the sole of their shoes. Every year, I have guys I’m targeting as my ace whose preseason prices aren’t out of control yet. Well, Nola went from fringe Grey-ownership this year as possibly my ace to not going to be able to own him until he falters one year down the road. That sucks, and not sucks as in good, but sucks as in bad. Yesterday, Nola went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks, to lower his ERA to Marla Gibbs’ address 2.27. When he’s on other people’s teams next year and I say I would never draft him because his price is too high, remember, I see losing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you’re blown apart, everybody feels the wind blow. In Nola, in Nola. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Many of you might not realize this, but I try to stay consistent in advice. When you write 3,000 words/day, sometimes things get blurred. I like so-and-so and don’t like that so-and-so, then the first so-and-so gets cold and I no longer like that so-and-so or the 2nd so-and-so gets hot and I like him, so I no longer like so-and-so, but do like that so-and-so. Or sometimes I’m just so-so on a particular so-and-so, but that so-so is fluid and a so-and-so can become a little more than just so-so or a little less than just so-so. BTW, those who just Googled for “so-so fantasy advice,” welcome! You’re at the right place. So, my so-so feelings on Nathan Eovaldi have moved up, and he is rattling off irrefutable evidence that he should be owned. Yesterday, Eovaldi took a perfect game into the 7th, ending up with 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.35, and, outside of one start in Yankee Stadium, he hasn’t allowed more than four earned runs in any start. He’s thrown three starts with one hit or less! Johnny Lasagna may have been exposed as a noodle arm, but the Italians still have Rachel Ray’s E-O-V-A. Eovaldi is now at 8.2 K/9, 1.1 BB/9, 3.36 xFIP; those numbers suggest he should be owned in every league, and I’m in agreement. The origin story film, Velo, may have received mixed reviews, but is a guaranteed crowd pleaser, and I loved Jordan Hicks’ cameo. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I want to transport you back to Jason Heyward‘s first career MLB at-bat. They called him The J-Hey Kid. Bobby Cox called the then-20-year-old a future Hall of Famer. Reggie Jackson said of the sound of the ball off Heyward’s bat, “Everyone’s hits sound like they’re ‘in AM’ and Heyward’s hits sound like they’re in stereo.” No one questioned why Reggie Jackson was commenting on a then-Atlanta Braves outfielder. Darryl Strawberry said Heyward reminded him of himself before his career was derided by drugs. Nothing ominous there; don’t read into that at all. Then-president Obama said, “Heyward’s legacy will be maintained as well as my own,” and the accolades flowed. Then, in his first at-bat, he homered. He won Rookie of the Month accolades in both April and May. Was selected, as a rookie, to the All-Star Game and now you better not let anyone ever hear you compare Heyward’s rookie exploits to Acuña or you will get popped in the mouth. Well, that was an abrupt reversal. This year, at the age of 28, he has five homers and zero steals while hitting .287. He’s a different hitter. Brucely, until this year, he hadn’t been a hitter for five years, but more of a defensive specialist. He’s hitting .410 in the last week with a homer and I could see grabbing him for average and runs as he’s now The J-Okay Kid. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Trea Turner hit his 10th and 11th homer, contributing 8 RBIs, touching home plate three times for those jimmies (what they call runs on the east coast) and hitting .280 on the year. Feels like people are not excited about Turner so much this year. I get it, he’s only on pace for 20 […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
In 1776 on July 1st, Ben Franklin grabbed Betsy Ross and four of her friends, and was like, “This will be better than Flag Day. We will call this Flagellation Day. Now twerk with a firework!” That lasted for three days until Ben yelled out an Astros’ hitter last name and called for a volunteer fire department to put out his redness. As the fire department extinguished his Reddick, Ben proclaimed July 4th to be a day of national celebration and the rest is history. It’s also when The Stros Spangled Banner was written. Any hoo! Josh Reddick (3-for-4, 2 RBIs) had a slam (8) and legs (4) yesterday, and it’s 2nd day in a row with a homer. He’s owned in only 30% of leagues and that is a crime to humanity, a first world one, at least. God Bless America and Ben Franklin’s Reddick! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When you’re hot for two straight weeks, you’re talking in sexy whispers on my earlobes. If Avisail Garcia and Mike Trout are filming a body-switch movie, I never want it to end. For years I’ve remarked — I’m a remarker, yo! — that Avisail looks like Mini Miggy, now he’s actually hitting like him. “Miggy, that is the first time in two years we’ve made love without you screaming your back hurts,” Mrs. Miggy rolls over. Avisail Garcia smiles wickedly at the camera. Yesterday, he homered two more times (3-for-6, 3 runs, 6th and 7th homers), and now has six homers in the last week, and he hit .330 last year. Sure, we can pee in the electrical blanket by talking about his BABIP last year, but there is no excuse for Garcia being on waivers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Across the media landscape yesterday, people who vaguely know sports were giving hot takes like, “Cleveland lost their sports hero.” “What do we hang on this LeBron sports banner now?” “All Cleveland has left is the Browns, what will they ever do?” I blame myself. People don’t know baseball like they should. That pains me. What MLB was hoping for from Judge and Giancarlo is currently going on with Francisco Lindor (2-for-4, 3 runs, 7 RBIs and his 22nd and 23rd homer, hitting .298) and Jose Ramirez (2-for-4, 15th steal, hitting .298) and people outside of Cleveland have no idea. Don’t worry, you’re not absolved of blame either. I blame you, as well. We need to shout from the rooftops at what these two are doing. They are neck-and-neck in the top five on the Player Rater. I can’t remember another time two teammates, who are hitters, were both in the top five. (If you can think of an instance, hit me up in the comments. I racked my brain, which is to say I placed my head on a video of a stripper’s rack.) Together, they are worth nearly $90! To swoop your pretty face back to the preseason, if your team added up to $260, you were at least working on even money. Combined they’re worth more than a third of a total team! Which one of them is going to end up worth more? No idea, but this will be the greatest battle since Apollo-Rocky I. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This weekend, I was kneeling in a garden, tending to my Monkey Face Orchid, when I heard some commotion outside my greenhouse. It was my much, much older wife, Cougs, screaming, “Grey! They’ve come for you.” It was the Rockies, and they were trying to send me to the minors. They trampled over my azaleas with their jackboots, dragging me through the soil, ruining my suspenders. I tried to tell them, “You have the wrong man!” Finally, they heard my pleas and checked my state ID card. Before they left, I asked, “Who are you looking to send to the minors?” They replied, “Jon Gray,” and I began to scream again, “Please! Take me instead!” So, Jon Gray was optioned to the minors. Can’t say I fully blame the Rockies, but, of course, I can try. Have the Rockies heard of underlying peripherals? Sure, the results have been miserable, but it’s Coors and everything says Gray should be much better. You really have a better replacement pitcher who is worth ruining your best pitcher’s confidence? He has the 6th best xFIP in the league with an 11.6 K/9. I honestly can’t even with the Rockies. They are the worst. Then, they brought up Raimel Tapia to fill the roster spot, so, of course, Tapia will sit on the bench. WHAT THE HOLY EFF ARE THE ROCKIES DOING?! Caps for emphasis and the hyperopic. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?